


The Hunt 1 - Bitten

by R_rated26



Series: The Hunt Series [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Anger, Anger Management, Anxiety, Biting, Bruises, Changing POV, Choking, Complicated Relationships, Control, Control Issues, Dubcon Kissing, Dubious Consent, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Roller Coaster, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Emotionally Repressed, Erotica, Extremely Dubious Consent, F/M, Fantasy, Force Choking, Hair-pulling, Handcuffs, Lace Panties, Loss of Control, Marking, Mental Battles, POV Female Character, POV First Person, POV Male Character, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romance, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Scratching, Self-Hatred, Sexual Violence, Spanking, Supernatural - Freeform, Supernatural Elements, Vampire Hunters, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-09-16 14:43:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 32
Words: 130,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9276518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/R_rated26/pseuds/R_rated26
Summary: This is an original (erotic) fantasy conceptValery stumbles across Jake, and his father Bill, 6 years ago on a hunting trip. They join forces after learning they are after the same thing. None of them are normal hunters, but vampire hunters and they are after Sinanima. Who killed Val's mom 10 years ago and tried to kill Jake 18 years ago, which lead to Jake's mom committing suicide.Five weeks ago, Bill dies a horrible death, which leaves Val and Jake, now 27 and 28 years old, alone in this dangerous world. They learn that they need each other now more than ever and in their need for each other, they engage in a turbulent relationship filled with anger, grief, and an intensity that is to be felt. They kill all the vampires they encounter on their hunt for Sinanima.They have to find and kill her and they have to find a way out of their abusive relationship...





	1. Chapter 1

Jake clapped the laptop shut with such a force, I jumped and almost dropped the book I was reading. It was about witches. “What now?” I asked in a tired tone. Jake had been so pissed off, angry, and distant since his dad’s death. 

“Nothing.” He almost spat it at me. 

“Right,” I sighed, “we can’t afford a new laptop. So would you please stop beating it? Isn’t it enough you snap at me?” I was growing real weary of his attitude lately. At first, I thought it was just a phase, but it just went on and on. 

“I snap at whoever I want.” He leaned back, put his hands behind his neck and closed his eyes. Like if he couldn’t see me, I wasn’t there. 

There was something about the tone and that gesture that pissed me off too. I have had enough now. For weeks I had been his mental doormat, and this was the last drop. I had to say something. I threw the book aside and sat at the edge of the bed. “Jake, this has to stop. I know you’re grieving, but that doesn’t give you the right to break our stuff and snap at me like that. I’ve put up with your attitude long enough, and the fact that you have used me as your personal punching bag for weeks.” 

He opened his eyes and glared at me with his eyebrows pulled down, leaving his eyes in shadow, and made them appear darker. “Shut up, Val.” He barked and closed his eyes again. 

“Jake!” I stood up. Enough was enough. I couldn’t take anymore. “How dare you? I’m all you’ve got now. I know he’s gone, but this behavior doesn’t help at all! It doesn’t bring him back or make this any easier.” Raising my voice with every word without noticing. 

He stared at me with disbelieve. How dare I talk back to him? I could barely believe it myself. Slowly he got up from the chair, glaring at me. 

I could see in his eyes that he was furious with me. 

“How dare I?” He said the words slow, but threatening. I saw his jaw clenching. “How dare I?” He repeated, but now he was yelling, for every word he took a step forward. 

I backed away three little steps. Maybe I shouldn’t have said it. I should have left him alone to grieve and be pissed at the world as I had done for the past several weeks. I didn’t felt the need to speak my mind anymore. Never had I seen him this furious before. His eyes were locked on me. “Jake...” I started, but every letter grew smaller in my mouth. 

He was crushing me with his glance. Perfectly aware that he had the upper hand now. Again he took another step towards me. “Don’t you think I know he’s gone? Don’t you think I know about the laptop?” He had lowered his voice. It almost sounded like a growl as he kept taking steps towards me for every question he asked. 

I kept backing up.

“Don't you think I know you’re all I’ve got?” Again his voice was raised. “And doesn’t make it easier for who? You?” 

I felt the wall against my back. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t back away any further from him now. He took another step. Four feet between us. 

“You know nothing about how I feel.” Now he was right in front of me. “Nothing!” He slammed his fist against the wall, right next to my left ear. 

I involuntarily whimpered with my eyes squeezed shut as I flinched and unconsciously braced for a hit. He was scaring me, for the first time. When I opened my eyes again, I couldn’t meet his, but I felt his furious glare on me. My breath was uneven and shallow. In the corner of my eye, I saw his whole upper body panting with rage. 

His fist was still on the wall next to my head. But then his left index finger and thumb captured my chin and gently pulled my face up, making me meet his eyes. “Are you scared of me?” He whispered with a hint of disbelieving in his voice, he looked confounded. 

I barely nodded, I couldn’t bring myself up to say ‘yes.’ As the seconds passed, I saw his eyes grew milder, and I started to see a hint of hazel in them now that they weren’t hidden under his angry eyebrows. 

“You don’t need to be scared of me. I would never hurt you.” He continued in the same low tone. 

I felt my shoulders relax a little, but I was still too shocked to move. Never had he ever yelled at me like that before, never had his eyes been this dark with fury that was aimed directly at me. Staring into his eyes that held mine captive, I couldn’t find anything that said otherwise. He wasn’t lying, but there was still a trace of coldness lingering in them. I think he was looking to see if I believed him, and I did. As I swallowed it sounded too loud, my throat was dry after almost hyperventilating. 

He hadn’t caught his breath either after the rage. 

My shoulders loosened up. His stare was too intense after the rage, but the longer I looked, the gentler they became to my relief. The rage was almost gone, but not completely. It lingered over his features, but now that I looked closely I saw that it had been there since his dad’s death. I just didn’t notice it until now where I really got a look at him so closely. 

Neither of us had moved since he raised my head to look at him, his left hand on my chin making sure I would continue to do so, and his right hand on the wall close to my ear, my hands against the wall along with my back. 

Gently the back of his fingers swiped from my chin, up my jawline, and then laid his hand on my cheek. “Are you okay?” He asked in a gentle, almost caring voice. 

“I don’t know,” I mumbled under my breath. I was somehow still stunned over his mercurial behavior. 

His face came closer to mine, his eyes fleetingly flickered down to my lips, before they sought mine again. A shiver slithered down my spine when I felt his breath on my lips. Not because I was scared anymore, but because his face was so close I could almost taste him. I exhaled deeply and swallowed. Our eyes were still locked at one another, except when they wandered to our lips. 

He leaned the last inch forward, making our lips touch briefly and I felt an electric shock run through me. I felt my face blush. His mouth was so close, and his eyes were even more intense now than earlier. It was impossible for him to come closer to me without our lips meeting completely, it was overwhelming. For what felt like minutes we just stood there without touching, apart from his hand still resting on my cheek. 

Our breathing seemed to become more labored as time passed by, our eyes mostly seeking each other’s lips instead of our eyes now. 

My heart thumped loudly against my ribcage as I felt that electric shock again every time I moved slightly forward making our lips brush against each other. I wanted to kiss him, but it was like something was holding us back, a barrier. All the years we had been living together like friends, like siblings?

It seemed like he couldn’t take it anymore and he pressed his body against mine and pinned me to the wall. A little almost inaudible moan escaped my mouth. Our lips still hadn’t met entirely yet. My hands found his back where I gently and slowly stroked from his shoulder blades and down to his lower back and up again. I felt his muscles under the gray t-shirt with the tips of my fingers. 

He moved his right hand away from the wall and placed it on my other cheek, it was so warm. His lips brushed against mine once again, and I inhaled his sweet taste. 

Finally, I closed my eyes and felt how my whole body got soft. All the anxiety was gone. His eyes, the warmth of his body had driven it away. I barely moved my teeth over his lower lip, gently captured it, causing a shiver to run through his body. 

Then he fiercely kissed me. The sudden attack of my lips almost paralyzed me. He pressed my body harder against the wall, and I felt like I could barely breathe, the intensity of this, of him, was too much for me. I cried out of pleasure, but it got muffled by his tongue that now played passionately with mine. One of his hands glided from my cheek to the back of my neck and grabbed a fistful of my mahogany red hair and pulled my head back, away from his insisting lips and tongue, a little cry escaped me. It hurt, but it was wonderful at the same time. 

His mouth began exploring my neck. In response, I dug my nails into his back. He moaned against my neck when he felt them, and in return, he sunk his teeth into the beginning of my neck right above my collarbone. 

I took a sharp breath and exclaimed my pain. It hurt, but it was also amazing. This roughness, _his_ roughness. It felt like he needed me. He took me the way he wanted me. We were closer than we had ever been before, not only physically. We had found a connection. 

The second his teeth left my skin it burned, and eagerly his lips continued kissing my neck like he hadn’t just bitten me. I knew it would leave a mark, but my whole body was shivering with the bliss of his touch, he leveled his head and looked into my eyes. His body had to leave mine when he grabbed my ass with both of his hands and lifted me up like I weighed nothing, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. As soon I was where he wanted me, he slammed me against the wall with a grunt, pressing the air out of my lungs, and assaulted my mouth. 

He was everywhere. His hips were rubbing hard against mine. I felt his strong body between my legs, the muscles on his back on my arms and in my hands, his insisting tongue against mine taking me, claiming me. I let out a load moan as he bit my lower lip. 

A second later I felt my back leave the wall he was pinning me against, I didn’t know where he was taking me until he released my legs from around him and threw me on the bed. I gave a surprised yelp when my back bounced against the mattress but quickly recovered when Jakes desiring eyes locked with mine. 

He threw off his t-shirt, revealing the snarling gray wolf tattoo on his upper left arm, the tattoo on the left side of his chest, four claws tearing his skin from the inside, along with his right pierced nipple. The t-shirt had barely hit the floor when he climbed on top of me. When his hands found the edge of my tank top, I lifted my arms, allowing him to rip it over my head and then tossed it aside. His strong right arm with a robe tattoo winding three times around his forearm grabbed around my waist and moved me farther up the bed, and his warm, muscular body started to rub against mine. 

I felt the electricity again, tickling through me like it never had before, pushing moans through my parted lips. 

His soft but demanding lips found mine to silence me. My moans kept coming, but his tongue muffled them. To break off the kiss he bit my lip once again and sat up on his knees. “Take’em off.” He ordered in a hoarse voice and looked at my black jeans. 

I bit my lip in the sweet excitement it was to bare my body and felt how sore it was after the rough kisses and bites from him. His watchful gaze laid on me as I unbuttoned my jeans. When I began pulling them down along with my wet panties, his hands replaced mine and dragged them completely off me. 

Luckily I had just shaved yesterday, fluttered through my mind, but I was quickly distracted. After tossing my jeans aside, he stood up, elegantly loosened the belt, took off his own jeans along with his boxers while he licked his lower lip as he let his eyes swipe down my body. From my face to my neck, his eyes lingered at the bite mark, then at my tribal dragon tattoo on the left side of my chest, stomach with the pierced navel, hips, thighs, and back up. A fire and water yin and yang decorated the outer side of his upper left thigh. 

In a second, he was on top of me again. My hands found his shoulders, but he instantly grabbed my wrists and held them down on each side of my head. The desire in his eyes left me unable to resist. A couple of seconds that felt like an eternity, later he looked deciding at my bra instead and finally let my hands go. The firm touch of his hands ran from my throat over my collarbone and ended at my breasts covered by the fabric of my bra. Without warning, he grabbed the red fabric between the cups with both hands and ripped it apart with a grunt. 

What the fuck? It took me a second to snap back and then I helped him get the rest of the torn bra off me. Well okay, if you really had to. 

“I’ll buy you a new one.” He said with a dirty wry smile when he saw my look and sealed his lips to mine, his tongue dominating the kiss. With a firm grip he crudely caressed my breasts, involuntarily my back arched, pressing my breasts further into his grasp. 

In return, I grabbed his hair as I felt him between my legs, rubbing against me. I was already feeling ridiculously wet. I wanted him inside me, now. My hands moved to his back instead, and I pushed my hips up to meet him.  
All his movement ceased like I had pressed ‘pause.’ I had a hard time catching my breath when his lips left mine, and he stared down at me with his darkened eyes. Though now it wasn’t fury that darkened them, but lust. Leaving my breasts his hands moved down to my hip with firmness, the other traveled up my body and ended in my hair at the back of my neck and grabbed a good chunk really hard, making me unable to move my head. He began to move his hips but held mine in place with his one hand to control the movement. I felt him glide up and down my wetness, while he still looked down on me with that almost ferocious stare, my lips parted in silent moans of expectation. 

I realized that he wanted to prolong the moment. “Jake…” I pleaded. My body boiled of anticipation. 

“What?” He bowed down and whispered against my lips with his warm breath. Clearly, he knew what he was doing, it was evident from the smirk playing on his lips and gleamed in his eyes. 

I replied with a small yelp of helplessness and impatience, and his smirk grew wider. 

His hand on my hip left it for a moment to place himself just with the tip of his hardness resting at the entrance before it fell back on my hip. His eyes hadn’t left mine for a second, and I couldn’t look away even if I wanted to. The wait became more insufferable for every second, but the next move was up to him as I was pinned under his weight and my body locked by his grip. 

I saw the dirty smile on his face, and before I knew it, he pushed his whole length deep into me with a grunt. 

Oh God, he was big. 

I hadn't expected it, which elicited a throaty cry, caused by the pleasure and slight pain he brought me when everything cringed together inside of me, and I felt my nails digging into his back, and my legs tensed up. 

He held still deep inside me for a few moments, giving me time to get used to his size. As he waited, he bit his lip and watched me panting in short gasps while I was squirming as much as I could underneath him. When he pulled himself out of me, he again let the tip of him wait just outside the entrance. 

Oh God, this was torture. I knew what was coming this time. I didn’t know what was best, the anticipation of it or him pushing deep inside me. 

With a grunt of lust, I accompanied in a high pitch he hammered into me again, easier this time. He filled me out, long and hard, held still deep inside me, and kissed me fiercely. When he pulled himself out and waited, his teeth dug deep into my lower lip and didn’t let go until I cried out in agony. Ignoring my quiet whimper he simply moved down to kiss my neck eagerly. 

I let my tongue run over my lower lip where he had bitten me, I tasted salt and iron; the taste of blood. He was so rough with me, but a part of me didn’t even care, the other part, though it was smaller, felt like running. But even though it hurt, it felt fantastic to let all this tension out that had been building up between us for weeks. 

His lips left my neck, and we locked gazes as he slammed into me a third time with a guttural grunt. This time, he didn’t held still or pulled himself out to wait and let me recover, but kept thrusting into me over and over again. The hand that was first on my hip so I couldn’t move it was now on my mouth where he pressed harder and harder down on my mouth and bleeding lip to muffle my lustful moans. While thrusting in and out of me, he kept looking deep and hungrily into my eyes. My gaze didn’t shy away from his, but I unwillingly closed my eyes now and then when he pressed farther into me, making it almost hurt or hit a particular sweet spot. For every thrust, I felt him pull several hairs out of the back of my head.

I had trouble breathing, trouble getting enough oxygen to my panting breath with his hand covering my mouth like that. Though it wasn’t only the exertion that made me breathless, it was something about Jake, having his warm body so close, the new way he looked at me and his firm grip manipulating and working my body exactly the way he wanted. My nails were still pinned to his back, I wrapped my legs tighter around him and moved my hips in sync with his to help him thrust even harder and deeper into me. 

The contrast between the opposite senses from every thrust rushed through my body, and I faintly heard the bed hit the wall for every time. I released one of my hands from his back and found the back of his head. My fingers grabbed as much as they could of his short blonde hair and ripped his head back, exposing his neck to me. He knew what I was trying to do, so he released my mouth, my moans, and brought my mouth to his neck while still holding on to a fistful of hair and thrusting into me without a stop. I kissed his neck, right under his ear. My lips and tongue felt the elevation caused by the scars on his skin. He tightened his grip in my hair and let out a deep moan in between the grunts that followed every thrust into me. 

I bit him as well as he had bitten me. Though it wasn’t as hard, I was sure it wouldn’t leave a mark. He moaned again because of the stinging and satisfaction before he pulled my head back and stopped the thrusting and started to kiss me while he was still deep inside me. Sweat was running from my forehead, and I tasted his as well when I kissed him. 

His body shuddered against mine, and he moaned into the kiss with me. I suspected he had stopped because he didn’t want to come inside me yet. Finally, we could both catch our breath. 

He tore his lips from mine and kissed a trail down my chin to my neck. My hands were still grabbing his hair in desire. One hand continued to grab my hair like he wanted to make sure I couldn’t leave him or his body. When his lips reached the place where he had bitten me his greedy kisses turned gentle, it stung, but the soft touch felt good. 

I felt his teeth run over my neck all the way up to my ear and back, and I gasped when I felt the electric shiver shooting through my veins. And he bit me again, just above the other bite mark. Not as hard this time, but hard enough to leave a bruise. I drew in a sharp breath as I felt the soreness spread on my skin. 

He gave me a smile when his eyes found mine that turned into an exerted frown when he pulled out and pushed hard into me with a grunt, and continued in a slow rhythm that went faster for every thrust. 

My moans grew into satisfied cries that filled the air accompanied by his throaty grunts. His free hand unexpectedly closed around my throat and silenced me. 

For a second I slightly panicked and tried to remove his hand. But the way he looked at me made me remember his words from earlier. He wouldn’t hurt me. Not really. So I stopped resisting, my hand fell down on the mattress next to my head.  
He wanted to give me gratification and take me the way he wanted. He wanted to have the power over me because he had no power over anything else in his life right now. I gave it to him, I surrendered, he needed me. I saw it in his eyes, his desire, not just his lust for a woman, but for me. Because I knew him and he didn’t have to hide anything from me, I knew everything. 

The dizziness crept in on me, and my sight started to blur. I started gasping; I needed air. With my eyes, I begged him to let go. 

He read the look on my face and let go, his hand grabbing my hip again instead. I gasped for air as I have never done before. I felt the dizziness, and the rush burn through my whole body, felt him thrusting in and out of me and felt the overwhelming orgasm hit me like a train, to my own surprise. My whole body stiffened as my hands grabbed whatever they could, I threw my head back, and my legs pressed all the air out of Jake. I heard him let out a strained groan. Never had I experienced this level of orgasm. On the other hand, no one had ever choked me before. 

My head stopped spinning, my sight cleared, and my body felt weak. I found his eyes and his lips. He was still thrusting into me, and my hips were starting to feel sore. His lips left mine and moved down to my ear. “I’m gonna come inside you,” He panted and bit my earlobe. 

“Yes, come inside me.” I almost begged as I liked the feeling of a man coming inside me. 

He sealed his lips to mine, but tore them away after five thrusts and pressed his sweaty forehead against mine with closed eyes, as his body curved and tensed up when he came inside me with an animalistic groan. One last thrust and he had emptied himself inside me accompanied with another groan, and then he relaxed on top of me. 

After pulling himself out of me, he scooted down so he could lay his head on my chest, his panting breath warmed and cooled my skin in turns. His hand now rested on my hip instead of grabbing it, and he opened his hand in my hair but didn’t untangle his fingers from it. 

 

I looked at the gray dragon tattoo that adorned the whole right side of his back. It was engulfed in the gray flames spewing from its mouth. A couple of minutes had passed, our heated skin had cooled, and our breathing was slowly returning to normal. 

“I need you,” Jake whispered after, I don't know how long. Still laid between my legs, resting his head on my chest. His hands had moved to my sides, and now his fingers caressed my skin lightly.

It warmed me from the inside out hearing those words. Most of his barricades had finally gone down. “I know,” I whispered to him while my fingers played with the byzantine silver chain around his neck and his blonde hair, messing up his semi faux hawk. While I said it, I knew I also needed him. Maybe not in the same way he needed me, but I still needed him. I couldn’t really explain it. Not even to myself, I just knew it deep inside me. 

“I need you too,” I whispered and closed my eyes. I felt him smiling at me. He hadn’t really done that for weeks. “What are you smiling at?” One spread on my lips too. It was contagious. 

“A good fuck.” He was grinning now. 

What a beautiful sound. Hadn’t heard that in weeks either. 

I smacked him lightly on the head. “You’re a jackass, Jake.” My voice halfheartedly tried to match the words. 

“I have been. Haven’t I?” He wasn’t smiling anymore. 

I didn’t know what to answer. Yeah, he had been, but not because he was a bad person. He was a good person, with problems and issues. We all had that. He was just going through a rough patch. He wasn’t like this when his dad was still alive. It was a shadow that had darkened his mind. It wasn’t his fault. 

He felt my hesitation. “You were right,” 

His words surprised me. I exhaled, I didn’t even notice that I had held my breath. He lifted his head to look at me and stroked my chin with one finger. Now his eyes weren’t angry, just concerned. 

“I was?” I replied vaguely. 

He nodded slowly, while still looking thoughtfully at me. It was like he had never really looked at me before. Like he actually saw me for the first time. I let my fingers caress his forehead, smoothed out his wrinkles caused by the frown. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” He asked slightly confused. 

“Frown like that.” I gave him a wry smile. It looked like he didn’t understand what I was saying. But I knew why. We had everything to frown upon. I lifted my head and leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on his lips. 

He met me halfway and inhaled deeply as his lips got more insisting. His right hand laid on my cheek, and his fingers clutched around my neck under my ear. I felt him grab the sheets with his left hand. He had scooted down to lie and rest his head on my chest, but now he moved back up, leaving his hips against mine, and I could lean my head back on the pillow as his face was a little above in line with mine, he was over four inches taller than me. His lips never left mine. Instead, they got more aggressive. When he was in place, his left hand grabbed under my thigh to lift my leg up around his waist and started grinding his whole body against me, starting with a wave of his hips against mine that rippled up through his spine and upper body. The motion he made took me with him, I felt my skin grind against the sheets underneath me. 

This seemed to work for us. The tension, the worries, the anger, questions. Apparently, this was his newly discovered way to handle it and let it all go. Release it and get a break from it, for the first time. This channel of energy was something we both needed. 

Why hadn’t we done this before? Why didn’t we think of it? It hadn’t crossed my mind until he was looking at me that way. So close and so intense. Now I couldn’t unsee it, couldn’t unfeel it. 

I laid all these thoughts, questions, and answers into our kiss. 

When he felt my newfound energy and desire, his hands grabbed me harder and rubbed more intensely against me. He nipped in my lip, and I whimpered. It was still aching, even though it had stopped bleeding. His eyes found mine after he had let go, I saw his hazel eyes go dark with lust. There was something… savage about his eyes, his intake of breath through his clenched teeth trembled, he was looking at me like I was his prey. He wasn’t used to me whimpering, and it was clear it turned him on. His expression right now turned me on. 

I grabbed his hair with both my hands and pushed him closer to me so I could kiss him again. But before our lips met, he grabbed my wrists and yanked them up over my head, took each of mine in one of his hands. I was trapped. 

He looked at me, challenging with a ‘what will you do about it’–attitude. I tried moving my wrists, but he held me so tight. So I tried harder, used my whole upper body to yank my wrists out of his hand, but he just tightened its grip. I realized I couldn’t get them free, not even move them an inch. 

The more I struggled, the more Jakes eyes filled with lust. He broke the intense stare to look for something. I followed his eyes. His hand reached down for something by the bed, when he pulled it back I saw it was his leather jacket that had been carelessly tossed next to the bed when we got back from work. Out of its pocket, he pulled a set of handcuffs. 

I knew where this was going. 

He put the steel around my right wrist first while still holding onto me. When it clicked in the lock, he released my wrist and tightened the cuff. Then he put the chain through the head of the bed and cuffed my left wrist. I felt the steel tighten. 

After cuffing me up, his hands ran down my body, and he began kissing my neck, up to my ear. He nipped at my earlobe and whispered into my ear, “Now I got you where I want.” 

I couldn’t argue with that. 

He sat up on his knees and gave me a gloating look. His hands lightly caressed my hips slowly, teasing me as his fingers slowly headed between my legs. Closing my eyes I enjoyed the feeling of his fingertips caressing my skin more softly, but it turned out it was the wrong thing to do. As soon as I closed my eyes, he grabbed my hips so hard that I gasped, flipped me to my stomach and gave me a smack on my ass that made me squeal in shock. I pulled myself further up the bed by the handcuffs to escape, now resting on my elbows. The chain of the cuff was now twisted, and I felt how it tightened around my wrists. His attack had taken me completely by surprise. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” He asked, maybe more to himself, but he was clearly amused at my expense. With a firm grip on my hips, he jerked me back down, my arms straightened out, the cuffs tightened around my wrists once again. After that, he grabbed my thighs and spread my legs. I felt his weight as he leaned over me. His hands firmly caressed my sides as he rubbed himself against my ass while kissing my neck and shoulder. My body started squirming, following his motions, pushing my ass back and ground against him. 

One of his hands slipped under me, grabbed around my stomach and easily lifted me up to put a pillow under me for my hips to rest on. 

Thank God, they were sore. 

His hands found their way up to my breasts where he forcefully started massaging them and he made me moan out loud when he pinched my nipples between his thumb and index finger. While he played with them, nipping, squeezing, I felt his length grow harder against my ass. His right hand left my breast, traveled up my side and up my spine until it ended in my hair where he grabbed a fistful and yanked my head back, giving him full access to my neck. Again, he seemed to tease me by letting his teeth run up and down my skin. I knew the bite would come, which sent a shiver through my whole body, the anticipation was unbearable. 

The left hand grabbing my breast traced down to my stomach, around my hip, over my ass. His hand left my body to guide himself into me. I again felt the tip of him resting just outside. 

I couldn't take the teasing any longer. “Just fuck me, Jake.” I cried out loud and squirmed underneath him. 

“Oh, I will.” He whispered almost like a threat to me against the skin of my neck and then pushed himself into me. 

I whimpered with pleasure as I felt the delightful soreness between my legs. But I only got to enjoy it shortly as he bit me in the neck at the next second, his groan was muffled by my skin. Luckily, this was on the other side of the other bite marks. The cuffs rattled as I yanked in them, trying to move my body from the immense feeling of two opposites, but I couldn’t move away from him. He had me, his teeth in my neck, his hand in my hair, the other had an iron grip on my breast. Still biting my neck, he pushed into me once again, releasing another whimper from me. I felt his teeth sink a little deeper into my flesh when he pushed into me a third time with a strained groan, a tear left my eye as I yelped. It hurt like hell, but I liked it to my own surprise, probably only because it was him doing it to me. 

As he let go of my neck, I felt the blood pounding under my skin and it stung painfully. He moved his hand from my breast to my mouth and muffled my cries while he was thrusting hard into me. I think he felt the tear when he held his hand over my mouth, because he pulled himself out of me, pushed the pillow aside, and turned me around. He leaned over me, but he was hovering his body above mine this time resting his weight on his knees, and his hands on each side of my head. Looking deep into my eyes, I think was to see if I was okay as his eyes seemed to be filled with concern. 

“I can take it,” I told him when he was about to open his mouth to say something. I didn’t want him to stop.

“You sure?” He whispered. 

I nodded even before he finished speaking. He looked at me a few more seconds. Looking for something that said different and he didn’t find it. 

I wrapped my legs around his waist to drag him down to me, but my legs could only control his hips. He leaned down to kiss me, and I met him halfway. When our lips sealed together he lowered the rest of his body down to mine, his right hand laid on my cheek, his fingers wrapped around my neck, and rubbed his body against mine. His left hand guided him into me and then returned to my thigh before he filled me once again with a moan against my lips, and I moaned into the kiss with him. But when he started thrusting into me, I tore my lips from his as I couldn’t hold back the moans. 

Now that he knew I was all right, he didn’t hold back on me at all. His right hand grabbed my hair instead of my cheek. He seemed always to want to have a tight grip on me there. I felt his fingers in my skin when he grabbed the flesh harder on my thigh, moving my hip with every thrust, making him fill me deeper and deeper. 

After a few minutes, he picked up a new pace, his breath coming out in short bursts through his clenched teeth the closer he came to his second climax. He was thrusting so hard into me I loudly cried out in satisfaction. His body tensed as he gave me two last hard thrusts and emptied himself inside me again with a drawn out groan and held my body tightly to his. I felt shivers running through his body as well as my own. 

His muscles relaxed, loosened his grasp on me, besides my hair, and rested his sweaty forehead on my chest, I felt his panting breath on my skin. He finally let go of my hair, and I saw a few loose hairs fell from his hand. Without opening his eyes, he lifted his head slightly and pulled out of me with a little, satisfied moan. A smile pulled up in the corner of his mouth when he opened his eyes and looked at me, he sighed exhausted, and then kissed me. Gently and slowly. He broke the kiss to open the cuffs like he suddenly remembered them. 

A searing feeling replaced the cuffs when he removed them, though I was too tired to move them from above my head. He took my hands one by one and kissed all the way around my wrists where they had left a red mark. Then he kissed my bruised neck, my breasts, and at last my hurting lower lip. 

I couldn’t help but smile. Never had my body been so beaten with my free will, never had I enjoyed it so much. There wasn’t an inch of my body that wasn’t aching, neither were there an inch that hadn’t enjoyed all of it.

“You need a bath. You stink.” Jake got up before I could slap him. His playful tone and mischievous smile made me laugh. I hadn’t done that for a long time. 

He walked into the bathroom, and I heard him filling the tub. When he was gone, I really felt my body aching. I wanted to get up, but I wasn’t sure if my legs could support my weight. So I just laid there, my body felt like jelly. After a moment, I tried to gather my strength to get up and join him, but I couldn’t get my body to listen. 

A few minutes later he came back, stopped at the bedside and looked down at me with a smirk. 

“What are you looking at, jackass?” I tried daring him, but my voice was too tired and my face shined with bliss. 

He looked at me for a few more seconds before he scooped me off the bed and into his arms. I didn’t even have the energy to give a squeal of surprise or protest. He carried me to the bathroom and gently laid me down in the tub before he crawled in and sat behind me. The tub was close to half full. His arms laid around my stomach and pulled me close to him, and I could lean my back against his chest. I leaned my head back to rest on his shoulder as well. “Thanks.” I sighed. The hot water felt good.

“For what?” He kissed my cheek.

“Carrying me out here. I wasn’t sure if my legs could hold me.” 

He chuckled, “I did fuck you good and thoroughly, didn’t I?” He sounded satisfied with his own work. Too satisfied in my opinion. 

“Mm,” I mumbled with a smile and closed my eyes. The soap from the hot water still filling the tub smelled like flowers and some sort of spice. Musk, perhaps. 

I couldn’t believe Jake was so relaxed after all those weeks of tension and anger. Was this really all it took? If I had known that, I would have done this a long time ago. But it hadn’t crossed my mind. It wasn’t until that moment he looked at me, so furious and intense I realized it, and for the first time really wanted to. 

Jake turned off the water, as the tub was full now. He grabbed a sponge, wetted it in the hot water, and started to wash my neck very carefully, like I was something that would break if he pushed too hard. He had never been this gentle with me. 

It was weird. New, but okay. It stung like hell, but the hot water relieved the pain. 

His other arm left my stomach to examine my neck, the piercing in my navel jingled when his arm passed it. He had treated a lot of my wounds before, but never this tenderly. He had always just cleaned it, stitched it if it was needed, and put a Band-Aid on, and teased me by calling me a baby if I made just the tiniest face of him. 

This was different. We were different. How could it all be so different so fast?

“Promise me you won’t be afraid of me again.” He said in a hoarse voice after washing both sides of my neck. 

It surprised me. I hadn’t seen that one coming. Actually, there was a lot I hadn’t seen coming today. It felt like so long ago since I was standing there with my back against the wall and was afraid of him. And I didn’t scare easy. It was something in his eyes I think. “Okay.” I didn’t know what else to say, and I didn’t want to hesitate this time. 

“I mean it.” A little of the Angry Jake shined through in his voice. I felt his hands get rougher with the sponge over my shoulders. 

It must have really affected him, but it was also kind of the reason why we were sitting here right now, and not at each end of the motel room, staring in different directions and not talking. Or at least I thought that, I didn’t know. But I know it had affected him, maybe in ways I couldn’t understand. “I know,” I replied, and he seemed to relax. “I can wash myself, you know.” In some way, it was ridiculous he was taking care of me like this. We had each other’s back out on the job, on the hunt. We could take care of ourselves… 

_Or maybe not in all ways._ A little voice whispered in my head. I ignored it. 

“I know, but this is different.” 

Different. He said it himself.

“Why does it have to be?” I didn’t know why I asked the question, it just came out. 

“Because I need you.” 

There it was again, those three words. I haven’t thought about them before, but now they were screaming in my head. I didn’t know if that was a good or a bad thing. I just nodded as an acknowledgment to him. He started wetting my hair with the sponge, my mahogany red hair turned darker from the water. It prickled at the back of my head where he had pulled out so many of my hairs. 

“Lean back.” 

I did as he said and leaned my head back down on his shoulder. I heard him open a bottle and looked up. He had poured shampoo into his hand.

“What are you doing?” I asked skeptically.

“What does it look like?” He chuckled, maybe a little baffled over my skepticism. 

His intention to wash my hair was clear, the gesture made me leery anyway, “Why?” I had sat up just enough to be able to turn around and look him in the eyes. 

He raised his eyebrows at me. “Jesus. Relax, Val. I’m not gonna do it if you’re really that uncomfortable with it.” Angry Jake was to trace in his voice. 

I eased up a little. “I just wanted to know why, that’s all,” I said in the least skeptical tone I could manage, and slowly leaned back against him again. 

Angry Jake could stay away for a while. If all it took was to wash my hair, then fine by me. This new thing was like coming up for air. Like breathing again after a broken rib healed after so many weeks. This New Jake was to prefer over the angry one. 

He accepted my surrender and started to wash my hair. His fingers massaged my scalp. It actually felt good after a couple of minutes. At the back of my head, he was very gentle, he barely touched me. Again afraid if I might break, but I wouldn’t. I had experienced worse things than a little rough sex. 

_A little?_

The little voice in my head said. 

Okay, fine, rough, aggressive sex then. 

But it was true. No man had ever taken me that hard or that way before or choked me before. And that electricity I had felt was something new too. Maybe it was just the fear. 

He took the shower head, placed a finger on my forehead and pushed my head farther back so I wouldn’t get anything in my eyes and washed the shampoo out of my hair. 

Before Angry Jake, we used to be like best friends, or maybe more like family. You don’t really have that much family with this job. We weren’t like a boy and a girl, we were just equals. I had mostly been treated like one of the boys, except when Bill, his dad, insisted on some minor things, mostly out of respect, and excused it as ‘female privacy.’ But back then, Jake was just... Jake... No Angry, Sexy, New or whatever. It was just easy. But since that night Bill died, I had only seen Angry Jake. Until now, and to be honest, this 180-degree turn freaked me out. I didn’t know what to think of it and didn’t know how long it would last. 

“It needs conditioner too,” I said in an unemotional voice. I didn’t know what to expect. The longer this lasted, the more... maybe not nervous… anxious I got. Another bottle got opened and soon I felt his fingers in my hair again. 

I couldn’t stop feeling like this was some sort of thanks for pulling him momentarily out of that big dark hole. Not that he was completely out of it. I couldn’t believe that. It was impossible.

After massaging every inch of my scalp, he grabbed the shower head again and did the same as when he washed out the shampoo. 

This was actually quite relaxing. I wish we had done this before, but I also knew why we hadn’t.

 

The water was getting colder. I didn’t know how long we sat there. His arms back around my stomach, and I rested my back against his chest. Not talking, just closed eyes and relaxed. It could easily have been an hour. 

My fingers traced over the rope tattoo on his right forearm. Inside the rope, there was a text. ‘Don’t let your fears control you’ it said. I remember once asking him about his tattoos, and he responded that he just thought they looked cool, but he helped design them. He was amazing with a pencil. 

I got my dragon tattoo after my mom died. She had always been fascinated with dragons. It was kind of childish as she was a grown woman, but somehow that fascination didn’t stop. 

“I think we should get up now.” I finally stated. 

“Are you cold?” He asked. 

I don’t think I had ever had him talking to me so caringly. On the other hand, he had never beaten the crap out of me and fucked me so hard my head was spinning, but he had today. And I had never been scared of him, before today. With all these thoughts, I just nodded. 

We got up, he pulled the plug, put the shower head back and turned on the water so we could wash the soap off of our bodies. He let me go first. 

After that, I went for some towels. One for him and two for me. I wrapped my hair up in the towel as a turban around my head. Before I moved on to drying my body, I made the mistake of looking in the mirror. Emerald green eyes looked back at those marks Jake had made on me. It wasn’t like I hadn’t seen my body injured before. I had often had cuts, and bruises, and stuff covering my body, and scars. A lot of scars. My left arm and shoulder were like a mosaic of scars after I went through a window during a fight a couple of years back. It had been summer, meaning I hadn’t worn my leather jacket, which would probably have taken most of the glass instead of my skin if I actually had worn it. It took Bill and Jake hours to get all the pieces of glass out. They were in my scalp too, but my hair covered those scars. 

But these bruises were different. There it was again. Different. 

My fingers with the cracked black nail polish touched the bite marks on the site of my neck where he had bitten me two times, it was swollen. At the beginning of my neck, right over my collarbone, there were his teeth marks. It was red. No, more like bluish-reddish-purplish. Right above where he had bitten me again, I could see the bluish bruise come forward. It wasn’t as pronounced. I looked on the other side of my neck, it looked exactly like the first bite mark he gave me, only on this one you could definitely see the skin was torn several places. It was there he had hooked himself onto me while he had been thrusting so hard into me, my hands cuffed to the bed. 

I felt a ticklish feeling from the inside of my lower abdomen when I thought back to the feeling of him inside me. I lost my breath for a second. This was new too. I looked in the mirror again, I had been so busy looking at the bite marks, that I hadn’t noticed my red and swollen lower lip. I had felt the blood pounding in it, and I could feel it was swollen, but it looked so much worse than it felt. I lifted one of my fingers to look closer. Luckily, he had bitten through the skin on the inside of my mouth. Wounds inside the mouth healed faster. My finger pulled down my lower lip, and there, on the inside of my lip was the big bluish-red wound. Jake was still in the shower, so he didn’t see my little exploration in the mirror. 

We both dried our bodies in silence in the too cheap motel towels. Comfortable silence it felt like. Though we had been so silent in the last couple of weeks, so perhaps I couldn’t tell the difference anymore. 

When I walked through the door into the room Jake smacked my ass. Not as hard as earlier, but I still gave a surprised whine. There had been a lot of those today. 

I sat down on the bed, took my backpack, and found a pair of clean panties and a top. Thanks to Jake, I didn’t have a bra anymore. I looked over at his bed with the untidy sheets and saw the red fabric halfway under it. I smiled again. My muscles in my cheeks felt inflexible because of the lack of smiles and what they had been exposed to today. 

When he walked over to me after putting on some clean boxers, I turned to face him. He looked down at me. Clearly, he wasn’t back to his old self, but he wasn’t as hostile as before we had sex. His fingertips stroked my cheek, leaned forward, and kissed me for a few seconds without tongue. When our lips separated, his eyes found mine. I saw more of his hazel eyes than of the dark shadows lingering in them. 

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” I answered, and looked down to camouflage I had bit my lip. We laid down in each of our beds. A bedside table separating us. I turned off the bedside lamp. I didn’t feel like reading tonight. I needed to clear my head, but all I could think of, was his body against mine, pinning me to the wall. Dark eyes, bites, grabbing hair, him inside me…


	2. His side of things

Nothing in the news. No leads. I closed the laptop with more force than intended. Probably out of frustration that we hadn’t come any closer to finding that sucker yet. 

“What now?” She dared to ask me. 

Why wouldn’t she leave me alone? “Nothing.” I spat back at her. 

“Right.” She sighed. 

What does she have to sigh about? 

“We can’t afford a new laptop. So would you please stop beating it? Isn’t it enough you snap at me?”

She shouldn’t lecture me. After all, it was actually dad’s laptop, meaning it was mine now. “I snap at whoever I want,” I told her, then she could learn not to order me around. I leaned back, put my hands behind my neck, and closed my eyes. Now I couldn’t see that look full of blame she gave me. 

“Jake, this has to stop. I know you’re grieving, but that doesn’t give you the right to break our stuff and snap at me like that. I’ve put up with your attitude long enough and the fact that you have used me as your personal punching bag for weeks.” 

I opened my eyes and glared at her. “Shut up, Val.” She should really learn to keep her trap shut. Again, I closed my eyes. 

“Jake!” I heard her getting up. 

Why wouldn’t she just leave me alone?

“How dare you? I’m all you’ve got now. I know he’s gone, but this behavior doesn’t help at all! It doesn’t bring him back or make this any easier.” She had raised her voice now. 

How dare she? How dare she remind me of that when I tried with everything I got to escape it? I slowly got up from the chair and stared at her. “How dare I?” I spoke slowly. She should be the one to talk. Involuntarily I clenched my jaw. “How dare I?” I repeated, but I was yelling now. Gradually I felt the rage consume me and taking over my body, leaving me out of control. 

“Jake...” Her voice died. 

I felt a kind of satisfaction seeing her like this. She knew she had crossed a line, and now I was going to fry her so she would never do it again. “Don’t you think I know he’s gone? Don’t you think I know about the laptop?” I growled at her, the fury boiled inside me. “Don’t you think I know you’re all I got?” I raised my voice. I was stuck with her. “And doesn’t make it easier for who? You?” Like she hadn’t had it easy since we took her in, she had nothing in the world to complain about, I had every reason. “You know nothing about how I feel.” If she knew, she wouldn’t have been so insensitive. Reminded me of it. Without me noticing, I had moved closer, and cornered her against the wall. I felt like punishing her but redirected my punch at the last second. “Nothing!” I felt my right fist hit the wall, next to her ear. It didn’t really hurt, and even if it had, I didn’t care about the physical pain right now. 

Couldn’t she just give me a fucking break? Stupid bitch– my thoughts didn’t reach any further, they got interrupted by a fragile sound. It was like I froze, giving my mind some time to comprehend what I had just heard and my eyes time to see if my ears were deceiving me. They weren’t… I felt the overwhelming fury subside and something else taking over instead. 

Was she _scared_ of me? No, that couldn’t be… But why wouldn’t she look at me? My left hand found her chin and pulled her face up so I could look her in the eyes. “Are you scared of me?” The whispering words came over my lips before I had time to stop them. I wanted to know for sure, but somehow I don’t think I could cope with the fact that I had scared her like that. She’s so fucking tough, how the hell can I scare her? 

She nodded. 

Oh, shit… What the fuck have I done? I felt the fury fill me up once again, but this time, it was aimed at myself, but those big emerald green eyes stopped it before it could unfold. I would never hurt her, she’s all I got. Why wouldn’t the fear leave her– her beautiful eyes? “You don’t need to be scared of me. I would never hurt you.” That she was still scared was beyond my level of comprehension. To my relief I saw her shoulders relax in the corner of my eye, her big green eyes wouldn’t let mine leave hers. 

Why haven’t I noticed how beautiful she is before now? That thought took away my nonexistent breath I hadn’t managed to catch yet. Though I felt like I couldn’t move my eyes away from hers, it was comforting to keep looking into them. It reassured me her fear was growing smaller. 

I let my fingers stroke from her chin and up her jawline, her skin was so soft and placed it on her cheek. To comfort her, hoping the rest of the fear I traced in her eyes would go away. “Are you okay?” I had to ask, she seemed more relaxed, but she was still a little stiff, and she hadn’t caught her breath yet. 

“I don’t know.” She exhaled, and I saw the last tension leave her body. Her eyes still seemed way too big, but what draw most of my attention were now her lips, I felt her breath on mine. Her beautiful full lips were perfect to bite in. 

I moved closer to meet them in a kiss, but it was like her lips gave me a snap, like a whip. The warmth from my lips radiating throughout my entire body. 

The longer I looked at her perfect shade of red hair, big green eyes, and soft lips the more I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to fuck her senseless and make her scream my name. A raw animalistic need overwhelmed me, and I pressed her against the wall with my body, capturing her, making sure she couldn’t escape me. Now I wanted to hold off the moment where our lips met, I wanted to take a good look at her perfect beauty before I buried myself in her. 

I felt her hands on my back, stroking me gently. My whole body shivered from her angel light touch. Now I placed my right hand on her other cheek, I had to touch more of her. I wanted to feel all of her, everything, close to me. Her lips brushed gently against mine, but not as a kiss. Before she closed her eyes, I saw in them that she wanted to be taken. She wanted me to devour her. 

Her teeth closed gently around my lower lip, I closed my eyes and felt another rush of the raw need pulsating through me. A need for her. 

I closed the distance between our lips and kissed her. Her lips were softer than I had imagined. I wanted her so badly, and it was only amplified by the touch of her lips. Her body became limp, and I pressed harder against her to make sure she would continue to stand up. She moaned into the kiss, and the blood rushed to my groin I was pressing against her. My hand found her hair and pulled her lips away from mine and my mouth closed around the soft skin on her neck instead. A little cry of pain left her lips, I don’t know why, but that helpless little sound made me grab her hair more fiercely, and kiss her neck more insisting as I felt myself grow harder between her legs.

Her nails dug into my back, oh so she’s a fighter. She would bite back at me, making this so much more fun. Give me some counteraction. A moan from the back of my throat got muffled by her skin, and I bit her hard at the beginning of her neck. She was mine, I had marked my territory. She was mine, and I could take her and do whatever I wanted with her. Her body was like breathing again when you were close to drowning. She was mine, but it was more than that… I needed her, her touch and her body. 

Though I knew I had inflicted pain on her, her body told me she liked it. She writhed and shivered against me, and I felt her hips rubbing against my groin. I grabbed her ass and lifted her up, she weighed less than I thought, and she wrapped her legs around my waist. Begging me to take her as my possession. I pressed her against the wall again, harder than I meant to I think as I heard her gasp like she lost her breath when her back hit the wall, but I didn’t care, I couldn’t concentrate on such bagatelles. The feeling of her body against mine was enough for my mind alone. I held her hair and her body as tight against mine as possible, it was like I couldn’t get her close enough. She was my lifebelt, and I had no intention of letting go of her. 

I let my tongue take the lead against hers, bit her lip and walked over to the bed with her so I could bury myself in her. As I released her legs from around me and let her fall down on the mattress, she gave a surprised squeal. Before I crawled on top of her, I threw off my t-shirt. The view of her underneath me satisfied me more than I had thought it would, I liked seeing her underneath me. 

I pulled the top over her head. Wanting to touch more of her. My arm locked around her waist and lifted her farther up the bed. As I rubbed against her I looked her in the eyes, I wanted to watch how I made her moan. Her skin was so soft. Her moans grew, and I kissed her to control her, silence her, but her moans kept coming. 

I wanted more of her. 

I bit her lip to break the kiss and sat up on my knees. “Take’em off,” I ordered her and looked at her jeans. 

Her teeth dug into her lower lip as well and started to unbutton them. I saw the lusty look she sent me. She wanted me, but I just enjoyed the look of her following my order and exposing her body to me. I licked my lip as I looked down on her. Started with her face, flushed by exhilaration and big shiny eyes. Her hair a bit messy. Then the bite mark on her neck. I couldn’t wait to see what was hiding under her bra. Her stomach, I had actually forgotten her navel was pierced. I looked back up at her face, even more beautiful now. She wasn’t too skinny so her bones would hurt, and not too fat either so you couldn’t feel the bones at all, she was perfect. I noticed she slipped off her panties too along with her jeans, she was really keen. She had only pulled her jeans down to her thighs when I couldn’t wait any longer. Those jeans were coming off now. I grabbed the waistband and ripped them the last way off of her. 

Quickly I loosened the belt and pulled off my own jeans and boxers before I laid down on her again, her hands were ready to grab my hair and shoulder in an instant. I grabbed her wrists and held her hands down on both sides of her head, and held her eyes in place with my gaze. Needing just a minute to compose myself. The skin on skin contact made a vicious need pulse through me. I felt like marking her again, but I wouldn’t scare her away. I don’t know why I felt the need to make marks on her or why I had to be this rough with her, I have never been like that before. All of this overwhelmed me. 

When I was sure I had somehow control of myself again, my hands traveled down her body to her bra. What was hiding under there? 

The need pulsed thick through my veins, my hands grabbed between the cups and abreacted on her bra instead. She lifted her eyebrow but then helped me get the rest off. 

I took a good look at them, they looked really nice, round and full. Probably a C cup. It hit me that this was her only bra and now understood her look. “I’ll buy you a new one,” I said and sent her a dirty smile, before I kissed her again, in return her fingers intertwined in my hair and grabbed it. My hands explored her breasts, and I started to rub against her. A light cover of sweat was already laying on my body. She really fired something up in me. 

I felt her hips push upwards, telling me she wanted me inside of her, and felt her hands back on my shoulder blades, her nails scraping over my skin. By a whim, I decided I was going to tease her, she was horny, and I liked that look on her, so I decided to prolong it. I stopped grinding against her and stopped kissing her. 

She panted and looked expectantly up at me. One of my hands found her hip to hold her down, while the other grabbed her hair to hold her in place. I was the one in charge here, and she was going to get it hard. Moving my hips, I glided up and down to feel how wet she was, her mouth opened, but not a sound came from her lips. 

God, she’s _really_ wet. 

“Jake…” Her voice sounded begging. 

Mm, I like that tone, say my name, beg me to fuck you. “What?” I leaned closer and whispered knowingly against her lips. I knew exactly what I was doing to her, how I teased her.

She answered with an impatient cry, it almost sounded like a sob. 

I hadn’t noticed the smirk on my lips until it widened. I put myself in position and waited, my hand back on her hip again, I wanted to see the look on her face when I entered her. And I wanted her to be unprepared. She tried to move underneath me, but I held her in place. I was in control of her and her pleasure. The wait was taking a toll on me as well, I wanted to be inside her, almost craved it. I flashed a dirty smile before I pushed myself deep into her. 

Oh God, she was tight. 

Her tightness around me made a grunt spill from my lips when I was deepest inside her. She exclaimed her gratification, oh that face. I wanted to see more of that. Inside her, I held myself still so she could get used to my size, and I could get used to her tightness and warmth. 

Oh, it felt good just to hold still inside her. 

I bit my lip as I watched her underneath me. Her gasping breath, fluttering eyelids, and how she struggled against my grip on her when she tried to writhe… 

She had a hard time catching her breath when I pulled myself out of her and waited. When she least expected it I pushed into her again, and I felt her nails on my back, a grunt escaped me. I held still again and kissed her, she answered it full of lust, almost aggressively. Again, I pulled myself out of her and waited. Indulged in the feeling of her I bit her lower lip, harder than I intended because she cried out. I moved down to her neck so I wouldn’t get carried further away with my lust. Though that sound turned me on. 

Her body was almost like an open book when it came to sex. Usually, I had a really hard time reading her, but not now, oddly. 

Again, I knew I had inflicted pain on her, but her body still let me know she liked it. I would continue to kiss her captivating soft skin, but I wanted to be inside her again, and I wanted to see her face when I entered her again. Her tightness overwhelmed me when I pushed into her a third time with a grunt, and this time, I didn’t hold still but kept thrusting into her. 

It was amazing. She was so tight and so wet. Her moans satisfied me. She didn’t fight against the grip I had on her, she gave me the control I needed, gave me control over her body. It was the perfect balance of her giving me some counter action, but in the end, let me be in control. 

As I was thrusting harder into her, her cries grew higher. I removed my hand from her hip and put it over her mouth to muffle her. But continued to look at her, watched the pleasure I gave her. I grabbed her harder, I couldn’t get her close enough. My hand pulled out some of her hairs, and the one muffling her lustful cries pressed harder down. 

For a moment, I was unsure if she liked my hard handling, but her nails dug deeper into my back, and she crossed her legs behind me to help me thrust harder into her. Her hips moved in cooperation with mine. One of her hands grabbed my hair at the back of my neck, and she yanked my head back. She kept her eyes on my neck and pushed up against my hand muffling her mouth. She wanted to return the favor, touch me and not just lie back and let me do everything. 

I removed my hand from her mouth back to her hip and brought her to my neck while I still had a good grip in her hair. No way in hell, I was letting go of her. 

She kissed and bit my neck, and the skin around my right ear, I couldn’t help but moan. Normally I didn’t like when women kissed me on the upper part of my neck and around my ear because of my scars. There were always questions following, but it didn’t matter with her, she knew and wouldn’t ask any questions. She just caressed the scars with her lips and tongue. It sent shivers down my spine, I was so sensitive there because of the lack of touch over the years, and I tightened my grip on her hair. She bit me harder than before which released another moan from me. It stung, but her soft lips caressed me. If she continued like this, I was gonna come and I didn’t want it to end already. I needed more of her, so I pulled her head away from my neck, stopped thrusting into her, and kissed her. Her hands in my hair and on my back provoked a shudder from me. On her lips were the salty taste of sweat, probably from both of us, my skin felt feverish and her forehead and chest glistened with sweat as well, which made her breasts look bigger because of the contours. 

I was still deep inside of her but didn’t move so I could catch my breath and so could she. My lips continued down her chin and neck, I was gentle the places where I had made bruises. She tightened her grip on my hair, it actually hurt a bit. As I let my teeth run up and down her neck, she shuddered and exclaimed her exhilaration. I couldn’t help but bite her again, but I was conscious enough in my frenzy like lust that I bit above the other mark, I didn’t want to hurt her more than necessary by biting the same place. She gasped, gave a little whine, dug her nails into my back and moved underneath me. 

It felt so unbelievable good I had to smile. I found her eyes and started moving inside her with a grunt. 

Oh yes, she was so tight around me. I started at a slow pace but went faster for every thrust. Her moans grew into lustful cries, and I silenced her by putting my hand that had just controlled her hip around her throat and felt how she tightened around me. A surge of adrenaline ran through me when I dominated her like this, and I trusted harder into her. I don’t think she had tried it before as she looked uncomfortable and tried to remove my hand. But I kept holding on and shortly after she removed her hand, and just laid there and took it. When she started to really gasp, and I saw her eyelids flutter, I released my grip. 

Oh shit! Her muscles convulsed around me, and I felt her shiver, her body stiffened and her legs closed around me with a force I thought were impossible for her size. She forced the air out of my lungs along with a groan, but I kept thrusting inside her, fought her writhing body, really rode the tightness of her orgasm. 

After a minute, she relaxed, sunk into the mattress and went limp. Exhausted by her orgasm. She found my eyes and my mouth, and her legs around me again. I was close to coming. Was she still on the pill? Shit, I should’ve asked before we even started. I had to warn her. My lips moved away from hers, up to her ear. “I’m gonna come inside you.” I bit her earlobe when I had spoken the words. 

“Yes, come inside me.” She pleaded in between her moans. 

My lips locked onto hers again, but I quickly had to withdraw them in a raw, uncontrolled grunt as the orgasm rolled over me, I stiffened and came inside her. One last thrust and I had emptied myself with another grunt. My body felt torpid, and I rested some weight on her. I suppressed a small moan when I pulled out of her and moved farther down the bed and rested my head on her chest. I released my grip on her but kept my hand tangled into her hair. 

She was panting just as much as I, and I could hear her heart racing. It slowly quieted down to a slower pace. 

 

“I need you,” I whispered when her heart was beating steadily. I meant it, I needed her in this way, and I had to let her know. This couldn’t stop or be a one-time thing. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and the tight grips around my insides had loosened. My fingers ran in circles down her side. Her skin was so soft, and it gave her goosebumps. 

“I know.” She whispered back. Her fingers were playing with my hair and my mom’s old silver chain around my neck. It felt good. 

“I need you too.” She continued, still whispering. 

It made me smile. Not a false grimace as I had done since dad died, but a real genuine smile.

“What are you smiling at?” I could hear the smile in her voice too. 

God, how long had it been since I had seen her smile? I can’t remember. 

“A good fuck.” I grinned back. It was partially the reason. Though it hadn’t just been a good fuck, it had been awesome. The best in… I don’t know how long. There was something I couldn’t put my finger on that made this exceptional. One of a kind. She had an effect on me I could only have dreamed about. 

I felt a light tap on my head. “You’re a jackass, Jake.” Her voice was light, and I could still hear the smile in her voice. Though she had said it in a fun tone, there was some truth behind it. I have been a jackass to her, and I have treated her like shit. It was like the demons slowly tightened their grip in my insides once again. 

“I have been. Haven’t I?” I asked her. I wasn’t smiling anymore. 

After several seconds, she still hadn’t answered, and I noticed she had stiffened slightly. She was right, I was a jackass. I have snapped at her, ignored her, verbally abused her, and taken her for granted, and she is all I got. I have nothing left but her. “You were right.” I just said, so she didn’t have to come up with some excuse on my behalf. She exhaled heavily, and I looked up at her. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was, but the words got stuck in my throat, so I just stroked her chin with a finger. 

“I was?” Her voice was low and unsure. 

I nodded slowly while I studied her face. Her emerald green eyes, her slightly ‘j’ shaped nose, round face, full lips that were reddish and plump from all the rough kisses. It was like I had never really looked at her before, never appreciated her before. She has just been there for several years. She was like family. 

Her fingers caressed my forehead. “Don’t do that.” She whispered. 

“Do what?” I asked her confusedly. 

“Frown like that.” 

I hadn’t noticed my thoughts had been projected onto my face and caused me to frown. She smiled tryingly back at me. But there was so much to frown upon. 

She leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on my lips. When our lips met I felt the need and lust for her wash through me, I kissed her back more insisting and inhaled heavily. I dragged myself up on her again, lining my hips up with hers. I needed more of her and the effect she had on me. My left hand grabbed her thigh and led it up and around my waist. 

Why hadn’t I discovered her before now? 

She suddenly kissed me with a newfound energy that made me bite her lip, causing her to whimper. My teeth released her lip, and I looked down on her. That sound sparked something in me, I liked it, and it fueled my lust to a point where it was almost unbearable. I took a trembling breath through my clenched teeth. She wasn’t too girly or a crybaby, I hadn’t often heard that sound before, but I really liked it. Especially when I evoked it from her. It sounded so helplessly, and normally she was far from helpless. She had put me to the ground once where I sneaked up on her. 

Both her hands grabbed my hair and pulled my lips down to hers. So she thought she had a say in this, and could tell me what to do? 

I grabbed her wrists in return and yanked them up above her head. Placed both in one hand, her wrists were slender so they could easily fit in one of my hands. I looked challenging down at her. What was the little tomboy gonna do about the fact that I had trapped her? 

She tried moving her wrists, but I just tightened my grip. The more she struggled, the tighter I held her. I was already getting a hard on just by watching her struggle for freedom. I had her now. She was mine. 

She refused to give up and looked defiantly up at me. As I first thought, she was a fighter. She wouldn’t just lay down and completely accept she was under my control all the time, it satisfied me beyond anything. I broke our intense stare and reached for my jacket to get the handcuffs I had in my pocket. Then I proceeded to cuff her wrists one at the time and put the chain through one of the bars of the headboard. I tightened the cuffs, so there was no way she was getting out of them, not even with her tiny wrists, but still without really hurting her. 

Now where my hands were free, I started to caress her and kissed her neck all the way up to her ear. Teasing her. I nipped at her earlobe and whispered into her ear, “Now I got you where I want.” My hands wandered down to her hips, I let them run in circles. Made it look like I was going easy on her, it worked, she closed her eyes to enjoy it. I grabbed her hips and flipped her, so she was now lying on her stomach and gave her a smack on her ass. She squealed in shock and pulled herself further up the bed by the handcuffs. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” I pondered with a smirk. 

There’s nowhere to run, baby. 

I grabbed her hips and pulled her back down, she had rested on her elbows, but now her arms were stretched out. Then I spread her legs for me, laid on top of her and started to rub against her ass while I kissed her neck and shoulder. One of my hands slipped under her and grabbed her stomach, I lifted her up and put a pillow under her hips to rest on, this would give the perfect angle when I fucked her from behind. 

My hands wandered up to her breasts and squeezed them, nipped them, and played with them. Higher moans came from her when I pinched her nipples. I was almost ready again. I exposed her neck to me by grabbing a fistful of hair and yanking her head back as my other hand continued to play with her breast. My teeth ran up and down her soft skin, and I felt her shiver underneath me. While I teased her neck with my teeth my other hand now ran down her body and then left it to guide myself into her, I waited at the entrance just like before. 

“Just fuck me, Jake!” She cried out.

Oh yeah, you want it. “Oh, I will,” I whispered promising against the skin on her neck and pushed into her tightness with a grunt. She whimpered in pleasure and yanked in the handcuffs. I bit down into her neck, opposite side of the two other marks. The cuffs rattled louder against the head of the bed while she writhed underneath me. Her skin muffled my grunt when I pushed into her again as I was still biting into her neck. 

Oh, this is good. 

Another thrust and I let go of her neck, releasing my grunts, it would definitely leave a bruise on her. Again, I had marked her as mine. I muffled her lustful screams with the hand that wasn’t grabbing her hair but felt something wet on her cheek. 

Shit, was that a tear? Did I go too far? 

Quickly I pulled myself out, removed the pillow, and turned her around. It wasn’t my intention to hurt her. Or it was, but not this much. Not more than she could handle. I didn’t want to scare her away. 

I hovered above her, in case she wanted to stop and didn’t want me on her. I wanted to ask if she was okay, but she beat me to it. 

“I can take it.” She said. I saw the focus in her eyes, she meant it. 

“You sure?” I whispered, but she nodded even before I had finished my question. 

She knew me better than I had imagined. She knew that this was what I needed and that she was able to give it to me. I kept looking at her a few more seconds, in case she changed her mind. But then she wrapped her legs around my waist and dragged my hips to hers. I leaned down to kiss her, she eagerly leaned forward and met my lips, and I lowered my body down against hers where I started to rub against her. My right hand laid on her cheek while my left guided me into her once again. I moaned into the kiss, and she quickly joined me. The hand that had just laid on her cheek glided to the back of her neck and grabbed her hair instead. I needed to have a hold in her hair. When I gave her another thrust, she tore her lips from mine and moaned loudly. 

Yes, moan for me. 

At the next thrust, my hand grabbed the flesh on her thigh harder, so I could lift her an inch and thrust deeper into her. I felt the tickle from my abdomen, and I started to thrust harder into her. My breath became more panting than it already was. She cried out, tightened around me when I upped my tempo on her, pushing me closer to my release. 

My body tensed up, and I held her tight as I came again with a groan. I rested my forehead against her chest as I caught my breath. My grip on her thigh loosened as my muscles relaxed, recovering from my climax. Exhausted, sweaty and shivering of pleasure I slowly untangled my hand from her hair, I felt a few strands of hair follow my hand, and I shook them off onto the floor. I lifted my forehead from her skin and pulled out of her with a small, but involuntary moan when she tightened one last time around me before I left her. A smile played on my lips when I opened my eyes and looked down on her. I sighed, she was a wonderful sight, she was wonderful, the sex was wonderful. 

I kissed her gently. To let her know how much I actually appreciated her. I remembered the handcuffs and broke the kiss to release her hands one by one. After doing so, I took her wrists from above her head and kissed them both where the cuffs had left red marks. Then continued to kiss her neck where I too, had inflicted pain on her. Next, her breasts and at last her lower lip. She smiled back at me. She looked satisfied. I would have continued to fuck her over and over all night long, but I was drained now. But I wasn’t finished with her yet. I needed her presence, I needed to touch her and feel her body. Desperately I searched my mind for something, anything. Then it hit me. We could sit in the tub for a while. 

“You need a bath. You stink.” I said and got up before she could slap me. It wasn’t true, she didn’t stink, she smelled amazing of sweat and sex, but I needed an excuse. 

I turned on the water in the tub, adjusted the hot and cold water to the right temperature and walked back to the room a couple of minutes later. She was still lying on the bed where I had left her. I walked over and looked down at her and smiled. I had fucked her good. 

Okay, it was more a smirk. 

“What are you looking at, jackass?” She smiled. 

Well, baby, I’m looking at my artwork. I had fucked her to orgasm and made her exhausted. It didn’t get any better than this. I lifted her up in my arms and carried her to the bathroom. 

She didn’t even protest, though I was sure she was that kind of girl who didn’t like to be carried. Or maybe she was too tired. Well, both was a win, so I didn’t care. 

I gently laid her down in the half full tub and then crawled in and sat behind her. Put my arms around her stomach and pulled her closer, making her lean against my chest. I wanted more of her, wanted her close to me and now where I was too drained to fuck her, this was just as good.

“Thanks.” She sighed, and I felt her lean back and relax against me. 

“For what?” I kissed her cheek. 

“Carrying me out here. I wasn’t sure if my legs could hold me.” 

I chuckled. Jackpot. “I did fuck you good and thoroughly, didn’t I?” I couldn’t help myself from saying it out loud. I was proud of my effort and achievement. 

“Mm.” She just said. 

I felt… light, the heavy weight on my shoulders had lifted. She had made it almost disappear. And the claws inside me didn’t have a tight hold on my insides anymore. She was doing something to me. 

I turned off the water when the tub was full. Found a sponge and began washing her neck very gently. She must be exhausted, and have some stinging, and that needed to be treated with care, to soothe it. I continued washing everything of her in my reach, and afterward carefully examined the three bruises on her neck. 

 

I didn’t know what woke me. I laid still and stared at the ceiling, feeling the loneliness, the anger, and the grievance pounding in me. I didn’t even notice I was clenching my teeth until my jaw started to hurt. 

Why did it have to come again already? Give me a break. I got angrier with it all, it pissed me off. The need to beat something flowed through me so sat up and hit the pillow before I let my hands cover my face. 

Go away. 

It felt so much more crushing after the little breath of free air I got with her last night. But she was asleep, away from me. I removed my hands from my face with an annoyed gesture to look at her. She had her back turned towards me, I could only see a mane of red hair, and her bare shoulders. 

It was a shame to wake her, but it was taking a toll on me. It clawed inside of me, squeezed my insides, and I needed some of the freeness she had given me last night. 

I picked up my blanket and pillow and laid down at the edge of her bed, slowly and quietly. I would hate to wake her, and what if she said I should go back to my own bed, the loneliness? 

The darkness was heavy, but as I slowly laid down behind her, and inhaled her sweet smell it lightened up just a bit. I think it was her hair. It smelled like some sort of flower I think. She hadn’t moved or reacted to the fact that I had sneaked into her bed, so she was still asleep. I moved a little around to lie more comfortable, she still didn’t wake up. I moved closer, buried my nose in her hair and laid an arm around her waist under the covers. The heaviness on my chest lightened a little more. 

What did she do to me? She was like a drug without the bad stuff, without the side effects, maybe more magical. I don’t know how she does it, and why haven’t she done it before? 

She’s so beautiful.


	3. Chapter 3

I felt so hot. I was sweating, burning. Something stopped me when I tried to turn around. My hair stuck to my face. Everything felt uncomfortable. 

I slowly woke up, and I realized it wasn’t a dream, I was still feeling way too hot and sweaty. A heavy, slow breath that only comes from a person sound asleep was close by. Too close. Someone’s chest rose and sank against my side. I opened my eyes and tilted my head to the right. 

Jake. Sound asleep, with an arm wrapped around me. He was so close to me, this was a one-person bed. 

Why was he lying in my bed? When had he gotten up to sneak into my bed? 

I looked a little more around and saw why I was sweating so extreme, not only was Jake like a radiator on full power, but he had crawled under my blanket, with his own as well, so I had two blankets on top of me. And his strong arm around me, clinging to me. Relieved he was asleep I took a couple of minutes to take in this situation, I needed a couple of minutes to take this in. This was strange. I looked at the clock, it was 8:26 a.m. When I fought to free myself from the choking heat, I felt the aching in my whole body from the sex last night. 

After a few minutes of silent struggle, I was free. I went to the bathroom to splash some water on my face. Looking at the mirror was again a mistake. My emerald green eyes locked at the red-blue bruise that was visible on the left side of my neck, where he had torn the skin apart. This was the worst. I could not only feel it was swollen, but I could also see it in the mirror. 

A thought crossed my mind, and I felt the irony wash over me. We’re vampire hunters, and Jake seemed to have a little vampire fetish. Ha. The irony of that. Maybe Sinanima did get too much venom into his system after all. 

That thought made me think back on the day Jake, Bill, and I told each other the reason why we had become vampire hunters. 

 

_Jake and I were playing poker, Bill sat at the laptop reading the news and what else he now did on it. We had killed a male vampire a couple of days ago, and now needed a new lead to find and kill the next bastard._

_Jake kicked my ass in poker._

_“Cheating jackass,” I exclaimed when he showed me his three kings and won everything from me. We weren't rich, we only got the money we took from the vampires we killed, though I usually got a little extra for us when I snatched the wallets from the guys I was flirting with at bars or went home with them to have a one night stand. Jake sometimes played poker or pool where he hustled people. Bill thought it was unethical, and he let us know but didn’t stop us. Though Jake agreed with him about my methods, where he claimed that if you were too stupid to see you were getting hustled, you deserved to lose your money._

_Vampires had a sick way of living. Many lived the underground life. Traveling around to bars, playing, selling drugs, always on the move._

_So we played about who should fetch breakfast, do the laundry, and stuff like that. We used another deck of cards to place our bets._

_“It’s not my fault no one ever taught you how to play poker properly.” He had a big smirk on his face. Bill rolled his eyes at our usual bickering. They had taken me in and treated me like one of them as soon as they found out I was on the same side as them about a year ago. It was nice not being alone anymore, but we hadn't shared much of our past lives from before we met. You needed to make sure you could trust people, I actually lied about my name in the beginning, but we were starting to trust each other now. Or I was starting to trust them, but getting dependent on other people, that wasn't good in this business._

_“I don't usually play a round of poker with the vamps before I kill them.” I spat sarcastically. I had hunted on my own a couple of years before I stumbled across Jake and Bill._

_“Well, you haven't hunted vampires since you were born. You must have had some people in your life who could teach you.” He wasn't joking anymore._

_I looked at him for a long time, I knew he was trying to get to know me better, invited me to tell more. After all, we had been hunting together around a year now. Jake was very open and joking. Always making fun. Bill was more serious and quiet. He usually did a lot of the research and planning. The responsible stuff._

_I thought about it for a couple of seconds to decide where to begin, “My dad left before I was born, so I only had my mom. She worked at a diner for as long as I can remember. That included a lot of night shifts.” I shrugged._

_“Where's your mom now?” Jake asked._

_“She was killed by a vampire. That was when I first learned about them. I was a senior in high school.”_

_He leaned forward, listening closely to the story. I mean, we all had a reason to hunt these bastards._

_Bill unexpectedly interrupted, “Jake’s mom, my wife, killed herself around a year after we had discovered there were vampires amongst us. She was afraid of what else was out there.” He had stopped working, the laptop was gone. “I'm going to get some beers for this story time.” He stood up, walked to his bag, grabbed three room temperature beers, and sat down at the table with us._

_I appreciated that he was telling me this. He showed me I could trust them, a story for a story._

_He looked at me, waiting and so did Jake._

_“Um, I was 17. I woke up in the middle of the night because of strange noises. I saw the light dancing at the end of the hall. I ran down to my mom’s bedroom and saw her. My mom was on the floor, um… dead. And the vampire she was standing at the window, lighting our home on fire with blood all around her mouth.” I took a deep breath before I continued, “I lived with my aunt and her husband after that. I learned as much as I could in the next two years before I dropped out of high school after failing two times. I went out hunting for that son of a bitch, I haven't found her yet, so I've just killed everything else I came across.” I had stared at my beer the entire time I was talking._

_First now I raised my sight at the two men across the table. They looked at me with understanding and compassion. “What about your aunt?” Jake asked with a frown._

_“Um…” I moved uncomfortable around in the seat. “…she called at first, but I always just texted back I was fine, and in the end, she just stopped.” I wish I could talk to her, but I couldn’t include her in this life. This was the best, though it hurt._

_Bill looked at Jake to see if he wanted to tell the story. Jake slowly shook his head as his eyes dropped to his beer. Then Bill looked at me and started telling. “Jake was sleeping in his tree house when he was about ten years old. Suddenly he screamed from the top of his lungs. I ran out to see what was wrong and then I saw... that thing. A woman bent over his head. I came right as she sunk her fangs into him.” He looked down with a pained expression. Jake played with his beer, glancing at his dad now and then._

_“I don't know how, but I fought her off and ran back to the house with him screaming in my arms, she followed us. I grabbed my gun at the last second and emptied it in her chest. She didn't die, but it scared her away somehow. At that moment I knew this was something supernatural. Jake was brought to the hospital, but they couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. They couldn't trace the venom.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “After a day Jake got better and was released from the hospital the day after that. The doctors didn't find out what was wrong with him. I guess you need a certain amount of their venom to become like them, it was after we came home I started to investigate, a lot, and found out that it could only be a vampire. Jake’s mom, Natalie, couldn't handle the knowledge, so she... Um, s-she found my gun, and then she was gone... I investigated another year and then we went out hunting. Jake didn't join the hunt until he was around 15 or 16.” We sat in silence for a while, let the words sink in._

 

Later on, we found out that it was the same female vampire that had killed my mom and attacked Jake. Her name was Sinanima, a despicable creature. Long curly black hair and brown eyes when her fangs weren’t extended. About 5’ 3” tall. You could easily see on her features that her skin had been dark, maybe Native American, or Spanish origin, when she had been a human. Now it was cold and pale. One of the things that characterized a vampire. She didn’t look old. Oh well, vampires didn’t age after they were turned, but she couldn’t have been much more than in her mid-teens when she was bitten and turned. We didn’t know exactly how old she was. Maybe a couple of decades. Immortal bastards. That was about all we knew about her. Bill was the one investigating most of the time, also learning about her. 

We still to this day hadn’t found her. I was 27 now and had known about vampires for ten years. Jake was a year older than me. We had hunted together since Jake, and I was 22 and 21, and Bill 40. 

I washed my face and combed my hair, I was beginning to cool down now. With my hands, I tried to arrange my hair so it would cover the bite marks, but it wouldn’t cooperate with me, so I gave up and took my birth control. As I went back to get dressed I found a blue top, I had to put it on without a bra underneath because Jake had torn mine apart last night, and a pair of black jeans. I quickly cornered my eyes with a black eyeliner. That was about the only makeup I ever wore. My black eyeliner, mascara, and black nail polish were the only thing besides my bra I wore that separated me from Jake. I slipped into my biker boots, put my leather jacket on and went out to get some breakfast. 

 

Jake was awake and dressed when I came back. His hair was styled in a semi-faux hawk as always.

“Breakfast,” I exclaimed. As usual. The only unusual thing was I had to buy a dark blue scarf at the store to cover the bite marks Jake had left on me.

A neutral, “Awesome,” came from Jake.

We sat down at the table, Jake had opened the laptop before he began to read what was on the screen, probably the news, he looked at my scarf but didn’t comment it. 

I dared to take a look at his eyes while he was busy reading. There was more of the Angry Jake to trace. Not as much as the last couple of weeks, but a lot more than last night when we went to bed. Neither of us commented on the fact that he had crawled into my bed in the middle of the night. 

“A house burned down this morning,” He said without taking his eyes off the screen, “45 minutes from here.”

Fantastic. For a week we had tried to track this vamp. We weren’t sure if we were close, but Jake wouldn’t have mentioned the fire with such a certainty unless he was pretty sure it was started by a vampire, but we were too late. We tried to get them before they killed. 

“How many dead?” I asked.

“Two. A married couple.” 

I always thought about the poor souls that had lost their lives in this battle, but we would catch it and make it pay. 

When he was done reading, he turned the laptop towards me so that I could read it too. It said electrical shortcut. Right. Most vampires had picked up a trick or two in their decades of the immortal life. 

We ate the rest of our muesli with milk and drank our coffee in silence. The procedure was clear. We quickly changed clothes before heading out the door. I wore a Bordeaux button down shirt with long sleeves, and dark gray pants, that were just a bit too long to hide my boots, I wouldn’t bring out the heels unless it was absolutely necessary. The heels belonged to the ‘finer’ suits that belonged with the FBI badges, though the ‘finer’ suits were still cheap enough that people with our financial status could afford it. 

Jake was wearing a gunmetal gray suit, with a white shirt and an artichoke green tie. We both wore blue-gray trench coats. 

 

We walked out to the car. A bottle green Chevrolet Monte Carlo from 1973, 2-door coupé. Jake in the driver’s seat, me in the passenger seat. Jake did most of the driving when we were in a town. It was only on the long drives we took turns. I checked my Criminal Investigator’s badge when we started to drive. It said, Martha Young. We were always moving so much we could just use the same badges over and over again. I put my badge back in my inner pocket of the trench coat. 

On the drive, we didn’t talk. It was like today we slipped back into the normal silence pattern, but the silence wasn’t completely crushing as it had been in the past five weeks. Before we arrived, I took my silver knife from the back seat and hid it under my coat. We would probably need it.

The suburban house was burned beyond recognition. The last firetruck was packing up after putting out the fire. There were still smoke emitting from the house caused by the hot, but wet remains. The smell of burned wood hit my nostrils as soon as I stepped out of the car. Jake took the lead, walked up to an officer, flipped his badge at him and introduced himself as Taylor Davis, Criminal Investigator, as his badge said. “Have you found anything?” 

“Well, it looks like an electrical shortcut this morning before they woke up, so I don’t know why you’re here, Agent.” The police officer said with a shrug. His eyes swept over us, taking it all in, but he didn’t seem to find anything out of the ordinary besides the wonder of why we were there already. 

“It’s just standard procedure, Officer.” Jakes look of authority backed up our appearance. Well, at least Angry Jake could be useful. I stood with my back as rank as I could manage, with an attitude that said I did this on a daily basis, which wasn’t a complete lie. He made a gesture, telling us we could crawl under the isolation tape surrounding the crime scene. When we came around the corner to the back, we saw they hadn’t taken the bodies away yet. They were burned so badly they looked like two big pieces of charcoal. The smell of burned flesh was to trace amongst the smell of burned wood. It looked like the doctor was about to wrap up. It was clear they were only recently pulled out of the remains. 

“Do you mind if we take a look, doc?” I asked while I held up my badge. 

“Sure, but I don’t think you’ll find much anyway.” 

I nodded at him, pretended like I was taking his words into account before examining the bodies myself. 

Jake and I bowed down at the first body. It was impossible to tell if it was a male or female. The smell burned in my nose. It was impossible to search for bite marks on this body, and that was exactly the reason why the vamps burned their victims afterward. We had to check the other way to see if this was the victims of a vampire attack. We both squatted down on each side of the body, I slipped the silver knife out from the inside of my coat, and out of its sheath. It was a hunting knife. I leaned forward so my open trench coat would cover it if anyone were watching. Carefully I pried one of the eyelids open with the tip of the knife and then pushed the silver knife into the burned chest, into the heart. We watched the victim’s eye. What was left of the iris, turned bluish black. Vampires had done this. A vampire had its normal eye color until it extended its fangs. The eyes would turn on the victim when stabbed by silver through the heart, because the venom had started to change their body, starting with the eyes, but before the change really sets in, the victim was sucked dry of blood and dead. 

The only way to kill a vampire was to pierce its heart with silver making them wither and turn to dust. When silver touched the heart, a survival reflex took over and extended its teeth, making the eyes shift color. But on victims, the change wasn’t very far before they died, meaning their fangs hadn’t developed, but the reflex still worked with the eyes. 

I sneaked the knife back into its sheath under my coat, got up and started to walk away from the bodies to the front of the house with Jake by my side. As we walked by Jake stopped beside the Police Officer that had let us under the isolation tape. “We didn’t find anything unusual, so we’re out of here. Good work, Officer.” Jake forced his tone to be nice, but I could hear the falseness in it.

“Thanks.” The Officer nodded towards us, with a hint on his face that said ‘I told you so.’ 

“He can’t have gone far.” He added matter-of-factly when we got back in the car. His tone edged back to its old pissed self. 

“I suggest we search the nearby bars as soon as they open.” 

He nodded, agreeing with me. 

When you first got the scent of a vampire it was hard to track, they didn’t have to eat often. Only a couple of times a year. Asking around in shady looking places could most of the times come in handy. People who had traveled through bars, towns, won a lot or in some way had shown mysterious behavior could be vampires. That was how we tracked this vamp here. Some ran alone. Those were the hardest to track. But sometimes we were lucky, and it stuck around in the town a couple of days. Only a few vampires knew there were hunters. When a vampire encountered a hunter, they rarely lived to tell the tale. Some vampires ran in twos. Mates. They mate for life. If you came across a couple, you better kill them both. Otherwise, the survived one would avenge its mate. Some made covens, but if they were more than three they would usually make a permanent nest and stay there for about half a decade before they ran off and found a new nest. Still on the move. For some vamps, even a couple of years wasn’t long, as they could live for decades. Covens usually took homeless people, hookers, drug addicts, and other types of people who wouldn’t be missed.

Other types of vampires who variated from the shady life was more the exception from the rule, but they were out there. Mostly we found them when they had hitched a ride, killed the driver and burned the car, making it look like an accident. 

Talking about the job wasn’t unusual. So far this morning had been as every other morning since Bill’s death. But it wasn’t. Far from. I had never shared my bed with Jake, woken up next to him, had sex with him. 

When we came back to the motel, we both changes clothes. Mostly we went to the bars in our ‘normal’ clothes as they were less conspicuous and didn’t draw as much attention. After hurling the clothes into the trunk of the car I came back in and sat down at the laptop, my right leg unconsciously started bouncing up and down. A habit I have had for many years after a meniscus injury I had gotten during volleyball. Keeping my knee moving prevented it from hurting or locking. I actually played volleyball so well in high school, that I could have gotten a scholarship to college. I would have studied to be a veterinarian, but then my mom died, and here I was. 

The laptop had actually been Bills, as he was the one doing most of the research, but Jake had picked up most of his daily research routines. He threw himself on the bed and started reading an old folklore book. The only thing bugging me was that there was a locked folder hidden on the laptop. A few days ago, I accidently stumbled across it. I hadn’t shown it to Jake yet as I knew he would be all over me to get it opened. I wanted to see if I could crack the password first by myself. It could be some important research. Or could it? Why would Bill have a locked, hidden file? What was it that he didn’t want us to see? 

 

After two hours of code cracking, I gave up. I started searching for local bars and other places where we might find the vampire. We were almost sure it was a male running alone, but you could never be sure. 

I wrote down what possible places we could go and called it a day until the bars opened. It wasn’t because vampires couldn’t be out in daylight. They could, but they preferred to go out at night. That was probably where the myth about vampires and sunlight came from. They liked the night because the dark would hide their shifting eye color and the lack of a shadow. Vampires didn’t cast a shadow. In a dirty bar with bad lighting, you wouldn’t notice if one shadow was missing or not. 

I laid down on my bed and closed my eyes to see if I could grab a nap before we had to ‘explore’ every bar in town. Jake had thrown his book aside and started doodling in his sketchbook instead. 

 

The daylight was on retreat, and the darkness took over. Jake kicked the side of my bed and woke me. “Get up.” He grumbled. 

In the old days, he would have jumped on top of me and messed up my hair, or poured water in my face or some other annoying, but cheerful wake-up. A new one every time. I had him suspected for really taking pride in waking me up in the most annoying and uncomfortable way while he roared with laughter. But my wake up had been the same the last five weeks, when I hadn’t woken by myself. And actually the most uncomfortable one. Luckily, I usually woke before him in the morning. 

I arranged my messy hair in a messy bun without combing it, removed the eyeliner on my cheek and drew a new line on top of the old one I drew this morning. Jake handed me a sandwich without saying a word. He had probably gone out to get it while I was asleep. 

When I was done eating, I found my gun with silver bullets in my backpack and tucked it down into my jeans against my back. It felt cold against my skin. Jake had done the same. 

“I’m ready,” I said and held up the list up with possible places to look. 

He gave a nod as a response.

“Where to?” He asked when we were in the car. In the shadows he looked like the good old Angry Jake again, his teeth clenched together, eyebrows pulled down, leaving his eyes in shadow, and made all his sharp features almost scream with anger. I read the address to him, it wasn’t far from here. 

 

The bar was small, dirty and smelled like old cigar smoke and alcohol. The place was half full. The bar desk on the right was filthy, had a lot of marks from beers and burn holes from cigarettes. There were a dull lighting and candles to lid up the rest. The barkeeper had short gray hair, was chubby, and had bad teeth. This looked like a good place to find a vampire. There was six-seven high leather stools along the bar desk. In the corner away from the door, four people were playing poker and laughing loudly. 

As we walked up to the bar, Jake mimed ‘no badges.’ Sometimes it was an advantage to show the badge, other times it was wisest to keep it in your pocket. 

I leaned against the desk, I found a spot that wasn’t too filthy. “Two beers, please.”

“Coming right up, sugar.”

I was used to people calling me ‘sugar’ and ‘honey,’ stuff like that. You had to when you came to these kinds of places. We sat at the end of the bar with a couple of chairs between the other people. I saw Jake scanning the room for missing shadows. I was too. Four eyes were better than two. One of the men playing poker, facing us, laughed a little too loud. He caught my attention, matched the description we had gotten from the other place that led us here. I looked at his half long greasy hair, it was so greasy it was hard to tell if it was dark blonde or brown, then my eyes wandered down to the beard and the greedy eyes. The candle sputtered, in a second it flamed up and gave more light. The light flickered against the walls, and I noticed something missing. This was too good to be true. We had found him. I looked at Jake, he seemed to feel my eyes on him because after a couple of seconds, he returned my gaze. Angry Jake was definitely back, but I could see his determination, he had spotted it too. I pointed the vamp out with my eyes and looked back at him. He gave one nod, confirming he thought it was a vampire too. 

We were pretty good at this silent communication. It would draw too much attention if we talked out loud, even whispering. After six years of hunting together, we had learned to read each other when we were out on the job. 

We needed to draw him out of here. We couldn’t just open fire here in the middle of the bar. The good thing about having both a male and a female on the team was we could approach this in different ways. Either could Jake sit down and join the game, hope to lure him away from the table or I could pretend to like him and seduce him to get him outside. In this filthy place, we would get too much attention if we drew out our badges, and pretended to arrest him. Then there was definitely gonna be a fight. Though we weren’t afraid of getting our hands dirty, this could quickly get out of control with all the shady types in here, and then the vamp would run off. 

I wanted to take this one, just to get away from that pissed off attitude Jake had snapped back to. He seemed so much worse now after the break I got yesterday. I got up, grabbed my beer and walked closer to the table where they were playing poker and leaned against a table next to the one they were playing at. The small tables were round, and only four people could sit at them unless they wanted to sit on each other’s laps. I pretended to be interested in the game. The guy with the greasy hair seemed to be the one in the lead. He might have had years to practice his hustling. 

I tried to look impressed every time he won something. His eyes fell on me after a few minutes. I sent him the most seductive smile I could manage and bit my lower lip as I send him a wink. I felt Jake’s eyes on my back. Like it was harder to breathe after yesterday. Yesterday was like coming up for air, and now he was back in the big black hole. 

The guy eyed me, looked at me from my mahogany red hair, all the way down to my black biker boots. I tried to invite him in with my body language, and he bought it. He played one more round before he scraped together the money and said thanks for the game. Good, he won all that money, that’s gonna pay for our next motel. 

The guys at the poker table exchanged a few sentences about the game, and the money lost and won before he got up and practically ogled me, I took a sip of my beer. He kept looking at me until he was about five feet away from me. It didn’t take much to pick up someone in a place like this. 

“Seeing something that interests you, darling?” 

I could smell his breath of cigarettes. I tried not to shudder with disgust and smiled instead. “Maybe. Depends on what you got.” I looked at his crotch. He clearly got the hint and moved closer, laid his hand on my arm. Vampires would engage in one night stands with humans now and then. There weren’t that many vampires out there. Who doesn’t need sex now and then?

“Wanna get out of here?” He leaned forward and whispered.

“Yeah.” I tilted my head down and looked at him through my lashes. He took my hand, it was cold, and led me out the back door of the bar. I looked at Jake right before I walked through the door, his eyes were dark with fury, like last night, before he smashed his hand into the wall beside my head. 

I let the vamp lead me out the door and farther down the road while I tried to get rid of the image of the look Jake just sent me. But I knew he would follow us shortly after and have my back. I wasn’t scared at all. This was normal, my normal, our normal. 

“My car is over here.” 

A rusty black sedan. It was impossible to make out the model in the dark. I got in, in the passenger’s seat. The car smelled like tobacco and alcohol, just like him. As soon as the door at the driver’s side closed, I pulled my gun out, pointed it at his heart, holding it with both my hands in a firm grip and turned off the safety. My body was turned towards him, but as far away as I could get in the car, my back leaned against the door. He froze in his seat when he saw the gun. I didn’t shoot him right away, I just had to get one information out of him first.

“Are you robbing me?” He stumbled over the words. 

“Quit the crap, vamp.” I eyed his reaction closely, his nervousness vanished. 

“Hunter, huh?” He chuckled, he knew. 

“How did you know?” But before I got an answer he launched himself towards me, my eyes caught something shiny in his hand. I pulled the trigger. 

My silver bullet had hit him directly in the heart. His head was almost on my lap when he collapsed from the bullet. I saw him begin to wither, his skin turned ash gray and shrunk until he morphed to dust. Some of it landed on my jeans. Irk. 

He’d had a knife in his hand when he lashed out at me and had hit me in the shoulder, right next to my dark blue scarf, above the opening of my jacket. Obviously, he had aimed for my throat, but my bullet had stopped him before he could bury it in me. 

Someone ripped the door at my side open, and I almost fell out. A hand took a firm grip at the collar of my jacket and dragged me backward out of the car. I yelled, ‘Ouch,’ but the hand didn’t let go before it had pulled me up in standing position. Now as I stood next to him, I saw it was Jake. 

“What the hell, Jake?” I burst out in his face.

“What were you doing in there? Why didn’t you just shoot him right away?” He glared at me and pointed to the pile of dust and clothes in the car. 

“He knew about us!” I returned his dark gaze. 

“How?” His voice was cold, annoyed. 

“He kind of stabbed me before I could get the answer!” I spat, sarcasm marring my tone. I put the safety back on and shoved the gun back into the top of my jeans, behind my back. I put my fingers under my scarf and felt something wet and warm. As I pulled them out to look at them, I saw they were bloody. Jake took a step forward and ripped my jacket down and pulled up my scarf to look at it. 

“Ouch!” He didn’t have to do it this violently. 

“It’s your own God damned fault.” He spat at me. 

“What?” I stared at him in disbelieve.

“It’s superficial.” He added before leaning in the car to grab the money and wallet from the empty, dusty pants. He put it in the inner pocket of his leather jacket before he grabbed the sleeve of my jacket and shoved me forward in front of him. 

“Jake, what the fuck is wrong with you?” I hissed and looked at him over my shoulder. 

“Let’s get back.” He said way too calmly. 

I glared fumingly at him, but he had turned his head away, looking to the side instead of me, probably because he could feel my anger. I was so pissed at him right now. What was his problem? I needed to know how that vamp knew about us. The fact that he knew about hunters could mean he either got away from one before or someone else had told him about us, which could give us another lead. But I got him way too quickly if he had encountered a hunter before. It was more likely he had heard about hunters from another vampire, and we needed to know so we could eliminate the threat. 

Jake’s hostility towards me was uncalled for. He had never gotten this pissed because I got hurt before. The old Jake would have mocked me all the way home because a vamp got me like that when it wasn’t something more serious. 

I marched in front of him all the way to the car. When I reached the door I crossed my arms, only to find out that was a bad thing to do, it hurt. Jake sauntered a couple of yards behind me. Now it was my turn to crush him with my stare. He didn’t meet my eyes but looked at the car instead. When he unlocked the doors, I got in and slammed my door. “Asshole,” I muttered when he had gotten in next to me. He didn’t respond to that, just turned the keys in the ignition and began driving back to the motel. I demonstratively looked out the window. We drove home in complete silence.

 

After tossing off my jacket and scarf, I marched out to the bathroom to get a more proper look at the wound. It was about two inches, a little deep. I needed stitches, great. I turned around to walk back into the room to find our bag with medical supplies, but Jake blocked the doorway, he had already found it. I ripped the bag out of his hands and walked back in front of the mirror. I unzipped it, quickly cleaned the wound with a pad dipped in disinfectant, found a syringe and a bottle with some anesthetic. While I was filling the syringe, Jake walked up behind me. 

“Let me do it.” His tone was too harsh, and he looked into my eyes through the mirror.

“I can do it myself.” I knew I was behaving like a stubborn child, but I was still so pissed at him because of his behavior out there. I didn’t know what the hell had gotten into him or why he had behaved like that. 

I injected the anesthetic and flinched, but I had done it so many times over the years I was used to it. 

“Let. Me. Do. It.” He sneered through clenched teeth. 

I put down the now empty syringe, placed my hands on the sink and returned his gaze in the mirror. “No.” I stubbornly persisted. 

“Goddammit, Valery!” He rolled his eyes, ending our glowering contest in the mirror. 

Crap, I was in real trouble. The old, laughing Jake had often called me ‘Vally.’ He hadn’t called me that for five weeks now. 

I had barely managed to turn my head towards him when he grabbed the bag with medical supplies in one hand, and my arm in the other dragged me into the room and pushed me down on a chair. He pulled the other chair in front of me and sat down facing me and started to examine the wound without waiting for permission or anything. Carefully he cleaned it more thoroughly, while we waited for the anesthetic to work. He found a needle and some thread. I didn’t know what the correct medical term for the thread was, I had only pretended to be a doctor or a resident to get these supplies over and over again. Something we always needed to have, in case something happened, like today. 

I was still boiling with rage towards him. He treated me like I was a fucking doll or something he could just throw around. Though I tried, I couldn’t hold it back any longer. “Jake, you’re a fucking jackass!” I yelled in his face. 

He removed his eyes from his working fingers to look at me for a split second before he looked back down to my shoulder. “I know,” his tone was cutting. 

“What’s your problem? Seriously?” I glared at him. 

He didn’t answer right away. I saw his jaw working like he tasted the question in his mouth, the wrinkles on his forehead grew deeper. A resigned sigh escaped me when I realized he probably wasn’t going to answer. 

“The way he was looking at you.” He said quietly, but not less harsh after a few minutes.

What the fuck was that supposed to mean? He had never had a problem with stuff like that before. That was our way to work things, to do the job. This must be some kind of joke. “Oh yeah, since when?” I snorted as he finished the last stitch out of five. 

“Since yesterday.” He simply stated. He didn’t meet my eyes. 

I was speechless, this was so confusing, I couldn’t make head or tails of this new situation. Maybe that was why we hadn’t fucked before because it would literally fuck everything up. An involuntary shiver ran down my spine when my thoughts flickered back to his body against mine. I quickly pushed it aside. “What's that supposed to mean?” Clouded by confusion my voice wasn’t raised anymore. 

He finished putting a surgical dressing on my shoulder and finally looked up at me. “I don’t know, Val.” He shook his head and shrugged. 

“This is confusing,” I stated and crossed my arms in front of me, I could do it without my shoulder hurting, because of the anesthetic. I didn’t know what else to say. He looked so honest when he said he didn’t know. Maybe he didn’t really know, like me, I didn’t know anything about this new situation. Everything was just one big mess after Bill died. We knew he was killed by a vampire, but we didn’t know who or where to find it. But that was only the tip of the iceberg, then came Jake, it was like he had turned into a completely different person. 

“It is.” He looked thoughtfully ahead of himself when he leaned back and crossed his arms.

“Then what _do_ you know?” I asked, my voice was calm. This conversation was turning into one like those we had last night. Like he opened up to me, instead of shutting me out and punching me for trying to climb that wall he had put up. 

I could see he thought about it, wanted to give me an honest answer. He closed his eyes and frowned. When he opened his eyes again and looked at me, I could see more of the hazel in his eyes than I had could all day, because his features weren’t curled up in that angry mask. “I...” He looked down and swallowed loudly. His barricades were really down now. He really tried to let me in. “I know I didn’t like the way he was looking at you.” He met my eyes, I could see the pain reflected in them. “I know last night was like... breathing again. I know I feel angry, all the time. And... I need you.” He paused for a long moment. 

I didn’t want to interrupt, he might have more to say. So I just waited patiently, which also bought me some time to process his words and come up with some sort of response to this as I had no idea what I should say. Not at all. He felt the same way I did about last night. At least we could agree on that one thing. 

“I think that’s all I know right now.” It was so honest, and he really fought an inner battle.

“Okay.” I finally said, nodding, but I couldn’t hold a frown back from my face. I was overwhelmed by his sudden honesty. He nodded too, accepting my answer. 

“Why did you grab me like that back there?” 

I think I saw a flicker of remorse in his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He looked down, I bowed my head and tried to catch his eyes again. He met my gaze, but quickly pulled away from my questioning expression. “I just wanted you away from him, and it couldn’t go fast enough.” He muttered and finally looked apprehensively at me.

“You have some issues, you know,” I stated. 

A hint of a smile touched his lips, but not enough to break through in a real smile. “Yeah.” He uncrossed his arms and hid his face in his palms, his elbows resting on his knees. He breathed deeply in and sighed out. I didn’t know what to do. He looked so fragile when he hid his face away from me like that. Should I hold him or leave him be? Before I could decide, he let his fingers slip down his face, covering only his mouth, rested his chin in his palms, and looked at me. His eyes were so piercing, I felt like he could look right through me. 

“Thanks, by the way.” I gestured down at my wound with my head, but I couldn’t break our eye contact. 

“You’re welcome.” He mumbled, still resting his chin in his palms. 

I couldn’t take the intensity in his gaze any longer, so I got up and started to clean up the medical supplies. I turned around to get my jacket and scarf off the floor where I had carelessly thrown them earlier. When I picked them up, I heard him get up from the chair and his footsteps heading towards me. I hung them in their place, but when I turned around, he was much closer than I had expected and had to suppress a gasp. He laid his hand on my cheek, the warmth from his fingers burned my skin. I took a step back and hit the door. I didn’t feel like my body could take any more beating right now. He followed my step, came so close to me he could without touching me. His hand had traveled down and now caressed the bite marks he had made. 

“Jake...” I whispered, but my objection died in my mouth when I felt his breath on my lips. 

“Val,” He responded with a resonant voice, his lips were an inch from mine. 

My heart pounded loudly in my chest. I closed my eyes, but I managed to breathe out a soft, but firm, “No.”

He ignored my protest and kissed me relentlessly. I felt the electric shock travel down my spine as his lips demandingly locked onto mine. In surprise, my lips parted in what would have been a gasp, but now only gave his tongue access. But his hand didn’t grab me, it still rested on my neck. He did push his body against mine, but not as hard as he had done yesterday. His kiss left me breathless, almost shaking. Finally, he tore his lips away from mine, my knees got weak. I felt his eyes on me, but I still had my eyes closed. I couldn’t take this, not right now. 

His lips kissed me softly one more time. Whispered, “Okay,” and his hand fell from my neck. He walked away into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. 

I finally opened my eyes and exhaled. I heard the water starting to run, he was taking a shower. I felt relieved that he had left the room to leave me be. My head was spinning with everything that had happened in the past 24 hours. What a rollercoaster. 

I took a trembling breath. His intensity was paralyzing. I shook my head and walked over to the bed, sat down and began to take my clothes off. I tucked in under my blanket, wearing only my panties and a top, and relaxed my beaten body. 

A few moments later, I heard him turn off the water. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and felt my body relax even more, sinking deeper into the mattress. 

The door got opened a few minutes later. I heard his footsteps across the carpeting, leading him over to his bed. “Val?” He asked cautiously, and I opened my eyes to look at him. He was only wearing boxers, my eyes involuntarily wandered over his vast tattooed chest and his abs. 

“Do you mind?” He made a gesture towards his bed and over to mine. 

I thought about it. Well, if he would continue to crawl into my one person bed, then that might be the best solution. It gave me more space. He saw my hesitation, probably read it as a no, and lifted his blanket to go to bed. 

“Okay,” I said before he could crawl under. To my own surprise, I meant it. He looked dubiously at me like he silently asked ‘are you sure?’ I gave him a firm nod in return. He grabbed the bedside table and shoved it aside, the carpet muffling the sound. Then he pushed his bed towards mine, and I felt a little bump when they hit each other. He crawled under his blanket and laid down with about three-four feet between us. He was on his side, facing me, but he had already closed his eyes. I stared back up at the ceiling. It felt nice to have him there. I felt safe. I was a little overwhelmed by his gesture. That he had asked for my permission like that. Maybe because I said no to him. Maybe because he wouldn’t cross my boundaries. Close to an epiphany hit me. He respected my limits. 

Respected. 

I tasted the word. It felt good. It was like he hadn’t shown me real respect for a long time. By a sudden impulse, I scooted closer and lifted his arm. He opened his eyes to see what I was doing, I gave him a smile and tucked myself close his body, with my back against his chest, and laid his arm around my waist. This was my thanks to him for respecting my boundaries. He gave me a squeeze, and I didn’t mind.


	4. His side of things

Look at her, batting her eyes at him like that. Why have I ever let her get away with it? She’s acting like a fucking slut. I should drag her out of here immediately, and punish her so she would never do it again.

I sighed internally. What is wrong with me? I would never lay a hand on her, but the urge to, was undeniable there though I knew I would never go down that road. 

WHY IS SHE LETTING HIM TOUCH HER!? Boiling fury arose in me. I couldn’t help but think ‘get your hands off of my property!’ She is mine. I had to fight back the urge to go over there, and shoot him right here in the middle of the bar just for the way he was looking at her, let alone touch her. Fuck our cover and that shit. Why was I suddenly so possessive about her? 

He took her hand, her eyes found mine as they walked out the back door. I felt the need to storm out after her to make sure she was safe. Right now, I hated to let her out of my sight, but she was a big girl, and she could handle herself. I emptied the beer and walked out to look after her. I eyed the car they were sitting in and stayed concealed in the shadows, but she knew I was here. 

What was she doing? Chatting away with him? Why aren’t you shooting him, you stupid bitch? Get the fuck away from him, and get his filthy eyes and hands off you! That was the last drop. As I started to march over there with a firm grip on my gun, I heard the shot. What took you so long? I felt the rage take over. She deserved a solid kick in the ass. 

I ripped open the passenger door and grabbed her by the collar of her jacket and dragged her out. Away from the vampire that had been turned to dust by her bullet. 

“What the hell, Jake?” She yelled at me as soon as I let go of her jacket when she was in an upright position. Her anger surprised me and threw me off balance. 

What did she have to be angry about? Now she was gonna get it. “What were you doing in there? Why didn’t you just shoot him right away?” I pointed at the dust in the car. 

“He knew about us!” She glowered at me. She was so stubborn, I could see it in her eyes. She was not going to take any responsibility for herself. It could have gone so wrong. 

“How?” I knew she was right, she had to know. I lowered my voice. Pissed off that I couldn’t blame her. Though I would like to blame her for just something after how she lured him out here with her. 

“He kind of stabbed me before I could get the answer!” She shoved her gun back into her jeans with an annoyed gesture like it was my fault this happened. She got what was coming to her. Talking about the wound seemed to remind her of it. She put her fingers under her scarf, and when she drew them out again, there was blood on them. 

Take care of yourself for God’s sake, girl! You’re not indestructible. Though it wasn’t bad if she didn’t even have tears in her eyes. Superficial. But I ripped aside her scarf and jacket to check the wound anyway. Maybe harder than intended because she said ouch. 

I was right, superficial. “It’s your own God damned fault.” I spat at her, satisfied about the fact that I could just blame her for something. Deep down I knew it wasn’t her fault, and she had handled it well, but I pushed it aside and denied it. The rage had too much power over me, and again it felt like my mind wasn’t entirely my own. 

“What?” Disbelieve was painted on her face, and I immediately felt a knot of guilt form in my stomach. 

“It’s superficial.” I threw at her before I leaned in the car partially to grab the money, and the wallet from the vamps pants, but also to get an excuse to look away from her. Hiding my face before the knot of guilt could evolve further. When I looked back at her after putting the stuff in my inner pocket, she still had that face, looking so accusingly at me. 

Stop looking at me like that! I felt like screaming, but the guilt would only get worse, so I grabbed the sleeve of her jacket instead and shoved her in front of me, so I didn’t have to look at that face, and her eyes filled with resentment at me. 

Or maybe I was imagining it.

“Jake, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Resentment was filling her voice now too. 

The knot of guilt turned into something tangible inside me, grabbed my intestines and squeezed them alongside all the other demons that had a grip on me. What is wrong with me?

“Let’s get back.” Was the only thing I could manage to say, and my eyes dropped to avoid her burning glare. They only made the guilt bury its claws deeper into me. When I looked back up at her, she had already reached the car, and there was no doubt it was resentment I saw in her eyes. I couldn’t look directly at them. 

She slammed the door after her when she got in. “Asshole.” She mumbled when I had gotten in next to her. 

I guess I deserved that. I was being an asshole to her. The guilt had spread to my chest, it felt like it was almost choking me, and it made the anger pulsate back in my veins. Why was she making me feel like this? Guilt and rage mixed in a bad cocktail pounded through my body on the way back to the motel, which we drove in silence. 

 

When we got back Val hurried to the bathroom, she had looked out the window for the entire ride. I was pretty sure she needed stitches, so I grabbed the medical bag after I had taken off my boots and jacket, and walked towards the bathroom to give it to her. Hoping it would lighten the resentment against me a little. She almost walked right into me when I reached the doorway. Her angry eyes hit mine like a whiplash before she ripped it out of my hands, and walked back in front of the mirror and started to clean the wound. 

The guilt of being such an asshole to her earlier blossomed up again, but she couldn’t stitch up herself, though it looked like she was determined to do so. I clenched my jaw, I would rather leave her alone than face her, but I had to help her with the stitches to get it done properly. When she started to fill the syringe with anesthetic, I couldn’t postpone it any longer. I walked up behind her and looked at her face in the mirror. Maybe her eyes wouldn’t feel so harsh to look into if it was just the reflection of them. “Let me do it.”

“I can do it myself.” Her voice was almost childish. She continued with the syringe and injected the anesthetic, I saw her face flinch in discomfort. 

Why was she being like this? She knew the stitches would be shit if she did it herself at that angle. “Let. Me. Do. It.” My patience with her stubbornness was running out. Just let me do it for God’s sake. 

She put her hands on the sink and looked at me with defiant eyes. “No!” 

My anger resurfaced, she was so provoking, “Goddammit, Valery!” It was more like a prayer because I felt the need to slap her, put her in her place. Make her stop being so stubborn and illogical and let me help her. I tried taking a breath to calm down. Make the urge disappear, but almost the opposite happened when she turned her head to look at me. Before I could stop myself, I grabbed the medical bag in one hand, her by the arm with the other, and dragged her into the room where I planted her on a chair. I couldn’t talk sense into her, so I had to do it for her own sake. I pulled another chair in front of her as I started to examine the wound. I felt protective of her, she was hurt. It wasn’t bad, but she definitely needed some stitches. She flinched when I touched it, so I decided to clean it a little more, waiting for the anesthetic to work. 

When I noticed she didn’t make faces anymore, I found a needle and some thread. I didn’t dare to look her in the eyes. Just the thought of the resentment in them was enough to make the guilt pound more pronounced in me.

She started tapping her right leg as always when she was sitting down. In the beginning, I found it annoying until she told me she had a knee injury and that it would hurt if she kept it motionless for longer periods of time. 

“Jake, you’re a fucking jackass!” She suddenly yelled at me, and I couldn’t stop my eyes from finding hers for a split second. 

Bad idea. 

“I know.” I was, and I had it coming to me, and she was right again, like last night. 

“What’s your problem? Seriously?” 

I felt an accusation in her question. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. So much had changed since yesterday, and I couldn’t begin to understand just part of it. 

What was my problem? 

Generally? I couldn’t answer that. 

Tonight? The way she was acting like a slut, and how it made him look at her like that, and touch her like that. 

I heard her sigh at me, I decided to tell only part of it. “The way he was looking at you.” The guilt made my voice low. 

“Oh yeah, since when?” She snorted at me while I finished the last stitch. 

Didn’t she understand anything? “Since yesterday.” And that was true. I was sure I wouldn’t have felt the same, she wouldn’t have made me feel that way if it wasn’t because of yesterday. I’ve seen her seduce numerous men before, and it has never bothered me, but something had just happened, changed in a split second, and everything was different now. 

I think my answer was a surprise to her, though I couldn’t figure out why she couldn’t see the difference. She looked like she was thinking really hard about my answer. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Her voice wasn’t raised at me anymore, it was a relief. 

The guilt loosened its grip on my intestines, but the problem was that there were several more demons. I put a surgical dressing over the wound, but now I had no excuse to look away from her eyes anymore, and I met them unwillingly. “I don’t know, Val.” I couldn’t even begin to explain it when I didn’t fully understand it myself. 

“This is confusing.” She said stubbornly and crossed her arms in front of her, making her look like a stubborn child, but she was right. 

“It is.” I leaned back and crossed my arms too, again she was right. It really was confusing. 

“Then what _do_ you know?” 

The demon of guilt loosened more of its grip, her voice was calm, not completely soft because the stubbornness was still to trace. 

What did I know? I closed my eyes to think. I would really like to give her an honest answer. She’s all I have, and I treated her like shit today. Because I couldn’t control my anger, and all the other emotions having a tornado party inside of me. I finally opened my eyes to answer her, though I stopped for a second. Her eyes were curious but soft. 

“I…” I trailed off, had to look away from them. And I wasn’t even sure where I was going to start. I decided to keep it as simple as possible because everything was so complicated. Neither of us needed more complicated than we had made it already. 

I started with what I already told her to buy some time. “I know I didn’t like the way he was looking at you,” I dared to meet her eyes and then continued, “I know last night was like... breathing again. I know I feel angry, all the time. And... I need you.” I paused, thinking if there was anything else I could tell her that I knew, but I couldn’t find anything simple I knew that could be explained by anything less than a novel. “I think that’s all I know right now.” It actually felt good to have told her this. I couldn’t explain why it felt good, it just did. 

“Okay.” She nodded acknowledging, but she looked a little… emotional? Or at least I couldn’t place what emotion her face was showing. She frowned, but there were something in her eyes. Acceptance? I don’t know, but I was sure it was something positive. 

Several more grips loosened inside of me. 

“Why did you grab me like that back there?” 

Her question was unexpected, and I felt the guilt reattach itself again in me. “I’m sorry,” I looked away from her. I felt so bad about what I had done. Why did I treat her like that? It happens when the rage is so boiling it feels like my actions aren’t entirely in my control. 

I saw her trying to catch my eyes. I met them but quickly regretted it. She looked so questioning at me. I couldn’t explain exactly why I had done it to her, besides that I wanted her away from him because of the way she had made him look and touch her, by acting like a slut. “I just wanted you away from him, and it couldn’t go fast enough.” I tried to look at her again. 

“You have some issues, you know.” It wasn’t an accusation, just a statement, mostly friendly it felt like. 

Oh, baby, you have no idea. I am screwed seven ways from Sunday. But she was right again. It wasn’t just a saying. Women were really right a lot of the time, or maybe it was just Val. 

“Yeah.” I agreed with her and hid my face in my palms. It was different saying it than thinking it. Making it more real, and admitting it to her was like… I don’t know. I let my hands slide down so I could look at her. I just hoped I wouldn’t burden her with it. 

“Thanks, by the way.” She nodded at her wound. 

Now where all the negative things had left her eyes, I kept staring into them. I didn’t want to look away from them, it was kind of comforting. “You’re welcome.” I was almost lost in the green depths of her eyes when she broke our eye contact and got up to clean up the medical stuff. The image of the deep greens kept lingering before my inner eye. 

I needed her. 

When I found my function to move again, I got up and walked towards her. She was hanging her jacket on its rightful place before she turned around. I might have startled her slightly because she froze for a second. I laid my hand on her cheek, not in comfort, more like ‘sorry I’m such a jackass.’ She backed one step and leaned against the door, and I followed her. I could really use her right now, make the last of the guilt dissolve. Gently I let my hand trace down from her cheek to the bite marks on her neck, just touched them lightly. 

“Jake…” She whispered, almost in a plea. 

“Val,” I returned, I needed her, not just physically. Our lips were close, such a short distance to her soft lips. 

She closed her eyes. “No.” She whispered softly, but there was no doubt she meant it. 

I kissed her anyway. I just needed a shadow of the breathing again. Of course, I would listen to her, but I couldn’t resist her when she was so close, I had to feel her lips on mine. I pushed my body against hers, but that was all. My hand was still on her neck, and I didn’t grab her. If I got myself tangled into her body, I knew I was never gonna be able to pull myself away from her and respecting her wish. 

I knew I had to stop now, but it took a couple of seconds for me to tear my lips from hers after I decided it. She still had her eyes closed when I looked down at her. I placed a last soft kiss on her lips. As a ‘sorry for kissing you when you actually said no, but it was just too tempting, and I couldn’t control myself.’ Perhaps a little contradictory, now that I thought about it. But she was so amazing. “Okay,” I whispered, letting her know I had actually acknowledged her refusal. I quickly decided to take a shower before I let my hand fall from her neck. If I stayed in the same room as her, I was gonna jump her. I had to cool down.

 

I had decided I would ask her if I could move my bed to hers so I could sleep with her again, but with permission this time. I had cooled down now, and if I couldn’t have sex with her, I just wanted her presence close to me, it was just as good. It didn’t give the same free breathing, but it was better than nothing. 

I quickly dried myself, put on a clean pair of boxers and walked out the bathroom. She was lying in bed on her back with closed eyes, but I was almost sure she wasn’t asleep yet, I walked over to my bed. “Val?” 

She immediately looked up at me. Suddenly the question got stuck in my throat. What if she said no? “Do you mind?” And a gesture that was supposed to mean ‘can I, please move my bed to yours so we can sleep together’ was all I could manage. 

She looked thoughtful, I hoped she understood what I meant. 

A couple of seconds passed, and I told myself she didn’t catch what I was trying to ask, while I was on my way under the covers. It was easier to cope with than a no.

“Okay.” She said. 

A weight dropped from my chest. But she sounded a little uncertain. I looked at her for a second, was she sure about this? I wouldn’t have her feel like she was forced to it. I hope I hadn’t looked too disappointed, and she just did it because she felt bad for me. But then she nodded more securely at me. 

Internally I breathed a little sigh of relief before I shoved the bedside table aside and pushed my bed towards hers. After turning off the lights I laid down in the middle of my own bed, facing her and closed my eyes. I could always sneak a hand around her when she was asleep, I just didn’t want to touch her too much now. She had said no and I kissed her anyway. It was only fair I gave her some room, while she was awake anyway. I felt her move around beside me and she unexpectedly lifted my arm, I opened my eyes to look at her. What is she doing? 

She smiled at me and tucked herself against my chest, I felt a warmth slither down my spine, and I put my arm around her. She was so wonderful, how could she know that this was what I needed? I gave her a squeeze of thankfulness, just enjoying the moment and the fact that she had come to me, and buried my nose in her hair.


	5. Chapter 5

I opened my eyes. Today I wasn’t feeling as hot as yesterday morning, but hotter than I would have on my own. I laid on my back, probably because of my shoulder where I felt the blood pounding underneath the stitches. My neck too felt throbbing and sensitive. I turned my head to the right. Jake was lying on his stomach with his head turned towards me. His arm was kind of casually slung over my stomach. He was still asleep as it was only nine in the morning. 

I didn’t think there was any more to stick around for, so we had to get ready and find out where to go next. After a few moments of hesitation, I poked him lightly on the shoulder, I wasn’t as shocked and uncomfortable to find him right next to me this time. “Jake?” I whispered. He began to move around, took a deep breath. I poked him again. 

“Mh?” His eyes opened slowly, squinting a little. 

“We should get up.” 

“What time is it?” He took his arm away from my stomach and began to stretch.

“It’s already 9.” He nodded, still stretching. Now where he had released me, I fled to the bathroom to do my morning routine and get my birth control. It was more important now than ever. I grabbed a couple of painkillers and a new dressing from our medical bag on my way. My hair was one big mess because I hadn’t combed it after my nap and had had it in a bun all night. I removed the old dressing from my shoulder to examine the wound. It looked okay, it wasn’t inflamed or anything, but I still flinched when I lightly touched it around the edges. I started to brush my teeth and get ready before I redressed my shoulder, it needed some air before it got packed away again. I also took a look at my neck, both sides had gotten a more significant purple and almost black color some places. You could still make out the teeth marks if you looked closely.

When I returned to the room, Jake was getting dressed. His eyes were again mostly dark, anger started to shine through his sharp features. It looked like I could welcome Angry Jake again. I caught a glimpse of his abs before his black t-shirt covered them. The ticklish feeling in my lower abdomen surprised me, and I had to look away because I was starting to feel my face blush. 

Stupid. I had seen him half naked so many times before. We change our clothes in front of each other all the time. 

Stupid! 

To hide my face, I dug down in my backpack and found some clean clothes and started to change. When I was done, I sat down with the laptop in front of me and started checking the news. My right leg unconsciously bounced. Jake was out to get some milk for our breakfast, we had used the last yesterday. My eyes scanned the pages, and I found nothing interesting. I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples firmly, the painkillers hadn’t kicked properly in yet. We really didn’t have any leads on the next job, so we were looking forward to some aimlessly driving around until we found a lead. Sometimes this job was boring. It could take a couple of days to several weeks, if we were really unlucky, to get a new lead on a vamp. You didn’t just stumble across them every other day. It had taken one and a half week from the last vamp we killed to get some leads and find and kill the one we got yesterday. And we had been lucky, it was the exception from the rule, that we had found him in strike one that night. 

The sound of the door opening interrupted my thoughts, Jake walked in and sat down at the table across from me with a carton of milk and a brown paper bag in his hand. He placed the milk on the table between us. I had already found the muesli, bowls, and spoons for us.

“Catch.” He ordered just before he threw the paper bag at me. 

I almost dropped it. “What’s this?” I felt the bag with my fingers, it felt soft. 

“I promised to buy you a new one.” He said flatly, as he shrugged, and started to pour the muesli.

When I opened the bag, I saw something black and lace like. Lace like? I wasn’t the ‘lace-like’ type of gal. I was more to plain, boring, one-colored bras. My hand dug into the bag and pulled its contents out. I was glad I hadn’t started eating yet. Otherwise, I would have choked on it. It felt really soft, like satin and was decorated with lace around the edges. It had a small black satin bow in the middle between the cups. My jaw dropped when I saw the panties to go with it. Black lace. It was made from _only_ black lace, making it half-transparent _everywhere_. Also with a bow on the front too. 

Oh. My. God.

“Have you met me?” I exclaimed biting sarcastic. What was he thinking? I stared accusingly at him, while I held it up in front of me. 

He didn’t seem to be affected by my tone, his harsh eyes just looked indifferent back at me. “I just thought it would look nice on you.” He replied with a shrug before he looked down and took another spoonful of his breakfast. His answer surprised me. I mean, lace underwear? Jesus Christ. ‘Would look nice on me’? I couldn’t get over the fact that he had bought me a sexy set of underwear. I had never worn stuff like that. Baffled by his gesture, or whatever you wanted to call it, I just stuffed all the lace and satin back in the paper bag, put it on the table and dragged the bowl in front of me where I started to pour the muesli and milk. I was speechless. 

 

We finished eating and started packing all our stuff. The underwear Jake bought me was still packed away in the brown paper bag, safely placed at the bottom of my backpack. I needed to _not_ see it until my mind had gotten used to it. I still didn’t know what to think of it. It was a gift in some sort of way, even though he had promised to buy me a new bra, but this bra and panties were like a Mercedes to my old bra, which you could compare to a rusty old Fiat. It had been red, plain, maybe boring if you want, and had a few tears and stains that couldn’t wash off. I only had one bra, you had to travel lightly when you were a hunter. We had only room for so much in the car, and we needed room for weapons, props, medical things and all our other crap. Plus the laptop. 

So each of us lived in a medium sized backpack. Around three-four sets of clothing and only the most necessary things for personal hygiene. I also had a picture of my mom and me. To remind me why I did this, when stuff got hard or meaningless. I had to find that bitch that did this, Sinanima. Bill had known most about her, I suspected him for knowing more than he was telling us, but I couldn’t be sure. 

Jake threw the rest of our stuff in the trunk of the car, I was already in the passenger’s seat. We had checked out, it was almost noon. He got in, in the driver’s seat and turned to look at me. “Where should we go?” He tried to sound neutral, but he didn’t really pull it off. Angry Jake was back, but for the first time, it seemed like he tried to fight it. 

“I was thinking Montana maybe?” It was a little over half a day’s drive. Giving us time to think about our next step. It was a long time since we had been in that area. We had been on the east coast for a while, traveled west for some time, we could just as well keep on going in that direction. 

“Montana, here we come.” His voice didn’t match the enthusiasm the words required. 

I turned the radio on, and some rock song filled the car as I leaned back and prepared myself mentally for the long drive. Normally we would just drive in silence, or at least in this new normal after that night five weeks ago. Before that, Jake used to talk nonstop about everything and nothing. Made us play silly games or sing out loud. Sometimes we had to tell him to shut up or go to sleep so our ears could rest. I missed that cheerful and carefree Jake. Today I didn’t know what to expect, and that called for mental preparation too. 

 

After around an hour and a half of driving, it hit me that I actually hadn’t thanked him for the new underwear. I had been too perplexed to even think about it when I had seen the Mercedes quality and... Dirtiness of it. When I swallowed, it sounded too loud. How should I approach this? Just say ‘thank you’ or what? How should I break the heavy silence? I thought about it for a few minutes.

“Jake?” I asked a little later, to get a hint of his mood. 

“Yeah?” He replied brusquely. 

I took a deep breath, weighted my words very carefully, maybe this would lighten his mood. “The underwear you bought me, it was really nice. Thank you.” My voice was cool and level, but I held my breath after I had spoken the words. 

“I’m glad you like it.” 

I couldn’t really interpret his tone of voice, but it wasn’t completely harsh, so I exhaled. He didn’t say more than that, and I dared to take a look at him. His right hand was on the wheel, I could see the end of his rope tattoo on his wrist, his left elbow rested against the window, his index finger on his temple and thumb under his jaw. His eyebrows were pulled down, making it look like he was concentrating, it left his eyes in the shadow. It made him look angry too. I looked at his sharp, straight nose and my eyes involuntarily fell to his full lips. The ticklish feeling in my lower abdomen returned, and I had to look away from him. I touched my lips with the tips of my fingers. It was like they were burning when they remembered his pressed against them, I took a trembling breath. I cleared my throat and moved around in the seat and finally looked out the window. 

“You okay?” He mumbled. I took a quick glance at him. He had moved his head in my direction and lifted one eyebrow. 

I cleared my throat again. “Um, yeah. I... I just needed to sit a little more comfortable.” 

His eyes flickered from the road to me and back again a couple of times. His eyebrow still lifted, he didn’t buy it. His eyes sent a shiver down my spine, I could almost feel the electricity his touch had caused. 

Crap. What was wrong with me? The thoughts just invaded my mind. My treacherous body reacted on the intruding memories. I rolled down the window to get some fresh air and closed my eyes and let the breeze cool my burning cheeks. I fought to keep the invading thoughts and memories out of my mind, tried to concentrate on the wind on my face. How it tickled me and played with my hair. 

Nope. It didn’t help, at all. My mind was suffocating me with my own thoughts and memories. It was way too intense. I had to get out of here. I looked around, hoping to find some sort of lifebelt that could save me, and my eyes landed at the fuel gauge, under a quarter tank. “Should we stop to get some gas?” I hoped my escape line would work. 

“Are you okay?” He inquired, I think he heard the slightly desperate tone in my voice. His tone was more demanding this time, he could sense something was up with me.

“Yes.” It sounded way too uncertain and his gaze at me made me change my answer. “No, not really.” What was wrong with me? I laid my left hand on my forehead, mostly to hide my face from him. He didn’t say any more after that.

 

Fifteen minutes later, the old Chevy rolled in at the gas station. As soon as the bottle green car stopped, I jumped out and walked as fast as I could towards the toilets without running. It was just around the corner. I locked the door, and I splashed some water on my face. It felt good. It was so annoying with all these thoughts washing over me like a tidal wave. What was wrong with me? God, it felt like I had asked myself that question a hundred times now. I had to shake this off, instantly. We still had a long drive in front of us in that small car, where we were too close to each other. I looked in the mirror, my face was still blushed, and my pupils in the emerald green eyes were dilated. I rested my hands on the sink and took some deep breaths. After a few minutes, it wasn’t any better, and I realized it wouldn’t get any better than this, no matter how long I waited. I just had to get out there. 

Maybe a coffee would be good? Yeah, definitely. 

Jake was sitting in the car running on idle, waiting for me. He lifted his eyebrow again when he saw me, he got a twitch around his mouth I couldn’t recognize. I mimed ‘coffee’ to him before I turned around and walked into the shop. 

It didn’t take long, and I was on my way to the car sooner than good was. I didn’t look at Jake when I got in, I let my hair fall down as a curtain between us instead. He steered the car back out on the road. I took a sip of my coffee. Too soon, I burned my tongue, of course. I sighed frustrated.

“Valery?” 

Oh, crap. “Yeah?” My voice wasn’t as strong as I wanted it to be. What now? I almost winced, just with the thought of his stare. I hadn’t met his eyes, but I felt them on me. 

“What’s wrong with you?” He was angry with me, I could hear it, even though his tone was calm, but demanding. 

It didn’t exactly invite to a candid, heartfelt conversation, but I knew he wouldn’t accept it if I said, that nothing was wrong. “I don't know actually... I-It’s hard to explain.” That was the best I could come up with. I still felt his eyes on me, even though I knew he was looking more at the road than at me. 

He sighed, it sounded resigned, or maybe I was mistaken, maybe a sigh of relief? Because I confided to him? 

“Does it have something to do with me?” 

I felt my heart jump in my chest and my mouth went dry. His voice was harsh, but there was something more underneath, I didn’t know what it was. “Um. Yeah, kinda.” I admitted and heard him swallow loudly. “How did you know?” I blurted out before he could say anything. My eyes found his face for the first time since the gas station. 

His left hand rubbed his forehead and temple, and he moved around in his seat. “Because this strange behavior of yours didn’t start until after…” He trailed off. 

I was unsure if he would have said ‘until after the other night,’ or ‘until after I fucked you.’ I didn’t know where this was going, but I felt more and more uncomfortable. This was very strange and very new to me. I missed the old times. The old times where things were easy and uncomplicated. 

“I feel it too, I think.” His tone was lighter, but he sounded like he was confused. 

“Feel what?” I whispered. I felt like he was reading my mind. It frightened me. Not him, but this situation and his words. His words surprised me too, I couldn’t help but exhale with relief. I wasn’t the only one almost going crazy here. There really was something, and it wasn’t just in my head. 

“The um, intensity.” He didn’t look at me, just stared straight ahead on the road. But he lifted his eyebrows when he said ‘intensity.’ 

My relief grew. He really felt it too. I wasn’t imagining things. “It’s not just in my head then,” I stated calmly. I actually felt calmer now. My mouth was still dry, so I took a sip of my coffee. It was more bearable to drink now. 

“It’s definitely not just in your head.” 

I thought I saw a tiny smile in the corner of my eye, but when I looked at him it was gone, but his eyes were more hazel. His eyebrows didn’t hide them in the shadows anymore. 

After that, neither of us said anything for a long time. We just let each other be with our own thoughts. I repeated our exchange of sentences again, and again in my head. It was nice to know it wasn’t just in my head. It made me relax, even though the intensity was still there, but it was somehow more tolerable now. I didn’t think it was smaller, it was more like I had grown and could bear it better now where I wasn’t freaking out. 

 

The darkness slowly gained more power over the light that in the end had to retreat. We had reached Montana. 

“How does that look?” Jake interrupted my thoughts after what felt like hours, we had continued driving into Montana after crossing the state line. He pointed his head towards a cheap but cozy looking motel. 

I had to rub my eyes after I have had them closed for a while. I hadn’t slept, just tried to relax. “It looks fine to me.” I yawned and stretched. 

We drove into the parking lot and headed for the reception. “A room for two, please,” Jake said to the receptionist, a chubby lady dressed in a too flowery yellow dress, and with curly blond hair that needed a coloring very badly. She was chewing gum. 

“A king or two queens?” She asked and eyed him very closely. 

“A king size, please.” He replied with a strained smile towards her. You could easily see the disappointment on her face, and she scowled at me. 

I felt a little weird. A king sized bed? Did that mean we just slept together from now on or what? And why hadn’t he asked me before he just took a decision? Maybe he knew I wouldn’t pick a fight here in front of her, but should I just be okay with this? In every previous place, he had just asked for two queens and introduced me as his sister if anyone had asked. Now he made it sound like we were a couple. 

Were we a couple? Nah, not really. We were partners, hunting partners. That have had sex. Hot, rough sex. I rolled my eyes at myself. I couldn’t help but get annoyed at him. 

We got the keys and found our room after grabbing all our stuff from the car. Our room was small but cozy. Just like I had expected from the appearance of the motel. The carpeting was a dark gray. Most of the furniture were made of wood in different light nuances that had gone out of fashion a long time ago. 

My eyes couldn’t let go of the king sized bed. It was like it screamed at me. My annoyance towards Jake grew. I walked over to the left side of the bed, claimed it by putting my backpack down, tossed my jacket and scarf on it too. I then found some painkillers in the medical bag. I could really feel the wound on my shoulder right now. “I’m gonna take a shower,” I stated while I had my head down in my backpack, looking for some clean clothes. 

“Okay.” He said in a flat voice. Angry Jake had resurfaced after the long silence in the car. Maybe he felt my annoyance towards him, but I wasn’t sure. A lot of things were uncertain with Jake lately. At least before we had sex there was only Angry Jake, now there were different shades and nuances, I couldn’t figure out his mood. In my backpack, I came across the brown paper bag with the new underwear Jake had giving me. The only thought I allowed in my head was that at least it would be nice to have a bra on again. I grabbed the clean top I had found along with the brown paper bag, walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. It was medium sized and had separated shower and bathtub. It was an unfashionable color. Orange. 

After I had taken off all my clothes and turned the water on, I stopped to remove the dressing from my shoulder and took a look at it. It was red, but healing properly. I moved on to my bite marks. They were beginning to be green- and yellowish at the edges and now had a significant purple lining where his teeth had bitten. They weren’t really swollen anymore and only hurt if I poked on them. I looked down at my wrists. The light red lines were actually already gone. Good! 

I turned around and got in the shower. Aaah. The hot water was amazing, though it stung on my shoulder at first, but only for a couple of minutes. I leaned my head back and let the hot water moist my red hair all the way from the roots, down to the tips in the middle of my back. I let the soap foam on my body when I rubbed it all over me. It smelled like lavender and left my skin clean and soft. After I had washed my hair with both shampoo and conditioner, I just stood still for five minutes and relaxed under the running water. I felt it soften my muscles where they had been tense. 

I finally dragged myself out from the relaxing shower. The towels were orange too, just as the walls in here. When I had finished up drying my body, I took the brown paper bag and pulled the black lace underwear out to take a closer look. Now where I wasn’t perplexed by the dirtiness of it, I was amazed at how soft it was. I slid on the panties, they fitted perfectly around my slender but curvy shape. I wasn’t model skinny with my 143 lbs. spread on my 5’ 9” height. When I played volleyball I had been pretty athletic, but to be honest after I found Bill and Jake I had been a little laid back and gained a couple of pounds over the years. 

It was like the panties were made for me. Though they still showed too much skin through the lace. I must admit they didn’t hide much and I immediately felt self-conscious. I took the bra around my stomach, hooked it and slipped it into place. I felt my breasts through the satin, it was so soft. I took a look in the mirror. Wow! They… popped! The bra almost caressed my small C cup and made it look like a million. They got a nice round shape, really made some contours. It kind of made my plain black tribal dragon on my left chest come to life. It was about the size of a palm. 

I took a step back to look at the whole set on my body in the mirror. I looked… really sexy. Almost like a Victoria’s Secret model or something like that. I frowned, I wasn’t used to feeling this sexy, though I was pretty comfortable with my body. I was quite impressed that Jake had managed to get the size right. Sure, he has had six years to look at it, but only a very short time to really _look_ at it and feel it. 

I found my top and put it on. Feeling a little less self-conscious as soon as it covered my body, though it didn’t cover my ass completely, you could still see a piece of the lace panties at the bottom. I released my still damp hair from the towel and hung them both out to dry before I walked into the room. 

Jake was sitting on the bed, reading in his folklore book. My motion caught his eyes shortly, and they flickered down to the book again, but suddenly he looked back up with an expression that said ‘what did I just see?’ His hazel eyes swiped down my body and locked at the lace that was visible under my top. I felt my cheeks blush. 

I had only taken a couple of steps into the room, when he threw his book aside, stood up and walked towards me. His eyes tried to find mine, but my eyes dropped to the floor, too embarrassed to meet them. He took my hand and dragged me with him when he backed up to the bed. As he sat down, he lifted me up by my waist to sit on his lap. His hands stayed on my waist, and I let mine rest on his shoulders. 

“Let’s see how this looks on you.” He murmured. His hands started to trace down to my thighs, and when they went up again, he sneaked them under my top. 

I felt the electricity tickling under my skin where his warm hands touched me. My self-consciousness and all my embarrassment vanished, his touch and the electricity pushed it away. He began exploring my body with his hands. Let them run in circles around my hips and waist, my lower back and down to my ass to feel the smooth fabric between us. I inhaled sharply when he grabbed my ass with a firm grip. 

I finally raised my eyes to look at him, his hazel eyes were dark, full of lust and desire. His hands went higher, they stroked my back, up and down so he slowly approached the edge of my bra. The more he touched me, the harder my nails dug into his shoulders. His eyes held mine captive, I bit my lip, but small sighs of pleasure started to escape me. 

His hands continued their path up to my shoulder blades, down again, around to my stomach and finally up to my breasts. I closed my eyes, leaned my head back and gasped when he started to massage them with his hands, grabbing them harder for every complete circle. I couldn’t help my hips from rubbing slowly against his crotch. 

His hands left my breasts craving for more, grabbed the edge of my top and pulled it the rest of the way over my head, breaking our stare. In his exploration of my body, he had slowly pushed it up. 

“This looks so much better on you than I had imagined.” He uttered in awe. I felt his eyes devour every inch of my body. His hands were again on my back, pressing my body closer to his, allowing him to start exploring it with his mouth. I felt him grow harder between my legs. His tongue traced the edge of my bra, teasing me. His teeth finally grabbed the edge, pulled the lace down, and his mouth found my nipple. I moaned as my hands started to explore his body as well, they felt his strong back, his muscular shoulders, his biceps, and ended in his short hair. My hips still moved, and my panties were rapidly getting wet. 

He unhooked my bra, and I let it slide down my arms and to the floor before his mouth found my other nipple, I threw my head back when he bit it. The feeling made me forget everything apart from his touch. I wanted to feel his skin against mine, so I pulled the t-shirt over his head, making his lips loose contact with my boiling skin, laid both my hands on his warm chest and slowly pushed him back down on the bed. I leaned forward with him, never more than a foot between our lips. His left hand grabbed my hair and pushed my lips against his when his back was straight against the mattress, it hurt in a different way because my hair was still damp. My hands ran from his chest, past the silver chain, and up to his neck. He kissed me with such a raw intensity it made me dizzy. When the first moan left me, his tongue instantly found mine. His right hand grabbed my ass, and he started to really rub against me, my moans grew louder, but he quickly silenced me with his insisting tongue. 

My hands had moved down his body and now tried to unbuckle his belt, but I didn’t have much luck because of the fact that he was pressing me down against him. He felt my struggle and threw me aside, making me land on my back on the bed. In a heartbeat, he got up, took his jeans and boxers off before he ripped off my panties, and laid down on top of me where he started kissing my neck up to my ear. My hands by reflex found his muscular naked back. 

His right hand on my cheek, the left grabbed my ass as he rubbed against me. “I want you, Val.” He moaned into my ear, while he nipped at my earlobe. His teeth were clinging against my earrings. 

It felt like he was asking permission. Maybe because I said no last time. “Take me,” I whispered instantly, the electricity in my body was too extreme, I couldn’t take it much longer, especially not after what happened in the car today. I wrapped my legs around his waist, waiting for him. 

His hand on my cheek moved to the back of my neck where he buried his hand in my hair. He looked down at me, his eyes were pure lust, and they were so vigorous. He pushed a grunt out through his clenched teeth when he smacked hard into me, the pleasure filled my body, he filled me and made me cry out loud. 

The force of his thrusting rhythm into me made me almost bounce horizontally up and down several inches against the sheets. His grunts infiltrated with my moans in a synchronized cadence matching his forceful tempo into me. His length penetrated me so deep it almost hurt. 

I dug my nails into his back and felt them scratch farther and farther down for each time he filled me. His forehead fell down on my chest, and he groaned in pain but kept the hard pace into me without a stop. A second later his head snapped up, and his lips savagely attacked mine. He bit my lower lip so hard that my whole body twitched underneath him and I whimpered in pain.

“Ouch!” I yelped instantly as he let go. I had tears in my eyes when I opened them and blood in my mouth, I could see he was turned on by it. 

“Oh, yes!” He growled when he let go of my lip. His dark hazel eyes burned mine, the corner of his mouth was pulled up in what looked like an exultant smile. “Shut up!” He snarled, pushed my head to the side by my jaw and eagerly kissed my neck with his tongue, his grunts got suppressed against my neck. 

A part of me didn’t like it, but it got pushed away by his whole, hard length filling me so deep, it made everything inside me cringe together. For every thrust inside me, my moans grew louder. 

He leveled his head and looked down at me as his hand wrapped around my throat, his breath came out in short bursts through his clenched teeth. This time, I didn’t fight against it. The intensity made my whole body too sensitive, and when he released his grip around my throat, and the rush hit me I threw my head back and cried out the euphoria in a high pitch as my legs clamped around him, and my nails dug even deeper into his back. But this time, it wasn’t intense enough to cause me to orgasm. Maybe it was a one-time thing because I got so overwhelmed the first time he did it. 

Jake’s hand muffled my cry of gratification so hard I could barely breathe as I was still gasping for air. I shook my head to get rid of his hand, but he just clutched harder onto me. My right hand grabbed his wrist and tried to wrench it away from me, but I couldn’t move him. My hypersensitivity, his touch and continuously thrusting inside me made it all too intensive. I tried to move farther up the bed to escape it, while the fingers of my left hand fought to pry his away from my mouth. But he held onto me so tightly. My resistance seemed to be the last thing to push him over the edge, he finally removed his hand from my lips and grabbed the sheets. And I took a welcoming breath of free air. 

His hand holding my hair pulled so hard at it, when he came inside me, that my back was arched like a bow from the mattress. He pressed his forehead against my raised chest and let my skin muffle his satiated outburst that was drawn out in two final thrusts to empty himself. When he was finally silent, only his breath panting on my skin, his lips started to kiss down between my breasts, further down my stomach, and I shivered. 

He slowly let go of my hair, so my back could return to a more comfortable position, and he pulled himself out of me. When my back was straight and on the mattress, he looked down at me and kissed me. 

I gasped in anguish, my lower lip hurt so badly. “Ouch!” I took a sharp breath of pain when he broke off his kiss to look down at my mouth. 

“You should get some ice on that.” He said it in a caring voice, his fingers laid under my chin, his thumb stroking beneath my lower lip. 

I felt the part that didn’t like it resurface. Why should he be this level of rough with me? “Why did you bite me so hard?” I let my tongue run over my lip, still tracing the taste of blood. I was a little concerned. 

“You should be the one to talk, little kitty cat.” He chuckled with a wry smile on his face and flashed his eyebrows. 

“Kitty cat?” I felt the puzzled look dawn on my face. 

“Your nails, clawing in my back?” A full smile spread across his face now, it even reached his eyes.

Had I really scratched him that hard? It didn’t feel like it was harder than just to have left some red lines. “Really?” I felt my face form into a guilty look. Both because I had harmed him, but also because I had doubted his intention when he had bitten my lip. He probably only bit it because my nails were, as he said so himself, clawing in his back. He had tried to endure the pain and then bit my lip too hard to let some steam out. It was an accident. 

He kissed me on the cheek before he got up to find me an icepack. When he turned his back towards me I could see the harm my nails had done, I was astounded. I had ripped a jagged line down the outer layer of the skin on his shoulder blades, no wonder he had bit me so hard to overcome it. The claw marks were about four-five inches long, and I felt guiltier. Though it was on top of his dragon tattoo, it wasn’t deep enough to damage it in any way. 

I let my tongue feel the damage on my lip, I could already feel it had swollen to at least double its size and was still bleeding a bit. He returned shortly after and laid down next to me on his stomach. In his hand, he had an instant cold pack he squeezed and shook it before he slowly and very gently put it on my lip. 

“Ow, ow, ow!” The pain intensified for a couple of seconds before it started to relieve. He grabbed my hand and replaced it with his on the icepack. I closed my eyes and let out a tired sigh. Who could imagine sex would be so draining on the body. I was almost positive it had something to do with the intensity and the electricity that filled my body like it had never done before. Not before Jake. 

I could see the sex had drained all the energy out of him too. He was resting his head on his arms in front of him and looked at me. 

“Don’t you want some ice on your back too?” 

“What did you say?” He couldn’t help but smile over my lack of grace, my question was muffled beyond recognition because of the ice pack. I removed it and repeated my question. 

“Naah, I’ll survive. But it’s gonna hurt like a bitch when I take a shower tomorrow.” 

I felt wimpy, and I wasn’t used to it. A layer of guilt clouded my mind. He didn’t complain about it, while I twitched and whimpered. And worst of all, I doubted him. I didn’t know if he saw it on my face, but he sat up against the head of the bed, pulled me into his embrace, and tucked us both in under the covers before he turned on the TV.

 

For several hours, we just sat there and saw one lame movie after the other in silence, but it was a comfortable silence. It wasn’t heavy like in the car. We had both let out some steam now, and it was tolerable. 

At some point, Jake found his sketchbook and started drawing, or doodling as he preferred to call it. At first, I couldn’t determine what it was supposed to be. He made a lot of circles and lines connecting them, then used them as guidelines. In the beginning, I watched the TV more than his fingers leading the pencil, but as time passed, I was spellbound as always when I got to watch. He used a couple of different pencils throughout the process. I could see their lines on the paper were different, but I had no clue how to use them and what a specific type of pencil was best for. Sometimes his middle finger would stroke, or run in circles to blend and smudge the lines together, giving especially the shadows a smooth fading effect. My eyes watched as two tigers in battle came to life on the paper. He mostly drew animals, he said he couldn’t draw people. 

The first day at a new place, we used to relax if we didn’t have a solid lead. We would pick up the work again tomorrow. 

I slowly felt my eyes getting heavier for every blink until the sleep overpowered me.


	6. His side of things

If I took the car and drove to that mall instead of walking to that little convenient store for milk, she would never notice. It was at least a ten-minute walk each way. I shrugged and got in the car. It was only a couple of minutes’ drive. 

Almost immediately, I located a store with women’s clothing and headed for the underwear section. I actually felt a little bad about waiting two days with buying it when I had promised it. Another demon of guilt taking its place alongside the countless of others, but this had an easy solution. A quick fix, so I wanted it done as soon as possible. I don’t need any more lines or clumps of demons crushing, clawing my insides. 

I looked for one alike the one I tore apart, but my eyes quickly fell on a completely different set. Well, I hoped to see Val’s underwear more often now than before, so why shouldn’t I have something nice to rip off her, um– look at, besides her? 

It was like decorating the tastiest dessert. The dessert would always be amazing by itself but put some whipped cream, and a strawberry on top and nothing could be compared to it. That was what this set would do to her. Make her look fabulous. I couldn’t wait to see it on her. I tried to imagine how it would look on her, but I couldn’t really see it. Maybe I had a bad imagination, or because I had never seen her in anything like this. I wondered what she would say and scoffed, I actually didn’t care this time. If I wanted her to wear this, she was going to wear it. Just had to throw out the receipt. If she couldn’t return it, she would never just throw it out, basically forcing her to wear it. 

I actually got a kick out of that thought. What was wrong with me? I have never had it like that before. The need to control another person. Or being this kind of rough, but somehow I needed it now. 

Neither of us either liked or could afford consumerism, so if I threw the receipt out, she just had to deal with it. I felt on the satin and lace, it was so unbelievably soft. It would match her skin perfectly. I looked at the size. She was a C cup. But I measured it in my hand when no one was looking just to be sure. I looked at the panties. Oh, see-through lace, awesome. I held the sizes up one by one until I found a size 8, and I was sure it was the right size. 

I looked at the clock. Maybe I should get going. I quickly paid for the underwear set, found some milk, and returned to the car. 

The closer I got to the motel, the more I was sure Val was gonna be pissed at me, but this time, I didn’t care at all as it wasn’t directly something with me or my behavior, so she could be as pissed as she wanted about this. Technically, she would be pissed at the underwear and not me. Or that’s just what I imagined, or is it denial? I don’t know the difference anymore. But this was so small compared to all the other shit, so it didn’t really count. Especially not now where the small demon that had threatened with naming itself ‘breaking your promise to Val’ had disappeared.


	7. Chapter 7

The first thing I noticed was the pain. Uncomfortable, continuously pounding-under-my-skin pain. My lower lip hurt badly, so did my shoulder after last night’s unfolding activities. I could feel I had been more flexible than the stitched had allowed, I just hadn’t felt the discomfort. Maybe because of the satisfaction I had felt, or maybe it had been overshadowed by another pain. 

Again, I was awake before Jake. I was actually relieved, I still had to take in the situation and the fact that we had slept in the same bed. This was again different from the other nights. This was a king sized bed after all. A lot of different in the last three days, I seriously had to get a little normal– I stopped myself when I thought back on the new normal situation. 

I laid my eyes on him, he looked so peaceful when he was asleep. I hadn’t noticed that before. The constant worrying line between his eyebrows was gone. 

I got up, found some painkillers, and found my underwear on the floor where it had been tossed away from us last night. 

A gasp escaped my lips when I looked in the mirror in the bathroom. My lower lip was twice as big as my upper lip, and at the left side, a bluish bruise had appeared. Crap! I looked like someone who had been in a bar fight or something like that. Instantly I felt an annoyance towards Jake coming to life in me, but quickly remembered what marks I had left on him in return. Or he was actually the one who had returned the favor. 

My neck looked better for each day that passed. The bruises grew smaller, and the fiery purple color was beginning to subside. The wound on my shoulder had bled, so I cleaned it and finished the rest of my morning routines and went back to get dressed. 

 

“Morning.” Jake sneered huskily when he woke up a while later. 

Okay, someone was grumpy this morning. “Morning, sunshine.” You could hear the sarcasm dripping from my lips with every word. 

He scowled at me, his eyes were again filled with darkness. When he had left for the bathroom, I shook my head at him and took a sip of my coffee. About ten minutes’ walk from here I had already found a decent store and bought breakfast. 

In the last three days, I had gotten more used to his rollercoaster mood swings, but not completely. I had learned to expect the unexpected. I shouldn’t let him affect me, even though it was difficult sometimes. It sometimes felt like his eyes could crush and burn me with one single glance and choke me with his charisma like he had in the car. 

I had the laptop in front of me, we needed to find a place to start. The best approach was to find the shadiest looking place and take it from there while still keeping an eye on the news to find something suspicious. I wrote down five places that seemed to be the best to start with, the only downside was that they didn’t open until later. We still had a few hours to kill before we could actually go out and do something productive. 

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. It felt like I had only slept two hours, even though I knew I had slept more than that. Maybe it was my physical tiredness that affected my mental capability. It might be the fact that Angry Jake was back again, and he was for sure mentally draining, it was like walking on eggshells all the time. 

I hoped we would soon get a lead on a new vampire so it could take my mind off things for a little while. Which reminded me of the locked folder on the laptop. I wasn’t a hacker per se, but I had picked up a few things from stealing various laptops before I met Bill and Jake. Afterward, I had learned how to stitch and handle a gun and stuff like that. 

While I was working on the locked file, Jake returned to the room, got dressed and sat across the table to get some breakfast. He didn’t look at me at all. 

I think I pissed him off with my sarcastic morning greeting. “I found some places.” I shoved the paper where I had wrote the good places to start across the table to him. He picked up the note and glanced at it. A nod before he put it back down told me he was satisfied with my work and that we just needed to wait. The wait was sometimes the worst, what should you kill time with? Books and movies could get kind of boring and monotonous in the long run. Again, I missed the old Jake. He could always spice things up a bit, no matter how boring it was. But now he was completely changed, changed beyond recognition. Of course, he was grieving the loss of his dad, but some of his anger puzzled me. We knew he was killed by a vampire. With the three of us, we sometimes split up, but something had gone horribly wrong when Bill was separated from us.

 

_“I don’t like this,” Jake said singsongy and drummed on the wheel. Despite his light tone of voice, I knew he had begun to worry. Bill had left us five hours ago to search other bars with playing facilities. We had already searched our bars and found nothing. The lead we had was solid, it was only a matter of time before we found it, a female vampire without a mate._

_We were sitting in the car, waiting. “Maybe we should try calling him?” I suggested._

_“Good idea.” He found his phone. I could see he was anxious, we both held our breath while the phone dialed. The phone rang, but after a few rings, it went to voicemail. His bright hazel eyes looked uncertainly at me before he turned the keys in the ignition. We started driving to the last place we for sure knew he had been. Jake drove too fast. I checked my seatbelt just to be sure._

_“Relax Vally, I’m almost like a professional stunt driver.” He smiled and winked at me._

_“Yeah right, remember that trashcan?” I rolled my eyes at him. It had left a dent in the rear bumper, and God Bill had been pissed at him when it happened._

_“You and I both know that that trashcan jumped in front of me.” He tried very hard to sound very solemnly about it. Even though he was joking, I could still see his worry._

_“I’m sure he’s alright Jake, he can take care of himself.” I tried to calm him._

_“I sure hope so.” He sent me a smile._

_We walked into the bar and quickly realized he wasn’t there._

_“Excuse me, sir,” Jake held up his fake badge in front of the bartender, I flipped mine too. The badge looked so real only an expert could tell the difference._

_“Have you seen a man in the middle of his forties, brown hair, green eyes and is around 5’10” tall?” Jake was slightly taller than his dad and me with his 6’1”. Jake looked fittingly serious and talked with an authority that matched his badge._

_“Um, if I’m not mistaken a man fitting that description walked out of here around three hours ago.” The bartender shrugged while he was swiping the bar desk, not that it made it any less filthy._

_“Was he with someone when he left?” I asked._

_“Yeah, a um, a young girl. She looked too young to be in here, but I checked her ID.” He nodded repeatedly._

_“Do you remember the name on her ID?” The bartender looked like he was thinking hard, he started to shake his head, but then his eyes opened._

_“I-I think it was something like Mary Jansen… No, Johnson. Mary Johnson.” He was sure._

_We thanked him and started to walk away._

_“Had he done something serious?”_

_“Naah, just a little credit card fraud and possession of fake bills.” Jake casually said, and the bartender dropped his jaw. He started to scramble around in the cash register._

_I laughed loudly when we reached the car._

_“Did you see his face, Val? It was so much worth it.” He couldn’t stop laughing either. It was so typical Jake to say crap like that._

_We didn’t find anything about a ‘Mary Johnson’ in the area on the laptop when we got back to the motel. Jake continued calling him, but only got to voicemail. We were about to take off to look for him again when Jakes phone rang. It was the emergency room. They had gotten Bill in an hour ago, he had been badly hurt. They suspected a bear attack. But a bear attack sounded strange. We were almost positive he hadn’t been near any bears or woods. Injuries from a fight? Possibly, but why would the doctors then say bear attack, when they could have said fight or assault?_

_When we arrived at the hospital, we were told that Bill was in a coma._

_“Mr. Devanney?” We were sitting beside Bill’s bed and just waited for the doctor. He was finally here.  
Jake nodded and got up. _

_“William’s condition, your father’s condition, is very critical. He has a cranial fracture, his intracranial pressure is much higher than we like it to be. He has several broken bones. He had a pneumothorax, meaning a collapsed lung, but we think we have stabilized it. He also has severe internal hemorrhage, meaning bleedings on the inside, we have done everything we can for him right now, but we can’t operate anymore before his condition is more stable. If he comes out of this alive or even wakes up, we are looking at major deficits. He might not make it through the night, you need to prepare yourselves. I’m very sorry.” It sounded like the doctor had prepared for this speech, memorized his chart. It couldn’t be easy being the one bringing that kind of bad news to people about their loved ones._

_We asked a couple of questions. Mostly about how big the chances were and when we could expect him to wake up. If he did. The doctor left us after patiently answering our questions._

_Jake sat down by his dad’s bedside. I could see the shock on his face. The fact that we might lose him made the tears streak silently down my cheeks._

_“Vally, come here,” Jake said in a trembling voice, held his arm out, and I walked into his embrace. We held each other tightly for a long time. I felt a couple of tears hit the top of my head._

_Bill didn’t make it through the night. In all our hours in the room with him before he died, we had found a vampire bite just behind Bill’s right ear. But the way his body was maimed took a lot of force. A lot more than a vampire could possibly do, we saw the claw-like tears in his body. Vampires weren’t stronger than us humans, and Bill’s injuries were caused by something very strong or very angry. Maybe it was a vampire couple after all and Bill had killed its mate. A vampire wouldn’t just bite and take off like that if it had another choice, especially not bite a hunter, they wanted us hunters dead, as much as we wanted them dead. So why not finish the job and kill him instead of leaving him in this condition? And with a bite? Something was missing in that equation, but I couldn’t figure out what._

_I cried a lot that night. After Bill had been pronounced dead, the darkness took Jake. It infected him like a disease._

 

Thinking back on the old Jake always made me remember that night. The night it all changed. I wondered if he would ever be the same again one day. After I shook it off me, I could concentrate on the locked folder. I couldn’t get it to open and the more I tried, the more curious I became. What was in it? Why was it locked? What was it that we shouldn’t see?

“How’s your lip?” Jake interrupted my train of thoughts. Was it a hint guilt I traced in his voice? I couldn’t be sure. 

I let my tongue run over the stretched out skin. “I’ll live. How’s your back?” I only looked at him shortly, he was still so angry, but I dared to use the same line as he did yesterday. I still didn’t like to feel wimpy. 

Everything about him radiated with anger. His shoulders, hands, mouth, jaw, eyebrows and the eyes… A little hazel caught my eye when a hint of a smile touched his lips at my question. It felt like he was fighting the anger, but it weighed way too much for him to overcome in a couple of days. 

“I’ll live.” He repeated my words in between two spoonfuls of cereal. 

Was it _humor_ I traced in his voice? Did he know how I felt last night, and why I used his words? It felt like it. “Are you mocking me?” The accusation flew out of my mouth, and I regretted it instantly. It could be the wrong thing to say and might piss him further off. He didn’t reply, his head was bowed towards the table and his breakfast, he just raised his look and peeked at me through his eyelashes. I couldn’t figure him out, and this time, I wasn’t even going to try because my head would only hurt with all the speculations. I shut the laptop down and laid down on the bed. “Jackass,” I mumbled before I grabbed my book.

 

The next several hours went by too slowly in my opinion. I read a couple of chapters in my book, but I couldn’t really concentrate. Then I flipped through the channels on the TV, but nothing caught my attention, so I ended up watching some sort of lame soap. Jake didn’t say anything, he spent some time in front of the laptop, watched the TV from the chair, I from the bed. 

I was bored out of my mind. I just wanted the day to go as fast as possible, so we could get out and get some leads on the next hunt. 

 

Finally, we were at the first place on the list. It didn’t get any better than this, I think I even saw a guy pushing drugs outside the corner of the bar. Inside it was like a typical bar, a little too filthy, people trying to hook up, drunks, and a group playing for money.

“What can I get you two?” The bartender sent us a dirty look. 

“Criminal Investigator, Martha Young.” I flipped my badge. I wasn’t in the mood for games tonight, perhaps because of my lack of energy lately. Or just for the past four days, actually.  
“This is my partner Taylor Davis, investigating some organized crime in the area.” When I gestured towards Jake, he showed his badge as well. 

“What can I help with?” His tone changed immediately. 

“We were wondering if you had seen any suspicious activity lately. Other than the… usual? New persons, you haven’t seen before maybe?” I squinted a little as I looked back at him, saying I wanted a straight answer. Otherwise, I would put him in cuffs right here and now. I saw him sweating a little. Jake’s trained look was scanning the people in here, while I fired the questions. It was so routine for us that no one doubted our act for a second. 

“A lot of people come here…” 

I stopped him right there with my hand in the air. “Okay listen to me, there haven’t been any people traveling through here suddenly winning a lot from your other guests? A little more drugs than usual?” I could see he was getting more nervous. 

“Let me think…” He touched his bald head with one of his hands. His fingernails were yellow from nicotine. 

“Take your time.” I crossed my arms in front of me. I felt it pulling in my stitches, but I ignored it. 

“I don’t think there has been any unusual ‘activity’ lately, to be honest.” 

Dammit. “Okay. If you notice anything strange, please give me a call.” I wrote down my number on a piece of paper. “Thank you for your time.” 

 

The night continued while we searched all five places I had wrote down. One place a guy pointed out another guy he hadn’t seen before, but he had a shadow. We had gotten nothing in the first day. It wasn’t unusual, we just had to keep going. 

The only words Jake and me exchanged was who should take the next turn, questioning or scanning the room. We even ate at the diner in silence. 

Though I felt his charisma sneaking in on me when we were in the car I blocked it out as much as I could manage and concentrated on the job. I think my swollen lip together with my clothing helped to give a little respect. I looked like someone who had her daily walk in this environment, which wasn’t a complete lie either. 

 

It was way too late when we got back, the only comforting feeling was that I could sleep in tomorrow. I threw myself down on the bed without bothering to take off my jacket or scarf. I let my arms cover my eyes and sighed. 

“Val?” 

“Mh?” I didn’t look at him. I just wanted to lay here by myself as I was tired and really needed to relax my mind. 

“Good work tonight.” He said in a toneless voice. 

I frowned and lifted my arm so I could take a peek at him. He was undressing. Quickly I covered my eyes again, I didn’t want to get tempted or have my mind and memories suffocate me again like in the car on our way here. I didn’t know why I felt so mentally drained. Probably because of all that had happened in the last couple of days. Most of all I just wanted to go to sleep and get away. Away from Jake with all the mood swings, I couldn’t interpret anyway. 

“Do you need some help with your clothes?” Jake’s harsh voice said. I removed my arm, he was looking down at me with a dirty glint in his eyes, his arms crossed over his naked chest. 

“No!” I got up and started to undress so he wouldn’t do it for me. When I was done, he was already under the covers. I crawled under on my side with my back turned towards him, as far away as I possibly could. I wished we still had our separate beds, so there would be some space between us. A little thought popped up in my head. He was grumpy this morning, and now it was my turn. We were shifting, taking turns. Maybe his constant change in mood was contagious. He might have infected me. 

I felt him moving closer to me. I closed my eyes, sighed on the inside, but he just laid his arm around me above the blanket and said goodnight in a neutral tone. 

This was okay, he could clearly feel something was up with me, but he wanted me close to him anyway. Even if it meant that there had to be a blanket between us, separating us. My goodnight was harsher than I meant it to be, but I fell asleep before I could think too much about it.


	8. Chapter 8

This morning Jake wasn’t holding me when I woke up. He had his back turned towards me, there were only a couple of inches between us, but we didn’t touch. I laid for a couple of minutes, just thinking while I bent and stretched my right knee under the covers to get the rigidness to disappear. 

This was the worst part of being a vampire hunter. Searching for leads in all the places you could think of, just to hope you luckily encountered something unusual. It was like a needle in a haystack. I hated it, but when you first found the lead it was completely different, and that compensated a lot. There was no telling of how long it could take to find something suspicious. Why didn’t vampires had to eat more often? They would be easier to trace if they ate a lot more, but it was a horrible thought of mine. How could I wish they would eat more, kill more? Just to make my job easier? I felt a little bad about my thoughts and myself. Wasn’t three to four lives enough a year? For each vampire? It was more than enough. It was actually three to four lives too many. 

I just had to keep going. To kill as many of those bastards possible and save as many lives as I could. We couldn’t save them all. That was impossible. But I liked to think that I made the world a better place. That was why it was okay to pretend to be a Criminal Detective, or a doctor or whatever. It was all okay, because of a higher cause. We, of course, got most of our money from the vampires we killed. They had a preference for gambling and drugs, meaning they often had a lot of cash on them as well as avoiding to leave a digital trail behind with credit cards. It wasn’t unsafe for vampires to walk around with that much money, they could always just bite people if they got attacked or mugged. The venom wouldn’t change the attackers, it would just leave them incompetent for a couple of days. I didn’t really know what happened to a person infected by vampire venom as I had never seen it or tried it. They needed to have a certain amount of venom in their system to completely change, and one bite couldn’t get enough of that into a person’s body. 

Jake had tried it, but he said he didn’t remember what happened, though he had been 10 years old. I wasn’t sure I believed it but had never called him out on it or pushed for any answers. Bill said it was terrible and that there was a lot of screaming, but he didn’t really want to talk about it either. 

I found the picture of my mom and me in my backpack. We were having a birthday party for my aunt Maggie, we held each other around the shoulders and smiled. I was about 14 in that picture. My eyes studied her reddish-blonde hair, it was curlier than mine, where mine was more wave-like and not actual curls. She had the same emerald green eyes as I did. This was the reason, she was the reason. I had to find that vampire who killed her. I looked at the picture for another couple of moments. My mom had always supported me, she worked her ass off with working overtime and long hours at the diner so I could play volleyball. In return, to teach me about responsibilities and sacrifice for something you are passionate about, I had to do a lot of chores, so when she didn’t have to work, we could spend more time together to weigh up for the long work hours. It was more than other normal kids did, but after a long talk, I found it reasonable. If she had to work to pay for my hobby, I could sacrifice something for her too. We found a balance where we could spend the free time together. She helped with my homework, we saw movies, she played an acoustic guitar enchantingly. I was in charge of grocery shopping, cleaning, dinner, though if we were both home, we did the cooking and dishes together. I also walked our dog, Balder, a brown Labrador, and washed the car. I can’t remember what model it was, but it was a red sedan. I inherited it after she died, but I sold it when I met Bill and Jake. After she had died, I went to live with my aunt and her husband, Jeff. 

I put the picture back in my backpack, I needed some painkillers. If I kept up this rate, we would soon need to get some more. My lip still hurt, but the swelling had gone down a lot since yesterday. The wound on my shoulder troubled me too, but it was clearly better. In a few days, I would be able to take out the stitches.

Jake began moving next to me, I felt him turn around in the bed. Suddenly his arm grabbed firmly around my stomach under the blanket and pulled me backward against him, leaving my back against his warm chest. He removed my hair from his face with his left hand that wasn’t around my waist and started to kiss my neck eagerly. An involuntary shiver ran down my spine. I really didn’t felt like it right now. Or at least that was what my mind said. My treacherous body started to react to his touch. It began writhing, pushing my ass backward, my breath became hectic. His hand around me traveled up and grabbed my left breast, while his arm still held my waist captive. His eager lips expanded their path at my neck, and his tongue joined insistently. 

“Jake…” I tried pulling away from him, but his arm tightened around me, almost pressing all the air out of me. 

He thought I was twisting my body from pleasure. His mouth moved down to my shoulders. 

I had to stop him. Now. If he kept going, there was no way around it when my body wouldn’t cooperate with my mind. I really needed to heal before I could take any more intensity from him. 

He took a fistful of my hair with his left hand and turned my face, making me twist my upper body, so his lips could meet mine with a demanding firmness. His tongue was ready to invade my mouth when my lips parted in a moan. I felt him press himself against my ass and started to rub against me. As he kissed me harder, I felt the pain in my lip. The electricity started to numb my mind. 

I had to get away, now. I laid my hand on his broad shoulder, not in lust, but to push him away. “Jake, please…” I said in between his violent kisses that hurt my lip more and more. Suddenly I gathered enough strength and shoved him away from me, our lips separated. “No,” I exclaimed with a lot more force than I had thought possible and in his momentarily confuse, I could get away from his hand in my hair and arm holding me, and I climbed out of bed. My legs felt soft, and I wavered for a moment. 

“What–” 

“No!” I interrupted him before he could even finish the first word of his sentence. His face looked puzzled beyond measure.

“No! I can’t take this right now. I-I need some air.” My tone of voice was firm, but a little desperate too. Desperate for him to understand. 

“You need some air?” His voice was so harsh and derisive, he didn’t understand. 

How could I explain it? While my mind was working hard to find a way for me to explain his cold eyes just awaited my response. “It’s like…” I didn’t know where to go from there. I saw him get angrier with me by the second. I could somehow understand his anger towards me, my mind was confused and didn’t want to, but my body hadn’t cooperated and had begun to react to him. And then I just suddenly and insensitively shoved him away. 

“It’s like what, Val?” He had sat up now, his tone still held that derisive edge. 

“I don’t know.” I couldn’t look at him anymore. He crushed me under his stare. I think he wasn’t angry because I had said no, but because of the way I did it. “I’m sorry.” My voice was so quiet, I didn’t even know if he heard me when he walked past me to the bathroom. When I heard the water starting to run, I hid my face in my hands. Great. That was really great, Val. I couldn’t help but get pissed at myself too. Fucking treacherous body of mine. I mentally kicked myself in the ass as hard as I could.


	9. The five days of silence

After that, everything just went back to normal. The new seriously uncomfortable normal and the Angry Jake, angrier than ever before. He didn’t look at me or talk to me unless it was absolutely necessary. I did the same, but I was thinking of a way to tell him what I couldn’t say when he had asked me. Every time I thought on some way to tell him how I felt like it just sounded wrong in my head, it could be misunderstood, or it could hurt him. I didn’t want to hurt him any more than he already was. The guilt rose in me for each day that passed. He was the one hurt, and I was the one that demanded some air. 

A headache sneaked in on me the more I speculated. I was beginning to take painkillers several times a day. If it wasn’t for my lip, then it was for my shoulder, and if it were neither of them, it was for my headache. I didn’t sleep very comfortably. We both laid close to the edge on each side of the king sized bed, as far away from each other as absolutely possible. 

Every inch of Jake radiated stronger than ever with his pissed off attitude. It was like the little he had opened up to me had been barricaded, and he had added barbed wire to it. Eventually land mines too. Though he tried to ignore me as much as possible, he was still smothering me with the intensity, the radiation, and his rare looks. Talked to me in a too harsh tone and burned me with his eyes filled with darkness. Just like before we had sex. Only this time the intensity was there too. Adding up to everything. It hadn’t been there before. It had exploded between us that night where he had lost control and scared the crap out of me. It couldn’t be removed or undone. 

I think he went back to angry, only ten times amplified because that was the only thing he knew how to do. He didn’t know how to give me some air because I couldn’t explain it to him. So we both went back to what we knew, though it was so different. 

Now and then, he went for a walk or a run. It felt like he was tired of looking at me and had to get out, though I felt so relieved when he was gone. The other thing I knew was that I had to be the one coming to him, I needed to explain it to him. Ask for forgiveness. It just felt like my lips were glued together and my mind was inelastic when it came to finding the right explanation. 

We continued to search every bar we could find. Every alley and we even gained access to a drug house too when I pretended to be interested in a big load of coke, but we had no luck at all. No one had seen anything suspicious. Not a traveler, no particular person winning too much, no new hooker or womanizer, no exceeded drug sale. Nothing in the news. Absolutely nothing in five days. I had tried a couple of times to open the locked folder on the laptop, but I just couldn’t. 

My mood was at a low point, not only because we hadn’t found anything, but also because of Jake. I felt like I tiptoed around with my head ducked all the time. 

In the meantime, before we could go out and investigate, I sometimes took a long walk too. For like one or two hours, just to get away from him and the choking intensity, and the motel room I was growing tired of looking at. I wasn’t really the walking type, so the fact that I was willing to walk for a couple of hours, said a lot about the tension and the situation. 

I had cleaned my gun unnecessarily much, even offered to clean his gun as well, just so I had something to do besides watching TV, reading, and walking. It also gave me some time to think, while my hands worked per routine. 

One day I managed to escape him almost all day until we had to go out searching. I had started with an almost two-hour long walk and had rushed to the Laundromat as soon as I got back. When I couldn’t prolong it any longer, I returned with our clean clothes and had driven to a small forest where I had just sat on the forest floor and watched my surroundings, inhaled the fresh air and braided a garland out of grass as there were no flowers yet. 

My lip was pretty much healed again. The small hematoma had subsided, and it had gotten back its normal shape and size. I didn’t need to wear the scarf anymore because the bruises from the bite marks on my neck were a light greenish and yellowish color now. No traces of the fiery purple. I actually needed to remove my stitches, but I tried to postpone it as long as possible. I hated taking stitches out and shivered with discomfort just from the thought of it, and I didn’t really felt like asking Jake if he would do it for me. 

We soon needed to get more painkillers. I had almost eaten them all. I was usually the one going for medical supplies. A quick glance at the clock told me it was almost 3 p.m. If I left now, I would actually be able to make it before we had to go out and investigate. 

“I’m going on a supply run for medical stuff.” I grabbed the keys, put on my leather jacket and biker boots before heading for the door. He didn’t reply, and I didn’t look at him. 

The drive wasn’t long, I listened to a couple of rock songs on the radio on the way over. I parked the car and looked at the hospital in front of me, The St. Joanna Hospital. It wasn’t huge but big enough to have at least 200 doctors running around I could blend in with. 

While I walked in like I had the right to be there, I looked around for the busiest point. The busier, the better actually, the more the doctors were running around, the more unnoticed I could slip in behind the ‘personal only’ doors and find a set of scrubs I could slip into. 

It looked like there had been a car accident, so a lot of the doctors were occupied, but there was one doctor charting right next to the doors I had to get through. I laid my face in the proper folds before I exclaimed, “Doctor? Please, you have to come. There is something wrong with a man over here.” I looked fittingly desperate and pointed towards a waiting room, just out of sight. “I don’t know what’s wrong with him, he just collapsed.” 

She ran in front of me, and I ran two steps behind her, before turning around and slipped through the doors. I couldn’t help but smile at my little decoy before I quickly located a supply room with extra scrubs. A lot of hospitals were pretty much alike, and if one fell out of the ordinary, I knew what to look for. A few minutes later, I found a set of scrubs, a white coat and slipped into them before walking out into the halls again to find the supply room. I hid my normal clothes in a big medical bag I found. 

After five minutes of walking, I found the supply room. I filled the bag that also held my clothes with suture kits, syringes, dressings, ice packs, surgical pads, and bandages before looking for the next supply room containing painkillers. Unfortunately, the painkillers, antibiotics, birth control, and other medication were always locked up, this was the hardest part. 

Without much trouble, I located the room and waited just around the corner. The bag was hidden under an empty bed in the hall, next to me. 

I didn’t have to wait long until a doctor came and locked himself in the medication room. When he was about to close the door on his way out, I ran forward. “Hey, would you hold that please?” My voice was casual. 

“Excuse me?” He looked suspiciously at me. 

“I’m sorry, a patient in the ER vomited all over me, and I had to change, scrubs and I forgot my card. I tell you, what a mess! I have been running around all day trying to find it, while also taking care of my patients, but the ladies in the laundry section are some tough cookies.” My slightly distracted face that doctors always seems to have, and my confidence when I said my line convinced him to let me in. I had said that line so many times, and it hadn’t gone wrong yet. The answer was to act like you had all the right to be there and belonged there. 

I filled my boots I had hidden under the too large scrub pants with painkillers, antibiotics, birth control pills and some anesthetic before I walked back out. I grabbed the bag I had hid and opened it to find my jacket. Before I stood up, I quickly took the pills from my boots and stuffed it in the bag, while no one was looking. And if I heard or saw someone, I pretended to be looking for something in my bag. Picking up my jacket from the floor, I put it on over the scrubs and the coat, so it looked like I was a doctor on my way home. I walked out an entrance that wasn’t too crowded and finally reached the car after a couple of minutes. 

A little over an hour! I think that was a new record. Too self-satisfied I turned on the engine and drove back. The satisfied feeling vanished too soon when I thought about what waited for me when I got back. I started to feel the shadow of the weight of the intensity, it was like when I was out walking. When I was on my way away from the motel, I felt the intensity lighten, but it slowly came back when I was heading back again. It was like it reached me when I was within a certain radius of him. 

As I opened the door Jake looked up at me, our eyes only met for a second before his dropped to the medical bag and back to his book. I shook my head, how long was this going to last? I needed some time to think, and the best way to think was to take a long, hot, and relaxing shower. Then I could also get the smell of hospital off me. It smelled too chemical and, hospital-like. It was a smell you really couldn’t describe, but it was too artificial. 

I tossed the scrubs and white coat in the trash. We couldn’t reuse them because most hospitals had their own kind of scrubs, and it wasn’t worth the space in the car to save them and hope you could use them again. It was just easier to steal them every time. Some places they were dark blue, other places they were orange and so on. It was annoying. It would be nice to have just one pair of scrubs I could use, again and again, it would cut off some time ‘in the heat.’ 

The hot water was like a blessing. I just closed my eyes and felt my tense muscles relax. Especially my shoulders and neck were causing me some trouble. Probably because I was so tense and cowered under his glances. The uncomfortable sleeping was to blame too. When you slept and knew you shouldn’t move too much around you didn’t really sleep that well. It was a way to light sleep. I wish this situation would end soon. Actually, I would rather have the rollercoaster mood swings Jake than this amplified Angry Jake. Though it was exhausting with his mood swings and never knowing what to expect, there was still a light touch in between. Some pauses, where we could both breathe a little freely again. 

I should definitely start with an apology for how it went the other day. That was the easy part. The hard part was to explain how he choked me, smothered me, without hurting him, and why I needed some air. Air from the Angry Jake and from the intensity. It was like the intensity was a solid object I could actually hold in my hands. A thing I could touch and see. And certainly feel. I thought about different approaches in my head, I really wanted this to end, and it couldn’t be soon enough. 

My shower was longer than usual because I needed some extra time to think and perfect my plan of words. I finished drying my hair, got dressed and walked into the room where I sat down on the bed, he was sitting in the chair at the table with his sketchbook. Not sitting down across the table from him was on purpose, because I needed the extra space between us to take in his mood. This was now or never. “Jake?”

He ignored me for what felt like several minutes but probably wasn’t more than ten seconds. I cleared my throat, and he finally looked up at me, I knew I had his attention now. My eyes dropped to the floor as I couldn’t keep looking into those bottomless dark eyes. “I’m sorry about the other day.” I paused, I felt the weight of his stare on me but forced myself to look into his eyes again. “It’s just the um, intensity of this, it’s… It’s too forceful on me, and I-I need some air from that.” I stammered. 

He put the pencil down on the table, his eyes didn’t get any milder. “Haven’t I given you air since you asked that the first time?” He said in a rasping voice. I could hear he was annoyed. He didn’t understand. 

“To be honest, then no. This behavior isn’t air.” My voice was stronger, though it didn’t felt like it. It felt like I was shrinking under the glance from his fierce eyes. 

“Then what is?” I saw his jaw working. 

I didn’t know what I wanted, I just knew what I didn’t want. “I don’t know that, but –” 

Before I could finish my sentence, he interrupted me with a raised voice. “If you don’t know, then how the hell should I know? Huh, Val?” 

“If you would just let me fi –” I was getting more and more desperate, why wouldn’t he just listen and let me finish? It sounded so much worse when he didn’t let me speak out. 

He interrupted me again with an even higher voice this time. “You ask for some air, but you don’t know how. How can I give it to you if you won’t tell me? I’m not a mind reader if you haven’t noticed! You have to tell me how you feel! Don’t you think this is frustrating for me too? Don’t you –” He was still sitting in the chair, but he had raised his voice significantly. 

My fingers ran up into my hair and clutched around it, pulling in it, and I squeezed my eyes shut. I couldn’t take anymore! “YOU’RE CHOKING ME!” I had to stand up and scream the words at him, to try to interrupt his angry monolog. 

For a second he shut up and stared at me with disbelief. “I’m choking _you?_ YOU ARE THE ONE CHOKING _ME!_ ” He screamed right back at me. He had gotten up too. 

His words shocked me. How could he feel the same way as I did? How did I choke him? Even though I didn’t want to, I had hurt him again, but he wouldn’t listen. This was too much for me. 

“YOU WON’T TELL ME ANYTHING!” He had waited for my response but instead came only tears.

He screamed the last sentence at me too, before he stormed out the door and slammed it so hard after himself I jolted, and a sob escaped me. 

 

It felt like I stood there sobbing for over an hour. How did it get so bad so quick? How was I the one choking him? I didn’t want to hurt him, but I ended up doing it anyway. Why wouldn’t he just listen? I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I just sat down on the bed with my hands in my lap and just stared at the carpet. My eyes stung after all the tears, though I had stopped sobbing the tears still continued to run silently. My mind was one big mess. 

_‘I’m choking you? You are the one choking me!’_ His words repeatedly screamed in my head. _‘You won’t tell me anything!’_

Oh, yes, I would Jake, but you wouldn’t let me. You didn’t let me speak out, you didn’t let me explain anything. 

My body felt numb, I felt like I couldn’t move. I could only sit here, staring at the carpet. And I couldn’t stop the stream of tears. I hadn’t cried since the night Bill died. The few tears of pain Jake had caused me during sex didn’t really count. They were only a spoonful compared to this. This was like an ocean. 

He was so angry, _all the time_ , I couldn’t keep lifting this weight. We couldn’t go our separate ways, we were together in this, and we had to find a way. Without each other, neither of us had anything left. We only had each other to lean on to do the job, and we had a shared commitment; Sinanima. 

It felt like his last two sentences were all I could hear in my head. It deafened me. 

Where had he gone? Why had he left me like that? Was I really smothering him so much he had to leave? I couldn’t figure out how I was the one doing that to him. It was him that radiated with anger and fury, not me. True, he felt the intensity too, but was that by itself enough? 

Finally, my tears stopped running, but I didn’t feel any better. The numbness had finally reached my tear ducts. My eyes stung and felt dry. A glance at the clock told me that at least two hours had passed. Where was he? I felt something grab and tighten inside me, made it a little harder to breathe. Why wasn’t he back? Would he come back? 

I finally gathered so much strength, I could get up and look out of the window. Our Chevy was still there. He had walked. The grip tightened on me. I found my phone and tried to call him, but I heard the buzzing from the vibrator and looked at the table. He had left his phone behind. 

Should I go out and look for him? I had no idea where he could have gone. It would be a waste of time, he could have gone several miles in every direction. Or he could come back while I was out looking. Another thought struck down in me, I pushed it aside, I was being silly. He couldn’t be hurt. It was the trauma from Bill’s accident talking, not my common sense. My common sense told me he would be back, but my mind couldn’t help but doubt it. 

I had only seen him this furious one time before. About two weeks ago and I had been scared of him. I counted in my head. It had only been ten days since that night. I didn’t get afraid of him this time because now I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. Not physically anyway. 

I was sorry. Sorry, that I had hurt him. Sorry, that I had made such a mess of everything. Sorry, that he felt like I was the one that choked him. And I was worried. It was worry that had a grip on me on the inside. He had never taken off like that before. I didn’t know what to do, so I just undressed to top and underwear, went to bed and found something on the TV. I hoped it would take my mind off of things, distract me a little. It was getting late, but I tried to keep telling myself he would come back eventually. 

 

Several more hours passed. I couldn’t sleep, and the TV couldn’t distract me…


	10. His side of things

“A beer.” I snapped at the bartender. I was still incandescent with rage. But the truth was that I didn’t want to feel anything but the rage right now. Hoping it could keep away all the demons of guilt that were ready to take a hold on me. _Yell at Val. Hurt Val. Make her cry. Being an asshole to her._ They already had the names engraved on them. 

Rage. Hold on to the rage. 

And the rage told me to blame her. Like it had made me yell at her, and hurt her, and made her cry. I couldn’t stand the image of her with tears running down her cheeks. I closed my eyes and shook my head as if I could shake away the image. 

How did it get this far? Why did it have to be this level of complicated? Why couldn’t she just fucking tell me what she fucking needed? I mean how hard is that? Use words for God’s sake. It was like she did it on purpose. Always just giving me that face instead of a proper answer. It was like the highest level of frustrating she could manage, just for the fun of pissing me off. I could easily see it for my inner eye: Her eyebrows pulled down, like in concentration, making it look like she was thinking about quantum mechanics. Sometimes she bit her lip too. And her eyes. They would get so distant. Like she entered a world where I could never reach her. I slammed my fist on the table. 

“Boss or girlfriend?” An older fella next to me asked. 

“Um, girl.” The question caught me off guard, so I just blurted it out. She wasn’t my girlfriend. Or was she?

“What did you do?” He chuckled, but it was friendly. 

I sighed. What did I do? I had hurt her, not intentionally, but she had hurt me in the first place, and she lacked the ability to use fucking words to tell me what she wanted. “She is unable to communicate.” I hissed out through my teeth and took a sip of my beer. 

“Aha. Well, women communicate in other ways than we do, son.” He said, again friendly. 

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” I asked immediately, maybe too harsh, but he ignored my hostility. Maybe he knew it wasn’t aimed at him personally. 

“Women do not only use the spoken language to speak their mind.” I still didn’t quite follow him. What the fuck was that supposed to mean? 

“Women are made to be loved, not understood, son.” He continued. 

Well, that made a lot more sense than his first statement. I sighed and hid my face in my palms for a moment before I removed them again and took a larger sip of my beer. 

“Next round is on me, you look like you could use it.” He said and actually smiled at me. 

Why would he smile at me? It wasn’t just Val I was being an asshole too, but everybody around me. What was wrong with me?

“Thanks,” I said in the least hostile tone I could, but it still sounded off. I heard him order two whiskeys. I drank it in one mouthful. 

“One more, son?” He asked. 

I nodded gratefully, but my smile was more like a grimace. Why was he being so nice to me? I couldn’t figure it out. I didn’t deserve it. 

I decided to get drunk. Totally idiotic drunk. Drown the rage and all the demons that had a grip on me. Just dull it and escape it. Especially in the last couple of days, it had only grown worse and worse. It was unbearable. I chugged down the next whiskey in one mouthful too. 

“So, you wanna talk about this girl of yours?” He asked, he had a hint of a southern accent I think, but it was hard to tell as he was already drunk. 

But I still couldn’t figure out why he was being so nice. Especially to me. “Why are you so nice to me?” I couldn’t help but ask. 

“Because you look like you could use it, that’s all.” 

I found him easy to talk to, much easier than Val. He reminded me of dad. And he seemed to know a thing or two about women, or maybe it was just drunk old man talk. It didn’t really matter. “Okay.” I nodded and drank the last of the beer. I caught the bartender’s attention and ordered two more. 

“Thanks. What’s she like?” He asked when he took the beer I had ordered. 

What is she like? The first word that came to my mind was beautiful. “Beautiful.” I got a twitch in the corner of my mouth, I think it was a smile. 

“But complicated?” He asked. 

“But complicated.” I agreed. 

“Is she a redhead?” 

How did he know that? “Uh, yeah,” I replied slightly confused. 

“They’re always the most frustrating ones, son.” He whispered conspiratorially to me. I chuckled. God, he was right. 

We talked for the next couple of hours. It was actually nice to talk to someone about it, about her. I found out he had been married three times before. 

 

About an hour ago, I had switched from beer to vodka. He thanked for the talk and the beers, though he had bought a few rounds too, and went home. 

I thought about the last days and the fight. Why had I yelled at her like that? Because she was frustrating. Because she was a redhead. 

God, I was drunk. My thoughts were fuzzy. The alcohol had helped. All the demons grabbing inside me were asleep. They still held on, but they didn’t crush or claw or tear, they were just motionless. Stopped working around and fuel it all. In my drunk state, I tried to count them…

Missing dad. Revenge dad. Losing control. Abandonment. Finding Sinanima. Finding the vamp that killed dad. Being an asshole to Val. Yell at Val. Hurt Val. Treat Val like shit. Anger. Rage. Infected. Out of control when the rage takes over. Inadequate. Despair. Helplessness. Desperation. Powerlessness. 

Especially powerlessness. It was one of the biggest, it fed many of the others. Like they cheered and emboldened each other, and blended together in one big bad web of a cocktail where it was just too much. 

How could I ever get it under control? Get them to stop clawing and tearing? Get them to loosen their grip on me? Get them to disappear? I hid my face in my palms and sighed. 

Val. She helped. I don’t know why or how, but it was like she… I don’t know. She did something to me. And there was also something else, she drew me to her. Like a magnet. Because I knew, she made me feel better. I needed that break from it all. I needed her. And she pushed me away. Which made it all worse. It was so hard to stay away from her, but I really tried to respect her limits. But having her in front of me all the time and know I can’t get near her. It was something else than all the demons… it was around my chest rather than inside – I couldn’t describe it, but Val kinda found a synonym for it – choking them, like they were choking me. 

And air. _Air._ I scoffed and shook my head. She needed air. What was that? How do I give her some air? I thought I had. But she had said my ‘behavior’ wasn’t air. I had no idea what she meant, and she wouldn’t tell me. She was frustrating. Because she was a redhead. The drunker I got, the less that even made sense. 

The rage had been drowned by the alcohol too. Exorcised by the alcohol was probably a more proper word to use. It was like an evil black monster that took the control away from me. I could see what happened, but I couldn’t do anything about it. Now there was only guilt. Guilt over yelling at her, hurt her, make her cry, and leave her in that condition. What was wrong with me? 

I chugged down another glass of vodka. She was so beautiful. And wonderful. When she wasn’t frustrating. Because she’s a redhead. I hoped she could forgive me. 

I thought back on the old fella’s question. ‘Boss or girlfriend?’ Was she my girlfriend? Yeah, she was. I hadn’t thought about that before. But of course, we were a couple. What else would we be? We weren’t just friends with benefits, and it wasn’t just a one-night stand. Friends with benefits didn’t sleep in the same bed. We did. And cared about each other. 

See Nicole, she was a friend with benefits. And what I had with her was so much different than what Val and I have. So much different. I compared those two kinds of relationships, I didn’t have anything else to compare with. Every other relationship had been maximum two weeks, and it was always just some slut in a town where we were staying. But only if she was worth fucking, otherwise I kept it as one night stands. 

But examining the similarities and differences between Nicole and Val made it ridiculously clear to me. Nicole was just some… pastime… when we were in the same neighborhood and didn’t want to go through all that trouble with finding a one night stand. And she was… annoying, when I had to see her too much. But we were good friends, and still are. We hadn’t had sex in a couple of years now. It was only when it came to sexual slash relationship stuff and all that she could be annoying. I didn’t want a girlfriend _at all_ , and all she could think about was exactly that, and that was why I ended that part of the friendship. 

But it was different with Val. It just happened, like naturally. Yeah, Val and I were a couple. Definitely. No doubt about that. That thought actually felt good. I liked that thought. And the sex. It’s amazing. I couldn’t help but smile to myself when I thought back at it. She was mine. And she was my girlfriend. And now I was gonna go kiss and make up with my girlfriend.


	11. Chapter 11

The door got banged open, and I jumped two feet from the bed, Jake stumbled inside. 

“Jake? Where the fuck have you been? I’ve been worried sick about you.” The first sentence after I surprisingly exclaimed his name was pure relief, the second was harsh. I got up, but when I started to walk across the room, I noticed something was off. His balance was hell and his eyes blurry. A reek of alcohol hit my nose. “Are you… drunk?” I gasped in shock, but before he could answer I had to stabilize him, otherwise he would have gone down on his face. 

“Yeah, I think so.” He chuckled with a stupid smile on his face. 

I got him guided to the bed. He was swaying a lot, and I had trouble keeping him upright. Jesus Christ! I didn’t think he was even capable of getting himself undressed, so I started to take off his jacket. 

“Come here, Val.” He grabbed my waist and pulled me backward down to sit on his lap as I had turned around to hang up his jacket. I dropped it on the floor. 

“Jake, you’re drunk, you need to get to bed.” My voice was resigned. I hadn’t really expected him back in this condition, not that I was opposed to alcohol or getting drunk at all. But in this situation, it was just wrong, and cliché. I thought the best thing was just to get him into bed and then we could talk tomorrow before any of us said anything we would regret. 

Now that I knew he was safe, I actually started to feel pissed at him. I was worried sick while he had been out drinking. I had to resist the urge of slapping him. With my hands, I tried to unleash myself from his, but suddenly he pulled us both down in a lying position next to each other. 

I shrieked in surprise. “Jake, seriously. You need some sleep.” I had struggled to get free from his arms and up again, but when I looked at his eyes, I stopped. There was no anger to trace in them, they were soft and hazel. And he was smiling the stupidest smile I had seen in a long time. 

His left hand moved up and stroked my cheek, his right arm had captured my waist. “You’re so beautiful.” He said while looking at me. His breath stank like vodka or some other stronger alcohol. He had really hit it while he was out. It sounded like he had thought about things and wasn’t so angry anymore, but some of it was caused by the influence of alcohol of course. 

“We can talk tomorrow.” I sighed and removed his hand from my face. 

“I wanna talk now.” His speech was a bit slurred. 

No good could come out of this, we had to wait until tomorrow, where we were both clear in the head. He was drunk, I was exhausted. 

“Jake, bedtime, now,” I ordered with more strictness than necessary, but he was like a stubborn child that couldn’t take care of himself and had exceeded his bedtime. I actually smiled. His lack of coordination made my escape easy. I grabbed his hand, dragged him up into a sitting position, and started to take off his shirt, and he chuckled a little while I did so. I didn’t think he could tell up from down at this moment. 

I was amazed he had actually found his way back. I shook my head at him as I pushed his upper body down onto the bed again so I could take off his boots, socks, and jeans. There was no help from him at all. 

Oh my God. I rolled my eyes at him. 

He just continued to have that stupid smirk on his face and chuckled a little once in a while. 

I got annoyed at him. I had been so worried. 

“You’re a sexy little thing, you know that?” I think he tried to wink at me but instead blinked both eyes tryingly. 

“And you are a jackass. Bedtime.” I had to drag him farther up the bed by his upper arms so he could lie properly. He was heavy, and I struggled, but finally I got him tucked under the covers, and I went under too. He sneaked under my blanket and grabbed me around my waist again, but with a lot more force than I think he meant too, again because of his lack of coordination. 

Goddammit. 

He started to kiss me behind my ear. 

“Jake, you’re drunk, and you need to sleep it off.” My annoyance grew, and my tone became harsher because of that. 

“The only thing I need is you.” He grinned, and I rolled my eyes again. 

For God’s sake. “Yeah, yeah.” I just said to get him to shut up. 

“I need you.” His voice was completely changed when he said those three words, he wasn’t grinning anymore. His speech was still slurred, so it was difficult to take him seriously, but I could hear he meant it. 

“I need you too.” My voice still sounded annoyed. Go to sleep already. He continued to place soft kisses behind my ear, on my neck and shoulder. After a minute or two, more time began to pass in between each kiss, and eventually I heard the soft snoring only a drunk person can manage. I sighed. Both with relief and annoyance. My temples pounded from speculating and crying, but soon I fell asleep too in his embrace.


	12. Chapter 12

The most disgusting sound ever woke me up. It was still dark outside. It took a couple of seconds before the memories of yesterday flushed over me. Our fight, Jake that took off and came home dead drunk several hours later. My head felt heavy and throbbing from all the crying. Jake was in the bathroom puking his guts out. 

I got up and knocked on the door. “You okay in there?” I asked gently. 

“No.” He groaned before he started puking again. 

I felt sorry for him, but on the other hand, he had what was coming to him. This was the karma kicking him in the ass because he made me worried. I smiled but immediately felt guilty. He was in a really bad shape. Poor him. 

“Ugh, I’m never drinking again.” He complained. 

I found a glass of water and some aspirins for him, for when he was feeling good enough to pull his head out of the toilet. I looked at the clock when I crawled back in bed and turned on the TV, it was 3:27 a.m. There was absolutely nothing worth seeing on TV and porn had taken over some channels. 

Fifteen minutes later, I heard Jake brush his teeth before he returned to the room. He looked like hell. His eyes were red, looking really tired and the stink of alcohol still reeked out of his pores. 

“Are you feeling better?”

“Not really.” His tone wasn’t harsh, just tired. He found and took the aspirin and drank the glass of water I had put on the bedside table for him. “Thanks.” He rubbed his eyes and got back under the covers next to me. 

“No problem.” I simply said. It was weird. There was no trace of anger in his voice or his face. I think the extensive hangover didn’t make room for it. Or maybe we had some sort of truce. I knew I wanted to work things out, maybe he wanted that too, but we had to put down our guards for that to happen. I was ready to put down mine. The question was if he was ready to do that too? Or was he going to yell some more? 

Before I could think any more about it, he sighed. “I’m sorry.” He didn’t meet my eyes, he just looked at his hands. 

“Me too.” I frowned. I was glad that he apologized, but I wasn’t entirely sure what he actually apologized for. Yelling? Interrupting me? Storming out? Made me worry? Came back drunk? Some of it didn’t matter right now, but somehow it did anyway. I wasn’t tired, even though I had only slept a few hours. I actually expected that he would go back to sleep because it really looked like he was feeling like hell.

After a couple of minutes, I realized he wouldn’t. Should we really talk now or couldn’t he sleep, just like me? I decided to interrupt the silence. “How much do you remember from last night?” I was curious to know if he could remember coming home and what he had said. 

“Everything.” He made it sound like a curse and exhaled deeply. He had a guilty look on his face. 

I raised my eyebrows, was that really all it took? Get brains out wasted to let me in a little? “I was amazed that you could find your way back, you could barely stand straight.” I sounded too accusingly, so I tried sending him a smile. 

“Yeah. I just needed some… ‘Air’” He still hadn’t looked at me. 

I was confused. So ‘air’ for him was what? Alcohol? That didn’t sound too healthy. And was he using my own words against me or did he use it in need of a better word? I didn’t know what to say. 

“I’ve been a jackass. It’s just… you are really frustrating sometimes, Val.” 

Eh, what? Was I frustrating? I felt anger blush up in me, but it vanished completely when I looked at him and saw his hazel eyes looking back at me. He looked so… fragile and… honest, it took my breath away. And I didn’t want to fight anymore. “You are too, you know.” 

He nodded, agreeing with me. 

“This whole situation is frustrating actually.” I continued. 

“Yeah…” He agreed. 

“And you _are_ a jackass.” My tone got a little harsher. 

“And you can be a real bitch.” 

I was about to talk back on that comment, but he started to smile. He was joking. If it weren’t for the fact that I was looking directly at him, I would have asked who he was and what he had done with Jake. “Fair enough,” I said grumpily. 

It was weird that we could sit here and talk so easily, maybe it was because we had both cleared out the system, let some steam out when we had screamed at each other. Or perhaps it was the hours apart that had gotten us both thinking. We had both, kind of silently accepted a truce, but I didn’t know how long it would last. 

“Even though I was drunk, I still meant what I said…” 

I think he meant the ‘I need you’ part, but I couldn’t help but think about what else he had said. That I was beautiful and a ‘sexy little thing.’ What a pick up line. 

“Okay.” What else do you reply to a comment like that? 

He slipped farther down under the blanket and turned his body towards me. I couldn’t help my fingertips from touching his face when I looked at him. Just stroke him gently to comfort him. I had hurt him, and I was sorry. He closed his eyes and leaned into my palm, I felt his stubbles under my hand. 

“I have a headache.” He stated. 

I started to smile, of course, he had with the amounts of alcohol he had consumed last night. Or earlier actually. “I have one too.” I sighed. 

“You know, I know an excellent cure for a headache.” He sent me the most charming smile I had ever seen, and it made me melt inside. 

“Oh, really?” I raised my eyebrows, but I couldn’t hold a smile off my face. 

His hand slid under my blanket and started to stroke up and down my stomach. I turned my body towards him, so his hand was on my waist instead, and my fingers swiped from his wrists and up until they wrapped around his upper arm. I put my other hand on his strong, tattooed chest. Now his hand traveled down to my ass, pushed me up against his body, and licked up my throat to my chin. My nails dug into his chest, and I wrapped my top leg around his waist as he kissed my jaw line. His right arm moved up from my ass, pushed my top up, and laid like a snare around my waist to keep my body close to his. The electricity began traveling down my spine and out to every nerve of mine. 

His lips moved up to mine, bit teasingly in my lower lip a couple of times before he sealed his lips to mine and his tongue invaded my mouth. My body started to work against his while his arm let go of my waist and his hand traveled from my lower back to my thigh that was on top of him and grabbed the flesh. I breathed heavily in between his forceful kisses. 

His fingers moved determined up my thigh, tickled me at the edge of my panties before he let them slip in and played with me, I moaned loudly against his lips. Suddenly he pushed two long fingers inside me, I tore my mouth away from his and gasped. 

Oh, wow. They were really working some magic down there. “Oh, yes.” I grabbed his short blonde hair in my hands and started working my hips in cooperation with his fingers. He started to kiss my neck now that my lips were out of reach. I felt his stubbles scratch against my soft skin. His skilled fingers working their magic quickly got me wet and ready. With his upper body, he pushed me down on my back. His fingers left me craving for more when he stopped to take my top and panties off along with his boxers. 

“Don’t stop!” I whined and put on my best pouty face, my body squirming, longing for his touch. He crawled onto the bed again after removing his boxers, his hands holding his weight on each side of my head, hovering above me while he bit his lip. My left hand ran from his chest, over his collarbone, past the chain around his neck, and intertwined in his hair. When I gently tugged on it, he lowered his body down to mine while still holding our eye contact, my right hand sneaked under his arm, up his side, and settled at his shoulder blade. His weight on me pushed me farther down into the mattress. His right hand moved down and stroked from my knee and up on the inside of my thigh, stopping an inch before my most sensitive spot. I tried to twist my hips to meet his touch. His pupils were already wide with lust, his teeth released his lower lip, and he thoughtfully licked it instead. One of his fingers stroked up through my wetness and over me and made a weak moan leak from my lips. In anticipation, I was holding my breath. 

One more time he stroked me and my body almost convulsed. He smiled entertained. “I’ll finish that later.” He promised with a smirk. 

“No, do it now!” I begged, writhed to try to get some friction, my hand on his back was already on its way to lead his fingers to where I wanted them. 

“Watch it, or I won’t do it at all.” He threatened, pushed his left hip against my right to close the way for my hand. 

I wanted to object, but there was no doubt that he meant what he said, so I held my tongue and instead pressed my lips together into a disapproving line and snorted dissatisfied. That just released a smirk on his lips. It was clear he was the one setting the agenda here and that I should just fall in behind his lead. He lifted his hip again so his right hand could disappear from between my legs. Deftly he reached under my back and unhooked my bra. I sighed frustrated and pulled the straps down my arms as he grabbed it between the cups and tossed it over his shoulder. His left hand found a fistful of my hair and yanked my head back, so he had full access to my neck, I shivered when he let his teeth run up and down my skin. My right hand laid back on his shoulder blade. I had expected a bite, but his mouth left my neck to meet my lips for a couple of seconds. Then he kissed his way from my chin down to my breasts and gave them some attention. Let his tongue run over my nipples, bit them. His free hand accompanied his mouth, and they took care of each of my breasts in turns. 

My hand in his hair grabbed it in desire, messed around with it before grabbing it again. He sucked on my right nipple and then let his mouth hover an inch above it. Teasingly letting his breath tickle with first a warm sensation that was followed by coldness, and then warmth again as he slowly breathed in and blew out on it a couple of times before proceeding to the left, switching places with his hand, and gave it the same treatment. All while my breath became more and more panting with pleasure. I was still craving for more after his fingers had left the inside of me, and my hips bucked forward to meet him just to get some sort of friction, but he didn’t push inside me yet. 

His tongue ran up between my breasts, and then blew on the wet trail down again, it made me shudder and gave me goosebumps along with a higher moan; it was one of my sweet spots. My response made him repeat his action before he licked his way up to my lips and hovered above them. I tried to meet him halfway, but his grip in my hair didn’t allow me. Teasingly he let his lips brush over mine, just out of reach, until he, when I least expected it attacked my mouth almost violently. His tongue quickly found mine and dominated the kiss. He rubbed against me, and I felt his hard length press between my legs. 

Oh God, just fuck me. Fuck me hard, right now, I wanted to scream, but he kissed me fiercely and his grip in my hair prohibited my movability. Frustrated I cried into his mouth when I realized he was teasing me that son of a bitch. 

I couldn’t hold out much longer. My left hand moved to his back, and I tried with both hands on his back, and my calves at his ass, to push him into me, but he was too strong for me, my struggle was useless, and he could feel it. I clearly felt the smirk on his face as he kissed me. Provocatively I dug my nails into his back. He answered with tightening his fist in my hair and setting his teeth in my lower lip with a grunt. 

Finally, he tore his lips away from mine, allowing me to breathe. “Do you want me to fuck you?” His voice was slow and taunting. He bit his lower lip, and his eyes were so intense hazel. 

“Yes. Yes, Jake! Just fuck me. Please!” I knew I was sounding desperate and begging, but I didn’t care. My mind was clouded with lust and longing for him to be inside me. It had been too long since last time. The anticipation was way too much for my body to handle and my breathing was labored. The electricity boiled inside me. 

I threw my head back and whimpered loudly out between my clenched teeth when he finally gave one hard thrust deep into me with a sharp moan from him, leaning his forehead against my chin. 

Oh, it felt so good to have him fill me again. 

He gave one more thrust into me with a strained moan, before he lifted his head and watched me as he continued. His rhythm was slow but hard and merciless on me. Every thrust of his elicited a raw and deep moan from him, mine was more high-pitched. 

I moved with him, making our bodies move as one, without his eyes leaving mine. “Oh God, it’s good,” I exclaimed when his hand grabbed my ass and angled me upwards, making him hit a sweet spot. 

“You like that, huh?” He panted, his grasp on my ass tightened and with a groan, he moved it farther and gave it an even better angle. 

“Oh God, yes!” I whimpered in a high-pitched voice. My moans grew into higher more lustful cries for every thrust into me, he grunted more fiercely for every time. I felt him rip out some of my hairs for every yank that followed his rhythm into me. Every inch of me was on fire. The pleasure was so intense I wanted to escape but also keep going forever. 

His rhythm got faster and harder, and his panting breath filled with grunts got more uneven as he approached his climax. I felt a pain right around my left collarbone, but it quickly got overshadowed by his final deep, hard thrust when he came inside me. His throaty groan muffled by my skin. He released his teeth from the flesh on my collarbone and raised his head to look at me. It stung, but I didn’t really feel it. My body felt weak like it was made of jelly. 

We just laid there looking at each other for a couple of minutes while we caught our breath, only interrupted the stares with a few soft kisses now and then. 

He slowly pulled out of me with a satiated sigh when our breathing had winded down. “Is your headache cured?” He looked way too self-satisfied, but yes it was cured actually. 

“Wipe that smirk off your face, you jackass.” My tone wasn’t as threatening as I wanted it to be. I closed my eyes, smiled blissfully, and sighed. Something that felt this good couldn’t be wrong. A few times, I had wondered if it really was the right decision for us to have sex in the first place. It had complicated things, but it was wonderful when we made it work. 

“Don’t fall asleep just yet, I promised to finish something.” He lured as his nose nuzzled against mine, interrupting my train of thoughts. 

My body instantly tensed of anticipation and I opened my eyes, just to see that he was still smirking. “Yeah, you did.” I tried to sound strict like it was my prerogative. I bit my lip to hide the smile that dawned on my face and looked expectantly up at him. He flashed his eyebrows promisingly before he started kissing his way from my neck to my lower abdomen, and let his hands caress me in the wake of his mouth. His tongue pressed against my most sensitive spot and gave me one solid lick, and already I was close to falling into pieces underneath him. My hands grabbed the sheets, and I threw my head back with a sharp intake of breath. 

Oh, I longed for this. I couldn’t remember the last time a man had pleased me long enough for me to be able to come, which I was pretty sure was his intention. 

When he didn’t touch me again right away, I bucked my hips up as an invitation and opened my eyes with a frown to see what was taking so long. He had a dirty gleam in his eyes, and he unhurriedly made himself lie more comfortable. 

Get going already! 

He gave me one more hard lick, I threw my head back again in a high moan, and my back arched involuntarily. 

“I can’t work with this.” He said with an underlying sly tone. Before I could ask any questions his arms had glided under my thighs and grabbed my hips. And then he started and made me erupt in pleasurable moans.

Oh God, his tongue was almost better than his fingers. Knew just where to put the pressure, how to suck just right, how to swirl his tongue, bent it, blend the licking and sucking in one sweet harmony… oh, fuck. Now and then he gave me a lick from all the way down to all the way up, he angled his head and let his chin follow over me too, the stubbles added a rough, but tingling sensation and was an amazing contrast to his soft lips and tongue. He held onto me tightly, making me unable to buck and move my hips as I wanted. Forcing me to surrender to his sweet torture that made my fingers clutch onto the sheets and my back arch. Tearing my lips apart in one higher moan after the other. 

With his arms, he lifted my ass and tilted my hips slightly upwards, making my legs spread even more, and exposing me so he could really work his magic. 

“Yes! Right there!” I whimpered almost intelligible. My panting breath and moans became more frantic as my sweet release approached slowly and steadily. The closer I came the more I involuntarily fought against his grasp on my hips. It was utterly intense not to be able to control the slightest movement of what was going on down there. My hands let go of the sheets and closed around his forearms, trying to push farther down to him just to be able to do some sort of movement, but he didn’t allow it. In frustration, I dug in my nails. But no matter what I did, he held me in place and didn’t stop, making my moans increase as I neared my orgasm. 

“Oh God. Oh. Oh. Oh!” I chanted higher and higher until I came with a distorted cry and returned to grabbing the sheets and pulling. The fact that I couldn’t move my hips made it so much more intense and made it last even longer. I tried to close my legs, but he had moved, so his shoulders blocked the way and kept them apart. My legs kept pushing quivering against him. “Oh, fuck.” I cried as my back snapped back onto the mattress and my whole body slumped exhausted. I let out a big sigh and closed my eyes. With the back of my hand, I wiped my damp forehead. 

He released my hips, and I felt him crawl farther up on top of me. I turned my head to meet his lips when he kissed my cheek, keeping my eyes closed. I could still taste myself. His lips left mine, and I looked up at him. He slowly caressed my cheek with the back of his hand and fingers. 

“That was amazing.” I sighed with a smile. 

“I’m glad you liked it.” His self-satisfied smirk was back on his lips. I leaned forward to meet them. 

After a couple of minutes of soft kissing where we shifted between with and without tongue, I started to slowly feel the tiredness drift in on me. The orgasm had completely drained me of energy. And I started to notice my lips burned from his violent kisses, my neck stung from his stubbles. The back of my head was sore after he had ripped out all those hairs, my hips ached. It pounded between my legs, and my collarbone hurt now after his teeth had sunken into my flesh when he came. 

“I’m tired.” I finally managed to say, I could barely keep my eyes open anymore, but I saw through the curtains that it was almost dawn. 

“Let’s go to sleep then.” He kissed me one last time for several seconds before he lifted his body from mine, laid down next to me, and pulled me into his embrace.

“Goodnight.” I sighed, I had almost dozed off. 

“Goodnight beautiful.” He whispered in my ear. 

A thought hit me. When he asked if I wanted him to fuck me, it was like he asked permission. Like last time I had said no. I smiled one last time before I fell asleep. 

 

We had both slept most of the day, him probably because of his hangover, me because of yesterday’s and last night’s mentally and physically draining events. 

Jake went to take a shower, and I went for breakfast. I felt sore between my legs when I started to walk, his fingers had really worked inside me and then followed by his whole hard length. But it was a delightful soreness, not uncomfortable. Just the thought of it made me shiver. 

Jake had been quiet in the twenty minutes we had spent together waking up and while I got dressed. I blamed the hangover, he wasn’t angry per se, but I saw it smoldering in the edges of his hazel eyes. I knew he wouldn’t get over his anger and grief in one night, it was too much to ask for. He was only human. As long as it didn’t get as bad as yesterday, I was satisfied for now. 

“Breakfast!” I exclaimed while I kicked off my black biker boots. Though it was way too late to call it breakfast actually. 

“Great.” It was more a sigh than anything else, but I couldn’t blame him. I probably wouldn’t have eaten anything if I had been that drunk, and puked like that. 

He looked at the box of All-Bran flakes (they were on sale), with his arms crossed, like they had insulted him deeply. I started to eat, but I kept watching him. There were still so much we haven’t said and that we needed to talk about, but I would first see how his mood was, see if our truce was still valid. I didn’t want him to yell at me, and I didn’t want to hurt him again. But he just kept staring at the cereal box. 

I kind of just wanted it over with, last time I had waited we had ended up screaming at each other because I had allowed the tension to build up over several days. It was best just to get it done now and then put it behind us. “So um, should we talk?” 

It was like he couldn’t take his eyes off the box like it was going to attack him if he looked away from it, but finally, he looked at me. “Yeah, let’s do that.” He sounded uncertain, but after a few seconds, his eyes looked a little more determined and focused on me. 

“Just so we don’t end like yesterday, I think we should have some rules.” My voice was insecure, I knew this was strange, and I could see on his face that he thought the same. I just didn’t want to hurt him, and I felt like I needed those rules, so it didn’t happen again. I needed that lifeline. 

“Rules?” His voice was full of skepticism, and he looked at me like I had lost my mind. 

“No yelling,” 

He seemed to relax a little, this wasn’t as bad as it might have sounded. Not as bad as he had thought. 

“No interrupting, and no running away.” I gave a slow nod to tell him that that was it. 

He looked like he was chewing on it a little before he replied. “That sounds fair.” He clearly relaxed. Rules weren’t so bad. Though I think I saw some guilt in his eyes when I said ‘no running away.’ 

He tried to look neutral, tried to make this work. I saw it in his eyes, this was a struggle for him, but he kept fighting that inner battle. The inner battle of rage, letting me in and maybe eventually, let it go. We kept looking at each other for a while. This was harder than I had thought, none of us was willing to go first. 

I overpowered my fear of hurting him and started to talk. “Your rage is so extensive, that it radiates all over you and that is choking. This ‘intensity’ between us is like a… a solid and I can’t breathe.” My voice was trembling a bit, and I had a hard time looking at him. I could see my words caused him pain even though I had weighted every one of them on a golden weight. I gestured towards him to say that it was his turn now. 

He looked at me for a long time, but I knew he was working on his answer. The anger smoldering in the edges, but it had not overpowered him completely. “You are like a-a magnet to me. Pulling me towards you, I can’t resist it. And then you tell me you need some air, and I don’t know how to pull away from you and give it to you… Because you are constantly dragging me to you and the intensity of that is sometimes smothering me.” 

I couldn’t believe my ears, this was probably the most and deepest thing he had ever told me. Relief filled me. Maybe he wasn’t ready to let me in completely, but these little lights of him trying was good. I felt good, and I felt it was easier to breathe. No wonder it was so frustrating for him, I didn’t know I had that effect on him. At all. 

Was he like a magnet too, to me? No, maybe, yes. Yes, he was a magnet that repelled me when he was in his angry mode. How could I be less magnetic to him, so he could be allowed to breathe, to get some air? “I don’t know how not to be a magnet,” I responded, my voice apologizing. He had to help me understand this, had to tell me how to help him. 

“I don’t know how to give you air.” I saw that he was frustrated, but he really tried to keep calm.

This was completely new to us, and neither of us knew how to play this game properly. It felt like we had hit a barrier. We didn’t know how to give the other what they needed. We couldn’t solve everything with one conversation, but this was definitely a start. A good start. We would find a way. We had to. 

“I know that after you had puked your guts out… That was air.” This was the best I could give him for now. It made us both smile. 

“I know fucking you was air for me.” He had a dirty look in his eyes, and I chuckled slightly uncomfortable. 

Oh, so this was how we played now? “You jackass.” I threw the crumpled brown paper bag that had contained our breakfast at him. 

Our serious conversation was clearly over. He started to pour the All-Bran flakes, they were apparently not insulting him or his stomach anymore. 

Though we hadn’t found any answers, we were a step closer. I didn’t know what we were heading towards, but it didn’t matter, it was so far away it wasn’t clear to me, yet. 

Jake turned on the laptop and started to work. I guess he was starting with the news. 

We had gotten up so late, that it was almost time to go do our job. We had missed one day of searching yesterday, and we had to make up for that.

 

We had decided to search for an alley where a guy had told us there were a lot of drug pushing. Jake was driving as usual, and after a half hour of searching, we found it. 

“Are you going to take this one?” I asked him. Since the night he had told me he had a problem with how that vampire looked at me when I acted like I was seducing him, I had abstained from doing those moves. If I took the turn, I just played a tough bitch you didn’t screw around with, though no one screwed around with me. 

_Jake is screwing you._

A little voice in my head said with a hint of humor. I told it to shut up. 

Though I must admit, it was way easier to get the information when you could bash your eyelashes and pout your lips at them, but I didn’t want to be dragged away from there like he had dragged me out of that car.

“Sure.” Was all he said. He couldn’t shake off his anger, it was too much for him to keep it away all the time, it was like it weighed too much on him and it overpowered him sometimes, but it was okay. 

We had parked a couple of blocks away, he started to walk towards the alley. After a minute, I followed him. I checked my gun before I looked around to see if anyone was following us. Sometimes when you came to the places we came, some people noticed us and thought we were up to no good. 

I saw Jake disappear into the alley ahead of me, I didn’t like that I didn’t have him in my sight, but I resisted the urge to run and kept walking slowly. When I neared the corner of where he had disappeared, I leaned against the building and sneaked forward. I didn’t want to peak if the dealer caught a glimpse of me, so I just listened. I could hear them talk, but I couldn’t make out the words. 

A couple was walking across the street, I didn’t think they had spotted me. My dark hair and clothes hid me in the darkness between two lights on the sidewalk. 

“That much?” It was a voice I didn’t recognize that came from the alley, it must have been the drug dealer. That meant Jake was trying to pretend to buy a big load of drugs to get into one of their drug houses to search. 

God, I hated drug dealers, why did vampires love drugs that much? But I knew the answer. Good money, an easy business that didn’t require personal information that might blow their cover because they were 20-40 years older than what they appeared to be. The fact that they didn’t age meant they couldn’t stay the same place for a longer period of time, and in the drug business people rarely lived long, so they couldn’t tell if a guy had dealt too long. 

I thought the drugs might do something different to them than to us humans, but I wasn’t sure. Or maybe they just took advantage of the fact that it didn’t hurt their body at all. Vampires didn’t like attention, that’s why they preferred the underground life. 

Someone was walking towards me, I was almost positive it was Jake, but I couldn’t be sure. My hand found the handle of my gun, ready to pull it out and point it. The person was walking in the middle of the alley and walked a few steps farther than the corner before he turned towards me so I could see him. As soon as Jake knew I had seen him, he walked over to me. 

I had once, a couple of years ago, smacked him down to the ground when he had turned around too close to the corner and almost bumped into me. Since then he had always approached me a little carefully when we were out on the job. 

“I got an address, but we can’t go there before tomorrow. He had to run it with his partner.” He sounded neutral, he was just informing me. 

“Okay, fine. At least we have a plan for tomorrow then.” I was more optimistic. A plan just a day ahead was a blessing in this sometimes meaningless search. 

“Yeah, it’s better than nothing.” He was trying to hold his growing anger out of his voice, but he didn’t really pull it off. Trying was better than nothing. His hangover may have subsided more, allowing the anger to replace it. 

We reached the car, got in and drove back to the motel, though we hadn’t done much today. Too less to actually make up for the lost day yesterday, but my spirit was higher than it had been for days.

The drive home was silent, we stopped at a diner on our way back to get some dinner. 

On the way, I decided to take a shower when we came back. 

 

The water felt good. My neck had been slightly red from Jake’s stubbles scratching against my skin. Though not enough to require a scarf. My collarbone, on the other hand, looked as bad as the bite marks I have had on my neck. I was just glad it was a place that was easier to hide so I could avoid the scarf. Luckily, he hadn’t bitten into my dragon tattoo. It was just right above it. 

I quickly shaved. I didn’t use shaving gel as it was too expensive, and the can took too much room in my backpack. I just used conditioner, it was actually just as good. 

I was rubbing in the shampoo when I heard the door open and close, I opened my eyes to see what was going on; Jake pulled the shower curtain aside and stepped in. 

What the fuck? 

After a few seconds in bewilderment, I decided the best thing to do was to ignore him and wait and see. So I closed my eyes and continued to massage in the shampoo. While I had stepped aside from the running water to wash my hair, he stepped in under. 

I felt a déjà vu, this felt like what he had done when he had crawled into my bed in the middle of the night. It was somehow presumptuous to me, but I hadn’t told him that that wasn’t air, so I couldn’t really be mad at him about it. Though I couldn’t get mad, I could get annoyed for doing this kind of thing and just assumed it was okay with me. 

_Or hope it’s okay with you?_

An annoying voice said in my head. Shut up! 

This might be the way he asked for permission, doing something and if I didn’t stop him, then he interpreted it as if it was okay. Like the first time I had said no, at first, I was afraid he had ignored me, but he didn’t and stepped more cautiously afterward. It was just tiring always to have to say no.

“Can I?” I looked at him for the first time since he had gotten into the shower with me and gestured towards my hair filled with shampoo. 

“Let me do it.” He put his hands on my shoulders and turned me around before I could even respond. 

What was his deal with my hair? I rolled my eyes and tried to push the thoughts out of my head. A shower was supposed to be relaxing. He leaned my head back and guided me backward into the running water so he could wash it out. He was standing right behind me, but our bodies didn’t touch. His fingers ran through my hair and messed around in it to make sure all the shampoo was gone. This was actually okay. 

“It needs conditioner too.” He beat me to it. I had only just opened my mouth and turned my head when he said it. This was like in the tub, besides the fact that we were standing now. 

He pushed me forward away from the running water to massage in the conditioner. When he was done, he opened the bottle with shampoo to wash his own hair, while my conditioner worked. 

“Let me do it.” My impulsivity surprised me, but I turned around, and he handed me the bottle. This was so intimate but on a whole other level than sex. I pulled him a few steps forward to me, away from the running water, poured some into my hand, I didn’t know how much I should use for his short hair, then put my arms around him to reach his neck. I grabbed his short hair and gently pulled his head back a little so that he wouldn’t get anything into his eyes. Reaching up in his hair required that I stood slightly closer, leaning forward because he was taller than me, causing my breasts to touch his chest. He kept looking at me with thoughtful eyes, but when I started to rub in the shampoo, he closed them. 

There was too much foam because I had used too much for his short hair, but somehow I managed to keep it away from his eyes. When I was done, I kept my hands in his hair and pushed him under the running water with my body against his to wash it out. The corner of his lips curled upwards. 

All the foam was gone, and I removed my hands, so I could turn around, and waited. He pulled me back by my shoulders into the water and washed it out. 

“Your hair is so soft.” He sounded amazed. He turned off the water, and we stepped out. 

I found some towels and handed him one. He took it with a ‘thanks,’ but other than that we dried ourselves in silence. Comfortable silence.

Before Jake walked out of the bathroom, his hands cupped my face and kissed me. Not violently, but passionate for a couple of seconds. He left me breathlessly as always. His lips were so… I shuddered. 

He looked down at my collarbone, and I felt his fingertips touch my bruise lightly. He then placed a kiss on it, turned around and walked into the other room. 

I let my fingers run softly over my burning lips pulled myself together and finished up so I could join him. He was already in bed, lying on his back when I came in, I crawled under the blanket and tucked myself close to his chest with my head on his shoulder before I said goodnight.


	13. His side of things

One part of me really longed to fuck her again, but the other part was too tired and too drained. I still had a hangover, but it was definitely better than earlier. The clawing demons had begun waking up inside of me again. They had been momentarily numbed by the alcohol and the major hangover. 

She was in the shower. I really needed her, just her presence and closeness. Should I ask if I could join her? 

No, I don’t have to, couples showered together. I took off all my clothes and opened the door to the bathroom. I pulled the shower curtain aside, she was standing beside the running water with shampoo in her hair. I stepped in under the running water like it was something I did every day. With her. 

Her eyes had widened and stared, and she had frozen for a second when I had pulled the shower curtain aside, now she closed them again and continued. 

Well, she didn’t kick me out, so it must be okay with her, though she looked… reticent? Reserved? I felt like pushing her against the wall and kiss her but restrained myself. It looked like she couldn’t decide if this was okay or not. So I didn’t know if it would be too much. Though her eyes were closed, she still had that line between her eyebrows, like she was thinking. Probably about me, and this situation. 

While she had her eyes closed, I got a good long look at her beautiful body. Her soft, pale skin. Round breasts. Slender shape, but still with feminine curves and not straight up and down like a 12-year-old. 

“Can I?” She interrupted my thoughts, she looked and sounded slightly annoyed. 

“Let me do it,” I said, and turned her around, and pulled her into the water. The perfect excuse for touching her. And I loved her hair. It was the most perfect shade of red. And so soft. Just this almost innocent touch dulled the awakening claws. 

When all the foam was gone, I saw her turn her head, but before she could say it, I said it. “It needs conditioner too,” I remembered her words from the night in the tub, and it made me smile. When I poured it into my hand, the flowery smell hit my nose. The same kind of flower her hair smelled like all the time. I looked at the bottle before I put it back. Lavender. 

While I thoroughly kneaded the conditioner into her long hair, I thought about how weird it actually was. It didn’t foam and felt very different than shampoo. Soft. Like liquid silk. But I knew you had to leave it in for a couple of minutes for it to work. I reached for the shampoo bottle and opened it so I could wash my own hair. 

“Let me do it.” She surprised me by saying and turned around. 

Unable to speak as she took me completely by surprise I handed her the bottle. She pulled me out of the water by my upper arms. 

Mm, her touch. 

She put too much into her hand, but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to provoke the annoyance back in her. As her hands reached up and grabbed my hair at the back of my neck, she had to move closer. Her fingers in my hair pulled gently down, making my head tilt back. I couldn’t take my eyes off her lips, she was so close. But her gentle nuzzling around in my hair made me close my eyes and just enjoy it. I felt her body against mine when she pushed me back into the water. It felt so good. Her touch made me smile. 

When she was done, she turned around and waited, I pulled her back and started washing the conditioner out. It made her hair so unbelievably soft, even now where it was wet. How can anyone have such soft hair? “Your hair is so soft,” I spoke my thoughts before I could stop them. 

When I was done, I turned off the water. “Thanks,” I said when she handed me a towel. Before I walked out of the room, I turned around and kissed her. I couldn’t help it. But it was soft. If I kissed her like normally I was gonna jump her, and I still felt drained, though the shower had been oh, so refreshing. The kiss made those demons who had threatened with waking up, hold still again. 

I looked at the bruise on her collarbone. I liked making marks on her, but it was unbelievable she put up with it, with me. She didn’t complain. Not a lot of women would have tolerated it, or the way I’ve been acting. I kissed the bruise too. To say ‘I appreciate your tolerance with me, and all my seven miles of deep shit I’m in’ before I went to the other room to find some boxers and go to bed. 

She came out a minute after and crawled directly into my arms. 

Oh, it felt good. I dared to smell her hair again.


	14. Chapter 14

I saw he was trying to fight the anger more than ever when we woke up. Some place deep inside I knew the anger wasn’t aimed directly at me, I was just the only one there to take it out on. It didn’t make it easier, but it made it more bearable somehow. 

Jake was the one fetching milk today and I checked the news on the laptop in the meantime. Before I was finished, he returned. 

“You got anything?” He hinted towards the laptop. 

“Nope, nothing so far.” 

He sat down across the table from me, poured a bowl of cereal, and started to read in his folklore book while he ate. 

“Haven’t you read it like five hundred times now?” I asked in a light tone. 

“Yeah probably, but I might have missed something.” He smiled at me, it looked slightly strained. 

I finished reading the news and found the locked folder again. It was really starting to bother me. What was in it? Maybe it was just porn, I couldn’t help but laugh inwardly of that joke. 

I had tried to type in every combination I could think of. Tried to accessing it from underneath, but I wasn’t a professional hacker, and I couldn’t remember it all. I got stuck. When I came to a certain point, I couldn’t recognize what I was looking for. 

Oh well, it couldn’t hurt to try again. 

_My Computer > Tools > Folder Option > View._ I clicked on _Show hidden folder, files and drives._

Unchecked the _Hide Protected Operating System Files._

Back to _My Computer > Local Disc (C:) > Users > All Users. _

And then I was stuck. 

I had to find a file that contained the master password in encrypted version, but I couldn’t remember how it was supposed to look like. As I scrolled down, I looked at all the files, hoping to see something that I could recognize as that file. 

What was it? What was it? ‘win_’-something. I scrolled up and down three times. 

Stupid, inelastic brain of mine. Think, think. Think Val! 

I hid my face in my palms. Tried to see it in front of me in my mind. But I couldn’t see it. This was really pissing me off. I was so curious, I didn’t care what was in it, I just had to see and to know.

With a new determination, I started to look again, but now I looked at the endings, maybe I would recognize something. ‘.dll, .inc, .dat, .rll, .tlb.’ I sighed, nope. Nothing. 

No, wait! 

‘.dat!’ There it was. Yeah, the more I looked at it, the more positive I became that it was definitely ‘.dat.’ I tried to remember the rest, but it was like catching smoke with my bare hands, I couldn’t get a grip on it. Right when I thought I had found the thought, it escaped me. Like when you tried to remember a dream you had, but it disappeared faster than you could remember it. I tried to stretch my mind to the breaking point, I have had enough of this. That fucking folder was gonna fucking open today! 

I singled all the ‘win_xxx.dat’ files out and looked concentrated at them. I was almost positive now that it was ‘win_xxx.sys.dat.’ I copied and pasted every single one into the password field one at a time. 

BAM! There it was! ‘win_mpwd_sys.dat.’ Trembling with excitement I finally opened the folder, there was one single unnamed document in it. I opened it and read it. 

My jaw dropped forty feet. One foot for every sentence I read. This was unbelievable! “Jake? Jake! Take a look at this!” I sounded hysterical and wavered my arms at the laptop to get him to come and take a look. 

His face was surprised and puzzled as this wasn’t a normal reaction from me when I had found something interesting, but he did as I said. He walked up behind my chair and leaned over me to read. His face slowly, for every sentence, transformed into pure shock. “Where did you find this?” His shock shined through in his voice. 

“It-it was in a locked folder. I finally cracked the password.” I was stunned, to say the least. 

“Seriously?” 

I hectically nodded with big eyes. “This is… gold!” I exclaimed. I laid my eyes on the screen again, and started to read it from the top: 

 

Sinanima

Appearance:  
Black hair, curly  
Brown eyes  
About 5’3”  
Turned in an early age. Maybe 14-19 years old.

Giving her features it looks like she’s of Native American or Spanish origin. Could be born around 1400-1500.  
Could be partially responsible for the legends of the succubus. 

Almost positive she doesn’t have a mate.

Known whereabouts:   
Brookfield, Wisconsin 29th July 1996, attacked Jake Devanney, bite behind the right ear.  
Charleston, West Virginia 17th September 2004, killed Hillary Moore, bite unknown. Apartment burned down.  
Coralville, Iowa January 2015 (possibly, lead provided by pub owner and female vampire in Indiana) 

Vampires tend to bite the same place, haven’t come across another vampire that bites behind the right ear yet, apart from Sinanima.

She is exceptionally smart. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have survived so many centuries. Might be the oldest vampire I have encountered. Other vampires might know about her, giving her age.  
Suspects she might be faster than the average. 

*sin, Latin _conj_  
\- But if, but the

*anima, Latin _f_  
\- Soul  
\- Breath of life, life (different from animus: mind, thought)

*animatio – onis _f_  
-creature  
Sin Anima = But the soul. 

If you read this, I’m probably gone. This is a dangerous business, and I hadn’t expected to grow old enough to be put in a nursing home anyway.  
I guess you cracked the password Val, cause Jake is absolutely hopeless when it comes to computers. Well done, my girl. I hope this might help you find her someday. Please be careful.  
I love you both.  
Bill 

 

“Why didn’t he tell us this?” The first shock had subsided, and Jake sounded angrier. 

“I don’t know.” I was still in shock. I couldn’t believe it. All this research. How had he found out so much about Sinanima? And as Jake said, why hadn’t he told us about this? We could have helped him. All this new information was one big chaos in my mind. I had so many questions. And the note to us at the end of the document… How could he have known? I felt a twinge of pain inside me. _‘I love you both.’_ But if you loved us how could you have kept this a secret from us? Could Sinanima really be _that_ old? There weren’t any links or sources for his research, so we couldn’t continue, but there was so much. I didn’t think we would found out more about her than if we found her ourselves. The first shock of mine subsided too, and I felt… excited! We had found a way to track her, her signature bite behind the right ear. And if she really was that old, then other vampires had to know something about her, just as Bill had written. She must be a legend amongst them. She might have blown life into the succubus myths! 

“I can’t believe he didn’t tell us!” His voice was harsh, I finally raised my eyes from the screen and looked at him. He was almost shaking with rage. 

“This is a good thing! We might be able to track her now!” I defended. This document was a blessing. He had walked away from the laptop and was stomping back and forth in front of me. I slowly stood up. 

“Did you notice what he wrote as her last known whereabouts?” He paused for a second to look at me. His rage wasn’t directed at me. 

“Coralville, Iowa. I noticed.” I stood still and kept my voice calm. I knew what he meant, Bill died in Coralville. The 23rd January. He was bitten behind his right ear too. 

“She might very well be the one that killed my dad!” He yelled. 

This discovery was shocking. I could understand his rage, his reaction to this. We had one more reason to find that bitch, like what we already had wasn’t enough, now this too. 

“I know that.” I was still calm. 

He had to act out, he had to get it out of his system. He kept stomping back and forth. Only paused to yell, and then continued. “Might be faster than average? What’s that supposed to mean?” He scuffed. 

“I don’t know any more than you do.” We had never heard about this before. Vampires weren’t faster than humans. Though they had an immortal body, they still had the physical limitations of a human body on that account. 

“What does her name have to do with anything? I don’t care what her name means!” His tone heeled towards disdain as he frustrated let his hands run through his hair. “How can you be so calm about this, Valery?” He yelled accusingly and took a step towards me. 

I held my ground. He didn’t frighten me because his rage wasn’t meant on me. He had to blow off some steam because of this discovery. It just had to pass, I just had to wait patiently until he had gotten it all out. “Because you won’t,” I said firmly, but compassionate. 

My answer seemed to stop him for a moment. His eyes kept staring at me, challenging me. I wasn’t going to board his train of rage. This was a blessing, and nothing he said could change that fact. Bill had beyond his grave handed us his helping hand. I was grateful to him. But this discovery meant something else to Jake. It meant he had found out who his dad’s killer was. I thought back on when Bill told me Sinanima’s name from the description I had given him. I had gotten a good look at her before she had jumped out the window and left me in the burning apartment along with my dog Balder who died. Rage and determination to kill her had filled me. I had gotten something tangible to aim everything at, someone to blame for all the misery in my life. 

But Jake was so angry even before he found out about this, and this was too much for him. He was having what looked like some sort of meltdown. 

I tried to lay all my understanding of his behavior into my eyes. Hoped he would see it because I didn’t think there was anything I could say that he would listen to. It felt like he stared at me for several minutes, my eyes didn’t shy away from his, I kept returning his look. I wasn’t going to bow down or back away this time. When his rage had passed, he would need comfort. And I was the only one left. The only one he had, I wasn’t going to let him down. 

His shoulders seemed to relax a bit. I slowly saw the all-consuming rage leave, turning into a smolder in the corner of his hazel eyes. 

“I know you’re furious, I know you feel betrayed, but some day we will find her and make her pay. I promise you that. I want to find her just as much as you do. She killed my mom if you haven’t forgotten.” I had a hard time keeping my voice calm at the last sentence, but I managed to say it as calmly as the rest of it, and without any accusations, just as a reminder to him. So he could see I was on the same side as him, see that I wasn’t fighting him. I hoped my words would reach him now that he seemed to be over the worst of it. 

He was still staring at me, but a painful frown had appeared on his forehead. I crossed the space between us in three steps and put my arms around him, I would take away his pain, his anger if I could, but I didn’t know how. The only thing I could do was to comfort him, he was hurt. The only difference was that I wasn’t the one who had hurt him this time. For a moment, he stiffened, but I just held him tighter. He was taller than me, so I couldn’t hide him in my embrace like he could with me. But I could hold him around his shoulders and neck, and just exactly rest my chin on his shoulder too if I stood on my toes. 

I felt his shoulders relax and after a couple more seconds, he put his arms around my waist and returned my embrace. 

“I’m sorry you’re hurt,” I whispered in a trembling voice. I felt a warm, stinging sensation in my eyes, but before the tears could leave, I blinked them away. The only response was that he held me tighter. 

We stood like this for a long time, almost five minutes I guess. 

He released himself from our hug, put his hands on my cheeks, and kissed my forehead. “Thank you.” His voice was calm, he didn’t look at me. His meltdown had retreated. 

I didn’t know if he thanked me for calming him down or comforting him. It didn’t matter. He sat down on the bed with his head in his hands. I wanted to give him some room to think, so I sat back down in front of the laptop and saved the document outside the locked folder before I headed for my boots and jacket to take a walk. 

“Where’re you going?” He had looked up from his hands. He looked confused, and it wasn’t just caused by me. 

“Taking a walk so you can think in peace,” I explained. I really thought he wanted to be alone, I would have wanted that if I was in his place. 

“Please don’t go.” His hazel eyes burned me, I didn’t know what it was that I traced in them. 

“Okay.” I kicked off my boots again, laid on the bed and turned on the TV. He didn’t join me, he just sat at the edge of the bed. Why didn’t he want me to leave? 

I found some semi-interesting channel and watched it until we had to go a couple of hours later. At some point, he crawled up next to me and watched TV with me. He didn’t touch me, and I let him be. He didn’t want me to go, so I didn’t. Fair enough. I didn’t understand it, but if it was what he needed, then it was fine with me. I couldn’t figure out his state of mind, his eyes were still smoldering with the almost always present anger, but there were something else. I think it was pain. 

 

The drug house was built of red bricks. It looked like it was from the 1950’s, maybe 1960’s. It had boarded windows, and the trashcan was too full. The grass was long, and the whole thing really was ramshackle to look at. 

We walked up the uneven path to the front door and knocked. A man that might have been in the middle of his thirties opened for us and waved us in. He was skinny, his clothes were filthy, and had a couple of sores on his face. He was disgusting. 

The whole house reeked of acetone, sulfur and cat piss, the smell of a meth lab. It looked just as unmaintained on the inside as it did on the outside. Maybe worse actually. 

We were guided into what was supposed to be the living room, three guys were sitting on a filthy couch with stuffing coming out from several holes. All casting a shadow. 

I let Jake do the talking as he was the one who had talked to the dealer yesterday. I hated drug dealers and drug addicts, I just wanted to get out of here as fast as I could, they usually weren’t too fond of us when we eventually backed out of our ‘big deal.’ 

Jake and one of the guys were talking about any new activity in the neighborhood, what was good for the sale and what wasn’t. To see if there had been a new favorite customer. 

“Who is your little friend over there?” The filthy drug addict sitting in the middle of the couch asked Jake. 

I was standing a couple of steps behind him in the doorway. I rolled my eyes, here we go, now I had to listen to some lousy pickup lines. 

“That’s my girlfriend,” Jake replied with a calm, but not less cautionary tone. I, on the other hand, was baffled. No, more like in shock actually. 

_What!?_ I wanted to scream at him, but I couldn’t find my voice. I was his partner, that’s what he called me. 

_Used to call you apparently._

A voice in my head said. Was I his girlfriend? I hadn’t seen that one coming, it surprised and overwhelmed me. I didn’t know if I liked it or not. 

“She looks feisty.” One of them commented. I think it was said with a nasty undertone, but it was like my mind couldn’t pay attention to them. 

“She can take care of herself,” Jake said. Clearly, a warning, before they continued their talk. 

It was like I was frozen in my place. I felt like running, but I couldn’t move. 

I don’t know how much time had passed when I heard a raised voice saying we had wasted his time. I awoke from my dazzled state of mind when Jake backed into me. He had asked to see the meth and claimed it was too poor quality for us, our usual excuse. My hand flew to my back, ready to grab my gun while I backed away, heading for the front door. This was almost how it always ended, but there had only been a couple of times where we actually had to take out our guns and point them. But neither of us had ever killed a human before, only vampires. Jake’s size was most of the time enough to keep the drug addicts in chess, luckily. I didn’t want to harm people unless it was absolutely necessary. 

Jake gave one last retort, and we could escape out the front door back to the car. 

I was silent all the way back and distant. Was he invading my space again or was this just how the situation actually was? 

Girlfriend. I tasted the word, it felt weird in my mouth. I hadn’t really had a boyfriend before, only in high school lasting about six months, but that didn’t really count as a real relationship. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. For six years he had just been… Jake… like family, or whatever you wanted to call it. My mind couldn’t see him in this new light, this new way. I still didn’t know if I liked it or not. 

 

When we came back to the motel and went to bed, I just took my book and pretended to read so he would leave me alone. I had to… I don’t know… process this somehow. He might have felt my distance because he just went to sleep and left me alone with my book.


	15. His side of things

“Jake? Jake! Take a look at this.” Val suddenly burst out and wavered me over to her with frantic arms. I was slightly perplexed but did as she said. She had a document open on the screen. I leaned in over her shoulder to read. I got more and more shocked and confused the more I read.

Where the fuck did this come from? 

When I read the note from my dad at the bottom of the document, it was like a knife stabbed my heart and got twisted around. “Where did you find this?” I demanded, but even my voice was affected by the shock. 

“It-it was in a locked folder. I finally cracked the password.” She explained. 

It made less and less sense. A locked folder? “Seriously?” I asked her, and she just nodded. I felt something replace the shock. It started pounding in my veins. Started in my heart, that still felt stabbed and twisted, and slowly spread throughout my whole body. 

“This is… gold!” She exclaimed. 

No, this is a betrayal. Why would he keep this a secret from us? We had a right to know! Especially me. I was the one who has actually got bitten by her. And Val, she also had a right to know this. Sinanima was the reason our lives were as they were. The reason why I didn’t have any parents. Why had he thought he could just sit on this kind of information? “Why didn’t he tell us?” I couldn’t help but ask. I needed to ask somebody when I couldn’t yell it in the face of my dad. 

“I don’t know.” 

No, of course, you don’t. I couldn’t take this anymore. It felt like I was about to explode. It all swirled around in my head. How did he found out so much? And why not tell us so that we could find out even more about her? “I can’t believe he didn’t tell us!” 

“This is a good thing! We might be able to track her now!” She was right, but right now, I didn’t care. I couldn’t get over the fact that dad had kept this a secret. It felt like all this information was about to make my mind burst, and it felt like all this rage pounding in me was about to make the rest of me erupt. 

_Known whereabouts: Coralville, Iowa, January 2015._

Dad died in Coralville. And the bite behind his right ear… my fingertips involuntarily touched my own scars behind my ear. I was gonna tear her apart. Another wave of red-hot rage washed over me. Of all the vampires in the world, she was responsible for my dad’s death too! Why didn’t he tell us he suspected it was Sinanima back then!? 

I had become aware of how… indifferent Val seemed to be. And what? Glad too? How could she be that? I thought it was because she was too stupid to see the link. “Did you notice what he wrote as her last known whereabouts?” I turned around and asked Val. I hadn’t even noticed I hadn’t stood still the whole time. 

“Coralville, Iowa. I noticed.” 

I felt the demons named _Finding Sinanima_ and _Finding the vamp that killed dad_ intertwine and become stronger, fueled by each other. Working together. As I felt them work together in some sick dance inside me, I tried to sneak in some doubt. “She might very well be the one that killed my dad.” If I admitted to it and spoke the words _She was the one that killed my dad_ out loud it would make it too real, and only fuel the two cooperating demons even more, and I couldn’t stand it any longer. 

“I know that.” 

Some of the other information started roaming, and I realized that something wasn’t making sense. “Might be faster than average? What’s that supposed to mean?” I hadn’t even noticed I spoke my question out load. I was losing complete control. The black monster of rage sneaked in and tangled me in its web. 

“I don’t know any more than you do.” 

No, of course not. You are useless right now! I screamed in my head. The other information flew around before my inner eye. Another thing wasn’t making sense too. “What does her name have to do with anything? I don’t care what her name means.” Why had he fumbled around with her name? It didn’t matter, it was just a name! I don’t know if I spoke that question out loud too. I didn’t care. I couldn’t take it anymore. I just wanted to escape this. 

The black monster needed to release its wrath at something. 

_Someone._

“How can you be so calm about this, Valery?” I wanted to pick a fight with her. _It_ wanted to pick a fight with her. I needed to blame someone when neither my dad nor Sinanima was here. I would have yelled at dad. I would have torn Sinanima into pieces with my bare hands. I looked at her and waited for her response. Just open your mouth with one little lame excuse, and I’ll tear you into pieces too. 

“Because you won’t.” 

Her answer surprised me. I hadn’t expected that. Her voice… it was like it had screamed at the monster, and pulled me forward. Not scared it away, but giving me enough strength to try to fight it. I tried to calm down, so I could process this, but the monster, the rage kept pounding like poison in my veins, in my head, in my thoughts. 

Blame her. Yell at her. Hurt her, and you’ll feel better.

I kept looking into her eyes, while I fought this inner battle. It was like her eyes helped. Helped me drive the rage, the poison away. 

“I know you’re furious, I know you feel betrayed, but someday we will find her and make her pay. I promise you that. I want to find her just as much as you do. She killed my mom if you haven’t forgotten.” 

_We will find her and make her pay._  
We… I wasn’t alone. 

She understood me in a way I couldn’t comprehend. Just one glance at me, and she knew how I felt. I didn’t know how she did it. And now I know how she felt after her mom died. But she was alone back then. I wasn’t alone. I had her, and again I was an asshole to her. The blackness had drowned the demons, but as it retreated, I felt them starting to work again, ground against each other. Another shadow laid over me too. Grief… I missed dad so much. 

She walked over to me and put her arms around my neck and shoulders. How did she know what I needed? Why did she put up with me? I felt bad. The aftermath of the rage turned into guilt. I wanted to push her away. To protect her from me. I was so fucked up I would only hurt her. But the smell of her, the touch of her… her arms tightened around me, and I couldn’t resist. I put my arms around her and buried my nose in her hair. 

“I’m sorry you’re hurt.” She sounded so sad. 

No, please don’t. I’m not worth it. I couldn’t stand the tone in her voice. It made me feel guiltier… and sadder… I held her tighter as I couldn’t get a single word over my lips. I kept inhaling the smell of her hair. It was like an antidote to the last remains of the rage. Though the rage was gone, I kept inhaling her smell, and eventually, it started to have an effect on the guilt too. Her arms around me, her body pressed against mine, holding her in my arms. I didn’t know what I would do without her. I felt like never letting her go, but I had to eventually. 

I took her face in my hands and kissed her forehead. “Thank you.” I would have said so much more, but the words failed me.

Thank you for being here for me, thank you for understanding me, thank you for being the way you are, thank you for putting up with my shit... The list was endless… 

I needed to think this through. I sat down on the bed and hid my face in my palms. I just had to deal with the fact that dad didn’t tell us. Maybe he had his reasons though I couldn’t see them. I knew if I didn’t deal with this somehow it was going to transform into some kind of demon that would grab me too, and I couldn’t take any more demons. They would crush me. 

I heard Val get up from the chair, but her steps weren’t headed towards me, they were heading away from me. I removed my hands from my face and saw her put on her boots.

“Where’re you going?” Why would she leave?

“Taking a walk so you can think in peace.” 

Why would I want to be alone now? Loneliness. No, I couldn’t take that too. Or maybe it was just an excuse to get away from me and all my shit. “Please don’t go,” I begged her. I didn’t want to be alone, I was afraid that the raging monster would come back if she weren’t here. 

“Okay.” She said and kicked off her boots again. 

I breathed a sigh of relief.


	16. Chapter 16

It was weird that one little word could freak me out this much. 

Girlfriend. 

Were we a couple? We had sex, yeah, but does that make us a couple? Not necessarily. We weren’t like a typical couple. Didn’t you have to date first to become a couple? I guess not. Neither of us had time to really date, we had the job, and we weren’t in the same place for too long, always on the move, so you couldn’t maintain a real relationship with our lifestyle. 

Since we reached Montana ten days ago, we had practically turned our sleeping routines upside down. We were awake a good portion of the night and slept until at least noon. Some days were different of course, but it felt like this most of the time. It didn’t bother me, because that meant there weren’t so many hours to kill before we could go out. We had to start searching farther away, we had already checked most of the inner circle of the town. 

I knew I was distant, and Jake noticed it, but he didn’t comment on it. It was impossible to tell if he knew why I had been this quiet. He tried not to be the Angry Jake, maybe because he thought I needed some air and was trying the best he could to give it to me. He didn’t even join me in the shower but waited until I was done. But I had to admit he had listened to me, and it felt more like air, but not completely. 

 

“Will you take out my stitches?” I asked him. I had forgotten all about them, and they really needed to come out. It didn’t hurt anymore, and that was probably the reason why I had forgotten them. The wound was healing nicely, but it could get infected if the stitches didn’t come out soon. 

“Of course.” He said before grabbing the medical bag, pulled the other chair in front of me, and sat down. 

I pushed my top and bra strap down, giving him some room to work. I heard the small scissor cut through the thread and felt it pull in my skin when he took them out. “I’m sorry I’ve been quiet,” I told him. I really was, and I wanted him to know that because I didn’t know how long it would last. 

“Okay… you are pretty frustrating now, you know.” He looked me in the eyes, his voice wasn’t harsh, it was more a statement. He was trying, really trying to communicate with me, make things work. Neither of us wanted to end like that night where we had screamed at each other, and he had left. 

I felt bad, he was still so hurt after our discovery yesterday, that I felt selfish just to pull away from him like that. I had to get over it. “Thanks for telling me. I’ll try to be less frustrating.” 

He nodded and took out the last stitch. 

I told him I would try, I didn’t know how to stop being frustrating, or stop being a magnet. I wasn’t his girlfriend, this wasn’t a usual relationship, but the longer I thought about it, the more I could see why he had called me that. It was in need of a better word. We were not just partners anymore or like siblings, but we were not a couple either. We were something in between all of those and there wasn’t a name for it, so girlfriend was probably what described it best. With everything in me I tried to accept that as fast as I could, but my mind had a hard time wrapping around it. 

 

We drove outside the perimeter of town to begin searching there. The first three places didn’t provide us with any leads or information. 

We stepped inside the fourth bar tonight. It was cleaner than I had expected from the look of it from the outside. A small band was playing in the corner. The atmosphere was quite different, not as depressing, but not as hard going as in a club. People seemed to have a good time. 

I was pretty sure we wouldn’t find any leads in here. Though the light was flickering in all the shades of green, blue, purple, and pink, you could imagine. The band felt too loud for the semi-small bar, especially the drums, you could feel the beat in your chest. 

The bartender was younger than those who usually run the filthy old bars, still had all of his hair and didn’t have bad teeth. 

I decided to take this one, it was easier to avoid flirting when you had to show the badge. “Criminal Investigator, Martha Young.” I raised my voice to outshout the music, but still with a smile while I held up my badge. 

“What can I help you with?” He didn’t even seem nervous. That meant no illegal gambling or drugs. The longer I spend here, the more I was sure we wouldn’t find anything. 

“We were wondering if you had seen any suspicious activity lately. Mainly from travelers passing through?” Behind me Jake scanned the room, I felt like it was a waste of time. 

The young bartender looked up, trying to remember. “Uh, there was a lady in here a couple of nights ago. She wasn’t really the usual type. I mean people come here to have a good time, and the kids get to play their little gigs here. She looked like she belonged in a bar closer to the center of town.” 

“What did she look like?” Jake talked for the first time since we entered. I saw the eager spreading in his eyes. I wasn’t sure if we really should be getting eager. 

“I would guess she was in her late thirties, with long blonde hair. She looked like a hitchhiker with her boots and backpack and stuff.” 

“Did she say where she was going? Did she talk to anybody?” I asked. 

“She didn’t really say much, she ordered a beer but didn’t drink it. It looked like she was looking for someone, until one of our regulars came by, Steve. They talked for a while and then they left together.” 

This sounded more and more like it needed some attention to get confirmed or not. We got the address of this Steve person. He came to the bar once a week. He could be missing, they wouldn’t know until he didn’t come around next week. 

Even though it was late, we decided to go to his place immediately. If this really was a lead, then there was no time to waste. 

 

I knocked on the white door to the suburban house. No one answered, and the house was dark. Well, half of the houses in this street were actually. It wasn’t that late, but late enough that you wouldn’t expect anyone to come by at this hour. 

“Police! Open up!” Jake yelled and knocked harder on the white door. 

A light turned on behind the curtains, and we heard footsteps. A man in his mid-thirties with short brown hair in a robe opened for us. We held up our badges. 

“We’re sorry to disturb you this late, sir, but it’s important. Are you Steve Jefferson?” I asked him.

He looked slightly confused and tired but nodded. So he was alive, but that didn’t automatically rule out that he had encountered a vampire. But my eagerness cooled a couple of degrees. 

“Please come in, agents.” He led us into the kitchen, it was white and open, with a small table in the middle where we sat down. “Can I get you some coffee or anything?” He didn’t seem nervous, maybe it was just the hospitality of the suburban. 

“No thank you, we won’t be staying long. A couple of days ago you left ‘Gill’s’ with a blond-haired woman. Is that correct Mr. Jefferson?” Jake asked. He couldn’t hold a demanding tone out of his voice. 

“Yes that’s correct, and please call me Steve.” He started to make a cup of coffee for himself. 

“Can you tell us what happened that night?” I asked in a polite tone, inviting him to enlighten us. 

“Is she in some kind of trouble?” He looked slightly concerned, but after we had reassured him she hadn’t done anything serious he started to tell us what had happened. “Well, Helen, that’s her name, was very quiet at first when I met her at the bar, I think she was shy. From outta town, you know. Anyway, we got talking, she was really funny, said she was only in town for a couple of days looking for some fun. And well, she… got some fun.” A goofy smile spread on his face. 

Of course a one night stand. “Did you notice anything different about her?” I asked. This was our last chance to see if she was just a normal woman. 

“Maybe she was really pale for the season? Cold, like bad blood circulation?” Jake asked, I didn’t know how he did it, but he made it sound like a normal question. 

Steve looked surprised at first, but then he frowned. “Well, now that you say it, so yeah, she was actually. I didn’t really think about it, but she was actually pretty pale for a hiker in this season. But um, yeah, she was cold, so I turned up the heat, but when things got going, I was… paying attention to other things, you know.” He chuckled uncomfortably over this sharing of events. 

It was clear now this had to be investigated. Vampires without a mate wanted sex sometimes, more often than they needed to feed. No wonder there’s succubus and incubus myths all around the world. 

We just needed to know one more thing. “Did she say anything about where she was heading?” I asked, now I couldn’t hold my tone completely neutral, eagerness sneaked into it. 

“Um… She mentioned something about Moyie Springs, Idaho. Said the nature was beautiful for hiking.” He explained. 

“One last thing. Do you have a last name on her?” Jake asked. 

“No, I don’t actually. I’m sorry I couldn’t be more of a help.” He said, and looked apologizing and maybe slightly embarrassed?

We thanked him for his time and cooperation. Now we had a lead at least. I felt the excitement of the hunt pumping in my veins, this was the best part of hunting. It weighted up for the aimless days in a motel room. 

“We could pack our stuff and get going tonight and catch some hours of sleep before we head out looking for her,” I suggested when we were in the car on our way back to the motel. 

“You read my mind.” He just said, but I saw a tiny smile on his lips when he said it. 

It was good to have this lead, it distracted me from the girlfriend thing. I was sure it was in need of a better word, and that my mind just needed some time to comprehend it. 

When we got back to the motel, we packed all of our stuff as fast as we could. While Jake was outside putting the last stuff in the car, I left some money on the table for the room. We could easily make this kind of escape from the motels because we never used our real names and always paid in cash. I locked the door and threw the keys in the mailbox at the reception before I went back to the car. 

“You wanna drive the first shift?” He asked and tossed the keys to me. 

“Sure.” I got in, turned the keys in the ignition, and drove out on the road. I didn’t drive as fast as Jake normally did, but on the other hand, he was the one spending most time behind the wheel.

The good thing about driving at night was that there wasn’t much traffic or a lot of commercials on the radio. I hated commercials, it was a waste of time. I just wanted to listen to music when I was driving, and we were taking a break from our meager CD collection because we had heard them too many times lately. 

I thought about the possible female vampire we were after. The bartender and Steve had said she looked like a hitchhiker. Those were mostly the type that would feed by getting a lift, make them drive to some abandoned rest stop, suck them dry, and light the car on fire. We had to look out for that in the area in the next couple of days. They could also attack people who were out hiking as well. Just suck them dry and leave them away from the trails and then the wildlife would take care of the rest. We had rarely had this type of vampire on our hands before. I made a checklist in my mind for what we should start with in the morning. 

Jake had scooted down and leaned back with closed eyes. I didn’t know if he was asleep or if he was just resting, but I still felt the intensity slowly grow bigger between us, maybe it was encouraged by the thrill of the lead or because we were in such a small space for so long. Or it could be both, but it was there for sure. It was easier to handle now where Jake was starting to fight the anger. I had no idea how big his anger was or how much it weighed on him, but I knew it would take some time to overcome it. I just had to be patient with him. I was sure that what I saw in his eyes was only the tip of the iceberg. I would never understand the full force of it on him, but I could try my best to help him. 

I tried to push Jake out of my head and think of the possible vampire instead. She was without a mate for sure when she would pick up a one night stand. A thought flickered in my head. Bill’s document. 

_Other vampires might know about her, giving her age._

Maybe, this time, we shouldn’t just kill her right away, but capture her and interrogate her first. It couldn’t hurt to try. I sighed, of course, it could hurt to try, but we didn’t really have other choices, and it was the only solid lead on Sinanima. 

Normally we just wanted to know if they knew about hunters, and where they learned it to give us a lead. But that didn’t require much interrogation, maybe a smack with the gun. This was more extensive when we also wanted to find out about Sinanima, and it would be safest if she were tied up. I tried to remember where the handcuffs were. We would definitely need them if we wanted to interrogate her, and the others we found from now on. But the last time I could remember seeing them was when Jake had used them on me. I had to check when we reached our destination or maybe ask Jake if he could remember where he put them. 

How willing were vampires to talk about other vampires? A possibly important vampire? Hmm. We would have to find some way to make them talk if they were difficult. You could always smack them around a bit, it wasn’t maltreatment per se. They weren’t really alive or had a soul. They were soulless monsters, killers. 

 

I woke Jake so he could drive for the next couple of hours before we were there. My knee felt rigid, so I massaged it and bent and stretched it for ten minutes or so until it disappeared and I returned to bouncing it up and down to keep the rigidness away. 

Now where I was sure he was awake, I felt the intensity get more powerful. I forced myself to think about the job. Vampires. How to get them to talk. What could be really useful? Maybe shoot them in the shoulder or the knee? Hmm, waste of bullets, our silver bullets were expensive. Before I met Jake and Bill, I had only used my silver knife. I couldn’t make the bullets myself, and where the fuck should you get silver bullets? You couldn’t just walk into the first and best gun store and say ‘hey, do you take special orders? Great! I want two dozens of silver bullets, please.’ But then I met Jake and Bill. Bill had contact with a guy, Kevin, who made silver bullets amongst other things. I’ve met him and his wife, Tina a lot of times. They were like the closest friends we had. I had actually no idea how Bill had found him back in the day, but that didn’t matter. 

My gun was now my favorite, it had taken some time to get used to when I was used to a knife first. The gun was handier, even though it could run out of bullets, but I had never missed a shot. Jake had been a good teacher. He had practiced with me with normal bullets. First on still targets, and then on moving targets. Turned out I learned pretty quickly. And when I got good enough they gave me a round of silver bullets. I also loved the gun, because you didn’t have to get close to them like you did with a knife.

Would wounds caused by silver hurt more on vampires than regular wounds? I had to try out that theory as I hadn’t thought about torturing them before I read that document. I mean, how do they recognize each other from humans? Besides the missing shadow? A thought popped up in my head, and I almost laughed. I could picture them saying ‘If you show me yours, I’ll show you mine.’ Fangs of course. I pushed it aside again. I was sure they didn’t go to vampire conventions and elected the new vampire president. So how could they know about each other, besides coincidently stumbling across each other? We would at least have to try it. We just hadn’t had a reason to before, we just wanted them dead. We didn’t play with our food before we ate it, you could say.

 

I think I had closed my eyes after Jake had taken the wheel, because he poked me on the shoulder and muttered, “We’re here.” 

I blinked a couple of times and looked around. It was still dark, and we were parked at a parking lot in front of a motel reception. I guess this one was the closest to Moyie Springs. When I stepped out of the car, I stretched my back. You could never lie comfortable in a car seat. I felt Angry Jake was back on full power, I saw it on his shoulders when he walked in front of me to the reception. He couldn’t handle alone-time very well. I felt like if I wasn’t there to remind him of fighting the anger, it overpowered him. 

I was still groggy when we walked up to the desk to get a room. I didn’t pay any attention to the conversation before Jake looked at me, waiting. “I’m sorry, what?” I asked while I rubbed my eyes. 

“A king size bed?” He repeated the receptionist’s question too harsh like I was a child that didn’t understand what he was saying. 

And, what? So now you are asking me? What happened to just doing things, and hope it was okay with me? “Sure.” I just said. God, he could be confusing sometimes. Then it appeared before my inner eye. I had pulled away from him because of the ‘girlfriend’ thing, so now he was asking permission. Like when he asked if he could move his bed next to mine, or fuck me. I actually liked the sharing of the bed thing, but it was nice to be asked for a change. 

I was starting to see a pattern, I had kind of said no to the girlfriend thing, not out loud, but with my behavior and now he asked permission. When I had said no before we headed out to Montana, he had asked for permission to move his bed to mine. It wasn’t because he didn’t respect my boundaries when he just did stuff and hoped it was okay with me. Because he clearly did when I pulled away from him. He still had a weird way to do some things, and I wasn’t going to trouble my mind with that right now. We needed to unload the car. 

He put his hand on my lower back when we walked back to it. The electricity shot up my spine and started spreading, I was fully awake right away. It was almost a relief when he removed it to open the trunk and grabbed some of the bags. I followed shortly after with the last one and the laptop. 

The motel room was like every other cheap motel room with slight differences. A table with four chairs, a dresser, a TV and a king sized bed. 

The carpet was dark red, the walls were a weird gray color, and the furniture was made of dark wood. It looked kind of depressing, I just hoped the bathroom wasn’t orange like the one in Montana. Nope, it was a lighter shade of gray than the walls in the other room, but the shower curtain and the towels were almost same shade of red as the carpeting. The bathtub and shower were separated here too. 

Jake put down the bags and went out to grab the last stuff from the car. I could still feel where his hand had laid on my back. A thought crossed my mind. Why was I constantly fighting the intensity? 

_Because it can be choking._

An unwelcome voice said in my head. Yeah, but I know a way to relieve it for a while, and I really felt like I needed that. Relieve it so we could start fresh tomorrow, or actually, later today, searching. 

Why should he always come to me? He had shown me he respected my limits, he had asked me if I wanted a king size bed. Had given me a choice, it laid in my hands. Now it was my turn to give something back, forgive him for the girlfriend thing. 

Jake came back with the last of our stuff, put it down, and started to take off his boots and jacket. On my way over to him, I threw my jacket carelessly on one of the chairs and kicked off my boots. He looked up when I approached him, I saw the anger in his eyes. I laid my hands on his chest and gently pushed him back against the door. He looked confused for a second, looked down at my hands on his chest, to my eyes and back again, but before he could ask any questions I leaned forward and kissed him gently. 

His right hand captured my face, the left laid around my waist. The electricity burned my lips the instant our lips met and made me moan, I wanted more, I pushed my body against his, and my hands traveled up to his short hair and grabbed it. He instantly felt my mood, his grip on me tightened, and suddenly his lips and tongue took over the steering and kissed me back with such strength he would have made me take a step back if it wasn’t for his arm around my waist. He forced me to lean my upper body backward, and he had to put his left hand on my shoulder blade for further support. 

My mouth left his, so I could continue down his chin and finally to his neck so we could stand up straight again. His hands caressed firmly up and down my back, pushing me closer to him. My hands tightened their grip in his hair and pushed his head back, giving me better access. I heard him moan when I nipped, sucked, and kissed my way up and down his neck. 

Suddenly he grabbed my upper arms and threw me against the door where he had stood just a second ago, a surprised cry leaked from my lips when my back connected with the wood. He looked down at me with his piercing eyes, he wanted to be in control. I could see it. His eyes dark with anger, but lust too. His jaw was clenched, and breathed his deep panting breath heavily out his nose, moving his shoulders noticeably. 

It felt like he looked at me for a lifetime, my breathing was already getting labored, he was so close I could almost taste his sweet breath. He pressed his body against mine, pinning me to the door and finally kissed me, his tongue invaded my mouth. With me against the wall, he didn’t have to support my back, and his hands could then explore other places of my body. They slipped under my top, my hands laid on his neck when he released my arms, but quickly had to leave him again when he pulled the top over my head. We had to break off the kiss, only to continue with renewed force when my top landed on the floor. 

His hands traveled up my sides, over my breasts, up my neck and ended in my hair, they left me shivering and moaning when he also started to rub against me, but his controlling tongue muffled me. When I pulled up his shirt to get it over his head, his hands let go of my hair. I longed to feel his skin against mine. The electricity that filled me when he rubbed his naked upper body against mine was enough to make me moan, his hands ran all over my body, and his mouth found my neck and made my moans turn into a more lustful cry. 

My hands slipped under his arms and laid on his shoulder blades. I felt his strong muscles playing under my fingers as he moved his hands around on my body and his rubbing hips send a wave up his spine. My nails scraped desiring against his skin and made him inhale sharply through his teeth. 

His mouth kissed every inch of my neck, first my right side, then down to my collarbone and over to the left side, he bit me too, but not hard enough to leave any bruises. His hands continued their hungry journey around my body. Finally, his mouth found mine again, played with my tongue. 

My hands moved to his chest and tried to push him to the bed, but my struggle was wasted on him, I couldn’t move him. “Bed!” I tried to gasp between his kisses. 

He tore his mouth away from mine. “Yeah!” He grabbed my ass and lifted me up with my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, and walked over to the bed, easily released my grip and tossed me down on it. Before I could do anything he kneeled on the bed and started to unbutton my jeans, I helped him pull them off along with my panties. Then he stood up, took off his own jeans and boxers, and laid down on top of me. Grabbed around my waist and dragged me farther up the bed accompanied with a grunt and a hard rub against me to push me upwards. 

His naked body felt so good against mine, and my hands were back on his shoulder blades. It was like the electricity was amplified when it was skin against skin contact. I felt his hand travel up my body to my hair while he kissed me. The other grabbed my hip to control and move it as he rubbed against me. I knew he liked to be in charge, but I really longed to be on top of him this time. I tried to push him so that we could roll over, but again my struggle was no use against him. Not when he was this close. 

With a bite in his lip, I broke our kiss. “I wanna be on top.” I panted and looked him in the eyes to see his reaction, but all I saw was a smile before he dug his fingers into the skin on my hip, his other hand still in my hair, held me close and rolled around and dragged me with him. As soon as he was on his back, he pushed my upper body up in a straight position with his hands on my chest, then let them fall down to my hips and let his eyes run down my body, devouring it. 

I was a little shocked about the way he just tossed me around, though it wasn’t the first time he had done it. The shock of suddenly being on top took my breath away. This should be interesting. In anticipation, I bit my lip. My hands ran from his on my hips, up his forearms, upper arms, over his shoulders as I leaned forward. Then my hands moved opposite each other, one ended on his tattooed chest, the other in his hair and I started rubbing against him. He dug his short fingernails into the flesh on my hips, threw his head back, and inhaled sharply when I licked a trail from his chest up to under his right ear. Then my mouth started working its way from his neck to his chest, his nipples and up again, he gasped loudly when my tongue ran over his left pierced nipple. Now it was my turn to tease him a little. 

I traveled up his chin but didn’t kiss him when I reached his lips. I licked them, but just out of reach for a kiss. Underneath me, he started to writhe. Again, I kissed and nipped my way down his neck and chest, his hands firmly caressed my back and sides. He sometimes tensed up, or let a small moan spill from his lips in between his panting breath when I hit a sensitive spot, but not as much as when I touched his pierced nipple or behind his right ear. I had figured out those were his sweet spots. I traveled farther down his stomach before I followed the same path back. 

All of a sudden, his right hand traveled up, grabbed my hair, and yanked my head up in front of his, I let out a small surprised gasp, I was under an inch from his lips. “If you’re not nice, you can’t be on top.” He said superiorly with a raised eyebrow while he lightly shook his head. Apparently, I was only on top because he allowed me to. 

Oh, so that was the game we were playing? Fine. I nodded while biting my lower lip, pretending to surrender. He let go of my hair, moved his hand back down on my back, and I continued kissing his neck. 

He let out a gasp when I let one of my hands slide down and wrap around him to guide him inside me, but only the tip of his head. I moaned against his skin and started to move very slowly up and down, no farther than an inch, his breathing became uneven. This was payback for when he had made me beg for him. I worked my way up to his lips again, biting him teasingly in his lower lip without kissing him. 

“You asked for it.” He murmured when I let his lip go. At first, I didn’t know what he meant, his hands caressed my sides, but when he reached my waist, he grabbed me hard and forced me down on his entire length with a raw grunt. 

“Oh, God!” I cried when everything cringed together inside of me, and my head dropped down on his chin. I wasn’t prepared. He did it one more time accompanied with a higher strained grunt, and another helpless cry from me. My body tensed up, and he let go of my waist, now it was my turn to writhe on top of him. I couldn’t stop myself from kissing him while I slowly rocked my hips back and forth on top of him, his hands on my ass guided me in circular motions. 

There was something about his roughness that really turned me on. And by the look of it, his control and roughness with me turned him on too. I released his lips and straightened up, his hands fell down to my thighs. Easily I unhooked my bra and threw it away before I let my hands run from my waist, up the sides of my body and up into my hair as I started working my way up and down on him. Slowly up, hard down and it made him moan. I continued caressing my body while he watched me, grabbed my breasts, threw my head back and moaned. Let my fingers run over my lips and into my mouth, really giving him a show to enjoy. He bit his lip, but it couldn’t hold back his satisfied moans and grunts. Greedily he swallowed everything with his eyes, his pupils widened with lust. 

After a couple of minutes, his hands found my waist again and helped force me harder down on him, deeper into me. It made everything cringe together in me when he was deepest inside, and it elicited higher cries from me. It was a slow rhythm, but I had to remove my hands from my body and rest one of my hands on the wall for support and the other one on his chest. I felt my nails dig into his skin for every time he forced me down on him. His feral gaze held my eyes in place, except from when he hit a sweet spot that made me close my eyes and cry higher. His lip curled up over his clenched teeth, and every grunt was now almost a snarl. It was an excruciating rhythm, which dazzled me the longer it went on. His hips shot up in cooperation with his hands forcing me down. Controlling me, dominating me. Prohibiting me from interfering with his brutal pace into me that made my hair bounce up and down around me. The only reason my hand momentarily left his chest was to remove the hair from my face and damp forehead. 

At last, he couldn’t seem to take this slow rhythm anymore. He rolled around on top of me with ease, grabbed a chunk of my hair, and started to thrust deep, hard and fast inside me. My legs instantly wrapped around him, one hand pinned to his back by my nails, the other grabbing his short hair. He grabbed the flesh on my ass and moved it with him for every thrust. I felt his teeth running up and down my neck, his breath panting against my heated skin in short grunting outburst as he quickly approached his climax. 

I wasn’t sure if a bite would come this time because he had before let them run against my skin without biting me. But then I felt a sharp pain that made me twitch and whimper blend with the pleasure of him thrusting three more times into me before he came and released inside me with a deep, savage groan I almost mimicked in a high pitch instead as my nails scratched down his back, and my fingers clutched in his hair. 

He laid still for a couple of seconds, and then gave one last jolt into me, only half as powerful as the previous one and then released my neck from his teeth. 

 

We were both panting like we had run several miles. I took his head in my hands, he was just as sweaty as me, and led him up to my mouth and kissed him before I looked into his eyes. More hazel, less anger. Fucking me was like… not a cure, but something to keep it in check. Before we had sex the first time I had only seen the angry, dark eyes, but after he had fucked me, he was like a completely different person. This was really all it took, but it complicated things a lot too. 

He rested his forehead on my chin when he pulled out of me with a weak moan. “I think it’s your turn now.” He whispered against my lips after a quick kiss. 

“Oh, you think?” I almost moaned expectantly, my hips pushed slightly upwards. 

His hand released my hair, glided down my neck, over my breast and stomach and between my legs while looking me in the eyes and biting his lip. My breath became uneven, and still slightly panting as I hadn’t really caught my breath yet. He pushed two long fingers into me so harshly, the movement coming all the way from his shoulder, that he forced me two inches farther up the bed and I cried out. His hard and fast thrusting into me earlier had left me blissfully sore. 

He certainly wasn’t afraid of his own juices. He did it one more time and curled his fingers up inside me and continued moving them in a waving rhythm inside me that made my hips and spine follow his motions. My fingers that had relaxed moved to the back of his head and resumed grabbing his hair. When his head dropped to nip and suck on my nipples in turns, I got a look at the several red lines from my nails on his smooth tattooed back, but I hadn’t ripped the skin this time. 

His mouth moved farther down to my stomach, and his fingers left the inside of me and led them to my mouth. I willingly opened up for him, and when my lips closed around his fingers, his head snapped up to watch me. My right hand left his hair to grab his wrist to lead them in and out of my mouth, but he instantly grabbed my wrist with his left hand and held it to the mattress next to my head and started moving his fingers in and out of my mouth. 

“I set the pace here.” He warned. Licked and bit his lip as I sucked his soaked fingers clean. 

I could taste my own wetness and his mixed together. Salty, but not bad. 

He pushed his fingers further into the back of my throat, it almost made me gag, before he almost pulled them out again. Then to the back of my throat and pulled them out, but then let his palm run over my mouth. I felt the sticky fluid getting smeared over my lips and around them as I licked his palm. When it was clean, he withdrew it, and I started licking the leftover that was smeared around my mouth. 

He moved farther up and leaned down, leaving his lips under an inch from mine. “Mm, you like that, huh?” He whispered seductively, I felt his uneven breath on my wet lips. 

“Yes.” I moaned back and licked my lips one more time. 

His breath became erratic, he captured my left wrist and held it down on the bed too, next to my head. He licked my chin where there still were some fluid spread, and then he attacked my lips. His tongue tigerishly pushed through my lips and found mine before his teeth dug into my lower lip and pulled it before he let go, separating our lips. His eyes looked down at my lips, licked on my jawline before he released my hands and quickly moved down my body until he was between my legs. His lips closed around my most sensitive spot and made my body tense up, my back curved from the mattress, and I moaned. His left hand slipped under my thigh and grabbed my hip, while the fingers of his right hand pushed into me again. I grabbed the sheets and threw my head back in a high cry. 

His tongue and fingers worked together in the most hypnotizing pattern. As he only grabbed one of my hips, I still had the ability to move, not as much as I wanted, but I wasn’t locked in his grip. Every time I bucked my hips up to him he retorted with a moan, the vibration of his voice tickled me and added to my pleasure and slowly approaching climax. I whimpered at the loss of his touch when his fingers disappeared from the inside of me, as it was a step back from my sweet release. At my next moan, he pushed his wet fingers into my mouth, and I automatically started to suck. The juices on his hand got on my chin. This time, he didn’t prevent me from grabbing his wrist to move them in and out of my mouth. His fingers muffled my moans, and though I had a grip on his wrist, he still took the lead and again pushed them to the bag of my throat, almost out, then in again, all while his tongue still swirled, bent, licked, and he sucked between my legs. 

When his fingers were clean, I pulled them out and started licking and kissing the rest of his palm.

After a minute where I had returned to suck on his fingers one by one he wrenched his wrist out of my grip and let it drag a wet trail down my throat, between my breasts, and over my stomach. His hand left my flushing skin, and he pushed them inside me again, tearing my lips apart in a high moan, my climax nearing faster. 

My moan-full breath became more frantic the closer I got. My fingers ripping in the sheets, my legs quivered. My spine curved, snapped back, and arched once again. My hips moving as much as he allowed it. His effort intensified, his tongue worked harder, his fingers pressed up and hit the perfect spot, and he started moaning continuously without a stop which in a matter of seconds, made the upper part of my back arch so high I was now resting on my elbows. My head was thrown back, and I erupted in a high-pitched groan that continued until it morphed into a whimper. His shoulders had stopped my legs from pressing together. 

At last, I fell back onto the mattress with a long exhausted sigh, but my body still quivered. He slowed the movements of his tongue, squeezing as much out of my orgasm as possible, until he stopped, pulled his fingers out and climbed back on top of me. His left hand laid on my cheek and started kissing my lips. He tasted like his fingers, of us both. For every kiss, he tilted his head back until his lips left mine and I was now kissing and sucking his chin clean. A moan from the back of his throat spilled from his lips. His hand on my cheek glided to the back of my neck, grabbed a fistful, and pulled my head back, my lips away from his skin. 

“You want more?” He asked with a dirty gleam in his eyes and looked down at me, still with his head leaned back. He didn’t wait for an answer before he, for the third time, pushed his wet fingers of his right hand into my mouth, but this time, his palm rubbed against my chin for every time he moved his fingers. I moaned appreciatively. He tasted good, not too salty, but sweet somehow. 

When his fingers were clean he pulled them out, I let my teeth run along them the whole way out, and then he dragged a trail down my throat and between my breasts with the rest. He grabbed the sheets and started licking back up. His left hand still buried in my hair, keeping my head in place, but I licked as much as I could reach around my mouth. 

He eagerly kissed his way up my throat. His kisses got more insisting, a hint of that savageness was to trace in it. He licked up my chin, let his teeth scrape along my jawline, I inhaled sharply before he assaulted my lips. Suddenly he tore his lips away to kiss and suck on my chin and then returning to fiercely kissing me, his tongue took control over mine, his hand in my hair took over my head. He ripped my head back, my lips away from his and looked down at me, his lip was curled up, like when a predator bares its teeth before going after its prey. 

I was his prey. 

“Oh God, you’re so kinky. I wanna fuck you again.” He growled. It was a statement, he wasn’t asking for my permission or opinion. 

“You should be the one to talk.” I moaned hectically. 

A smile spread on his lips. He sat up as much as he could on his knees while still holding on to my hair with his left hand. His right hand grabbed underneath the knee of my left leg, pulled it up, and guided it up leaving my calf on his shoulder and my thigh against his chest. Now caressing my thigh softly with his hand and turned his head to kiss my knee. “Let’s see how bendy you are, shall we?” He smiled wryly and slowly leaned forward, pushing my leg in front of him with his upper body. His hand now had a firm grip on my thigh to keep it in place. He watched me, I think to see any signs of discomfort, while he slowly kept leaning forward. 

I felt it stretch the muscles in my thigh on the inner side, but it didn’t hurt. I could with ease get my knees up in line with my head, so when he was halfway, I was tired of waiting, grabbed around his neck and pulled him forward in one quick movement, our lips now under an inch from each other. My knee was bent over his shoulder, my calf now behind him, and my thigh lying up against my stomach and breast, the upper part of my knee touching my collarbone and shoulder. 

“Wow, you are flexible.” He said impressed. 

“I know.” I bit my lip, but couldn’t hide a smile. My right leg wrapped around his waist.

He bit his lip too before he eagerly kissed me. Then removed his hand from my thigh to guide himself into me. As soon as he was in place, he released my lips, his hand grabbed my thigh again, and hammered into with a groan, I followed with what sounded more like a whimper. 

Oh, this angle! 

And I was still sensitive from my orgasm and delightfully sore, I could feel how my muscles tightened around him. My right hand laid on top of the fire and water tattoo on the upper part of his thigh and helped him push harder into me at the second thrust, eliciting a wild groan from him and a pull in my hair. He went almost all the way out and then jolted deep into me with his whole length, moving his whole body with a force that sent me an inch farther up in the bed. 

“Oh, fuck yes!” I cried out loud. This angle made him hit such a sweet spot. 

Again, he was thrusting harshly into me, the motion at his hips rippled up through his spine and sent his whole upper body forward against me, moving me with him, almost lifting me. With my hand that helped him deep into me, I felt the muscles in his thigh and ass tensing up with every thrust. His lips assaulted mine, muffling our cries and grunts. 

It only took a few more thrust to send me so far up the bed that the top of my head hit the head of the bed. My hand around his neck left him to put a pillow between the headboard and me before it then returned to grasping his hair. He tore his lips from mine, letting lose my high moans, and his head dropped and rested on my chin, giving me a view of the dragon tattoo that decorated the right side of his back. I felt his panting breath becoming more labored against my skin until it transformed to lustful gasps he pushed out through his clenched teeth the closer he got to his second climax. His fingers dug harder into the skin on my thigh, he turned his head, and his teeth sank into the flesh on my inner thigh as he gave me two harder than I thought possible thrusts and came. I cried out even higher, the pain, the pleasure in one amazing cocktail. I hadn’t noticed my hand in his hair had tightened its grip until he deftly let go of my hair, grabbed my wrist and smacked it onto the mattress next to my head. One more thrust and he had emptied himself with a throaty groan and his teeth released my thigh with a last tug in it. 

“Ouch,” I exclaimed, but then he sealed his lips to mine. 

His right hand moved my leg to the side and then around his waist instead and cupped my face with his hand. He broke off the kiss and leaned his sweaty forehead against my chin. His grip around my wrist loosened. “Oh, God.” He sighed. 

“Aaah, yeah.” I agreed. 

He slowly pulled himself out of me with a low whimpering moan, but other than that he didn’t move. 

My breathing slowly returned to normal along with his I felt against my skin. I felt exhausted. I wiped the sweat from my forehead, it felt cold as my skin had cooled in the minutes we had laid here. “You wanna go to sleep?” I asked slowly. 

He lifted his head and nodded, I could see he was just as tired as I was. “I’ll get the lights.” He placed a quick kiss on my lips before he got up. 

I lazily tried to drag the blanket out from under me to put it over me. But as I didn’t want to get up, it made it much more difficult. He chuckled over my struggle. 

Finally, and not very elegantly I got the blanket aside and tucked myself under it. Jake crawled under when he came back and laid next to me with his head on my chest. “I need you.” He whispered sleepily after a while in the darkness. 

“I need you too.” I slowly responded as I was almost asleep. Shortly after I was.


	17. His side of things

I think she was asleep. I couldn’t help but think that her being distant was connected with the fact that I had called her my girlfriend, I was pretty positive actually. I just don’t understand why. We were a couple whether she liked it or not. At least in my opinion. Why did everything have to be this complicated with her? Why couldn’t this just be easy and uncomplicated? Like before dad died. What’s wrong with being a couple? Doesn’t she want me as her boyfriend? Is this just sex to her? No, it can’t be. She said she needed me. She had said it often. 

I don’t know for how long I thought about this subject, but suddenly we were already here. “We’re here.” I poked her shoulder. I was actually a little pissed at her because she was so frustrating. Redheads… 

I walked in front of her to the reception. Don’t let it in control… I took a deep breath to calm down. It helped. When the receptionist asked if we wanted a king or two queens, I looked at her. “Val?” I let the choice be hers. It was interesting to see if she really wanted to sleep together with the way she had acted lately. 

“I’m sorry, what?” She asked. She looked tired. Probably because she hated sleeping in the car. 

Did I really have to say it? “A king size bed?” I said harder than intended. I was still… annoyed with her. 

“Sure.” She said. 

My annoyance decreased, and I actually breathed a little sigh of relief. So you wanna sleep together, but you have a problem with me calling you my girlfriend? I couldn’t figure her out. Maybe she just needed to get used to it. We had after all known each other a long time before we started this. I remembered her face when she first looked at the lace underwear I had bought her, but eventually, she wore it. 

On the way back to the car I couldn’t resist putting my hand on her lower back. She straightened up but didn’t move away from me. Sadly, I had to remove my hand to open the trunk. I took both our backpacks and headed for the room, her dragging footsteps followed me. After putting the bags down, I went back outside to get the last and locked the car. Inside I just put the bag down right next to the door and started to take off my boots and jacket. I just wanted to go to bed, we could ‘unpack’ tomorrow, though that’s actually an exaggeration with our meager possessions. 

I heard Val walk over to me. Maybe she forgot something in the car, but then her hands laid on my chest and pushed me against the door. What was she doing? I looked at her hands, to her face, and back again. And then she kissed me with her soft lips. It was so unfamiliar that she came to me like this. 

My hands automatically found her face and waist and she let out a moan. She pushed her body against mine, and instantly I felt a raw need wash over me, I tightened my grip on her. My first wonder subsided as her hands grabbed my hair and I returned the kiss, dominated the kiss. I put both my hands on her back to keep her close to me. She wasn’t strong enough to keep upright from my forceful kisses. Her lips disappeared from mine and started to kiss my neck. They were so soft against my skin, it made me shiver. 

Now that she was upright again, my hands moved up and down caressing her back, holding her close to me. Her hands grabbed my hair harder and tilted my head back. She really took her time. Kissed all of my neck while she also sucked and bit me gently. It felt wonderful. I was so sensitive to the upper part of my neck, especially around my right ear. Another wave washed over me, and I wanted to be in control. I needed to control her. Take her as my possession, because that is what she is. She is mine. 

I took her by her upper arms and switched places with her, she was now pressed up against the door. I didn’t kiss her right away as I loved that lusty look she had and I wanted to take a good look at her before I got intertwined with her. And I could catch my breath for a second. Heaved my breath in through my nose as my teeth were clenched to repress the lust for a moment. It also showed her I was in control. She was gonna stay there up against the door until I felt like kissing her, taking her. 

Her breathing was already affected, she panted slightly but just waited for me to take her. Her eyes looked big and awaiting back at me. A couple of moments later, where I yearned so much for her it almost hurt, I pressed myself against her and took one last long look at her before I kissed her, her hands found my neck. I couldn’t believe the effect she had on me. It was like she scared all the demons inside me away. Like light breaks through the darkness. The darkness in me. She was my drug. 

I ripped her top off. I wanted her so badly. The top had barely left her head before I kissed her again and her hands were back on my body, she was just as eager as me. That short break was enough to send my whole body longing for her. My hands ran from her sides, up over her breasts, all the way up until they both ended in her hair. I loved feeling her body in my hands, but I needed to hold her close. To make sure she couldn’t leave me. 

She moaned into my mouth, and her hands started to take off my shirt. I had to let her go when she pulled it over my head, but instantly I grabbed her again and rubbed against her. Her skin was so soft, I had to touch her more. My hands explored her beautiful body with a firm grip, still needing to have a hold on her. I kissed her neck, everywhere. I loved the way I made her moan when I did this. Her hands laid on my back, her nails lightly grazing my skin in desire as I kissed every inch of the right side of her neck slowly, but firmly. At some places, I bit her, but not so hard I would leave a mark. Though I loved making marks on her. But I restrained myself. 

I felt her nails scraping harder down my back, and I inhaled sharply, it stung. My lips moved down to her collarbone and gave the left side of her neck the same treatment as the right. 

God, those moans made me so hard. I started kissing her lips again, and I felt her writhe against me, her nails now at my chest, full of lust. 

“Bed!” She gasped against my lips. 

“Yeah!” I grabbed her ass and lifted her up, she still weighed less than I thought, though I had lifted her like this a couple of times now. She wrapped her arms and legs around me, just begged me to take her. I am gonna fuck you senseless, baby. 

I put her down on the bed, kneeled down, and removed her jeans. She helped me pull them, and her panties down. Oh, so eager. 

After standing up and undoing my jeans, I got a good look at her body while I took them off along with my boxers. Just lying there, all ready for me. When I laid down I wrapped my arm around her waist and dragged her farther up the bed along with a push from my body, the lust throbbed through me, and I let out a grunt, and then I kissed her. Her hands were instantly back on my shoulder blades like she wanted me close to her as well. 

Automatically my hand found a fistful of her red hair. She writhed lusty underneath me, my other hand grabbed her hip to control her rubbing against me. I loved teasing her a bit. 

She bit my lip and pulled her lips away from mine. “I wanna be on top.” She panted. 

A power play? This was gonna be fun. Make her think she got the power for a moment before I claimed it back. I rolled over and held on to her, so she followed with me. She weighed so little, it was not a problem. When we were in place, I pushed her up to sit straight on me. She looked slightly stunned over this roles reversed. 

Oh, this was a good view. My eyes swiped down her body, and my hands held onto her hips. She bit her lower lip with an excited look in her eyes, I think. 

Have fun sweetheart, this isn’t gonna last long. 

Her hands traveled from my hands up my arms and shoulders as she leaned forward. One of her hands ended in my hair, the other on my chest. Her tongue licked me from my chest and up to my right ear. 

Oh God, so sensitive!

I threw my head back and inhaled sharply. The lust burned through me, and I had to restrain myself from not throwing her down and wreck her. She started kissing my neck like I had kissed hers, every inch. She placed a path of kisses down to my chest, let her tongue run over my nipples. My right one had become more sensitive than the left after I got it pierced, she made me gasp loudly. And then she drifted up again. 

Mm, her lips all over me. 

She kissed her way up to my chin but stopped when she reached my lips. I leaned slightly forward to meet them, but she just playfully licked my lips with a smile instead, and her head disappeared down to my neck again. 

God, girl. You are gonna get it. 

My hands ran up and down her sides and her back, once again keeping her close. She followed the same path as before but expanded it down to my stomach too. Her lips were so gentle it almost tickled. Now and then it was like she hit a button that made me stiffen and moan. My breath more and more labored as she continued. 

She was getting too confident, too brave. And I wanted to fuck her now. She had to be put in her place. Let the game begin. 

I grabbed her hair and dragged her head up in front of mine. “If you’re not nice, you can’t be on top,” I told her superiorly and shook my head disapprovingly. 

Though you are on top, I’m still in control of you.

She nodded but bit her lower lip. I knew she wasn’t gonna give up this easily. As I released her hair, she resumed kissing my neck. I felt one of her hands slide down and close around me. It sent another wave of the raw need through me, and I gasped. She sat down, but only, so the tip of me entered her. 

Oh, her tightness and warmth. 

She moved slowly up and down, but only, so it was my head going in and out of her. She still thought she had a say in this. How cute. 

Her lips found the path up to my lips, but instead of kissing me – again – she bit my lower lip. 

Oh, sweetheart, I think you’ve had enough fun for today. Time to show her who’s in charge. “You asked for it,” I said as sweet as I could. I dwelt on the victory in the air. Let my hands run softly down her sides so she wouldn’t suspect anything, and then I grabbed her hips and shoved her down on me with a grunt of lust. 

“Oh, God!” She cried out, her forehead dropped to my chin, her hair covering my face with its flowery smell. She tried to move away, but I held onto her so tight she couldn’t escape.

Oh, God yes! 

It felt amazing. She was so tight, I did it one more time before I let go of her. I loved seeing her body twist so lusty on top of me. She was the perfect view, but I didn’t get to enjoy it for long as she bowed down, and kissed me. She ground against me, I let my hands take over and moved her in circles instead, giving some friction to everywhere inside her. She let my lips go, straightened up, and unhooked her bra. Then she deftly tossed it aside and started touching herself, started moving up and down on me. Slowly up and hard down. It was a mesmerizing rhythm, and she made me moan. Her hands ran over her body, up in her hair, played with her breasts, over her lips, into her mouth all while she looked so intensely at me while she moaned. 

It didn’t get any better than this, she really put on a show, just to please me, and I enjoyed every second of it. My eyes greedily followed her hands, and I bit my lip, but I couldn’t keep silent. I struggled harder and harder to control myself, pushing my panting breath out through my clenched teeth. At last, I grabbed her hips and pushed her harder down on me. To control her rhythm. One of her hands sought support on the wall, and the other on my chest. Her nails dug into me as I pushed my hips up and myself hard into her while I held her in place with my hands. I kept looking into her eyes, watched her expression and the gratification I gave her. Especially when I angled my hips upwards, she closed her eyes, dug her nails in deeper, and her scream was high pitched. 

She was a beautiful sight, but now this power play was over, I couldn’t control the need running thick and throbbing through my veins. I rolled us around until I was on top of her, grabbed her hair, and started thrusting in a deep and hard rhythm. She instantly wrapped her legs around me, welcomed me. Her nails were pinned to my back and her fingers clutching my hair as I grabbed her ass firmly and moved it with me, making me going deeper into her. I was gonna mark her, she was mine. I let my teeth run up and down her neck, grunting against her skin until I was close to coming. I found a deliciously soft spot and sunk my teeth into her flesh. She whimpered and moved underneath me, it was enough to tip me over the edge, and I came so hard inside her with a wild groan. Her nails scratched down my back with an equally high cry, and added to my pleasure that was more like a deliverance; that just went on, and I had to give her one more thrust to finish it. Finally, I released my teeth from her neck. Her hands closed around my face and dragged my lips to hers. It was short and soft. She looked me in the eyes. She has such beautiful green eyes. 

My head fell down to rest on her chin as I pulled myself out with a tiny moan, I was still sensitive. I gave her a quick kiss before I whispered, “I think it’s your turn now.” 

I wanted to take care of her, we were two in this, and she needed some attention too. 

“Oh, you think?” She moaned under her breath, I felt her hips bucking upwards against me. 

My hand let go of her hair, and I let it travel down her sweaty body until it ended between her legs. I held her eyes in place with mine, I loved seeing that expectant and lusty look on her. As I watched her breathing become more and more affected, her eyes widened, I bit my lip. It elicited a high cry when I pushed two straight fingers hard into her. She was so wet, mixed with my own load. 

Wow, I really came big inside her this time. 

I pushed my straight fingers into her one time before I began moving them, working inside her. Bending, undulating my fingers while moving in and out making me hit that ridged spot on her upper wall, it made her body almost copy and follow my fingers motion. Her fingers intertwined in my hair, my mouth found her nipples in turns before I kissed and licked my way down and an idea struck down in me. 

I pulled my fingers out of her and led them to her mouth, she opened it without hesitating. Her soft lips wrapped around my fingers and I stopped kissing her skin, lifted my head to watch. 

Oh, she’s definitely a swallower. 

She eagerly sucked, her hand grabbed my wrist to gently steer my fingers in and out. 

Oh no baby, you don’t have a say in this. 

I removed her hand and locked it to the mattress next to her head and moved my fingers a bit harsher back and forth in her mouth. “I set the pace here,” I told her when she looked at me. She let her tongue run up my fingers as she sucked and swallowed like she accepted the terms. 

I’m gonna come so hard in your mouth at some point. 

Wonder how deep she can take it. I pushed my fingers into the bag of her throat until I noticed any discomfort before I pulled them nearly all the way out again. Then in a little deeper, and then all the way out. I let my palm rub over her, smearing it over her beautiful face and plump lips. She instantly started to lick it up. The blood rushed to my groin just by watching her, my breathing was already affected. 

I moved up leaving our lips in line with each other. “Mm, you like that, huh?” I whispered, dwelling in this delicious sight of her licking off and swallowing my load. 

“Yes.” She moaned and licked her lips again to underline her statement. 

Oh God, she’s so hot! 

The lust started to run and blend in my veins. I grabbed her left hand and held it down on the mattress, next to her head, just like I did with the right. Then I licked off a big drop on her chin and tasted the salt on my tongue before I kissed her. She tasted so good, of us both. I was comfortable with my own fluids, and besides, I wanted to share this with her. What’s hotter than licking each other clean? 

If we continued like this, I was definitely ready for a round two. But I had to take care of her first, so I bit her lip and pulled in it to separate our lips. I looked at her lips, rosy colored, plump and wet after all the kissing and sucking, then licked some fluid off her jaw and moved down on her, releasing her hands as well. As soon as I started licking and sucking her between her legs her body tensed up, she moaned, and her spine rose from the mattress. My left hand sneaked under her thigh and grabbed her hip to hold her in place as the fingers of my right hand pushed into her again. She threw her head back and cried out loud. I loved seeing her falling apart under my skilled hands and mouth. When she pushed her hips up, higher than before, I moaned, which instantly made her quiver and her hips fall down. 

Interesting. 

I did it again the next time she pushed her hips up, and she reacted the same way, so I continued doing it every time her hips rose just an inch. A lot of my load had run out of her and into my palm, so I pulled my fingers out of her, she whimpered, and I pushed into her mouth. She grabbed my wrist and hungrily sucked and licked it off. Even though she held my hand, I was still the one leading in and out her mouth. Deep in, almost out, deep in. She moaned loudly while my fingers worked in her mouth and my tongue between her legs. Licking everything off my fingers and proceeded to my palm, when it was clean she sucked on my fingers one at a time. 

God, it was intoxicating to watch while I worked on her, and I felt myself getting harder. I withdrew my hand from her grasp and let it slide down her body, it was still wet from her saliva. And then into her again which elicited a high cry from her. Quickly her breathing became more rapid, her body writhing and almost shaking. I upped the tempo and pressure and now moaned repeatedly with her, the effect was instant. Her hands clutched onto the sheets, and her spine completely arose from the bed. She was now resting on her elbows with her head thrown back, closed eyes and her mouth open in gratification. 

God, she was a beautiful sight. 

She tensed up, I felt her legs slowly but quaveringly close, and I put my shoulders in between just a second before they clasped together, she cried out even higher as I felt her insides contract, and she just kept going. Her groan slowly became weaker and weaker the longer it was drawn out. The convulsion inside her quieted down, my tongue and fingers following its lead, and in the end, she fell back on the mattress with a big sigh. My tongue and fingers slowly came to a stop along with her climax leaving her body. 

I climbed up on her, cupped her face with my left hand, and kissed her. She greedily kissed me back, licked, and sucked on my lips. Slowly I tilted my head back, her lips deviated to my chin. 

Oh yes, lick me clean. 

I moaned, this was so kinky. My left hand moved to the back of her head, closed around her hair and pulled her head back, “You want more?” 

You dirty whore. 

I pushed the fingers of my right hand into her mouth again without waiting for an answer and really rubbed my palm and everything on her lips, chin, and jaw, and it made her moan. She sucked my fingers clean, and she let her teeth run against them when I pulled them out. I smeared what was left on my palm down her throat and between her breasts, and then licked the path back up. Seeing her covered in me, cleaning each other up like this sent the need pulsating hot through me. I let my teeth run on her jawline and then kissed her. I wanted her, now! My breathing was heavier, I rapaciously kissed down her chin and up to her lips again, then ripped her head back, separating our lips and looked down at her. 

I am gonna fuck you senseless, you dirty little whore. You are mine! So hot and kinky, and only mine. “Oh God, you’re so kinky. I wanna fuck you again.” I told her, she was gonna get it hard weather she liked it or not, I wasn’t done with her. 

“You should be the one to talk.” She moaned. 

Oh, I know, baby. You spark something in me, you’re my inspiration. I’ve never done this as extensive as I had with her. You make me explore places I’ve never even thought of. Biting, choking so hard, dirtying each other up like we had just done, the unbelievably powerful need washing through me… only her, and oh, I wanted to be deep inside her. 

When I sat up on my knees, I was leaning slightly forward as I still held on to her hair. My free hand grabbed under her knee and pulled her leg up to rest against my chest. I would get the perfect angle and essentially lock her under me. 

I caressed her thigh and kissed her knee, her skin was so soft. Especially on her thighs. I pondered how it would be to set my teeth in it. “Let’s see how bendy you are, shall we?” I challenged and started to learn forward. I did it carefully. Once I was too eager with Nicole, and she pulled a muscle in her thigh. She wasn’t very bendy, and I always had to sit up straight while she was lying in this position. But I liked being close. 

I was almost halfway down to her, and she still hadn’t shown any signs of it hurting her, suddenly her hand grabbed around my neck, and she ripped me and her leg down, curling herself up, our lips almost touching.

“Wow, you are flexible.” Jackpot! I was impressed. Having her leg up this high would give the perfect angle.

“I know.” She raised an eyebrow. 

Oh, she definitely knows what she is doing. 

Her other leg wrapped around my waist. She bit her lip, but I saw the self-satisfied smile behind it before I kissed her. My hand that had held onto her thigh left her body to guide myself in place. I let her lips go and watched as I smacked into her with a groan. She was so tight and filled with my preceding load, I felt her muscles contract around me, and she moaned in a high pitch, it was almost a whimper. The need wasn’t just running hot through me, it was burning. 

Her right hand grabbed my upper thigh and helped me harder into her at the next thrust. I went so deep and hard into her I jerked in her hair, and I let out a groan. It was like something took over like instincts took over animals. But this was more powerful, like a blood frenzy, only the deep craving for her instead of blood. I hammered so hard into her the third time I pushed her farther up the bed. I was completely gone in my lust for her. 

“Oh, fuck yes!” She cried. 

I let it all out, took her so hard I was afraid I would hurt her and afraid I wouldn’t be able to stop if I did. But her hand kept helping me forward into her. My lips brutally found hers, mixing our moans and grunts. I heard the bed smack up against the wall. 

Her hand left my neck and hair, and I felt her head moving. I opened my eyes to see that I had moved her so far up the bed that her head hit the headboard and she put a pillow in between before her fingers clutched at my hair again. Ripping my lips from hers, my head fell down, and I rested my forehead on her chin. It was a strain for my muscles to take her this hard, but it was amazing just to release this wild beast inside of me on her. My breathing became more rapid against her skin, mixing with the grunts of strain and lust I pushed out through my clenched teeth the closer I got, the harder I took her. 

When I was just seconds away, I turned my head and bit hard down around a good chunk of her thigh. It was so fleshy and soft compared to her slender and tendinous neck. Two more hard thrusts into her, that made her scream out, and I came inside her. Her hand in my hair was almost ripping it out. 

Ouch! 

The pain brought me back from my deliverance. I let her hair loose, wrenched her fingers off me, held her hand to the mattress, and gave her one more thrust to empty my big load into her with a gratified groan. 

“Ouch.” She whined when I gave a small tug in the skin on her thigh before I released it from my teeth and kissed her. 

I put her left leg around me instead and laid my hand on her cheek. She was so wonderful. I released her lips and rested my forehead against her chin with closed eyes, I was still panting, and so was she. “Oh, God.” I sighed. I was drained but delightfully satiated. 

“Aaah, yeah.” She sighed too, and I slowly pulled out of her tightness but kept lying there with closed eyes as my breathing was winding down. I could fall asleep right here, intertwined with her. 

“You wanna go to sleep?” She asked sleepily after I don’t know how long, but both our breathing had returned to normal now. 

I lifted my head to look down at her, so beautiful, wholly fucked, and looking just as exhausted as I felt. I nodded. “I’ll get the lights.” I quickly kissed her lips and got up. 

She struggled with the blanket, it didn’t look like she had any intention of getting up and was determined to try to get it out from under her. She was so inelegant and sweet, it made me chuckle. 

When she had gotten under the covers, I got under next to her and laid my head on her chest. It was so calming to listen to her heart. Though she resisted because I called her my girlfriend she willingly slept in the same bed with me, cuddled with me, had sex with me. Dirty, kinky sex. Maybe she didn’t like the label, but we were a couple. And I needed her, more than I would like to acknowledge. She did something to me, made me better. I could breathe better. “I need you,” I whispered. 

“I need you too.” She slowly mumbled back, it sounded like she was almost asleep.


	18. Chapter 18

My alarm clock on my phone woke me up. Urgh! It was way too early compared to the few hours of sleep I had gotten, but we needed to keep going while the trail was still hot. And if she really was a hiker going hiking in Moyie Springs, then we had to start asking around at the local hiking trails.

When I stretched, I felt a stinging sensation on my neck. Oh, the bite mark. I rolled my eyes under my closed eyelids. Luckily, I didn’t really feel the one on my thigh as there was more flesh compared to my neck. But if this was something that happened regularly, I really needed to get something like… aloe vera lotion to put on. Painkillers weren’t a durable solution, and it meant too many medical runs. 

“We have to get up now.” I poked Jake on the shoulder, he grunted sleepily at me. I got up to throw some cold water in my face and do my morning routines. 

I examined the wound on my shoulder, it was practically healed now. Now there was only a pink scar left. Another one to the collection. 

When I was done and returned to the room, Jake was dressed and waited for me to finish so he could brush his teeth. He looked tired, but the anger was still present in his eyes, no doubt about that. 

I went out to get some milk for our breakfast and look for some aloe vera lotion too. Again, I had to start wearing my dark blue scarf. I didn’t really like it. It was too loose, and if I tightened it, I felt like it was choking me. It felt like it inhibited me, my movements. If you should end up in a situation where you pick a fight with a vampire, it was essential that you had full mobility and nothing to get in your way. That was why I always wore the same tight black jeans, I had two pairs, a tank top, and my black leather jacket. Though it was so worn, that at some places, it looked more dark brown, but it fitted perfectly. It wasn’t too big and wasn’t in the way. 

Jake always wore worn dark blue jeans and a t-shirt under his leather jacket. Though his jacket was a bit looser, where mine was form-fitted. 

After about a five-minute walk, I found a store. It was small but had more than the most necessary things. I found a bottle of aloe vera lotion and milk and headed back to the motel. I yelled “breakfast,” as usual when I opened the door and kicked off my boots. Jake was already sitting at the table and reading on the laptop. 

“Anything in the news?” I asked while I sat down. 

“Nope. Not yet at least.” The anger was easy to hear in his voice. 

“Do we still have those U.S. Wildlife Service badges in the car?” I asked after a couple of minutes in silence while we ate. 

“I think so.” He didn’t look at me, and there was something dismissive in his voice. I rolled my eyes internally. Why did he have to be such a rollercoaster all the time? I tried to ignore it. Deep down I knew it wasn’t aimed at me, but it was hard not to be affected by it in the long run. 

I finished my bowl of All-Bran flakes before him, I didn’t eat as much as he did, and went out to the car to look after those Wildlife Service badges. 

The trunk was a mess as usual. There were old paper bags with props and stuff we had used. Like some pictures of people who could be missing persons or fugitives, giving us an excuse to ring doorbells. Some other badges we hadn’t used in so long I had forgotten what they said. The cheap suits and then the ‘finer’ suits to go along with some FBI badges. Then there was an old bag containing, who knows? But I knew I had a skirt here somewhere too, and Jake had sweatpants and shoes for when he runs. Some stuff in a box for if our car broke down or we got a flat tire, some tools, and a couple of books, two tents, and sleeping bags if we for some reason had to be out of range of a motel. Actually had it happened twice that we had slept in the tents because we couldn’t afford a motel along with food. And food was a higher priority than a roof over your head. And at last, a duffel bag I knew contained cleaning things for our guns and extra bullets. 

I started with pushing all the stuff aside to search the bottom of the trunk where I also came across a pair of binoculars. 

Nope, they weren’t there. Then I went on to search inside the paper bags. Might as well look for the handcuffs when I was digging through this stuff anyway. I couldn’t find the handcuffs, but after more searching, I dug the badges up from a bag. 

Anthony Reyes and Olivia Warren from U.S. Wildlife Service. I brushed them off on my jeans. Which reminded me we had to do our laundry soon, perhaps when we got back to the motel later today I could drive out and find a Laundromat. 

I decided to look at the backseat for the handcuffs before I asked Jake about them. I quickly found them and luckily, the key was nearby, so I found it right after I eyed the handcuffs and then put them in the door map pocket on the passenger's side so I could easily find them again. 

I walked back to the motel room, Jake was still behind the laptop but had finished eaten and cleaned our bowls and spoons. 

“Will you find some hiker trails nearby where we can search?” I asked him while I tossed his badge to him before I sat down across the table. We needed to be going soon. 

“I’m already on it.” He almost snapped at me. 

A frown appeared on my forehead. Wow. I really hoped he would find a way to handle it soon, perhaps it was the pain from discovering Sinanima probably was the one that killed his dad that was beginning to take its hold on him now that the shock was gone, and it could be replaced. Maybe I should convince him to take an anger management course. 

Ha! He would never do that, and besides, how long could such a course last? Probably longer than what we usually stayed anywhere. He would kill me if I suggested it. I could just imagine the look on his face whe– I stopped. 

When I tried to imagine the expression if I suggested it, the only thing I saw was his look when I had said he should stop snapping at me, right before he smashed his hand into the wall beside me. I couldn’t help but feel the shadow of the fear I felt that night. I tried to shake it off. I had promised him I wouldn’t get afraid of him anymore. Then I took a deep breath to help my shoulders relax. Took off my scarf before I grabbed the aloe vera lotion in the bag from the store and started to rub it in on my neck and collarbone. The bite on the collarbone was beginning to look a lot better, but it still hurt when I touched it. 

Jake looked at me before I was done with the lotion. “What’s that?” I heard a little suspicion in his angry voice. 

“Aloe vera lotion.” I just said and kept rubbing it into my skin. 

He frowned and continued to stare at me. 

“You know, it’s known for its healing properties,” I explained because it looked like he had no clue why I would use aloe vera lotion. I saw understanding spread on his face, along with… guilt, I think it was before he looked down at the screen again. 

I finished rubbing in any leftover lotion, pulled my jeans down, and put some on my thigh too before I pulled them up again and put my dark blue scarf back on. After that, I sat down on the bed and started to read in my book, waiting for him to be done. I didn’t want to interrupt him again and provoke the Angry Jake to step more forward. It was hard to tell where the line was between Angry Jake and bearable-less-angry-Jake. And especially what provoked the angry one to come in front. The last two weeks had been both more freeing and more difficult than ever. I still couldn’t decide if us having sex, had been a good idea. Yes, it somehow freed him from the anger, but it had also brought the rollercoaster mood swings along. 

“You ready?” He asked curtly. I just nodded, got up and put my jacket and boots on. 

I got in on the passenger’s side of the bottle green Chevrolet Monte Carlo and turned on the radio as soon as the V8 engine came to life with a roar. It was a feisty car, a 145 hp, 5.7 l, turbo-fire from 1973. It almost had a will on its own when you stepped on the speeder. Jake loved the speed of it, I drove more economically, so to speak. 

 

We pulled up to the first park headquarters on the list. The wooden cabin was surrounded by trees that partially hid it in the forest. It had a big sign next to the door with the name of the area and trails. Inside there were a lot of pictures covering the walls, pictures of guests and the animal life here. There was a stuffed fox in the corner away from the counter. 

A lazy looking man got up from his chair and coffee when he saw us walk in. “What can I help you guys with?” He asked friendly. 

We both held up our badges. 

“We’re from the U.S. Wildlife Service. I’m Anthony Reyes, and this is my partner Olivia Warren.” Jake informed him. 

“What can I do for you?” He smiled at us. This was completely different than the bars, and alleys, and drug houses. There was no shady business here or anything that could trigger nervousness. 

“We were wondering if you had seen a woman in her late thirties with long blonde hair taking one of your trails in the last couple of days?” Jake tried to sound a little nicer, but I could hear the underlying anger in his voice, maybe because I knew him so well, but the park manager didn’t seem to notice. 

“Um…” He tapped thoughtfully with his index finger on his chin. 

“It’s a serious matter, we suspect this woman to be a poacher,” I added in a more serious voice and sent him a concerned look. 

“Oh, I see. Yeah, that’s bad, we can’t have that here. Um, let me think.” He scratched his head under the light brown cap. “No, I don’t recall seeing a blond lady in her thirties. I’m sorry. There have only been couples and families the past few days. And none of them blond in their thirties.” He shrugged but looked apologizing that he couldn’t help us. 

“It’s okay, thank you for your time,” Jake said before we turned around and walked out to the car. 

 

It continued like this until noon where we stopped at a diner and ate our lunch in silence. And then continued our questioning for most of the afternoon. When we got back to the motel, I told Jake that I was going to find a Laundromat, so we could get all our clothes washed and had something to wear tomorrow. I had quickly turned on the laptop to find the nearest Laundromat and then took off. On the radio, I found a rock song I knew and started singing along. I couldn’t really sing, it sounded awful, but I actually loved to sing. I just only did it when I was alone. It would be way too embarrassing if anyone heard me. Bill had once caught me singing in the shower when I thought I was alone at the motel. I had to pay him a couple of beers so he wouldn’t go tell Jake. The old Jake would have mocked me so bad I would never have heard the end of it. 

It made me sad to think about the old Jake, the Jake before the death of his dad. It had forced something down on him, some darkness. I tried to shake it off me. I didn’t know if that Jake was gone, or still in there somewhere. He had been so quiet today. His charisma and anger were slowly gaining strength, and I felt it crawl in on me, slowly starting to choke me again. I closed my eyes, sighed. I thought about today instead. We hadn’t got anything from the questioning, meaning we had to continue in the same pattern tomorrow. If we didn’t find any traces of her along the hiking trails after a couple of days, we would start searching nearby bars too. She could feel the need to pick up another one night stand. I couldn’t wait to catch her so we could try out our new theory, provided by Bill. Ask her if she knew anything about Sinanima. 

The Laundromat wasn’t more than twenty minutes away. I parked, but before I got out, I took off my jacket, reached in under my top at the back, and unhooked my black lace bra. Then pulled my arms, not so elegantly, out of the straps while keeping my top on, and put it in the laundry bag before I put on my jacket again. I had kind of gotten used to the whole lace thing and didn’t feel so self-conscious about it anymore. 

There weren’t a lot of people in here, it was pretty small, around ten washing machines and six big dryers. There were only two people besides me. Two elderly ladies, one with steel gray hair and the other with white, almost transparent hair. Chatting away with their fragile voices, and knitting with their trembling hands. 

I picked out two washing machines and started to put in the clothes. The last thing I threw in before I started them was my scarf. As I sat down and began reading in my book about witches, I pulled up the collar of my jacket as much as I could to hide the bite marks on my neck and collarbone. I guess I still had one-third left of my book, but I hoped I would soon find a new and interesting book at a thrift store. They were usually cheap there, and when I got a new book, I would give an old one to the thrift store, to keep the baggage down at a minimum. It was only if it was exceptionally good I kept it in the trunk of the car. 

After, I don’t know, half an hour I heard one of the old ladies voice lower to a whisper, but it sounded a little agitated. I peeked over the top of my book and saw they were looking at me. 

Oh, God. It took so little to offend people nowadays. Haven’t you seen leather boots and jackets before? Or tattoos? Seriously, I only had one, I wasn’t like Jake with his five and actually big tattoos and pierced nipple, though they were placed so that they were easy to hide. I looked down again, but before I could read one word, I saw in the corner of my eye that the lady with the steel gray hair pointed at her neck and then looked pointedly at me.  
The bite mark. Crap. I had forgotten all about that. The aloe vera had eased the stinging, and I had been away in the universe of my book. Though I tried to ignore them, I felt slightly uncomfortable. I was comfortable with my body, but I didn’t like the obvious attention. Discretion clearly wasn’t a thing here. Elder people could be so judgmental. In my mind, I cursed a little over Jake before I continued reading. Luckily, I soon again got pulled into the universe of the book. 

 

One and a half hour later, I was finally done. The old ladies had fortunately left over an hour ago, but three or four people had entered in the last half hour, though none of them were as indiscrete as the ladies. It was soon dinnertime. Before I turned the key in the ignition, I called Jake to hear if I should stop on the way and buy some takeout instead of finding a diner when I came back. I was actually starting to feel hungry. 

“Yes?” Short and harsh. I sighed internally. 

“Should I stop by to buy some takeout before I come home?” I tried to ignore his angry tone. 

“Yeah, do that.” He answered in the same tone. 

“Okay, see you soon,” I said automatically. 

“See you, and... thanks.” He replied in a milder tone before he hung up on me. 

Thanks? Hmm. I was just bringing dinner. He usually didn’t thank me for that, or for doing our laundry. Well, maybe it was his way of saying sorry or something for being quiet today. I could never figure him out. He was like a wounded animal, unpredictable. I just hoped his wounds would heal soon. I wished that there were some way for me to help him, to take away his pain. But there probably wasn’t, the only thing I could do was to be patient with him. I felt sorry for him, it ached in my heart to see what he had become. 

I decided pizza for dinner, I knew it wasn’t really the healthiest kind of food, but it had been so long since we have had it. 

I swung the bag with the now clean and folded laundry over my right shoulder and took the pizzas in the other hand. Pepperoni, bacon, sausage, and beef for Jake, he couldn’t get enough meat on it, and chicken, mushrooms, and red bell pepper for me. I locked the car and headed for our room.

“I brought pizza.” I tried cautiously to sound enthusiastic, to feel the temperature. It was impossible to say what I would come home to after being gone for over two hours. Though I had noticed a pattern, or at least I think it was a pattern, but when I was gone or asleep it was like the anger got more power over him. Maybe loneliness amplified the anger somehow, and then company, not necessarily mine, dulled it again. Or sometimes at least. 

“Good, I’m starving.” He was lying on the bed watching TV, but a crumbled piece of paper in the trashcan told me he had been drawing, but wasn’t satisfied with it and therefore had thrown it out. 

I handed him the pizzas before I unpacked the laundry. His tone was milder than I would have expected, but still, traces of anger could be heard, maybe because I knew him so well. I jumped onto the bed and started to eat. There was some quiz show on. I had on purpose laid down with two-three feet between us in case he would start to snap at me again like he had kind of did this morning. 

We ate almost half of the pizzas in silence, before Jake suddenly exclaimed, “Asia.” Or maybe it just felt louder in the silence. I was about to ask him what the hell was wrong with him when I realized he had answered the question in the quiz show; ‘Which continent is the largest by square miles?’ 

“Nice guess,” I said and smiled at him when the host of the quiz show said that Asia was the correct answer. 

“I’m awesome at this trivia stuff.” He replied in a neutral voice, he didn’t look at me when he said it, but only turned his head in my direction, his eyes still on the screen. 

Next question was: ‘What do you call a group of donkeys?’ 

“A pace.” His answer came promptly. 

“How do you know this stuff?” I asked him, sincerely curious. I looked at his profile, his eyebrows weren’t pulled down in an angry gesture, but he still had a little worry line between them. It had constantly been there for the past seven weeks. 

His eyes met mine, hazel, but with a hint of shadow still lingering at the edges. He was again trying to fight the all-consuming, always present anger. “You really wanna know?” He asked in a grave, conspiratorially pretend voice in between two bites of pizza. 

I nodded at him, I was sure my eyes got a little bigger of curiosity. 

“Too much free time.” He said with a smile, and if I wasn’t mistaken, a snort of laughter too. 

“Aha, so that’s your secret, huh?” I said very sarcastically, but I couldn’t help but smile at him. This was nice, you could say it was a light touch. It wasn’t like the old Jake, but he was trying his best, and it was better than the anger. 

We continued to answer the questions on the show, Jake kicked my ass, but there was one question I could ask, that he couldn’t. It was: ‘According to Norse legend, what animals pulled Thor’s chariot across the sky?’ and the answer was ‘Two goats.’ I had once written a paper about Norse mythology. At that time, I had found it fascinating like my mom had found dragons fascinating and magical, but that was like a different time, a time before I knew the real world. And now it was like anything supernatural like legends, folklore and mythology seemed hollow and void, a transparent fantasy compared to the real horrors of the world. A child’s perception of things or how they wanted it to be. 

 

“You wanna go grab a beer?” Jake asked when the quiz show was over and we had eaten our pizzas. 

“Sure.” I shrugged and got up from the bed with him. Sometimes it was nice to do absolutely nothing besides watching TV or reading, but sometimes it was nice to get out for a change. And we could as well take advantage of the fact that on this job the bars weren’t our working place and that we had the nights off. 

I put on my jacket but left both my badges next to the gun on the table. We decided to walk, Jake had spotted a decent looking place not far from the motel when we were out earlier. The night breeze was refreshing and lightened the twenty-minute walk in silence a little. 

 

Normally we would go in separately like we didn’t know each other. That way it was easier to get some extra cash in our own ways, but today it was like Jake was glued to me. From he opened the door till he had ordered two beers and left me be at the bar to go to the pool table, he was leaning his arm against mine, or stood a step behind me and leaned half of his body against my back. I stared wondrously at his back when he left for the pool tables. What was his deal? I tore my eyes from his back and let my eyes sweep the bar instead. Today I was only looking for easy victims, normally I would look for easy victims combined with decent looks for hook-up material, but the latter wasn’t relevant anymore. I tried to push the reason why aside. It would ruin my game if I constantly saw Jake’s furious glare before my inner eye. 

One were playing darts by himself. Jake was talking to two guys at the pool tables. A woman well over her forties was sitting at one of the booths with two men approximately her age. Two women in their mid-thirties danced too wildly for the non-existing dancefloor. Clearly, they have had too much to drink. I guess they were here with the other woman and two men sitting in a booth nearby laughing and cheering them on when they indicated some girl-on-girl action. Along the bar were another two women, they looked too well dressed to be here, but it mostly looked like they just had a girls night out with drinks and gossip because they paid no attention to their surroundings. Though a guy a couple of chairs from me looked interested at them. Those were the people that sprung to my eyes when they raked the surroundings. There were about eight-ten other people I immediately had dismissed as possible subjects in my head. So all in all my chances were pretty good tonight. Not to flatter my own vanity, but I was a catch compared to the ranging in here. 

For starters, I choose the one playing dart. I approached him from behind without he noticed me, picked up one of the darts he wasn’t using and took aim at the dartboard. I hit the edge of the green outer bullseye. Startled he turned around to me leaning up against the table with a smirk on my face. He was actually quite handsome, before Jake I would definitely have gone for it. He was a couple of years older than I, brown eyes, half-long hair, and a short, well-groomed beard. Not quite as muscular as Jake, slender. 

An expectant smile dawned on his face as he eyed me from head to heels. “That was a good shot.” He complimented in a smooth voice. 

Not that he had any problem hitting the bullseye himself, but my decoy for attention spoke for itself. “Thanks. Wanna play a round?” I simpered and looked at him through my eyelashes. 

“Ladies first.” He gestured for me to go forward while he bowed deeply to me. 

I answered with a small giggle as a compliment, though I didn’t found him amusing. This was just a play that stopped when I had gotten what I wanted. 

“What are we playing for?” He asked with an eyebrow flash. 

“A beer?” I suggested with pouted lips and licked them afterward as a sexual innuendo. 

“A beer it is then. I’m sorry, but I didn’t catch your name?” He clearly got the hint. 

“Judy,” I replied with a smile before I turned my attention to the dartboard and my first dart. 

“Name’s Mike.” He introduced. 

During the game, he continued to make small talk. I told him I worked as an assistant at a publisher’s and that I was visiting some family in the area. When I dropped my jacket, and he noticed my scarred left arm I told him a convincing story about how I tried to become a stuntwoman in my late teenage years. Turned out he was a computer technician for some company, and honestly, I didn’t pay attention to the details. 

Luckily, I won over him, meaning I got a peek at where he kept his wallet, right outer pocket when he paid for the beers at the bar. I suggested we went to sit in one of the booths instead where I laughed more than necessary at his jokes, acted like I was slightly drunker than two beers would do. Which gave me an excuse to use too grand gestures, make the whole-body-laugh, put my hand on his thigh, and innocently push him so that he wouldn’t notice when my fingers slipped into his pocket and grabbed the wallet. Deliberately I never looked in Jake’s direction, I had a feeling about how he would react, but so far, he hadn’t dragged me out of here, but I could just imagine his fuming glare. Though I hadn’t any intentions with Mike beside his wallet I had to admit it was nice being out like this like we used to. It was old and familiar. Concentrating on the task before me, gave me a short, but welcome distraction. 

Barely had I sneaked the wallet into the inner pocket of my jacket beside me when someone cleared their throat harshly next to me. I almost ducked by the sound and turned my head to see Jake with crossed arms staring down at me with exactly the fuming glare I had imagined. 

I suspected him of having watched me. Otherwise, it was too perfect a timing for him. “Um, I gotta go. Nice chatting with you.” I quickly and awkwardly mumbled to Mike as I got up and put my jacket on. 

“Hey, wait…” He stuttered confusedly, but by then Jake had already grabbed around my upper left arm and dragged me towards the exit. 

I didn’t want to make a scene in the middle of the bar, so I let him drag away with me, but as soon as the door closed behind us, I wrenched my arm out of his grip. “Jackass! You could’ve just asked if I was ready to go!” I hissed. 

Jake opened his mouth with a retort but got interrupted by the door opening behind me. 

“Is he hurting you?” Mike inquired bossily like I was some damsel in distress that needed his interference. I sighed internally. 

“No.” Both Jake and I said at the same time. My tone was resigned, his was brusque, but with a hint of disbelief. 

Mike seemed to back away at our outburst. “Are you sure?” He asked uncertainly and looked bewildered from me to Jake, and back again. 

“Yes!” Jake and I snapped simultaneously. Annoyance started marring my tone. I didn’t need help from Mike, and I didn’t need Jake to answer on my behalf. Goddammit, I was a grown woman! I could take care of myself. “Jackass.” I sneered at Jake and started walking in the direction of our motel. 

I heard Jakes footsteps follow and shortly after, he had caught up with me. “Val?” He gently put his hand on my sleeve to get me to stop, his tone were a lot softer than just thirty seconds ago. 

“Wha–” I turned to face him and was about to snarl at him when his lips assaulted mine, my outburst died in my mouth. His hands grabbed my hair and waist and pushed me the two steps back up against the brick wall. I was thunderstruck for a second. My surprised exclaim had given his tongue access and firmly dominated the kiss. Unconsciously my hands found his hair as he pressed himself harder against my body. 

Somehow, it felt more like he was making a statement than anything else right now, but I didn’t know if it was for me or if Mike was still watching, and I didn’t care. A couple of moans escaped my frantic breathing. He harshly and suddenly broke off the kiss. His lips brushed over mine while I was dragging in deep breaths through my parted lips, his breathing wasn’t unaffected either. He lightly kept brushing his lips against mine until our breathing had returned to a more normal rate.

“Let’s get back.” He whispered, kissed me softly, and then his body left mine. His left arm wrapped around my waist and started walking back with me by his side. 

My back was straighter than it would normally have been, he was warm, but it felt weird walking like this. Like I was handicapped, or drunk and needed support. He didn’t let me go before he unlocked the door to the motel room, I involuntarily breathed a sigh of relief. 

I kicked off my boots, grabbed the newly acquired wallet from my inner pocket, and sat down at the table to look at today’s catch. “How much did you get?” I asked while looking through the different pockets and slots in the trifold leather wallet. 

“120.” He answered in an indifferent tone while he started to undress. 

“I got… almost 100.” I reported when I had counted the coins. “You win,” I announced lightly. Before we were always competing about who could get most in one night. The winner won the bragging rights and got to buy something for oneself. Ever wondered where Jake got the money for all his tattoos? Well, there you have the answer. 80% of the times, he got more than me. But now he just seemed indifferent about it, like he couldn’t care less. Just raised an eyebrow at me and crawled under the covers, and I felt a small twinge inside me. I missed our games, and competitions, and goofing around as Bill always called it. 

Before I undressed, I emptied the trifold wallet, and then found my own wallet, a leather wrap wallet that had seen much better days. It had a big hole in it so the coins would always fall out and rattle around in my pocket. I hadn’t found a wallet I liked yet, but I actually liked this one, though it was a men’s model, but I didn’t care. I moved all my cards, bills, and coins from my pocket to what would be my new wallet then undressed and crept under the covers too after turning off the lights. 

It didn’t take many minutes before Jake scooted closer under my blanket, laid his right arm around my waist, and pulled me close to him. Whatever his problem was at the bar it seemed to have vanished now. Or I knew what the problem was, he didn’t like that I interacted with men in that way. But at least it was only a short flare of his temper this time. 

“Goodnight,” I whispered. 

“Goodnight, beautiful.” He answered just as low and gave me a squeeze.


	19. His side of things

In the corner of my eye, I caught her movement, a sweet smell hit my nose. I looked up at her and saw she was rubbing something into her neck. “What’s that?” I asked. 

“Aloe vera lotion.” She only said. 

Aloe vera lotion? What did that do? Why?

“You know, it’s known for its healing properties.” She told me when I kept staring at her like she had heard my question.

Healing? The bite marks. They hurt of course. I felt a demon coming forward, waved provocatively in front of me. It was bathed in guilt. I looked down at the screen again, away from her green eyes. Why did I feel guilty? I knew they hurt when I inflicted them on her, but of course, they would hurt until they healed. When I bit her, marked her, I felt some kind of… release. It felt good, and I loved doing it to her. But I hadn’t thought of the consequences. How long did it take a bruise like that to heal? A week? Ten days? And the one on her collarbone hadn’t healed yet either.

Why did she put up with me? It was unbelievable she didn’t complain about it. Maybe she knows I need it. 

_I’m sorry you’re hurt._ Her words and the sadness in her voice. She wanted to help me to get better. It was just such a long road. I didn’t even know if it had an end. I couldn’t see it. But she willingly let me do this to her. Because she knew, I needed it. But why do I need to do it? I know I need her, but why am I so rough with her? I had never felt the need to do that to another person, control another person, be so rough with another person, hurt another person… I hurt her, physically. I don’t think she’s normally into that, I had never seen any kind of marks like that on her before. She have often had one night stands over the years, which hunter hasn’t? I’ve definitely had a lot. I didn’t like to think of her with other men, but it hadn’t bothered me before now. 

I dared to look at her, she was on the bed reading her book. The dark blue color of her scarf suited her. It made her red hair more… vibrant somehow. It was my fault she had to wear it. I again thought about why I needed to do it to her when I had never felt the need to do it before. Before I just liked… normal sex. I thought of the kind of release I felt when I bit her, made marks on her. But it wasn’t only that, it was also when I pulled her hair so hard I ripped out some hairs. Choked her that hard and long. And bite her lip, so it bled. It felt good, but why do I feel guilty about it afterward? Because it’s not normal to want to hurt a person. Had I become some sadistic pervert? Loved making marks on her. Basically, I loved hurting her. Why? Did I need therapy? 

I glanced towards Val. She was concentrating on her book, so I opened Google Chrome and typed in _sadist wiki._ The first search result was Wikipedia, as I had hoped and looked for. I clicked on it. I quickly looked over the page until I found a part about sex. 

 

Sexual practices  
• BDSM, one who engages in the erotic practices, interpersonal dynamics, or roleplaying involving bondage, dominance and submission, and masochism  
• Sadomasochism, one who engages with consenting partners in aspects of pain or humiliation for sexual pleasure  
• Sexual sadism disorder, one who suffers from a medical/psychological condition for sexual arousal from inflicting pain/humiliation on unwilling, non-consenting victims

We didn’t really belong in the BDSM category. Not completely in the sadomasochistic category either. But the last… _sexual arousal from inflicting pain/humiliation on unwilling, non-consenting victims._

Well, Val was neither unwilling nor non-consenting. She liked it too, though she whimpered when I hurt her. Maybe some fucked up mix between sadomasochism and sexual sadism disorder. The sound of her whimpering turned me on, but did I really get a kick out of hurting her? No, it wasn’t like that. It wasn’t just because I liked it. It’s different. It makes me feel better, she makes me feel better, it was a release, a kind of deliverance being with her, but it has something to do with her too. There is something special about her. I need her. I don’t hurt her just because I like it, I hurt her because I need it. Though that didn’t make it less screwed up. I really got some serious issues. Maybe I should find a therapist. But we couldn’t afford that, and we weren’t in the same town for more than two weeks tops. But I had her, she was my therapy. My drug. She scares away the demons. She takes away my pain. 

And the equation became clear to me. Causing her pain takes away mine. That was what she did to me. I felt guilty over that fact. It sounded so sick. But it was, unfortunately, true. I just hoped she would say no if I couldn’t control it. Well, she had said no before when she didn’t felt like she could handle it. I realized how dependent I was for her to be able to say no to me. Because I couldn’t do it myself. Only she knew how much she could handle. But she had proved she was able to do it. So I just had to hope she would continue to be strong. I admired her. She was so strong and tough. But also so wonderful, and amazing, and beautiful. And she was mine. 

The guilt continued to threaten with taking a hold on me. I knew I had some major issues. Causing her pain takes away mine. It sounds insane enough to put me in a psyche ward… I closed the windows on the laptop and shut it down. 

We soon had to go. Now after my discovery, I felt the guilt poke me when I looked at that scarf. Should I tell her? Didn’t she have a right to know what she has walked into and know exactly how deeply I’m fucked up? No, it would send her running for sure. It would scare her away. 

God, I was fucked up. Screwed seven ways from Sunday. I couldn’t lose her. I needed her. 

I took another glance at her, and the guilt-poking-demon moved closer to all the other demons. “You ready?”

 

She’s acting like a fucking slut again. I tried to focus on my game, but she was so distracting. I knew all her tricks, and she was about to lure him right into the mousetrap. She knows we’re exclusive, right? I narrowed my eyes and watched her a couple of seconds longer than the frequent glances I had sent her so far. Well, she hadn’t started rubbing his crotch yet. 

I had to take a deep breath. Most of all, I just wanted to go home and take her with me, but we should take advantage of having the nights off to make a little extra on the side. I tried to ignore her. Of course, she knows we’re exclusive, I’ve called her my girlfriend, and she has somehow accepted that term. 

But though I concentrated on the game, and was in the lead my eyes involuntarily shied over to the booth where they were now sitting. He looked at her with such hungry eyes… 

After the game I got a good talk with Wade and Seth, I hadn’t hustled them so extensively they suspected a thing. 

“Dude, I’m sorry to say it, but I think she’s taken.” Wade suddenly commented and followed my eyes to Val. 

“But God, she’s hot. I’d definitely hit that if I got the chance.” Seth commented as he gave Wade an elbow in the side. 

“That’s my sister!” I growled under my breath. I couldn’t really admit she was my girlfriend, what on earth would they think about that? That my girlfriend’s obviously flirting with another guy, right in front of me? And before I’ve always introduced her as that, so it just came naturally to me. I sent her a thunderous glare, though she wasn’t looking in my direction. My eyes caught her fingers subtle fishing movement from his jacket. 

“Sorry, no offense meant.” 

That’s it. That’s the drop. “None taken, thanks for the game.” I quickly dismissed them and slowly walked over to her. 

When I was sure she had hidden the wallet in her own jacket I walked up beside her and cleared my throat in a way that let her know that that’s enough now. She almost unnoticeably flinched. She knew she had gone too far. Slowly she turned her head and met my eyes for a long second. She didn’t even seem sorry that she had acted like this right in front of me. How would she feel if it was the other way around? I doubt she’d like that. The rage quickly increased and spread. Why was she so infuriating!? 

“Um, I gotta go. Nice chatting with you.” Her voice was low. It looked like she finally got the point, but it was just too late. 

I was gonna tell her once and for all that we were exclusive! She’s mine! 

As soon as she had gotten her jacket on I grabbed her arm and led her to the door, and she didn’t protest. The guy said something, but I didn’t hear it. For fuck’s sake, touching my girl… 

“Jackass! You could’ve just asked if I was ready to go!” She pulled her arm out of my grip when we were outside. Her voice was raised. 

What do you have to be pissed about little missy? Nothing. I’m the one who’s been wronged here. Not you. You act like a fucking slut and lead guys on to you right under my nose. 

I was about to get a grip on myself and tell her all this when that idiot she sat with hurried out the door to us. “Is he hurting you?” He demanded to know. 

What?

“No!” How the fuck could you think that? I would never hurt her. 

I barely noticed Val had said ‘no’ at the same time as I. Well, at least we agreed on something. 

“Are you sure?” He seemed confused. 

“Yes!” Mind your own business. I was just gonna tell her what is okay and what is absolutely not. Do I look like some sicko that beats the shit out of my girlfriends to you? 

I was about to go tell him a thing or two too when Val snarled, “Jackass,” at me and started walking back to the motel. 

Oh, so I’m the jackass because I won’t tolerate that you act like a fucking slut? I had reached a point where I could barely form the words and just ranted on in my head. Now that I noticed, I’ve been there for the last couple of minutes actually. I was so pissed at Val and that idiot that the words just spluttered and got stuck in my throat instead. 

I sent the idiot a furious glare before I turned around to catch up with Val. “Val?” I fought to control my voice and my hand on her arm. The only thing that came to my mind right now where the words got stuck was to claim her. Claim her and her body for her and the world to know like I do when we’re alone. 

She was about to yell something when she turned towards me, but I instantly silenced her with my lips. My hands automatically found her hair and waist and pushed her up against the wall. She gave a little yelp when her back connected with the wall, and I immediately took advantage of her parted lips.

Oh God, this was what I needed. You are mine, only mine! 

Her hands traveled up and grabbed my hair hard. I peeked in the direction of the bar, and that idiot was still standing there, but I behaved myself enough to not give him the finger too. But this is enough, I have her, she’s the grand prize. 

When I rubbed against her she moaned like I had commanded her to, the effect came promptly. Kissing her like this to show the world and her that she was mine quickly dissolved most of the rage she had provoked. 

Okay, I had to stop now. Otherwise, I was gonna wreck her right here in the middle of the street, and I’m not sure she’s okay with public sex. Though it could be hot as hell... No, stop that thought. Otherwise, I’m taking her right here, right now. 

The third time I told myself to stop I was finally able to tear my lips from hers, but I wasn’t ready to let her go yet. Her breathing was rapid, and now that I noticed, my breathing matched hers. I shouldn’t get tangled into her, not completely. Just a little. My hands kept her in place, but I held my lips off of her. I just let them caress hers, not really in a kiss, but they still touched. 

The rage had almost left me, but I still felt… utterly territorial. “Let’s get back,” I whispered against her lips. I dared to give her a gentle kiss before I let her go and instead my arm loosely held around her waist as we walked back.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning:  
> New warning, new tags :-)

I felt a hand on my shoulder, tugging me lightly. As I pulled the blanket over my head, I uttered a tired, resigned sound. 

“Rise and shine,” Jake spoke in a light voice, but still with an annoyed hint.

At that sound, I sat up immediately. What the fuck? Okay, one: it was extremely rare that Jake was up and awake before me. Two: I had never heard him so high-spirited so early in the morning. I eyed him suspiciously. Why? 

He couldn’t help but chuckle at me. I figured the look on my face was priceless along with the messy morning hair, and eyeliner smeared on my cheek. I rubbed my eyes in the blanket and let a hand run through my hair while I was still wondering why his mood was so good. In fear of pissing him off or something like that, I didn’t really dare to ask any questions besides, “What time is it?” before I swung my legs out of bed, and started to look for some clean clothes. 

“9:30.” He had sat down at the table with the laptop in front of him and started to eat, so he had been up long enough to get ready and get breakfast. 

“Seriously? Why didn’t you wake me? Didn’t my phone ring at nine?” I was thrown off balance, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t heard it go off, and now we were going to be late. Annoyance sneaked in on me, but when I looked at him, I realized I didn’t have to go find breakfast. 

“Yeah, but you looked like you could use a half hour more.” He just stated. 

It was, I don’t know, the only word that came to my mind was ‘neutral.’ He wasn’t angry, but he wasn’t cheerful. Well, neutral was better than angry, I had just gotten used to him being angrier at the beginning of the day. It was odd, but I decided not to think more about it, I wouldn’t figure anything out anyway, so I just appreciated the air from the anger. 

I put on my black jeans and dark green top before heading for the bathroom to brush my teeth, get a hold of my morning hair and makeup, and take my birth control.

When I came back into the room and sat down at the table Jake was already done with his breakfast. I poured my portion from the new Fruit ’n Fibre cereal and milk on top, but after a couple of mouthfuls I said in a low voice, “This is air.” I don’t know why I couldn’t look at him, maybe I was afraid of seeing if the darkness replaced the hazel in his eyes. My comment could go both ways. He could be glad that I communicated, and told him what air was when I’d had such trouble defining it, or he could get pissed because I reminded him of the anger. 

“Okay.” His voice was low, but he sounded appreciative. 

Finally, I dared to look at him, it felt like he could see right through me with his hazel eyes. I also saw gratitude in them, and I exhaled, I didn’t even know I had held my breath. I just continued to eat, and afterward, I put the aloe vera lotion on my bruises. While I did so, I thought about how distinctive and unique hazel eyes actually were. They were like a combination of different colors, but definitely kind of green and caramel brown, but it was like they changed all the time. Sometimes they were darker with more brown and sometimes brighter with more green. Like they kind of had a mind of their own, maybe I should try to find more about hazel eyes next time I sat at the laptop. Though I think I had heard a long time ago that hazel eyes were the least understood of eye colors, but I didn’t know if it was true. 

I finished rubbing in the lotion and got up to find my gun and my badge, Jake was making the bed behind me. While I stood at the end of the table and packed away the laptop and our breakfast, I heard Jake walking towards me. His hands slipped in between my arms and my sides, traced up my stomach and settled at my breasts, I felt his body pressing against mine, and he placed a kiss on my neck. 

“What are you doing?” I asked him, maybe too harsh. 

“Feeling you up.” I felt him smile against my skin in between his kisses. 

“Jake, we don’t have time, we should get going.” I tried to remove his hands from my body, but he just tightened his grip and held me closer to him. 

“Just a quickie.” He whispered in my left ear before he continued to kiss me around it and firmly massaged my breasts. 

I began to writhe under his touch. “A quickie?” That actually sounded tempting, and his mood was so good this morning, who were I to ruin that? A smile spread on my lips, and my head heeled towards his touch. 

“A quickie on the table.” He whispered seductively to me while he nipped on my earlobe and rubbed against me. 

“Okay.” I exhaled, his continuously kissing on my neck and around my ear gave me goosebumps, and the now well-known electricity ran down my spine. My hands hadn’t left his since they tried to remove them, they followed his lead around my body, running in circles over my breasts, my stomach, but now they were heading for my jeans. He undid the button and the zipper before I took over and pulled them down. I heard his own zipper come undone. He grabbed my waist and pressed his body against mine, making me take a step forward so my hips bumped into the table and I sought support with my hands on the table top. His hands ran in circles over the front of my body, then he leaned his upper body against my back to make me bent over. 

When I was at about a 45-degree angle at the table, I felt his right hand leave the front of my body, trace up my spine, up to my neck. He grabbed me hard by my neck and smacked me down on the table. 

“Ouch!” I exclaimed. My cheekbone hurt insanely from the impact with the hard surface. My hands were flat on the table when I tried to push up against his grip on my neck, but I couldn’t move him, and he kept holding me down. I felt him guide himself into me, but I wasn’t wet at all, the foreplay had been too short. 

No, no, no, no, no! 

He slowly forced himself inside me. 

“Ah, it hurts!” I whined out between my teeth that were clenched together. Again, I tried to get up from the table, but the more I struggled, the more he tightened his grip, pressing me against the table. He was so big, it felt like he filled too much, stretched me more than possible and I think I felt the skin crack a bit upwards. 

“I know.” He just told me off while he started to move in and out of me, slow at first. 

Didn’t he care that he was hurting me? I cried out, not in pleasure, but in pain every time he forced his way into me. I tried to say ‘no,’ but it didn’t come out right. It sounded more like a strained groan. My jaw was left in an uncomfortable angle at the table because of the force he used to hold me down, making it difficult to even get the words out. 

I fought against his grip on me, but he had me pinned to the table, my efforts were useless. Couldn’t he see that he was hurting me? When I tried to say ‘don’t’ he gave me a harder trust and increased his rhythm that made my voice break and cry out in pain instead before I even finished the word. It stung so much every time he forced into me. Though my cries of pain came out more as distorted sobs. I felt the tears gathering in the corner of my eyes, but I squeezed them shut to prevent them from leaving my eyes. I was not gonna cry! 

My nails dug so hard into the tabletop to cope with the pain that I broke the nails on my index and middle finger on my right hand. He was now thrusting hard, relentless and unsparingly into me. 

“Jake…” I finally intelligible got out through my teeth. It was meant as a plea. A plea for him to stop, but he only answered with a satisfied grunt and his fingers dug farther into the skin on my hip and applied, even more, pressure on my neck. Every thrust into me made my already hurting cheekbone rasp against the tabletop, the pain spread down to my jaw and up my temple. 

Stop, please stop, I wanted to say, but I couldn’t get it out through my clenched teeth. I wanted to protest, but suddenly I felt an overwhelming shame. I just wanted to hide myself away. It felt so irrational to me, but nevertheless, I felt it. Deeply. It made me fall into myself, squeezing my eyes tighter together and clench my teeth harder instead of protesting. 

“Stop…” I whispered, but it drowned in my higher whines and cries along with my sharp intake of breaths and short outbursts. He was grunting louder and louder the harder and faster he forced inside me. 

“Plea–” I groaned midsentence, and a sob escaped me, but the tears didn’t leave my eyes. “Stop…” But it was too weak, I could barely hear it myself. And it reminded more of a hiss than a word. Please be done soon! It hurts so much! It felt like sandpaper. 

His grip was bruising on my neck, it ached for every time my hips slammed against the table from his rhythm. This wasn’t as good as it sounded, he could at least have used some spit when we didn’t have time for foreplay. 

Finally, he gave me two hard thrusts with a couple of seconds in between and groaned out as he came inside me. His grip on my neck loosened, but I didn’t move. I felt… used. So used and ashamed. It was an unpleasant feeling, and I didn’t know what to do with it. I had never felt like this before. I had never let anyone… use me like that before. I felt unable to act, numb. 

He pulled out of me, and his hands slipped in between the table and me and dragged me up into a standing position. As he turned me around, he kissed me, caringly, gently. But I didn’t really return the kiss, my lips were motionless against his. When he felt my passivity he just kept his lips still too, but they never left mine. 

I just wanted to hide myself away. Get away from him. 

He pulled up my panties and then my jeans, zipped, and buttoned them before I felt him do the same with his own jeans. It was a caring gesture. When he broke the kiss and looked at me, I avoided his eyes. He wrapped his arms around me, held me tightly to his chest, and kissed my forehead. I felt the tears again in the corner of my eyes, but I blinked them away. It would just make it so much worse if I started to cry. 

“You make me feel better.” He whispered into my hair. “I need you.” The earnestness in his words sparked something in me. As he continued to hold me and slowly rocked me from side to side my ability to act slowly came back to me, and the numb feeling subsided gradually. I sighed loudly, but the lump in my throat wasn’t gone.

He pulled away, but still had his arms around me. His hand laid under my chin and gently pulled it up to make me meet his gaze. I timidly and unwillingly met his eyes. I didn’t know what I had expected to see, but I instantly felt a warmth slowly, very slowly spread in my body, his eyes were bright hazel, looking so caring, almost affectionately at me with a smile lightening his face. It even reached his eyes. Again, I felt like he could look right through me. 

His hand moved up and gently stroked my cheek, somehow I knew it hadn’t been his intention to harm me, this was just his way of playing this game, or it had become at least. Or was it just what I wanted to believe? Deep down it scared me, though I would never admit it, but the fear settled deep inside of me as I realized I had no idea what he was capable of. I thought I did, I had known him for so long. But I was wrong. 

He kissed my forehead, then the tip of my nose and at last a soft kiss on my lips. This time, my lips weren’t completely immobile. 

“Let’s get going, beautiful.” He said and gave me a light smack on the ass. I felt better, even though it hurt when I walked over to put on my scarf, jacket, and boots. 

In the car, I pulled down the sun visor and looked in the small mirror. My cheekbone really stung and I was afraid I would get another bruise, but it was only red. I clapped it up again and stared out the window. Crossing my arms, my fingers held onto my upper arms, trying to make myself smaller. I still felt like hiding away, from everything, and I started to bite the inside of my cheek. A deeper concern started to take its hold on me. The same kind of concern I had felt when he had bit my lip so hard it bled. Though his caress showed me he didn’t mean to harm me, his roughness with me seemed to increase for every time. I somehow liked the roughness, but it was… I don’t know… getting worse? If you could say that. I didn’t know what to make of it. The Angry Jake with the angry, rough sex, which gave him the air he needed. A small guilt started to spread in me. I had a hard time picturing the old Jake liking this level of rough sex. Of course, I couldn’t know because we had never had sex before that night around two weeks ago. The roughness our sex had was fine, I really enjoyed it actually, but not today. I think this was the only time I hadn’t enjoyed it at all. Instantly I flinched away from the memory as the shame flushed over me, made me look down, and my shoulders slump. 

But the sex helped him, it helped him let me in. It seemed to take his mind off things, giving him some air, a much-needed break. I thought about the first night instead and how he had let me in, let his guards down, how we had sat in the bathtub afterward and relaxed. That was nice. That was air, for both of us. I tried to push the concern aside. And now I knew I had to use some spit myself next time he suggested a quickie because he clearly doesn’t. 

 

We arrived at the first park headquarters Jake had written down for today. It was cloudy, perfect weather for a vampire to be out if she really had come here for hiking. I would suggest we should search the nearby bars tonight if we didn’t get any leads today. 

We asked the same questions as we had the other places, asked if they had seen her, and warned them about her being a poacher. The perfect cover story to make sure they would keep their eyes out for her. 

At the second park headquarters, we both got a coffee to go in a plastic cup. Park managers were so nice, I wished we could have a vampire-hiker on our hands more often. 

I had managed to push the shame, guilt, and concern away, but it bobbled at the edge of my consciousness. Though it was easier to suppress when we were talking to the park managers, I caught myself several times in having crossed my arms. Especially when we were in the car, and both clutching my fingers onto my sides, or upper arms, and biting the inside of my cheek, that was now an open wound and sore. 

When we sat in the car, and Jake started the engine to head for the third headquarters for the day, I decided to enlighten him about my thoughts on this way forward. “If we don’t get anything today I think we should start searching the nearby bars and stuff like that,” I said casually. 

“I thought the same actually.” He looked at me and gave me a smile. 

Oh, God. This might ruin his mood. “And I think we should interrogate her before we kill her.” I dared to look at him. We hadn’t talked about the document we had found on the laptop since the day we found it. I was afraid the anger and pain would return when I reminded him of it, but it needed to be discussed. 

“And how do you suggest we do that?” 

I was right. His tone instantly got harsher, he knew why I would interrogate her. It didn’t need to be said why, but we had to agree on the course of action. “I found the handcuffs on the backseat the other day. We should bring her back to our motel room and make her talk.”

“How would you make her talk? Slap her around or what?” I could hear the last sentence was meant sarcastically. We had never done this so extensive before, so we would just have to try different approaches. 

“I was thinking about using my knife. Have you ever wondered how vampires react to silver besides from direct contact with the heart?” My voice was serious, but the last sentence was supposed to cheer him up. I couldn’t handle his crushing anger too right now. And it worked, a hint of a smile touched his lips, but I saw the anger take a deeper hold on him. Though he tried to fight it, I saw it in his eyes and on his shoulders. 

“Well, we’ll have to figure that out, right?” The anger was creeping into his voice. 

Neither of us had missed a shot before, only given them a slap or two with the gun, but the gun itself wasn’t silver, and if they wouldn’t talk, we just killed them. I had sometimes cut them with my knife, but in the heat of the fight, I didn’t have time to check how it affected them, and usually I killed them within minutes after anyway. So we didn’t know exactly how the vampire body reacted to silver, but we were going to find out. This was so much more important information for us. We just had to get it out of them, and there was no room to miss out on exactly that kind of information. Before we knew how old Sinanima could possibly be, we were positive that it was a waste of time. What were the chances of accidently stumbling across a vampire that actually knew her? We never thought she could be that old. But now where we knew there was a chance we had to act on it. 

Again, I wondered why Bill hadn’t told us. What could the upsides of not telling us be? That he didn’t want to burden us with details about our opponent? I couldn’t see any other reason, but the most important thing was that we had the document now, we had the knowledge now. And that was what matters. 

 

The next couple of places didn’t give anything until we reached the fifth one this day. 

“Olivia Warren from U.S. Wildlife Service. This is my partner Anthony Reyes.” I said with a smile that felt fake while we both showed our badges. 

As usual, the park manager, a female, though she looked like a lesbian with short hair, boy clothes, and no makeup, was really friendly towards us. Asked us what she could help us with. 

“We were wondering if you had seen a woman in her late thirties with blond hair, taking one of your trails?” Jake asked. His voice was light and friendly, he even managed to send her a smile. But he didn’t fool me, I knew him too well. Though he had been in one hell of a mood today. 

“Um, yeah I saw a woman with blond hair at that age about a couple of days ago.” She nodded and waited patiently. 

Jake locked gazes with each other. Bingo. 

“Do you know where she’s headed?” I asked. You could easily hear the need to know in my voice. 

“Yeah, she took this trail,” She pointed to a trail on the map under the glass of the counter. 

“So she should be back around noon tomorrow if she doesn’t take any detours.” 

The procedure was already set. We were going after her. We didn’t even need to discuss it. “Good. Well, we’ll go get provisions and our gear and head out for her. If we don’t find her, please restrain her and call us. We really need to get a hold of her.” Jake’s authority was not to be mistaken. 

When she looked slightly perplexed, I added, “You see, we have proof of her being a poacher.” And looked at her with utter concern. 

“Oh, dear God.” She held a hand over her mouth. To these people, this was a very serious matter. A lot of these forests were protected, and those who weren’t had seasons where hunting was allowed and periods where the animals were protected. Giving them peace to breed, and make sure the population stayed at an acceptable level. 

Jake handed her his number. “I’ll call if I see her.” She nodded, she was clearly taking this very seriously and was ready to help with what she could. 

We thanked her and headed back to the motel to gather our stuff. 

 

I crossed my fingers and hoped one pair of clothes were enough. I didn’t want to carry excess weight. We would check out of the room, meaning that what we didn’t bring with us into the woods was going into the trunk. 

I went to the car to put my clothes I wouldn’t carry with me in it, I also needed to get the handcuffs and my knife. I pulled out the handcuffs from the door map pocket at the passenger's side where I had put them so I could easily find them again, we needed to have them on us, so I put them in the pocket of my jacket. Then I walked back to the trunk and grabbed the duffel bag to search for my silver knife. We hadn’t used it since that burned couple around two weeks ago. Finally, I found the worn black leather sheath. The leather-fitted handle fitted perfectly into my palm, like old friends greeting each other in an embrace. As I pulled the knife out from its sheath, I took a good look at it. It was around thirteen inches from shaft to tip, the blade itself was eight inches. Letting my finger run over the blade feeling its sharpness, I found it perfect. The tip of the blade was sharp on both sides, the last upper half of the blade was crenate, jagged, and it was about two inches wide at the bottom. A real combat knife. For easy access, I had a holster to go around the top of the thigh where I could attach the sheath. The only reason to ever wear a skirt, to cover the knife, but I still preferred jeans. 

I strapped the holster around the top of my right thigh, I had made a strap that went through the belt loop of my jeans to make sure it stayed in place and didn’t slide down. 

As Jake came to put the last of our stuff into the car, I headed for the bathroom before we would check out and go shopping. It still hurt between my legs when I walked. I didn’t think it could get any worse, but when I peed, it felt like I was pissing fucking shards of glass. God, it hurt. I got a deep frown when I saw a couple of drops of dried blood in my panties. A part of me thought no wonder it hurt then, but the other pushed it aside just as quickly when I felt the shame and need to just lock the bathroom door and hide in here. 

When I was about to wash my hands, I made the mistake of looking at the mirror. My right hand left the water to feel on my cheekbone, a bluish shadow had started to appear. The anger rose in me. 

Jesus Christ, Jake, why did you have to beat me like this? I cracked my neck, it still hurt from his grip as well. I got really seriously pissed at him. Somehow, it was easier to cope with being pissed at him about this, than all the other feelings I felt. The anger pushed the guilt, shame, concern, and the need for hiding out of the way, so I held onto it as hard as I could. Locking the motel door behind me, I proceeded to check us out at the reception. 

When I got in the car, the look of him just fueled my anger, and I welcomed it. 

“You ready?” 

“You’re a fucking jackass!” I yelled and pushed him. Though I barely moved him, it helped to let out some of my frustration. 

He looked perplexed by my sudden outburst, “What did I do?” He sounded truly confused, not even the anger was to trace in his voice because I had caught him off guard like that. 

“This!” I pointed at my cheekbone and uttered a frustrated sound before I crossed my arms, in enmity this time, not because I was trying to make myself smaller, and looked out the window while ignoring him. Did it really take this much, get this bad, for me to finally get enough courage to stand my ground against him? 

_Apparently._

Shut up! 

The anger made it easier. Easier to yell at him, easier to say stop to him. Easier to cope with… This was my way to overcome this. Fine, he left marks on me. My lip was okay but other than that, I would really like for him to leave my face free from it. I couldn’t go around constantly looking like someone who had been in a bar fight. 

He put his hand on my thigh like he could appease me. “Leave me alone,” I said curtly and pushed his hand away. 

“I’m sorry.” His tone of voice soften me a bit, but not enough. He really did sound apologizing with an ounce of guilt. 

“Shut up and drive!” I sneered, I was afraid I would say something I would regret if I didn’t get time to cool off and think about it, process it. The bruise on my cheekbone had somehow crossed a big fat line for me. It became the symbol of the lid to the container I was going to eject this whole ‘experience’ into. I refused to think of the other things evolving this, keeping it to the bruise was an easier fact to handle. 

He turned the key in the ignition and started to drive. I looked out the window the whole time. 

In the supermarket, I grabbed a shopping cart and marched in to find some canned food, water, and a gas burner. Spaghetti and meatballs in tomato soup for dinner, some mixed fruit cups for breakfast and beef stew for lunch if it was needed. Jake silently followed in my heels, but I ignored him the best I could. 

We drove out to the hiking trail and packed our backpacks. We divided the food, water, gas burner, and toilet paper equally, making our backpacks about the same weight. I pushed one tent into Jake’s hands, and I took the other one. They were both two-person tents, but as it was now I didn’t felt like sleeping in the same tent as him, and I happily carried one too. I think he looked hurt when I strapped the second tent to my backpack with a lot more force than necessary after he had strapped the first one to his. The reason why we had two was because Bill insisted we got another one when I joined them, to give me some ‘female privacy’ as he had always called that kind of things. 

We got a map from the park headquarters with instructions on where we would most likely pass her, and I found a compass in the mess of the trunk. “Let’s get going,” I snapped and started to walk on the trail. I heard him sigh and then his footsteps following me. 

I held the map and compass, as I had briefly been a girl scout as a child before I got interested in handball. Usually, it was Bill who took care of this while Jake and I talked, joked and played. This was so different from the last time we had camped out. I remember it was autumn. 

 

_“I hope we find a bear.” Jake looked at me with exciting eyes._

_“Why would you hope that? That’s insane.” I stared at him in disbelief. I wasn’t afraid of bears, but I would keep my distance. Liking them best when there was a fence between, like in the zoos._

_“Come on, wouldn’t it be fun to wrestle with a grizzly?” Jake continued with a wink._

_“Oh yeah, that would be real fun. I’d put my money on the grizzly.” I narrowed my eyes as I looked at him._

_“You really think that little of me?” He tried to look offended._

_“I know you’re big, but you’re not that big. I’d still put my money on the grizzly.” I chuckled._

_“Give me some credit.” He pretended to be pouting and pushed me, making me take a step to the side._

_“No, I will not, when it’s not earned.” I retorted and pushed him too._

_In a second, he scooped me up and threw me over his shoulder. “See, I can lift your fat ass without a strain, a grizzly would be no problem.” He mocked loudly to outshout my protesting scream._

_“Put me down, you jackass!” I whined, wriggled, and tried to escape._

_“Will you two kids shut up for a second? I can’t hear myself thinking.” Bill said with an annoyed voice. He stood still and tried to read the map and compass. Jake threw me into a pile of leaves and kept walking._

_“Fuck you, Jake!” I called after him and got to my feet._

_“Relax dad, we were just having some fun. You should try that too one day.” He tapped Bill’s shoulder a couple of times before he walked in front of him._

_“Oh yeah? Who would do all the hard work then when you two always goof around?”_

_“That’s why we have you.” He turned around and smirked before he continued to walk without caring if he was going in the right direction or not._

_I quickly gathered as many leaves as I could carry in my hands and ran towards Jake. Deftly I pulled out his t-shirt in his open jacket, dumped it all into it, and ran._

_“Vally! I’m gonna kick your ass!” He bellowed and instantly pursued me. I shook off my backpack and ran as fast as I could. Though I had played setter in volleyball because I was fast Jake was faster and had caught up with me in a matter of seconds, jumped me, and thrown us both to the ground where we rolled around and laughed. He got on top of me and rubbed as many of the half-wet leaves into my face as possible._

_“Stop! Stop it! I surrender!” I tried to yell without getting leaves into my mouth._

_“Victory!” Jake yelled and held a fist into the air as I spat and wiped my face free from leaves and dirt. I saw Bill rolling his eyes and shaking his head at us when he passed._

 

This time, Jake kept a distance of five to ten steps behind me, and we were silent. It couldn’t be more different. We were also missing Bills footsteps and occasional whistling. 

“Val?” Jake asked tryingly after an hour of walking. He had caught up with me and now walked beside me. 

After the rage had taken over, I had stopped putting my arms around myself, but I was still biting the inside of my cheek now and then. “What?” My voice was icy. 

“I’m sorry about earlier–” 

“I don’t care.” I interrupted him. Oh, why was it today of all days he was a being a fucking asshole? I couldn’t escape him here. 

“Val, please…” He gently grabbed my upper arm to stop me and make me face him, just like yesterday. 

“No, I don’t wanna hear it!” I spat, pulled my arm out of his grip, and continued to walk. I heard him sigh and follow me shortly after.

I tried to focus on the direction we were going, but when I wasn’t looking at the map or the compass, I stared up into the treetops and in between the tree trunks to see if I could get a glimpse of any wildlife here. Hoping for a welcoming distraction. 

 

“Valery?” Jake tried again half an hour later. 

“What!?” This time, I turned around to face him. 

I think my sudden outburst came as a surprise because he leaned slightly backward as he looked bewildered at me. “I am really sorry. It wasn’t my intent–” 

“Leave me alone!” I interrupted him again. I didn’t want to hear it, I wanted to accept his apology and move on, but I was still so goddamned pissed at him. And it didn’t help that I couldn’t escape him to be by myself and think this through. I had to get some distance from him. 

“Don’t be like that.” He pleaded in a low voice. He sounded so sad. 

“Shut up and leave me alone, or I swear I will kick your ass and leave you for the mountain lions!” I took a step forward and snarled the words in his face before I turned around and started marching faster than before. 

After fifteen minutes of this, I was already panting and had to slow down. I stopped to get some water and threw a glance over my shoulder. Jake was about twenty to twenty-five steps behind me. At least he listened and left me be. 

 

It was about to get dark, and I started to feel hungry. A half-hour of walking and I found a good spot to put up the tent, and there was a tree trunk on the ground where we could sit and eat. I think I heard the bubbling sound of a creek nearby. I didn’t even ask for Jake’s opinion, but just threw my stuff to the ground and started unstrapping the tent and put it up. Jake caught up with me and silently put his tent up too. 

Though I had started before him, we were done at the same time. I found the gas burner, the cans with spaghetti and meatballs in tomato soup, a can opener and sat down on the tree trunk. Jake sat down next to me, but without touching me. When the first can was warm, I handed it to him with a plastic fork and put the next can over. 

We ate in silence, but I felt him watching me. 

“I’m sorry, okay?” Jake said earnestly after we finished eating. 

“Don’t,” I said curtly. I was tired after the hours of walking and trying to hold on to the rage, and I didn’t want to do this now. Maybe tomorrow. 

“I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you.” He moved closer and put an arm around me. 

“Jake, stop it.” My voice sounded tired, and I removed his arm. 

“You know what? You are being a fucking bitch right now. Give me a chance here to make it up to you. I’m sorry I hurt you, okay? How many times do I have to say it?” His voice was raised, but the sincerity shined out of him. 

I took a good look at him. There was no trace of that… _brute_ that had… I wasn’t even gonna think the word. Though I was still pissed and felt like I needed some distance, I could clearly see he was sorry. Was I being a pouty bitch? I sighed. Was it a miscommunication or misunderstanding? “Okay, how?” My voice was harder than I intended. 

I felt his shoulder relax and he put his arm around me again, this time I didn’t remove it. “A massage. I can see your neck is troubling you.” He offered reconciliatorily. 

That didn’t sound so bad. A flicker of memories came into my mind, I instantly pushed them away. But how did he know my neck was sore? “How did you know?” I turned my head to look at him, at his hazel eyes. Mostly green in them today. Against my will, I softened up when I looked at him. His face was marked with guilt, there wasn’t even room for the anger, besides in the shadows at the corner of his eyes. 

What was up with him today? I exhaled, and I felt my shoulders relax in surrender. Seeing him in pain hurt me more than I would like to admit. Again, I wished I could take it away for him, ease it. And I realized that this time, I might be able to because I was the one causing it. 

“Because you’re constantly rubbing and cracking it.” A hint of a smile touched his lips, he saw my surrender overpower me. 

I wasn’t aware that I had actually rubbed it so much that he would notice. Maybe it was unconsciously I had done it, I have had so many other things to think about today. And the pain between my legs, my cheekbone and inside my right cheek where I had chewed in it. “You promise to be gentle?” I asked him, meaning the massage. He was right, my neck was really sore. And my shoulders from carrying the backpack and tensing up. 

“Of course.” He said and kissed my cheek. “Off with your top, and in the tent.” He gave me a light smack on the ass when I stood up. 

“Jackass.” I scowled at him before I took off my scarf and crawled into his tent. 

“Hey, you got that aloe vera lotion with you?” He stuck his head into the tent and asked as I took off my jacket. 

“Yeah, in my backpack.” He disappeared, and I heard him roam around in my backpack before he crawled into the tent. I was already lying on my stomach on the sleeping bag with the sleeping pad underneath, I had turned on a flashlight and put it in the corner. It was a little chilly, to be honest. I closed my eyes and rested my hands on each side of my head. 

He placed himself astride my ass, I felt my hips stinging when he pressed them harder down into the thin pad underneath me with his weight. With ease, he unhooked my bra and slid the straps down my shoulder to my biceps, giving him free access to my back and shoulders. 

I heard him opening the bottle, I expected the cold lotion to hit my back at any moment, but it didn’t come. Instead, I heard him rub his hands together, he was warming the lotion up in his hands, how thoughtful of him. His warm hands laid right on the edge of my jeans, and he started to move his fingers in circles on my lower back muscles. He held his promise, he was gentle. 

Actually, he was too gentle, he barely touched me. “A little harder, please.” 

He obeyed me and added more pressure on my back. “Like this?” He asked and started slowly, working his way up. 

I nodded and sighed out a satisfied sound. This was actually more pleasant than it sounded. I couldn’t remember the last time anyone had giving me a massage. How could he be such a brute one moment and then so sweet the next? I pushed it aside before I started biting my cheek again. He reached my shoulders with his firm, but gentle fingers. His warm hands made up for the chilly temperature, and I felt my body relax. Now and then, I uttered a satisfied sound. 

When he reached the upper part of my shoulder and my neck, he lightened his touch. It was perfect, my neck hurt, but it was perfectly balanced with the slight satisfactory pain and delight that followed with a massage. I had expected he would stop when he had worked his way from my lower back all the way up and ending at my neck, but he didn't. He put some more lotion on his hands, warmed it and he continued his way down. 

I was close to falling asleep when he started to work his way up again. My body felt completely relaxed, almost like jelly. I didn't know for how long he massaged me, but he really meant it seriously when he said he would make it up to me. My anger towards him had vanished, and I was relieved the other feelings hadn’t returned when it did. But I couldn’t help but feel like I still needed some space from him. Time for myself to be alone with my thoughts. 

“Are you asleep?” He had bowed down and whispered it close to my ear. 

“Almost.” I smiled, but my eyes were still closed. 

He kissed my shoulder before he hooked my bra, lifted himself off me, and laid down next to me. 

“Thanks,” I said, but I didn’t move. 

He put the sleeping bag over me, but kissed my shoulder blade before covering me up and stroked my cheek instead in a steady rhythm. I laid so comfortably, and I was tired, but it wasn’t late enough to go to sleep, and it was too late for a nap. Instead, I decided I would take a walk, alone. Maybe find that creek. 

Finally, I pulled my bra straps into place and lifted my head so that I could rub my eyes. Slowly I gathered myself to sit up. “I’m gonna take a walk,” I announced while I put on my top. 

“A walk? Why?” He asked perplexed. 

Maybe he thought I had gotten over the bruise on the cheekbone. Well, I wasn’t pissed anymore, but I needed the distance. Just for an hour to gather my thoughts. “I need some time alone,” I confessed. My voice was soft but firm. I meant what I said, and I would claim my right. When I saw his disappointed expression, I added, “I’m sorry, I just need this.” put on my jacket and left the tent. Before I started walking, I picked up my gun from my backpack. There were both mountain lions and grizzlies out here. 

The first fifteen steps were cautious and slow, to make sure I wouldn’t trip over any roots or rocks until my eyes had gotten used to the darkness. Already I felt like I could breathe more freely now. I stopped and listened for the soft bubbling of the water from the creek. Turning my head back and forth to locate where the sound was coming from. It seemed to be coming from the right, so I headed that way. 

A couple of minutes walking and I found it. I saw a big rock farther down, walked to it and sat down. 

I thought about the bruise on my cheekbone. The first time he had left such violent marks on me, I had been shocked, but I enjoyed it while it happened, and it hadn’t bothered me as much as this one did. It was because of the fact that he had forced it on me, in another way than the other times. I wanted him to stop, but I didn’t get the message out either loud or clear. If I had said stop loud enough for him to hear it, I was almost positive he would have stopped. 

_Almost?_

Please, shut up. 

I pushed the doubt aside. He wouldn’t hurt me, it wasn’t his intention, and if he had known he was hurting me he would have stopped, wouldn’t he? Or was I in denial? I convinced myself that yes, he would have stopped, he probably wasn’t aware of it. I quickly and unpleasantly let the whole scenery run through my head and tried to see it from his point of view. I never got a ‘no’ or ‘don’t’ or ‘stop’ clearly out my mouth. As soon as I reached that conclusion, I instantly shied away from the uncomfortable memories. My fingers unconsciously touched the bruise. My final conclusion was that he had enjoyed it and just heard me make some sounds and noises and didn’t think any of it. It must be how it was. I couldn’t believe anything else. I wouldn’t believe anything else. 

It was like I didn’t even know him anymore. Not like I had when Bill was alive. It was like he was a completely different person now. And on some level that scared me too. Once I believed he would never harm me, but he had today. My fear had really broken through that night where he hit the wall next to me, and what happened today made it settle deeper in me. For god knows what time today, I put my arms around myself and a stifled sob escaped me before I clenched my teeth and sniffed. 

No! You are not gonna cry about this. He didn't know, I should have spoken up. It was my own fault. I released the tight grip on the leather on my upper arms, put my hands on my thighs, straightened up, and took a deep breath. 

Forgive him and get over it, put it behind me. But he had hit and crossed a limit of mine. I never wanted to feel like this again. I had to tell him to leave my face alone, I couldn’t hide my face like I could with my neck and the rest of my body. And I had to look at it every time I looked into the mirror because I couldn’t cover it up. I didn’t even have some powder or foundation I could put on it. 

I was glad that he could see he had crossed some sort of line with me. That he apologized for it and tried to make it up to me, but that didn’t guarantee it wouldn’t happen again. Again, I thought back on his mood today before I got pissed at him. It was weird, it made me worry. I thought I knew his mood swings, though I didn’t know when they would come, but I was starting to know the different shades, but this was a new one. Unknown territory and it made me cautious, especially after what happened today. But I didn’t know how long this bearable-less-angry-mood would last, and I was wasting it on being pissed and frustrated with him. I had a good reason, though. When I got back from here, I really needed to tell him where the line was. 

_Took you long enough. Surprisingly he had to go this far with you before you stopped cowering and told him a thing or two._

Jesus, shut up!

It usually took a lot to make me angry, but it had just clicked when I saw that bruise on my cheekbone. And the anger was so much better than the rest. I was thankful that the anger seemed to have evaporated the other feelings. I didn’t want to worry too much, I just wanted to put it behind me and never think of it again. I decided to tell him, and then it would hopefully never happen again, and end of story. 

I heard some rustling around in the leaves behind me. My hand closed around the gun against my back while my eyes searched the dark woods behind me. 

After several seconds and the silence continued, I returned my attention to the water before me. Just watched the dark, almost black water run. The moonlight penetrated the clouds now and then and made contours and shadows appear in the water and around me. 

I think I sat there for over half an hour. Watching. Making out shapes and shadows of my surroundings. The relaxing and alone time had worked as I hoped it would. I felt ready to be in near proximity to him again. I got up and walked back. As I neared our camp, I saw the light was still on in his tent as when I had left it. 

With only a couple of seconds of hesitation, I crawled inside. Jake was lying on his back with his hands behind his head, just staring at the top of the tent. But the anger had stuck its ugly face forward again. Not a complete crushing and choking anger, but still more apparent than when I left him. He really didn’t handle alone time very well. When I sat down he shortly looked at me, it was a hesitant look. I think he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. 

“Hi.” I tried and crossed my legs. 

“Hi.” His face lightened up a little, perhaps because of my affable tone. 

“Um… about earlier…” I trailed off when I saw him tighten up again. “Just leave my face alone, okay?” I forced myself to look at him when I had finished the sentence. The anger turned into guilt on his face. And I became more positive that this was a one-time event. If he really felt this guilty, he wouldn’t do it again. 

“Okay.” He nodded, but looked to the side, away from me before he again said almost with a sigh, “I’m sorry, Val.” 

“It’s okay, just… don’t let it happen again.” I smiled at him, I felt that I had forgiven him for it. He could see he had hurt me and he understood, and I was sure it wouldn’t happen again. At least not on purpose. And that made it easier for me as I just wanted to erase that memory from my mind. I laid down next to him on my right side, and he turned to his left side and looked at me. Hesitantly he stroked my cheek while almost scrutinizing my face. Maybe he was looking to see if it was okay. I didn’t stop him. 

“You hear that?” I whispered. We had laid in silence for some minutes now, he was still stroking my cheek with his thumb or fingertips. 

“What?” He whispered back. 

I put my index finger up to my mouth. There it was again. Something was rustling around close to us. It didn’t sound big enough to be a bear or mountain lion. Something smaller. Maybe a fox sniffing around. 

“I hear it.” He whispered and smiled. “You scared?” He asked, still with a big smile. 

“No, of course not.” I snickered as low as I could, but whatever roamed around outside ran off.

“Too bad.” He said disappointedly. 

“Why?” 

“Because if you were scared I could hold you, and protect you from the scary wildlife.” He told me with a raised eyebrow. 

“Who says I need to be scared for that?” I moved closer, as did he and put his right arm around me. I felt him kiss the top of my hair. 

We laid like that for a while, and it felt nice. His jacket was open at the top, I pretended to lie more comfortable, but really, I inhaled his sweet smell from the fabric of the t-shirt at the upper part of his chest. 

After some time I wondered if Jake knew he was forgiven. Two sentences from the night where we screamed at each other suddenly popped up in my head. _I’m not a mind reader if you haven’t noticed! You won’t tell me anything!_ I pushed the uncomfortable memories aside and decided I would rather tell him than just assume he knew. “You are forgiven, you know.” I leaned my head back and looked up at him. 

“Thanks for telling me.” He didn’t smile, just stroked my bruised cheekbone a couple of times. But I could hear he appreciated it. I closed my eyes, his gentle touch felt good. 

Softly he pressed his lips against mine for a couple of seconds. “We should go to sleep.” He whispered. 

“Yeah, we should.” I sighed, untangled myself from his arm, and sat up. 

“You sleeping in here?” He asked and looked hopefully at me. 

I wavered for two seconds. “No.” I looked down, I couldn’t look at his disappointed face. The intensity, the anger, this was a chance to get a vacation from that. Just for one night. I leaned forward and kissed him, his hand traveled to my neck. It was still soft, but there was something insisting over the kiss. He held me in place and returned the kiss longer than I had intended in the first place. 

Please don’t force me to stop you, I silently begged him, but then he released my lips. 

“Goodnight, beautiful.” He whispered against my lips. 

“Goodnight,” I whispered back. I felt a warmth spread in me, I actually started to like when he called me that. His hand fell from my neck, and I crawled out before I changed my mind. My tent felt colder when I entered. I quickly located the tiny flashlight and turned it on. Grabbed my phone and set the alarm to 5:30 a.m. I groaned on the inside when I thought about how early we had to get up, but the possibility of catching a vampire overshadowed it, and I was more than prepared to get up as early as needed. For a few moments, I considered sleeping with all my clothes on, but I knew I wouldn’t be getting a comfortable sleep, so I decided to take off my jeans and sleep in panties and my top. It was after all a thermal sleeping bag, I could always put my clothes back on if I woke up and was cold. As I pulled my jeans down, I saw my hips had suffered damaged from this morning too. Another two light bluish bruises. One on each of my hips where the bone was closest to the skin. 

Goddammit! Another injury today? They weren’t big, but they were still there. I felt the frustration bubble in me, and I was glad that it was the only feeling that returned. Wasn’t my cheekbone, between my legs, and my neck enough already? I was starting to look like a fucking rainbow! My neck, thigh, cheekbone _and_ hips? I wasn’t sure I could take any more of this right now. I turned towards the direction of his tent, flipped my middle finger at it and Jake behind it, and mimed ‘Fuck you!’ to let off some steam. 

_He already did, sweetheart._

An unwelcome voice in my head said, I flipped my middle finger at it too. Shut up! Why did that little annoying voice have to come at the most inconvenient times? Always when I didn’t need it, and never when I do. I snorted at myself, crept down into the sleeping bag, and turned off the light. Why was I so frustrated? Had Jake’s anger and mood swings finally gotten to me? But as I laid down, I noticed the rigidness in my neck and shoulders was gone, his handwork didn’t leave anything to the imagination, he had really loosened up my muscles. I felt gratitude towards him. 

I took a deep breath. Jake’s mood had been so good today until I got pissed at him, perhaps he had transferred his anger to me instead. 

You have forgiven him, I reminded myself, but the aftershock blossomed up again when I had seen my hips. He said he was sorry, and he really meant it. Get over it. I distracted myself with thinking of the vampire instead. But before I could think some plans through, I fell asleep.


	21. His side of things

I woke with a gasp. I could see the doctors turning into wolves, holding me down with syringes in their hands as clearly as if it had happened yesterday. My eyes automatically flew to my right forearm with the rope tattoo and the text ‘Don’t let your fears control you.’ Taking a couple of deep breaths while I chanted ‘don’t let your fears control you’ for several minutes to calm the storm inside of me. 

When my breathing and heart rate had slowed down, and the uncomfortable feeling had vanished, I looked at the clock. It was only 7:32 a.m. Val was sound asleep next to me. But I was actually fully awake now after chanting for several minutes. It had been so long since the last nightmare from… that time… I was just glad it was this late. 

I moved closer to her, slowly, so I wouldn’t wake her. She needed her rest. Now I was lying against her back, I carefully put my arm around her and buried my nose in her hair. She still hadn’t moved or reacted, so I gave her a squeeze and held her closer. She smelled so good. I remembered what was written on her conditioner. Lavender. I think it was my favorite flower now. 

I laid for a long time and just inhaled her intoxicating smell. It drove the last shreds of the unpleasant feelings from the nightmare away and what had been left of the rage from last night at the bar. Actually just waking up here next to her was enough. She was mine, I got to take her home, and sleep with her, live with her. They could only look and dream about her, like that idiot when I claimed her in front of him. And I got her right here in my arms. As she continued to sleep, I was brave enough to kiss her shoulder, let my nose run over her soft skin. She got goosebumps and shook her shoulder. I think it tickled. 

God, I could lie here like this for all eternity. I laid my head back on the pillow and again buried my nose in her hair. She made me feel so good. I had never been a morning person, I was definitely more prone to eveningness than morningness. But it was like the demons stood poised to attack me as soon as I woke up, and it was overwhelming. Making it so much worse to wake up in the morning. Like they took a new hold on me because they couldn’t grab me when I was asleep. But they were more than ready to wash over me like a tidal wave when I opened my eyes. I sighed. But lying here with Val in my arms… it dulled them, tamed them. I can’t remember the last time I felt so light so shortly after I woke up. 

I studied her hair while I just laid here and enjoyed her. I noticed that each strand of hair was actually slightly different. Some were a shade darker, some lighter, some were almost black. But all was still in the same reddish coloration. Mahogany red, I think she told me once. I took a lock of her hair and nuzzled it between my fingers. It was so soft. As I looked closer, I really realized what split ends actually were. Though it was difficult to see unless you looked at it really closely. I couldn’t see what all the fuzz was about. They were so tiny and delicate you couldn’t see it unless you were this close. And it was still soft. 

Her phone started ringing. No, no, no. Just five more minutes. I reached over to it as carefully, but quickly as I could without waking her, and turned it off. Just five more minutes of this. 

She had moved, and was now lying on her back, but was still asleep. Her face was turned away from me so I could still bury my nose in her hair. I closed my eyes but still kept an eye on the clock now and then. 

9:05. I better fetch breakfast, we ate the last yesterday. Otherwise, she would get stressed and pissed. 

I let her sleep while I quickly got dressed, and went out the door. I still had that light feeling from just holding her close to one and a half hour. The best way to start a day. 

When I got back, I turned on the laptop. While it started up, I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and style my hair in a semi-faux hawk. It was an easy hairstyle, looked good, and didn’t take too long to do. I wasn’t feminine, but nothing wrong with looking decent. 

The laptop was ready when I came back, I glanced at the clock. 9:30. I should probably wake her now. I couldn’t help but smile over my secret cuddling this morning. She sighed and pulled the blanket over her head when I mildly shook her shoulder. God, she was cute. “Rise and shine,” I said. 

She sat up immediately and looked disoriented at me. I actually chuckled at her. Rise she could, but shine? Her hair was one big mess, and as usual, her makeup was smudged after she had slept. But she was still beautiful. 

“What time is it?” She mumbled before she sat at the edge of the bed. 

“9:30,” I told her before I walked back to the laptop to see if there was anything in the news. On the way, I grabbed a bowl, poured breakfast, and started to eat. I didn’t really care so much about what I got to eat in the morning. The only requirements I had was okay healthy and cheap. And this one was the cheapest. Some fruit-thingy, it tasted fine. 

“Seriously? Why didn’t you wake me? Didn’t my phone ring at nine?” She sounded annoyed. 

“Yeah, but you looked like you could use a half hour more.” I lied. I couldn’t just say ‘yeah, I cuddled with you while you slept and I wanted five more minutes of that.’ That actually sounded kinda creepy. 

She didn’t reply on that, so I guess she accepted my ‘excuse.’ She got dressed and went to the bathroom while I still checked the news. I hadn’t found anything vampire-related yet when she came back and sat down at the table and poured breakfast. 

“This is air.” She said after she had started eating. 

I looked at her, but she just kept looking into the bowl. I felt relieved. So she could communicate after all. Thank God, finally. “Okay.” I wanted to say so much more, but the words failed me. Then she looked at me, and the words disappeared completely in my brain. I saw she exhaled deeply. She removed her eyes from mine and broke the spell that had evaporated every syllable I knew. 

I had wanted to say so much more than just ‘okay.’ Thank you for telling me, I’ll try my best, please don’t hesitate to tell me stuff like this, thanks for helping me understand what air is for you… and I could go on. 

While I kept my eyes on the screen to look for possible park headquarters the same sweet smell from yesterday hit my nose, and I looked over the top of the laptop. She was rubbing in that aloe vera lotion on her neck. The guilt demon started poking me again. Oh, no. If it first broke through the light feeling, the freeness she gave me, then the other demons were too soon to follow and take their hold on me. 

No, please don’t. Not already. It was like it became harder to breathe with this imminent threat hanging over my head. I saw she put the lotion back and headed for her gun. We should go soon. I got up to make the bed. When I was done and turned around, she was standing at the table cleaning up. 

I wanted her. Now. Quick, hard, and dirty. Just a quickie before we had to go. The suppressed lust from yesterday immediately resurfaced and started mixing with the lust that was already firing through me. I walked over to her, and put my hands around her. Let them run from her stomach and up to grab her breasts, pushing myself close to her and placed a kiss on her neck. 

“What are you doing?” She asked, she sounded suspicious, I think it was. 

“Feeling you up,” I told her, though it was obvious, and continued to kiss her soft skin. I just needed to persuade her, I think she was still annoyed that I hadn’t woken her at 9. 

“Jake, we don’t have time, we should get going.” Her hands tried to remove mine, but I just held on to her. 

I wanted her so badly. The need for me inside her was hard to contain. “Just a quickie.” I lured in her ear, while still kissing her, caressing her breasts. Oh, God. Say yes. I just wanted to rip her around. Her body started to twist and move under my hands. I almost got her. 

“A quickie?” She asked. I could hear in her voice that I got her now. 

“A quickie on the table,” I whispered to her and made it sound as inviting as I could. 

“Okay.” She exhaled. 

The need for her rushed red hot through me, I was already hard. I let my hands run over her body. She still had her hands on top of mine. I moved down to her jeans and opened them. She put her thumbs under the waistband and started to pull them down. So eager. I removed my hands from her to open and pull down my own jeans. Then I pressed her forward with my body until her hips hit the table and pressed my upper body against her back to make her bent over. 

A part of me wanted to be gentle with her, but the other part still wanted her quick, hard, and dirty. As the lust pulsated through my veins, unleashing the beast inside me, the part that wanted her hard won. I let go, and let the animalistic lust take over. My hand found her neck and brought her down to the table. 

“Ouch!” She exclaimed and moved under me. 

Oh, that sight. I wanted her now. I guided myself into her, she was so tight it almost hurt. 

“Ah, it hurts!” She whined and moved again. 

“I know,” I told her, it almost hurt me too. But God, it felt good. Her tightness and warmth… I started to thrust into her, and she cried out. Just taking her like this really hit my kinks. There was something raw and needy over it. Again, she groaned and twisted. Yes, moan for me. The lust pounded through me and just took over. 

At some point, I thought I hurt her, but she didn’t stop me. She just writhed and cried out under me. I heard her nails scrape over the table. “Jake…” 

Oh yes, say my name. With a grunt, I grabbed her harder, closed my eyes, and leaned my head back. The friction inside her was almost too much, it almost hurt, but I kept going. I heard her hips hit the table and the table hitting the wall with every thrust. Suddenly she groaned loudly, followed by a whimper. 

Oh, that sound. I’m gonna come so hard and deep inside you. I was now thrusting even harder into her until it was close to unbearable. My breathing came out rapidly through my teeth until I finally gave her two hard trusts where I came and released inside her with a groan. After I loosened my grip and pulled out of her, she just continued to lie there with closed eyes. I wanted to kiss her, she was so wonderful. She scared it all away. My arms wrapped around her and pulled her up in an upright position. I turned her around and pressed my lips against hers. It was tender, the need to take her harshly had been satisfied, and now I just wanted to enjoy her soft lips. Her lips didn’t follow my rhythm, so I just held them still and pressed mine against hers. I started to pull up her panties and jeans when she didn’t do it herself. When I was done with her jeans, I proceeded to my own. 

Oh, I could kiss her like this forever. Just our lips connected and never leaving each other. Taking her this way kept the demons in chess. It was just what I needed. She made it all better. 

I removed my lips from hers, pulled her into my embrace, and held her close. What had I done to deserve her? I kissed her forehead. “You make me feel better,” I whispered. “I need you,” I added. I need you so much. I kept my nose in her hair and inhaled her sweet smell, while I slowly rocked us back and forth. I felt like never letting her go. 

She let out a big sigh, I loosened my grip and pulled her chin up to look at me. Her green eyes were staring so intently into mine. I was so glad I had her. What would I do without her? I could look at her all day and appreciate her. She was so beautiful, but we had to get going. I kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose and her lips a couple of seconds longer. I noticed her cheek was slightly red. Maybe I pushed her too hard. My thumb stroked her soft cheek. Sometimes it was hard to determine my strength when I was gone in the lust, buried myself in her. Like when I had bitten her lip so hard it bled. It wasn’t my intention to make it bleed, but it just happened. 

I turned her towards the door and gave her a smack on her plump ass. “Let’s get going, beautiful.” We couldn’t stand around here all day, though I wouldn’t mind it if we did. 

I saw her check her cheek in the mirror on the sun visor when we got in the car. Or it was actually her cheekbone. Well, luckily it was only red.

 

As the day passed, I started to feel guiltier as the redness on her cheekbone slowly transformed into a bruise instead. It became more prominent as the time passed by. It had felt good right when I did it, but maybe I went overboard. I can see that now. When I look back, she might have cried out more high pitched. I was sure she had writhed with lust, but could I trust myself and my judgment when I was so lost in my lust and need for her that it felt more like animalistic instincts took over and left me out of control? 

She also rubs and cracks her neck constantly, maybe I actually grabbed her too hard. But I hadn’t really been aware of how hard I grabbed her at the time. It didn’t felt so hard. Not hard enough to cause this. It was just like I couldn’t feel how hard I grabbed her when I was away in my lust, intertwined with her. So no, I guess I couldn’t trust myself. But if I was hurting her, really hurting her, she would’ve stopped me, right? She didn’t. She didn’t say stop or no to me. She said ouch, but that have happened several times before. So that didn’t provide any leads. 

I hope she knows I can’t pull away from her myself. But now when I think about it… or was I imagining it? I thought I heard her say something like ‘please.’ Please, what? If she could say please, she could say stop. 

But the guilt kept nagging me. I didn’t know if she had noticed the redness had turned into a bruise yet. I didn’t like the look of it. It was different from the marks on her neck, and she hid them with the scarf. Her jeans hid the mark on her thigh. Though that dark blue color started to fuel the demon of guilt too. 

 

“You ready?” I asked when she entered the car. 

“You’re a fucking jackass.” She yelled and pushed me. 

I almost jolted in shock of her sudden outburst at me. “What did I do?” I asked truly befuddled. 

“This!” She pointed at her bruised cheekbone with an angry snort. 

The demon of guilt got its final excuse to attach itself to me. She crossed her arms and looked out of the window. 

I had crossed the line. It wasn’t my intention, but it had happened. God, I felt bad about this. I put my hand on her thigh, as comfort and to try to allay her anger. 

“Leave me alone.” She said harshly and removed my hand. 

“I’m sorry,” I told her. I was sorry that I had caused this. That I had made her so upset. 

“Shut up and drive.” She snapped. 

I remembered her mad eyes the night I had stitched up her shoulder. There was a resemblance with her eyes now. I cringed just at the thought of it. A part of me wanted to leave her be, but the other screamed at me that I should make this right. Begged me to earn her forgiveness while the demon of guilt tightened its grip on me. Made it harder to breathe. For now, the part that wanted to leave her be won. 

I followed her lead around in the supermarket, and then in the forest, while my mind worked overtime to think of something that was worthy enough for earning her forgiveness. The guilt demon burned its presence into me. It almost pulsated because of the nutrition it gave just looking at Val like this. 

“Val?” I asked tryingly. I wanted to make this right. 

“What?” She said curtly. She was clearly still as pissed at me. 

“I’m sorry about earlier–” I started, but I didn’t get to finish. 

“I don’t care.” She interrupted. 

“Val, please…” Please, please, please. Don’t shut me out. I gently took her arm and turned her to look at me, the words died in my mouth when her eyes met mine. 

“No, I don’t wanna hear it.” She ripped her arm out of my grip and kept marching. 

This failed try was like a protein shake for the guilt demon, I could feel it grow stronger with every minute of this. I on purpose kept a little distance to her, so I only had to look at her back and not her angry eyes. But I had to make this right. I couldn’t stand looking at her like this and know I was the one causing it. I took a large sip of water from the bottle. My throat felt dry, but it wasn’t because of the walking. 

When I had gathered the courage, I tried to apologize again. “Valery?”

“What!?” She instantly turned around. 

Her word was like a whiplash that encouraged the guilt-demon to bury its long claws deeper into my insides, and I involuntarily leaned away from her. “I _am_ really sorry. It wasn’t my intent–” I forced myself to go on, but she interrupted me _again._

“Leave me alone!”

“Don’t be like that.” Were the only words that came out of my mouth. I wanted to say so much more. Please, let me make it up to you. I’m so sorry I hurt you. It wasn’t on purpose. I know I’m screwed up, but I’m trying my best. You mean everything to me. I need you. Only you can make me feel better. I’m sorry. The guilt is eating me up from the inside, and I’ll go insane if you don’t let me make this okay between us. Please forgive me. I know I did something wrong, but it wasn’t on purpose. Tell me what you feel. Stop me if I hurt you because I’m too screwed up to see it myself. I can’t see where the line is because my mind is clouded with all the demons, black monsters, and my overwhelming need for you that turns into a wild beast inside me. Please understand… 

All these words got stuck in my dry throat, it felt like they were strangling me. 

“Shut up and leave me alone, or I swear I will kick your ass and leave you for the mountain lions!” She stepped forward and spat the words in my face before she turned around and upped her tempo.

The rejection made the guilt demon not only pulsating in a scrutinizing rhythm but flaming, burning through me. And every time she cracked her neck, it was fuel to the fire. 

 

She cracked her neck for the seventh hundred time today, and then it hit me. I couldn’t remove her bruise, but I could make the pain in her neck go away. Hopefully. “I’m sorry, okay?” I said after we finished eating. I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to try. And now I had a plan to try to make it up to her. I was really sorry that I had hurt her like this, I just couldn’t control myself, and I hated myself for that. She’s all I have, all I need. 

“Don’t.” Her voice was still harsh, but low, she sounded tired too. At least she didn’t yell at me like earlier. 

“I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you.” I scooted over next to her and put my arm around her. Please listen. 

“Jake, stop it.” She said resignedly and unleashed my arm from around her. 

I was getting tired of this. I felt like she was only doing this because she was so stubborn, she didn’t sound as pissed as earlier. And I suspected her rejecting my apology was more a principle for her now instead of getting over it. 

I couldn’t help but get annoyed. I tried, I had given her a peace offering, but enough was enough. This wasn’t about me hurting her anymore, it was her stubbornness talking now. “You know what? You are being a fucking bitch right now. Give me a chance here to make it up to you. I’m sorry I hurt you, okay? How many times do I have to say it?” My voice was slightly raised, I just had enough with her now. Though my words were still true. But I was done apologizing for this. 

She sighed. Oh, baby, I would sigh at myself too. I know I’m incorrigible, but I’m trying my best. 

“Okay. How?” She snapped, but I saw the surrender overpower her. 

At least it seemed like I just got a tiny chance to earn back a little of her forgiveness. “A massage. I can see your neck is troubling you.” I told her. I hope I could take that pain away from her. 

“How did you know?” Her voice wasn’t snapping anymore. Her shoulders slumped, and the last negativity left her eyes. 

Finally. And who didn’t know? Hadn’t she notice how she has rubbed and cracked it all day? Did I really have to elaborate this? “Because you’re constantly rubbing and cracking it.” I smiled because of the fact that she couldn’t see it herself, and that her stubbornness slowly vanished. 

“You promise to be gentle?” She asked, her tone got less and less hostile towards me. 

The guilt-demon lost a little of its grip. It was like some of the weight on my shoulders lightened as I realized she accepted my peace offering. “Of course.” I couldn’t resist kissing her cheek. Thank you, for letting me do this for you. The guilt-demon had a hard time holding on. It had dominated all the other demons inside me, they were ready to take over its place once it was gone, but with the prospect of touching, her they shied away instead. A shadow of the light feeling from this morning brushed over me. “Off with your top, and in the tent.” I smacked her ass lightly when she stood up. 

“Jackass.” She said and pretended to scowl, but there wasn’t any resentment in her eyes. They were softer. 

“Hey, you got that aloe vera lotion with you?” I peeked into the tent and asked. That would be perfect. Maybe it would give me a pleasant memory to combine its smell with. 

“Yeah, in my backpack.” 

I quickly found it and returned to the tent. She was lying on the sleeping bag in her bra and jeans. Her back was beautiful. Smooth and pale. Thank God, there wasn’t a bruise on her neck. She was thin enough so you could see the contours of her spine and back muscles. I crawled up and sat astride her ass, unhooked her bra, and moved the straps down her arms to give me full access to her back, shoulders, and neck. 

I’m gonna spoil her. Really take care of her. I squeezed some lotion into my hand and rubbed them together to warm up the lotion. I noticed she had goosebumps. Probably because it was a little cold. When the lotion didn’t felt cold anymore, I placed my hands on her lower back, right above the waistband of her jeans. Her skin was so soft. Gently I started to move my thumbs, let them work on her muscles along with the heel of my hand. 

“A little harder, please.” She said shortly after. 

I put slightly more pressure on, I really wanted to please her right now. “Like this?” I asked as I wanted it to be as good as possible. She nodded, and I continued up her back. Really took my time. Rubbed every muscle over her whole back, worked extra-long on the places where I felt any tension. 

Now and then, she sighed, she sounded satisfied, and she looked relaxed. And her goosebumps slowly disappeared as I felt her skin becoming the same temperature as my hands. 

When I reached her neck I lightened my pressure, she was sore, and I didn’t want to be too rough. This was supposed to ease her pain. The pain I had caused. 

This wasn’t enough. I squeezed some more lotion into my hands, warmed it up, and continued my way down again. I actually enjoyed it. Just touching her soft skin, and knowing it was only to please her. That I brought her satisfaction, that I eased her pain like she eased mine. Finally, I could repay her somehow. That’s why I put some more lotion on when I reached the waistband of her jeans and continued up again. 

I don’t know for how long I’ve been at it, at least an hour, if not more, but my fingers and wrists were starting to feel sore. I would have continued all night if that would make her happy. 

Her breathing had become slower, and I didn’t really feel any more tension in her muscles. I wondered if she was asleep. I finished up on her neck and bowed down. “Are you asleep?” I whispered into her ear. I wouldn’t wake her if she were. 

“Almost.” She whispered and smiled. That smile made the guilt-demon loose its last grip, and it disappeared. I kissed her shoulder before I hooked her bra, got off of her, and laid down next to her. 

“Thanks.” She said, but she kept lying still with closed eyes. It didn’t look like she had any intention of getting up. I tucked the sleeping bag over her but kissed her shoulder again before I covered her up. I couldn’t really keep my eyes off her. 

She lifted her head and rubbed her eyes. “I’m gonna take a walk.” She said and started to put on her clothes. 

“A walk? Why?” It surprised me, confused me. 

“I need some time alone.” Her voice was firm, but not hostile.   
But why? I thought we were good? The demons began to stir, and I felt a hint of disappointment. And the frustration was warming up like water in a kettle. 

“I’m sorry I just need this.” She made that face again. Her thinking-really-hard-face where her eyes get so distant. She put her jacket on and left the tent. I heard her footsteps leading away until they vanished. 

I started to doubt if I was forgiven. She pushed me away. What could I do to make it up to her? I had no idea. Absolutely no idea of what was going on in her head. Maybe I should ask her, but I didn’t really want to talk about it. I didn’t like the thought that I had caused her this much pain. But why couldn’t she just tell me? Stop me, and tell me. Though it felt so good when I did it. Right at the moment when it happens, it’s good, really good. But afterward? I tried not to dwell too much on it. 

The longer she was gone, the more the demons woke up. And it tightened around my chest, the way it did when she pushed me away. It… choked me. I didn’t know what else to call it, so I used Val’s synonym for it. The demons had been tamed or asleep when I had massaged her. Just touching her soft skin, that was enough. But hurting her when I fucked her, it was like it did more than just tame them or make them sleep. It was hard to explain. Actually, I couldn’t really explain it. It was more a feeling inside.

She’s been gone for a while now. I decided to see if I could find her. Walked as silently as possible in the direction I heard her footsteps leading her. The longer I walked in the direction, the clearer the sound of running water became. Soon I could see a creek ahead. And in between the tree trunks, I saw a silhouette sitting on a rock. I slowly walked closer. 

Suddenly she looked up, I stopped and leaned to the left, hiding behind a tree. She looked in my direction before her eyes swept back and forth and she returned her gaze to the creek. 

Oh, Val, I would give anything to get just a peek into your head. What was going on in there? Why do you need time alone? I wished she would just tell me. I couldn’t make myself go over to her, even though I wanted to. I was afraid she would get pissed and that we would be back to the starting point from when she discovered the bruise. 

I was frustrated with myself. And frustrated with her. The guilt-demon waved threatening in front of me. Ready to take a hold on me again. 

I kept watching her from a distance for a while until I slowly walked back to our camp. She would come back when she was ready. The lack of understanding her actions, the longing for her to tell me what she was thinking still left me frustrated. I laid down on my back on the sleeping bag in my tent and just stared straight ahead. Hoping to reach some sort of understanding of her. But the silent surroundings didn’t provide any answers. 

Shortly after, I heard footsteps, and Val crawled into the tent. Seeing that bruise on her cheekbone again was like a punch in my stomach. It felt like I hadn’t done enough. And I didn’t want to end up in this situation again, feeling like this. I wanted to ask her what I could do to make it up to her, I wanted to say that she should stop me if I were really hurting her because I couldn’t assess whether it’s too much or not. I lack the control, the ability to judge when I cross the line, only you can tell me that. But again, the words got stuck in my throat. 

“Hi.” She said and sat down with her legs crossed. 

“Hi.” At least she seemed to be in a better mood now. I could both hear it in her voice and see it in her eyes. It made the corner of my lips pull up. 

“Um… about earlier…” She started, and I stiffened. On one hand, I wanted to talk about it, but on the other, I didn’t. I was on some level ashamed of myself. 

“Just leave my face alone, okay?” She said in a low voice and looked at me. 

The guilt-demon stormed forward and grabbed me. Squeezed my intestines, and I almost lost my breath. “Okay.” I nodded, but I couldn’t look at her anymore. Why did she put up with me? I’m hopeless. “I’m sorry, Val.” I really was. I couldn’t say that enough. 

“It’s okay, just… don’t let it happen again.” She smiled at me. 

No Val, it’s not okay. I felt like punching myself. She laid down next to me, and I turned to face her. I didn’t trace any hate, resentment or blaming in her face, nothing negative at all. That gave me the courage to stroke her cheek. 

“You hear that?” She suddenly whispered and looked around. 

I listened closely, I hadn’t heard what she reacted on. “What?” I whispered. With her finger on her lips, she told me to stay quiet. 

After a couple of seconds, I heard a sniffing sound and some leaves moving. “I hear it.” I smiled, still whispering. It sounded like a small animal. “You scared?” I asked her as a joke. 

“No, of course not.” She giggled, bit her lip to try to muffle it, but it scared off whatever that was outside. Her biting her lip distracted me for a second. 

“Too bad,” I replied, pretending to be disappointed when I had composed myself. 

“Why?” She asked curiously, but the smile still lingered on her lips. 

“Because if you were scared I could hold you, and protect you from the scary wildlife.” I let her in on my plans. 

“Who says I need to be scared for that?” She invited and moved closer. I moved closer too and put an arm around her. That made me smile, and I kissed her hair. She was so wonderful. And I was so horrible to her. I couldn’t resist her when she came to me like that. And it helped on the guilt that had the upper hand over all the over demons right now. If it continued like this, it was going to attach itself permanently, along with all the others. 

“You are forgiven, you know.” She said and looked up at me after a while. 

The guilt-demon withered slowly. Oh, thank God. “Thanks for telling me.” I really appreciated her telling me this. And I realized that part of the problem was that I couldn’t forgive myself. My hand found her cheek and stroked her bruise. I wished I could stroke it away, just this one. This bruise was different than the others. She closed her eyes and smiled slightly. 

I couldn’t look at the bruise anymore, my lips found hers and kissed her softly. “We should go to sleep,” I whispered when my lips left hers. It was getting late, and we had to get up early. 

“Yeah, we should.” She sighed and sat up. 

“You sleeping in here?” I only dared to ask the question because I was sure she was going to say yes. We were good now. She had forgiven me. 

“No.” She looked down and fidgeted with her nails. 

I had ignored the fact that we had two tents with us all day. I didn’t need to give the guilt-demon another excuse to crush my insides. All day I had hoped she would change her mind. And I actually thought she had, but I was wrong. The disappointment hit me like an iron fist in my chest. 

Before I had caught my breath, she leaned forward and kissed me. This lets me know I was still forgiven. My hand found her neck and held her lips sealed to mine. It was a long kiss. I had to tell myself to let her go twice before I did. I just wanted a little more of her now that I knew she was leaving me. Still, only for one night I determined told myself. I couldn’t bear the thought if it were for more than one night, but it felt like a month. Maybe this was the universe smacking me down for the long and uninterrupted cuddle I have had with her this morning. To even things out. “Goodnight, beautiful.” 

“Goodnight.” She whispered back. I released her neck, and she left me. I dwelt with the missing presence of her. It was ridiculous. She was two yards away from me, with only two thin pieces of fabric separating us. I took off my jacket and jeans and crawled into the sleeping bag. 

 

I still couldn’t fall asleep. The small rejection ached itself into me, and it just grew bigger and bigger. I was sure she was asleep by now. With myself, I argued back and forth for some time until I took my backpack, sleeping bag, and pad, and stepped out the tent. Stopped in front of hers and listened. Her breathing was deep and slow. I carefully opened the zipper, crawled inside, and closed it just as carefully behind me. She was lying on her side. I put the sleeping pad on her left side and laid down in my sleeping bag next to her. Lying on my side too, sneaked close to her, so we were spooning. As soon as I put my arm around her and I smelled her hair, it mended the aching of the rejection instantly. She tamed the darkness in me. I pulled her closer and fell asleep in a matter of minutes.


	22. Chapter 22

I felt a warm breath on my cheek and struggled through the fog to consciousness. Something wasn’t right. I was supposed to be alone. We were in the woods. Wild animals. 

I broke through the sleep with a jolt and exclaimed a shocked shriek, which was answered by a deeper, but still as shocked one. As I tried to turn my body away, so my feet would be ready to kick the attacker away, I realized something held me down. I got a look at my attacker, but the sight surprised me. I stared straight into Jake’s face in the dull light from the scattered moonlight breaking through the clouds. “Jake!? What the hell?” I asked confusedly, my voice rose at least three octaves. 

He removed the arm he had around me that had prevented me from moving away before. As he did, I immediately sat up and backed one foot to look at him. 

“You scared the shit of out me, Val!” He exclaimed with relief after quickly sweeping the tent and found nothing but us. “Why were you screaming?” He asked just as confused as I was. He let his hands run over his face and into his hair. 

“You scared me too!” I snarled. “Why the hell are you in my tent?” I demanded to know.   
His shocked though innocent expression morphed into guilt as he bit his lip and his eyes dropped from mine. I could see him better now as my eyes got used to the dull light in the darkness. 

“I… I woke and I missed you.” He confessed with a small shrug. 

“God!” I snorted annoyed. “I thought you were a predator about to attack me. What were you thinking just sneaking in here like that?” I spluttered. 

“Please don’t be mad.” He begged and looked up at me through his eyelashes with a frown. 

“I’m not mad, I’m shocked!” I spat back at him and hammered my palm into the tent floor.

“Sorry.” He apologized and again that innocent expression flittered over his features. 

I didn’t know how I should feel about this. Was he intruding my space? Well, he had just sneaked into my tent to sleep next to me. That wasn’t a crime, but couldn’t I just get one night to myself?

Apparently not. 

I felt like getting pissed, but on the other hand, his presence had probably kept me warm during the night. Actually, I had counted on waking because of the cold and could then look forward to half a night of uncomfortable sleeping in jeans, but he had prevented that. Instead of getting pissed, I held on to that gratitude. And if he hadn’t given me a backrub yesterday, I had probably been as mobile as an 80-year-old woman today. 

He just stared nervously awaiting at me while all these thoughts rushed through my head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He apologized again, but a smile pulled up in the corner of his mouth. 

“Okay…” I said as neutral as I could. “Jackass,” I added and threw the empty bag from my sleeping bag in his face. A full smile broke through on his lips. 

My hand searched for my phone to see what time it was. I squinted at the sudden light when I pressed the unlock button. It was 5:07 a.m. There was no point going back to sleep as my alarm would ring at 5:30. 

“What time is it?” He asked as he sank back down onto the sleeping pad. 

“A little over 5. We can just as well get up.” I crawled out of my sleeping bag, turned on the flashlight, and started to change clothes. 

Jake groaned in protest, but then sighed and got up too. Under the sleeping bag, he was wearing t-shirt and boxers. I watched as his abs came into view when he pulled his shirt over his head and I bit my lip involuntarily. Then tried to cover it by ducking into my backpack. I didn’t think he saw it, and if he did, he didn’t react on it. And honestly, I didn’t want him to either because it still hurt way too much between my legs. But even if I didn’t want to, I had to admit he was delicious to look at. I had just always seen him as off limits, as my partner, and end of story. No discussion there and I had no problem with that. The thought had never really crossed my mind. Now it was different, he was in a different light now. 

I pushed the distracting thoughts aside and choose not to wear my scarf today even though the bite mark on my neck was still visible because I didn’t want anything to get in the way if we had to fight her. I braided my hair too, it was rare I did that, I preferred it down or in a bun. Jake was fully dressed when I strapped the knife to my thigh. 

We walked the few minutes to the creek to freshen up, splash some water in our faces, get our teeth brushed and stuff, and it was the perfect place to do it, so why not take advantage of that? We refilled our bottles as well as it was a freshwater creek. 

“Hungry?” I asked and handed him a fruit cup and a fork when we got back. 

“Thanks.” He said and took it. “I wish we had some coffee.” He said after a few minutes of eating. 

“Mm-hmm.” I agreed with my mouth full. I just wanted to eat and pack as fast as possible so we could get going and find that vamp. But I could for sure feel the wound inside my cheek with this fruit acid. It stung. 

We finished eating and started to pack our stuff. 

“I’m never gonna be good friends with this sleeping bag,” I complained when I couldn’t fold it right for the third time. It was one of those that had to be folded a certain way and then filled less than a 1.5-liter soda bottle when it was packed. 

“You have to fold it like this, and then roll it tightly.” He showed me. 

“I know, but it won’t cooperate with me.” I sighed, but Jake just chuckled at me while he rolled it and put it in the accompanying bag. I looked at him an extra time, I was surprised by the fact that he could manage to smile already so early in the morning. 

I got the last strapped onto my backpack, drew out the map and compass to locate the direction. “You ready?” I asked when I had the direction straight. 

“Yeah. Let’s go.” This time Jake walked next to me instead of behind me in a comfortable silence, though he looked slightly grumpy, but it was hard to tell if it was because of the fact that he was tired or because of the actual anger. I heeled more towards tiredness this time. 

We both used our flashlights, as it was still dark. I looked at my phone. It was only 6 a.m. We were in mid-march, so the sun wouldn’t be up for another hour. It was cloudy as the day before, but there were occasional holes in the cloud cover. 

 

Around 6:30 I could clearly see the sky free of clouds lighten with a lighter shade of blue along with yellow, red, and orange. It colored the clouds too, and we turned off our flashlights. It was actually pretty cozy walking here in half-darkness watching the sun rise. 

It was a change from our usual scenery, the only downside was that the water from the creek tasted funny and then the toilet visits. I preferred a bathroom instead of the forest floor. Even though we were on a job, I really appreciated the view. It was gorgeous. Seeing the many colors unfold, watching how the light scattered slowly in between the forest surrounding us, and making all the different green and brown colors come to life from the dull, and gray colors the forest got from the darkness.


	23. His side of things

Val suddenly stopped. “Look.” She whispered and pointed to the right. There were three deer’s, grazing lazily. It had only been half an hour since sunrise. 

“They haven’t seen us.” I smiled at her. One of them looked up at us, I saw its muzzle move in small jerks, like it was sniffing for scents in the air, and then they ran off. 

I wanted to talk to her about yesterday. But I didn’t know where to begin. But I wanted to get better at giving her air, understand her, talk to her without the words gets stuck in my throat and strangle me. I wanted her to tell me how she feels instead of giving me that face and pull away from me. When she pulls away from me, like last night where she said she needed some time alone and didn’t want to share the tent, I felt that tightening around my chest. The… _choking_ feeling. I didn’t want that, I had enough shit to deal with already. The growing guilt for starters. How do I get her to talk to me? And how do I tell her to stop me without sending her running? I couldn’t just say, ‘I’m like a wild animal when I get tangled in you, and I can’t control myself, so you have to stop me if I hurt you. Which I’ll probably do again, because I’m screwed seven ways from Sunday, but I hope you get the point.’ See? That would for sure send her running. 

It took some time before I had established some words in my head I hoped wouldn’t send her running, formed them on my tongue, and made them ready for me to say to her. “It was good you told me where the line was yesterday and… told me the other stuff too.” I hoped she would get my indirect message to her, my encouragement to her; it was good you told me, please note that you should continue to do that because I can’t see it. 

It was important, and I appreciated her telling me just something yesterday. Instead of just giving me the face, I couldn’t figure out. I wouldn’t mention the fact that she had been bitchy about it for hours, roles reversed I… no, actually I don’t know how I would have reacted. I’m just glad it’s over with, though the bruise was a constant reminder. I hoped the guilt-demon would fade along with that bruise. 

“Other stuff?” She asked uncertainly. 

I couldn’t look at her. Did I really – _again_ – have to elaborate? What should I say? I dared to look at her now and then. Simple. Keep it simple. Pulling away from me, but was it what she needed? It suddenly hit me she had told me what she needed. _I’m sorry. I just need this._ Why didn’t I see that before now? Was that air? I had been wrapped up in my frustration… She told me what she needed. Told me where the line was. No, I already said that. Told me I was forgiven. Yes, start with that. “You know… That you needed some time alone, though it was frustrating for me. And that I was forgiven.” I couldn’t look at her the whole time while I talked, I felt guilty when I thought about why I needed to be forgiven. But now I had told her what frustrated me, she tried to tell me what air was. I hoped we were getting better at this. I didn’t want us to fight like that night. 

“You’re welcome.” She said. 

I hoped she got what I was trying to tell her, she had that face, but it wasn’t as prominent as she sometimes could manage. I tried not to think too much about it. It was like my head was starting to hurt from all the thinking yesterday and the guilt-demon. It was draining. Choking. I tried to ignore it as much as possible. One step at a time. Both literally and metaphorically. I let the unchangeable rhythm of my boots numb my mind and I managed to keep the thoughts away for some time. 

As I looked at her again in the corner of my eye, I noticed her hair was different. She had braided it. A long braid down her left shoulder. It really suited her. She should wear it like that more often. She stopped to look at the compass, and an impulse hit me. “By the way, your hair looks nice like this.” I let my hand glide down the braid from her neck down to its tip when I walked past her and continued for a few steps, looking around. I liked working in this environment. The fresh air, the friendly park managers, just a break in the normal routine and scenery. It was refreshing compared to all the bars, and drug houses, and shit. 

I noticed Val was touching her braid when we started walking again. 

“You know, I have to admit this is a nice change. I wish we could have a hiker-vampire more often.” I told her. 

“I have actually thought the exact same thing.” She agreed. 

“You have?” It was so difficult to figure out what she was thinking. Most times, I had no idea what was going on in her head. She nodded but looked uncertainly at me. 

Maybe this was my chance to figure out more about what was going on in her head and make her talk more to me. Carpe Diem. Seize the day. “Sometimes it’s hard to tell what you’re thinking.” And of course, she gave me that face and looked down to the ground. Carpe Diem goes both ways. If I tell her that frustrated me, perhaps it’ll invite her to tell me more. What better time to tell her that than now? “Like now.” 

She looked at me like she had no idea what I was talking about. “You pull your eyebrows together like you’re trying to solve some complicated equation, and your eyes gets kind of… distant. And I have no idea what’s going on in your head.” I waited for an answer, but she just gave me that face again. I really tried here! Redheads… “Now you do it again. It’s so frustrating. What are you thinking?” I managed to keep my voice calm, though I felt the frustration slowly rise inside me. But I was really curious to know what she was thinking. 

She looked surprised by my words. She opened her mouth, but closed it again, then swallowed before she suddenly started to blurt out. “I don’t know what to reply. Sometimes you say… weird things and I don’t know how to respond to it.” She almost stumbled over the words and avoided my eyes. 

“Weird things?” I couldn’t help but chuckle. Did I say weird things? No, I didn’t. 

“Yeah. Like now with your… observations of me. I wasn’t aware that I did that and that it frustrated you.” She checked the compass again, though it wasn’t so long ago she had checked it. 

Oh, so she isn’t doing it on purpose. Though it sometimes feels like it. Observation? I didn’t ‘observe’ her. So that face was simply just I-don’t-know-what-to-reply-face? Was it that simple? Then why not just say so? Redheads… 

But well, now I at least have an idea of what that face means, though I’m sure it’s not only her I-don’t-know-what-to-reply-face. But it was at least a start. 

“What are you thinking right now?” She suddenly asked, and looked at me. 

What am I thinking? Well, carpe diem once again. “That we’re getting better at talking.” I hoped it would encourage her to tell me more. Tell me how she feels instead of pulling away from me. Why not tell her that too? Now is my chance. “And that the better we get at this talking thing, the less I feel like you’re choking me.” I don’t know why I couldn’t look at her when I said the last thing. Did she get the point? I thought this was the best way to tell her. I wasn’t completely sure what air was for her, but I felt like if I said ‘when you pull away from me I feel like something tightens around my chest, and that is best described as choking,’ it could be interpreted wrong. Like yesterday, what if air for her was that walk alone? Then I would really sound needy. And clingy. And it wouldn’t have a solution. Her air was choking me. That wouldn’t get us anywhere, and I wasn’t sure if that was what she meant with air. It was so different situations she described as air. I hadn’t figured out the common thread yet. 

But even though she was frustrating with her air-thing, and her I-don’t-know-what-to-reply-face, I still needed her. She was still wonderful and beautiful. “And I’m thinking that you’re beautiful. And I need you.” 

Her eyes met mine, and she made the best face she could manage. 

“You’re doing it again,” I told her, but she had said the same thing at the same time I had. At least we agreed on that thing. She started to laugh, and I couldn’t help but laugh with her. It was contagious. 

“Jackass.” She giggled shortly after. 

So I was a jackass because she didn’t know what to reply? I thought sarcastically but smiled. “Bitch.” I chuckled. 

She smacked me lightly on the shoulder. After that, it was like there was a comfortable silence. It was like we couldn’t talk seriously for longer periods of time. I didn’t know why. But it was like we could only exchange few sentences of this kind before it just... ended. Like the day after our big fight. We had only exchanged very few sentences where we really told the other what the problem was. I don’t know if we just hit a barrier, or what happened. Or perhaps we just sucked equally at this relationship thing. Baby steps. But baby steps were better than not moving at all. But why was it so hard to talk to her? I’ve never had that problem before we got involved. The conversation had just always flowed free between us. Maybe apart from the start. She was very barricaded in the beginning, but it slowly faded as she got to know us. I remember when we first talked about what made us become hunters. I had been curious and tried probing to get to know her better. At first, she kept everything a secret, she even lied about her name for the first two weeks. Called herself Juliette. I had to see her driver’s license I before I believed her, and then mocked her because of her picture. She looked so pissed off it looked like a mugshot. But yeah, she ‘held her cards close’ at first. Though she did apologize for lying about her name, she said she was just protecting herself. 

As I thought back on that conversation about becoming hunters, I realized she hadn’t revealed much until dad started telling. Maybe I never had the ability to talk seriously with her. We mostly just fooled around, and bickered, and mocked each other. I don’t think I really had a serious talk with her alone actually. Dad had always been there, the two of us were rarely alone. I remember how dad had watched us when she first joined. Like he wanted to keep an eye on me to make sure I didn’t try to get in her pants. I never forget those looks he sent the first couple of weeks if I sat too close to her, or touched her. So I quickly got into my system that she was off limits. I had thought of it a couple of times at first, perhaps for like two weeks, but not really after that. I simply accepted that she was a part of the team as our equal. We were friends or family. And there haven’t really been anything to it. I had objectified her because she was a female that suddenly was always around. It was never more than that, but now it was so much different. 

“You know what we haven’t done in a long time?” She suddenly asked and interrupted my train of thoughts. 

“Tell me?” What could it be? I was genuinely curious. 

“Played ‘I spy,’” She smiled almost unnoticeable. 

God, it had been long since we had played that. It felt like it was from a different time… no, a different life actually. But somehow, this talk had made the demons still... like they were listening to our conversation. Waiting for the smallest change to interfere and get stronger again. But somehow this… quality time? with Val, kept them in chess. I don’t know how she does it. And I didn’t care right now. Right now, she was looking at me so expectantly. Waiting for my response. 

I looked at her, at her braid, gathered by a black rubber band. This was gonna be a good one. She would never guess that it was her own rubber band. “I spy with my little eye…” I pretended to be looking for some inspiration so she wouldn’t figure me out. “…black,” I said after taking a good look at our surroundings. If you looked too intensely at your chosen object, it was too easy to guess. You had to throw your opponent off balance. 

She guessed away, her jeans, both our jackets, the trees shadows, but she couldn’t figure it out. I had to give her one more clue. “I spy with my little eye something round,” I said without taking my eyes from hers. The trick was only to look at your chosen thing once. If you continued to look at it now and then, it made it easier to guess. But she still couldn’t guess it, and in the end, she had to give up. 

“Your rubber band,” I said, and gently pulled her braid two times. It was so soft. An innocent excuse to touch her.


	24. Chapter 24

After we had stopped playing ‘I spy’ and walked in comfortable silence, I noticed he was beginning to look tired. We had been up early, so I wasn’t surprised by it as I felt the same lack of sleep crawl in on me. Furthermore, I had noticed that with the fatigue, came not the anger, but the grumpiness. He didn’t snap at me or anything, but he was more, and more quiet, and I saw it in his eyes and his shoulder pose. It spread in the air around him, ghosting the choking intensity. 

Suddenly a branch cracked and we heard something ahead of us. We stopped and listened closely. It was definitely footsteps. Jake pointed in a direction to the right, and I quickly followed his eyes. 

There! About fifty yards away came a female with blond hair. From this distance, it was hard to tell how old she was, but clearly, it was a woman and not a girl. She had loose and worn jeans, hiker boots, a dark purple almost black shell jacket, and a big backpack. The backpack wasn’t as big ours, the sleeping pad and our tent reached over our heads, but she had neither. Without the sunlight, it was impossible to see if she cast a shadow or not. 

We quickly shrugged our backpacks off and put them behind a tree, out of sight. Wildlife Service didn’t wear backpacks, they didn’t camp out, out here. But we could easily have driven out here to check something and then walked a mile or two from our vehicle. I checked my gun and knife and then handed the handcuffs to Jake, he was faster than I was. If we had to pursue her, he was going to reach her first. 

We trod carefully forward, she hadn’t seen us yet, but in twenty yards, our paths would cross. As she got closer, I noticed the age matched. “Morning,” I said casually when she looked directly at us ten yards away. 

“Morning.” She returned, but kept walking. 

“Excuse me, ma’am,” Jake said just as casually. She stopped, but immediately looked cautious. “Can we ask you a couple of questions? U.S. Wildlife Service.” He continued, and I held out my badge like he did. 

Her eyes narrowed as she looked back and forth between the badges and us. She seemed to relax, but her eyes still watched us cautiously. “Sure.” She said, but sounded wary. 

We tried taking a few casual steps towards her, her eyes started to flicker. She slowly mimicked our moves, and backed one step away for every three of ours. Camouflaging it very well, but I noticed it. It tipped me off, and I was almost positive she was a vampire unless she really was a poacher or had broken some sort of rule out here. I didn’t see any other reason to back away from us. “Have you heard any shots on your trip? You see, we’re out for some poachers.” I said, tried to sound friendly as we played our roles, but I knew there was no way in hell she was going to surrender willingly. We just had to get close enough to get her. 

The way her eyes flickered from side to side made it clear that she was looking for a distraction or escape. “No, I haven’t actually. Not at all. I’m sorry I couldn’t be of any help.” She was too quick to dismiss us. 

I felt Jake’s eyes on me. When he caught my gaze, he gave me one nod, and we sprinted forward to grab her, she tried to run, but the backpack slowed her, and as Jake was the fastest he had gotten one or two steps head start of her. I pulled out my gun while I followed a couple of steps behind him. 

Just before his left hand reached her, she had shaken off the backpack and turned around just as Jakes’ fingers closed around her right arm, her left hand had formed into a fist and hit him right on the side when she spun around. Her fangs were out, and she hissed. It was a reflex for them when they were scared or in pain. Jake couldn’t help but bent forward when the hit came, but he didn’t let go of her arm. Instead, he used the force from the yank to grab her head and knocked it down into his knee. She lost balance long enough for Jake to cuff her right wrist. She hit him in the face with her left hand but didn’t get enough weight behind it as Jakes head barely moved. He retorted with a fist under her chin that made her stumble, allowing him to push her to the ground easily. 

I put a knee on her chest and pointed the gun at her. “Lie still,” I said calmly, and I saw surrender in her eyes, though she kept trying to keep her left hand out of reach for Jake until he finally caught it. I stepped off of her so he could turn her on her side and cuff her hands behind her back. He dragged her up in a standing position while I still held the gun pointed at her. The time on the wet ground had soaked her clothes as it was still raining. 

“Over there.” I nodded my head to a big rock nearby. He pushed her in front of him and sat her down on it. It was safe to interrogate her here. We hadn’t seen any people besides her since the headquarters, but March probably didn’t belong in the hiking season here, so it made sense. “You okay?” I asked him. 

“I’ll live.” He said, anger aimed at the vampire I think, but I saw in his eyes that he was satisfied with our catch and, perhaps excited wasn’t the best word, but curious to see where this new path would lead us. Would it give us anything or be a complete waste of time?

“Who are you people?” She asked, and I didn’t trace any fear in her voice. 

“Who do you think?” I snapped back. 

“We’re hunters.” Jake interrupted. The vampire looked uncomfortable, but she didn’t question us, meaning she must know about hunters in some sort of way. 

“How do you know about hunters?” I asked, but she held her tongue. She tried to look unaffected, and I couldn’t figure out if it were just an act, or if she really was unaffected by this whole situation. I noticed Jake looked uncertainly at me like he was waiting for me to do something as it was me who had the silver knife if it was necessary. And perhaps he thought I had a plan since I was the one who started with suggesting it. The truth was I didn’t have a plan at all, I just had to improvise, but I had seen enough movies to know how an interrogation could be done.

“Point your gun at her,” I told him, I wanted a gun pointed at her chest every second in case she would try to attack or something. He obeyed me, and I put mine in my jeans behind my back. Removed a stray lock of hair sticking to my wet face before I drew my knife instead and continued to walk behind her, around her. Maybe I could psyche her out of it and make her talk. “This is a silver knife, just so you know.” I started with a soft voice. I wanted her to know that we knew how to finish her off if it was necessary. She didn’t move anything I could see when I let the comment fall, and I couldn’t see her expression because I was behind her. “Do you know someone named Sinanima?” I continued and let the knife sloppily run over her shoulders before I continued my walk around her. 

“No.” The answer came a little too late, but it sounded certain. If she was afraid, she hid it well. Her eyes didn’t follow me all the time, they looked around and at Jake. Taking it all in, perhaps looking for an escape. 

“You sure?” I put a little more pressure on the knife running over her arm covered by the jacket. 

“Yes, I am.” Same certain voice. 

Crap. I felt disappointment fill me, I had really hoped we would get something. I wasn’t sadistic even though these creatures were soulless, but it was easier if she would just spill it to me without hurting her unnecessarily. We usually killed them very humanely though they didn’t deserve it, and that was probably why we hadn’t thought about interrogating slash torturing them this extensively before, what could they possibly know other than coincidences? There wasn’t a vamp meetup or vamp register or anything. 

“She’s young and not very tall. Dark hair and eyes. Ring any bells?” I continued my slow pace around her but felt an annoyance beginning to grow in me, fueled by the disappointment. 

“Not a single ring.” She raised her voice. 

I felt like slapping her but behaved myself. “Think,” I demanded. She could be lying, and this was her last chance I decided. Jake kept still and continued to point the gun at her, but I didn’t notice him. 

“I don’t know her!” 

I pulled the vampires head back by her hair and put the knife to her throat. “Now you listen, you little bitch–” I snarled, but Jake interrupted me. 

“Come on Val, she doesn’t know anything.” I heard the disappointment and defeat in his voice too. 

Maybe he was right, but maybe... “She could be lying,” I told him. It was a possibility, and we weren’t done yet. Jake gave me a resigned shrug and opened his mouth to say something, but the vampire beat him to it. 

“Aren’t you a cute couple?” She mocked. Clearly entertained by our little exchange somehow. 

“We aren’t a couple,” I said and let go of her hair, but gave her a slap on the back of the head before I walked over and stood next to Jake. Either she was cocky because she was afraid and tried to ease the anxiety, or perhaps she wasn’t afraid at all. I could feel I had warmed up, ready to hurt her without a flinch. My annoyance and disappointment made me unscrupulous and ruthless towards her. 

“What now?” Jake said in a low, but harsh tone of voice. I rolled my eyes internally at him but uttered an annoyed sound instead. It wasn’t often we ran into vampires that knew about hunters, but the last two had by all chance known about us. The first one I didn’t get an answer out of, but I was determined to get one out of this bastard. Like it could pay for the previous slip. 

“How do you know about hunters?” I repeated the question from earlier. Her mouth clamped shut like an oyster but kept looking at me with a defiant look. Again repeating my question, but louder this time, my voice filled with anger. I walked up behind her, yanked her head back like before, and held the knife to her throat. “Answer me!” I yelled at the vampire but gave her a few seconds to answer. When the answer didn’t come, I pushed the blade to the right side of her throat and pulled back, leaving a two-inch cut. She hissed in pain and extended her sharp teeth at me. I watched closely what happened. Her body was shaking, and a thick black fluid appeared at the cut. Thicker than blood, and a few dust particles fell down from the edges of the wound and stuck to her wet neck. Interesting. The thick fluid slowly got washed down her neck. It almost looked like oil. 

“You think of an answer yet?” I walked in front of her and looked at my knife, examined it for any traces of the fluid, but there was none. It was clean because the fluid was so thick it took a couple of seconds to even appear at the wound. The female vampires teeth were still extended, her eyes bluish black. 

“Hmm?” I bowed down, my face almost in line with hers, but still with a safety distance of one-two feet, and put the tip of my knife under her chin, lifted her head up to look me in the eyes. When she didn’t answer after a couple of seconds, I applied more pressure and made another cut into the skin before I started to walk behind her again. She hissed at me. Like a trapped animal. 

I put my arm around her neck, to make sure she couldn’t bite me when I placed the tip of the blade directly on her chest, right at her silent heart. The fangs were still extended. “Last chance,” I told her, putting more pressure on the knife. I was getting ready to give her the final strike with the knife. 

“Wait, wait…” I couldn’t help but smile. It had worked. I removed the pressure of the knife on her chest, but still kept it in place. 

“A coven down south told me about it.” Her voice had a defeated tone, but her fangs were still out. This was the next best thing to getting information on Sinanima. If the coven was still there, we could drive down, and take them out. A coven often settled in a nest, where single or couple vampires were often on the move most of the time. 

Bill and Jake had once told me they found out about a coven that had lived in the same nest for eight years. They had sniffed up an old tip and checked it out just to be sure though they hadn’t expected to find anything as the tip was so old. But they had gotten a surprise by finding out they still lived there. That was a long time, even for a coven to stay at the same place. They probably stayed at the same place longer because they could defend themselves better when they were several vamps together, but usually not that long. 

“Tell us more.” Jake surprised me by encouraging the vampire. 

“I came across them by coincidence, and they invited me to stay. I stayed for about a year before I moved along on my own, the coven life didn’t really suit me. They told me about hunters and stuff.” 

While she talked, she retracted the fangs again, and I let go of her neck. I walked over to stand next to Jake. Noticing I had gotten some of the black fluid on the sleeve of my jacket, I hoped the rain would wash it off. Though it was odorless, it was sticky. “Where is this coven’s nest?” I asked. Tried to keep her talking, getting as much information as possible. 

“They lived in Pipe Creek in Texas. It’s close to San Antonio. Please, don’t kill me.” The tone was still defeated, but I again didn’t trace any fear. 

“We won’t if you tell us everything you know,” I promised, I made my voice kind and lowered my knife, so I just stood with it in my hand down by my side. Of course, I was bluffing. 

I felt Jake look at me, I saw his face was perplexed in the corner of my eye, but I flung him off with my hand. Telling him, I had control of this. When I felt he was still staring at me, I looked back at him tried to tell him to shut up with my eyes. I nodded encouraging at the vampire, and she continued. 

“They were four when I was there. A couple, a man, and a woman who isn’t a couple. They live at an abandoned farm on the east side of Pipe Creek, or they did when I was with them. I don’t know if they still live there. I haven’t talked to them since I left, but we parted as friends. It was the couple who had encountered hunters before they settled down as a coven with the two others. ” 

She had told everything she knew, and it was enough for us, a solid lead to a coven! It was a long time since we had encountered one of those. A thought hit me. “What about those wounds I made with my knife?” I tried to make my voice kind and worried. Did they heal, or what happened with the wounds? We could just as well squeeze as much information out of her as possible. 

“Oh, they will heal in three-four hours, even faster if I feed. Don’t worry about it.” She told us. 

Well, I guess that was it. We had gotten every information she could enlighten us with, it was time to kill her. I took the keys to the handcuffs in my pocket, dangling them from my index finger so she could see them and started walking over to her. But instead of releasing her I stabbed my knife in her heart and twisted it. I heard a hiss and saw her fangs before she started to wither, and I pulled it out. Jake looked at me with an inscrutable gaze. 

“What?” I asked and shrugged my shoulders at him, the vampire next to me slowly turned to dust. 

“That was unfair of you.” He said accusingly, he had put his gun down. I ignored him, yes, it might have been unfair, but we got what we needed, and there was no way in hell I would have let a vampire go. As I understood it, she would have tried to feed right away to heal the wounds faster. I wiped my knife off on my jeans and put it in its sheath. The smell of vampire dust hit my nose. It smelled like an abandoned attic filled with dust, and old stuff full of termites and moths along with a slightly burned smell. 

I picked up the handcuffs and wiped them off with some leaves as the dust stuck to them because of the rain. Jake walked back and checked her backpack for any values. 

“You got anything?” I asked when I walked up behind him with her clothes in my hands. 

“A wallet with a few hundred bucks, a few more in the backpack, a gold necklace, and ring.” He informed me. 

I could see in his eyes he was pissed at me, but I didn’t care, the job was done. “Good, we can pawn or sell the gold.” I put her clothes in her backpack, covered it with some leaves, and walked back to our own backpacks where I drank some water before I found the map and compass to find the quickest way back. “If we go northwest we should be back in two hours or so,” I said after a couple of minutes of studying. 

“Okay. Let’s go.” He said and headed in the direction I had pointed. 

What was his problem? While we walked, I thought about how naturally it had come to me to interrogate her. It didn’t really frighten me, just left me wondering. I probably had no trouble abusing them because I knew what they were. Convinced I couldn’t have done the same to a human. 

 

Twenty minutes later, I started to feel cold. The rain had soaked my clothes, and the adrenaline was wearing off. At least there wasn’t any wind. I suggested we stopped to get some lunch. It was past noon already. The hot beef stew was just what my body needed, though it stung at the inside of my cheek. But I didn’t feel the wound if I wasn’t eating or letting my tongue run over it. 

When we started walking again, I upped my tempo to keep warm. It worked, the sweat started to mix with the rain, and my breath was panting, but at least I was warm. I only stopped now and then to get a sip of water. 

Our hike back was in silence, and Jake continued to be grumpy. We reached the headquarters early afternoon. I had emptied my bottle half an hour before we reached it. The first thing I did was going to the bathroom, put my head under the tap, and drank as much of the normal tasting water as I could. 

The park managers offered us a much-needed cup of coffee while we informed them that we didn’t find her and would go look in the nearby terrain. We urged them to call if they ran into her, though we both knew they never would. Jake managed to keep his mood neutral while we were in there. We borrowed their bathroom to take a hot, but short shower each and change clothes. 

I examined my cheekbone in the mirror, the blue color was fierier, but at least no purple or black. I was the last to take a shower, I had let Jake go first while I talked and quickly got another cup of coffee to warm my cold hands. 

I looked at the clock when I was on my way to the car, Jake was already in the driver’s seat. If we drove without stop we would arrive tomorrow before noon, it took around twenty hours give or take I calculated in my head. 

I almost felt the cold anger radiating from him when I got in. So we were back to this, it had been such a good day. First at the hiking trails with our talks, and we got a vampire today too. Why did he have to ruin a good day? I tried to ignore him, but it was hard when we were in such a small place. 

After half an hour, I reached to the back seat of the car to get my book. Tried to escape into another universe, but before I did that I unstrapped the knife from my thigh, and put it in my bag. 

After a couple of hours, I finished the last pages of the book. What should I do now? It was almost dinnertime, so I suggested we stopped for dinner and then switched driving shifts. Jake fell asleep pretty fast, and it was liberating. I couldn’t figure out why my empty promise to that vampire pissed him off so much. I mean, come on, it was a freaking vampire, a killer that deserved to die. Maybe the lack of sleep was taking its toll on him. I couldn’t figure it out and therefore stopped thinking about it and listened to the radio instead. 

I had felt the fatigue while we walked the hiking trails before we found her, but as soon as we saw the bastard, the adrenaline had kicked in. I felt it again while I was reading, but it was like I had stayed awake too long to even be tired anymore now, maybe the big coffee I got along with my steak helped too. And the two cups at the park headquarters. 

 

I woke Jake up at 2 a.m. I had been in the driver’s seat for seven hours now, and I was tired, I had been for the last two, but I had made a quick stop for a double espresso to make sure I wasn’t endangering anyone or anything and would stay awake. Jake hadn’t even uttered a sound when I had stopped, he had been sound asleep. I could have woke him up two hours ago, but I would rather have him sleep seven than five hours, and then prayed that the anger had eased up after a good sleep, or as good as you could get in a car. 

I was sure I would go out as a light when Jake took over the driving, but that wasn’t the case. I tried, but it was like I lacked the final push into dreamland, probably because of the espresso. 

Dammit. After half an hour, I gave up and opened my eyes again. 

He wasn’t as pissed as when he had gone to sleep, he was more like grumpy now than actually angry. Or that was how it felt. He had become so complicated. I sighed with internal frustration, it wasn’t his fault. 

“Can’t sleep?” He asked. Not as harsh as I had expected. 

“Nope, I think that double espresso I got earlier was a bad idea.” I tried to lighten him up. See if I could get back the Jake from this morning. 

He didn’t respond to that at first. “Can I ask you a question?” He asked with a wary voice instead of responding to my comment. 

“Sure,” I said uncertainly. Why did he ask permission to ask me a question?

“Why did you say we weren’t a couple back there?” 

His question stunned me a lot, but after a couple of seconds, I realized this was probably the reason why he had been so grumpy. And not because of what I had promised the vampire, as first assumed. I tried to be less frustrating with my thinking face, so I replied what came to my mind. “Because we’re not.” It was more a statement than an answer actually. I looked out the window, away from his eyes with a feeling that this was going to be an uncomfortable conversation. 

“Says who?” He asked, I felt his questioning gaze, but kept looking out the window into the darkness. He didn’t sound pissed, but he wasn’t pleased with my answer either. 

“I say.” My reply was harsher than I intended, but I was beginning to feel really uncomfortable. 

“What about what I say?” He sounded demanding, like a child whose opinion hadn’t been heard. 

“And what do you say?” I sighed. I knew he was going to tell me whether I liked it or not, but I decided to ask him anyway. I looked at him, waiting but clearly annoyed. 

He put his index finger on his chin and pretended to be thinking very hard. “Well, let me see… We sleep in the same bed, we have sex, we care about each other. We are a couple.” His tone of voice was lighter while he listed the reasons on his fingers. But there was something determined, final over that last sentence. It wasn’t up for discussion. 

But I had to have a say in this, didn’t I? “Don’t you like, have to date or something before you become a couple?” I grabbed the only lifebelt I could think of, but he heard my uncertainty, and like a predator who knew its prey was cornered, he replied. 

“Do you wanna go on a date?” He asked, clearly with humor in his voice. 

“That’s stupid,” I replied, my light panic shined through in my voice. Why should we go on a date? And where? It wouldn’t really make any sense. 

“Not if you want to.” He replied milder, he wasn’t joking anymore, he meant it seriously. 

“I don’t. I think…” I didn’t know. He had totally pushed me out on shaky ground, and I wasn’t thinking before I replied.

”Do you wanna be my girlfriend?” He was serious, I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me. His question paralyzed me for a couple of seconds while one hundred thoughts rushed through my mind. 

What was this? Third grade? But he was persistence. I knew he wouldn’t give up. He wouldn’t let me off the hook. This was what I got for ignoring the girlfriend comment, because I hadn’t stopped him, and he needed to be stopped to know where the line was. Why didn’t I say anything when he called me his girlfriend? For fuck sake! I give up! “Okay, fine! We’re a couple! Are you happy now?” I half shouted half growled at him. I sounded like a total bitch, but I was frustrated, and he had cornered me, given me no choice. I felt like I was pushed, almost blackmailed. “Wipe that smirk off your face, you extortionist.” I snarled at him and crossed my arms in front of me. He looked way too satisfied with himself. Chuckled at me, and put his hand on my thigh. 

I stiffened instantly, but realized this was probably what couples did, and therefore allowed it, but that didn’t mean I liked it. “You’re fucking unbelievable!” I hissed and refused to look at him after that. I wasn’t used to this kind of touch, and it felt weird. Unfamiliar territory, hadn’t he any boundaries at all? 

But as time passed by, I started to relax and cool off. His hand was warm, and his thumb traced lazy circles on my thigh. Against my will, it actually felt good after a while when I got used to it. I kept staring out the window because I couldn’t stand that smug look he had on his face. All his grumpiness had vanished. 

At some point, I fell asleep.


	25. His side of things

After Val woke me up to switch shifts, a new demon slowly crept in on me. _She doesn’t want you and your seven miles of shit_ were engraved on it. But something stood up against it. _I need you. I need you too._ Her voice sounded inside me. She needs me too, she said it herself. 

I thought of the times we had been together but left out the last one. The kissing, the cuddling. She was so stubborn. We were a couple whether she liked it or not. I was gonna make her realize that, or accept it, or whatever that was her problem. I didn’t want to pick a fight with her in front of the vamp, and that was why I was thinking about it now instead. I was definitely gonna talk about this with her. In the woods, I had most of all just wanted to push her against a tree and demand to know what the hell she what thinking and what made her say that, but I had behaved. I had been seething with rage and frustration towards her, and it hadn’t quieted down at first. It was like it just got fueled the longer I looked at her while she continued to question the vampire. But now it had turned into doubt, insecurity, demons… 

I couldn’t understand why she couldn’t see that we were a couple. We care about each other, we live together, we sleep together, we have sex, amazing sex, she’s beautiful, she’s mine. But how do I start this conversation? Just saying we are a couple sounds too demanding. 

I thought about it for some time until she moved and sighed. Interrupting my thoughts. “Can’t sleep?” I asked. She should really get some sleep. I had noticed she had given me seven whole hours. 

“Nope, I think that double espresso I got earlier was a bad idea.” She said. 

Maybe now was my chance? I better take advantage of the fact that she can’t run out the door here. She was trapped, she had to listen. “Can I ask you a question?” I started to feel nervous actually. 

“Sure.” She sounded uncertain. 

Okay, this is it. “Why did you say we weren’t a couple back there?” 

She hesitated, and her face morphed into that annoying I-don’t-know-what-to-reply-face. “Because we’re not.” She said after a couple of seconds with the face and looked out the window. 

Yes, we are, sweetie. But that was definitely the wrong angle to use. “Says who?”

“I say.” She almost snapped. 

I could see she didn’t like this conversation, maybe because she didn’t want to admit it. That meant things would chance. She didn’t like changes. Or would things change? No, it wouldn’t change anything right now. But she was so stubborn. I think it was more the idea of it that ‘scared’ her or made her reserved towards this. 

“What about what I say?” We are two in this, you can’t just dictate what’s gonna happen. But I managed to keep that last comment for myself. It wouldn’t help, it would just make her back more away, I think. 

“And what do you say?” She asked as I had hoped, though she sighed and looked annoyed at me. 

Now she was gonna get it. Tell her the obvious, make it clear to her. Though I couldn’t understand why she couldn’t see it. I pretended to be thinking very hard before I answered. I couldn’t keep my sarcastic side at bay. It was ridiculous she couldn’t see it. “Well, let me see… We sleep in the same bed, we have sex, we care about each other. We are a couple.” Now I had laid it out for her. I was sure she didn’t have anything to argue with, and I was proud of the way I had set it up for her. She couldn’t sneak her way out of this one. I was right, and she was gonna accept it. 

“Don’t you like, have to date or something before you become a couple?” She looked uncertain, her voice sounded uncertain too. She could see I was right, this was how it was. 

My mood improved several degrees. “Do you wanna go on a date?” I asked her. If she wanted to date, then I was gonna take her out on a date if that could make her happy. 

“That’s stupid.” She scoffed. 

“Not if you want to.” If she really wanted to go on a date, I would take her. I would do anything for her. 

“I don’t. I think…” She wasn’t so stubborn anymore, she could see I was right. And that I was serious. 

I wanted her to be mine. “Do you wanna be my girlfriend?” I asked her. I felt like I was back in middle school. But being a couple just happens naturally, it’s not something you agree to, though that seemed to be the case with Val. Or maybe I got it wrong. Or maybe we both did. 

I saw her uncertainty while she thought about it, but I think I saw some… determination too?

“Okay, fine! We’re a couple! Are you happy now?” She burst out. 

Yes, I certainly am, sweetheart. I felt like kissing her, really kiss her deeply for a long time, but I had to watch the road, and she looked like she needed some time to adjust, though in my mind we had been a couple for some time now. 

“Wipe that smirk off your face, you extortionist.” She snapped at me and crossed her arms like a child. It made me chuckle, and I dared to put my hand on her thigh. This was what couples did. She was my girlfriend, and I wanted to touch my girlfriend. She instantly stiffened but didn’t remove my hand. It felt like nothing could ruin my mood right now. The new demon that had threatening hovered in front of me was completely gone. That alone gave me a light feeling. I had fought off a demon. 

“You’re fucking unbelievable.” 

And Val was my girlfriend. My stubborn, frustrating, beautiful redhead. I just leaned back and enjoyed the feeling. It was like the demons were encapsulated inside me. They couldn’t move or break through, no matter how hard they tried. I continued to gently nuzzle her thigh, and as time passed by, she loosened more up, and started to relax. 

God, it felt good. What did she do to me?


	26. Chapter 26

I woke up an hour before we hit Pipe Creek, Texas. I was glad we agreed that we were going to relax the first day here because I was exhausted. You couldn’t get a proper sleep in a car seat. Plus I felt mentally drained too, not just because of the travel, but also the conversation we had in the middle of the night, and his anger slash grumpiness ahead of the conversation. I replayed our conversation in my head before I opened my eyes, it felt unreal somehow. 

“Did you sleep well?” Jake asked me with what looked like a smile on his face. His mood had improved a lot after I agreed to be his girlfriend. I wasn’t sure I liked it actually. He, getting his will like that. 

“Naah, not really,” I admitted. Though I hated to admit it, it was a comfortable silence until we reached a decent looking motel close to Pipe Creek. 

I went to get a room while Jake parked the car. It felt odd when I said, “King size, please.” Not only because it was the first time I on my own had ordered it, but this was the first time since we had agreed that we were a couple. 

_Excuse me, you mean pushed you into being a couple._

Just stop. Right now. I can’t deal with you too. 

I convinced myself I just had to get used to it. I let Jake carry the baggage to our new room, (Wasn’t that what you let your boyfriend do?), while I threw myself on the bed and kicked off my boots. I felt torpid. 

The walls were white, except from the wall where the head of the bed was, it was orange. All the paintings in here were in orange nuances. The sheets on the bed were dark red, and so was the curtains, and it had a light wooden floor. There was a black table with two wooden chairs in the same color as the floor. The bathroom was all white except the counter with the sink, which was black. 

Why did motels have to look so abnormal? Why couldn’t they just look like a traditional bedroom or living room? They always had to have colors obscure from fashion. Probably because we always choose the cheapest one we could find. 

When Jake had carried all our stuff into our new motel room, he laid down on the bed next to me. I didn’t see him lie down because I had my eyes closed, but I felt the bounce onto the mattress from his body. We laid like this for a couple of minutes in silence. 

“We should probably consummate the relationship. You know, make it official.” Jake’s voice was filled with humor, but it was with a dirty underlying tone. 

“You’re such a jackass.” But I couldn’t hold back a giggle, my annoyance towards him diminished. It was the silly way he had said it that made me giggle. Like pretended to be all serious, but it was so overacted you could easily hear it was meant as a joke, but his eyes underlined the dirtiness of it. Without hesitation, he rolled on top of me, cupped my face, and kissed me softly. He kissed me with a tenderness I had never experienced before. It was really in contrast to last time. My hands glided up his shoulders and neck to intertwine in his hair. His lips worked slowly against mine, his tongue found mine and almost lazily stroked, and played with mine. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and in response, his hand that would normally grab my hair moved up and stroked it instead, and I released my hair from the braid. 

We laid there and kissed much longer than we use to, or have ever done before. He rubbed slowly up and down me with his bulge in long strokes. It was clear he wasn’t in a hurry. At some point, it reminded me of a high school make out. You know the ones where you never reach third base, just to use the word appropriate for that context. 

My hands started to explore his chest, shoulders, and arms, and in the process, I got his jacket pushed farther and farther down until it rested on his elbows. Without our lips parting, he shook it off and threw it on the floor. He rested his weight on his left forearm on the mattress next to my head as his mouth started to trace kisses down my chin to my neck. It was slow and soft like he had all the time in the world. I just closed my eyes, leaned my head back to give him easier access, and sighed satisfied now and then, which he accompanied. My hands found his shoulders and back, and started to stroke him as gently as he treated me. I felt a shiver run through his body. 

After kissing every inch of my neck, he went up to my ear. The warmth of his breath made me shudder against him. I heard the clinging of his teeth against my two earrings shortly after I felt them on my earlobe. It didn’t hurt, it was just a teasing feeling. 

My hands now traveled down his back, found the edge of his t-shirt, and started to pull it up. When I had gotten it up to his shoulders, he grabbed the neck with one hand, pulled the rest over his head, and threw it to the floor too. Then he looked down at me with his bright hazel eyes and a crooked smile on his lips. I saw the lust in them, the always present smoldering anger at the edges, and something… caring, I couldn’t really find the right word for it. And before I could think more about it, he rolled off me, took my left hand, and guided me on top of him. It was nothing like those times where he had just rolled over and dragged me with him. 

When I sat astride him, he laid a hand around my neck and pulled me into a kiss before his hands ran from my stomach up to my breasts. I thought he would give them some attention, but he glided past them to my collarbone, pushed me up into a sitting position, led his hands farther up to my shoulders, and under my jacket to get it off. 

When my jacket hit the floor, he proceeded to my top. Found the edge and pulled it over my head, he again pulled me closer into a kiss with a hand around my neck, the other laid on my waist, above the waistband of my jeans. From this position I could easier rub against him, he was already hard. 

His hands were all over my body, they were so warm against my skin, stroking delicately in circles until there wasn’t an inch he hadn’t touched. The more he touched me, the more the electricity started to spark and spread in me. Now it was my turn to kiss his neck and tattooed chest. I watched as my mouth explored his body. Noticed when he shuddered, stiffened, and moaned. I let my hands help, let them trace in the wake of my mouth. My lips and tongue played with his pierced nipple, I knew he liked that, and he let me know by writhing and moaning. I reached his stomach, every time I hit a sweet spot with either my mouth or hands his abs appeared as his body stiffened or shuddered. It was exciting to see what I did to him, it really turned me on to see him writhe like that because of my touch, and it was different than what we used to do. 

Reaching the edge of his jeans, I let my tongue run along the waistband before I started to unbuckle his belt. I opened his jeans, and when I started to pull them and his boxers down he helped me get them off him. At some point, he had kicked his boots off, but I hadn’t noticed when that had happened. I crawled back up, my knees lining up with his, and placed my elbows on each side of his hips. Biting my lip in anticipation and then let my tongue run all the way up his shaft, his hands grabbed the sheets as he stiffened and moaned. I wrapped my right hand around him. It sent another shiver through his body, and I couldn’t help but smile, I was in control for a change. I took the tip of him into my mouth and started to slowly work up and down. At first, it was only an inch of him I had in my mouth, but I took more and more for every time my head went down. One of his hands started to grab my hair, not hard, he just let his fingers run through it, messed around with it, but didn’t put any pressure on me on taking him deeper or faster. 

I just worked in my own tempo, mixed it up a little and felt how he sometimes stiffened up and bucked his hips slightly upwards. I listened to his moans, his deep breath that became uneven. He let out small gasps when I did something that felt extra good. I varied it widely; took him as deep as I could – it wasn’t all the way – only going up and down on the tip before returning to take him as deep as I could, twisted my hand and mouth in cooperation. Shifted in the pressure, and how hard I sucked on him too. 

I was in my own world, just concentrating on and enjoying the feeling of his smooth hardness in my mouth when he suddenly clutched onto a fistful of my hair and shoved my head down on his length with a grunt. Now forcing his shaft to the back of my throat, closing my airways and held me there. It was deeper than I could handle, I started gagging, and pushed up against his grip with my head and my hands on the mattress. His hips shot up and pushed him farther down my throat with another grunt, my eyes began watering. I couldn’t deep throat, but it felt like he was determined to try and make me. As unexpectedly as he had grabbed onto me, he pulled my head back by my hair far enough for his length to leave my mouth completely and I gasped for air. 

“Sorry, sorry...” He apologized as he released his grip in my hair. I would have said ‘what the hell?’ but I was still trying to catch my breath. 

He looked shamefully at me. “Sorry, are you okay?” His voice was caring, and he looked worried. It was clear he hadn’t done it on purpose, perhaps I teased him too much instead of just bobbing up and down in a steady pace. I nodded because of the fact that I was still panting, and wiped the tears away from the corner of my eyes. 

He took my right hand, intertwined his fingers with mine, and gently pulled me closer until the back of his hand was on the mattress next to his head, and I rested my weight down on our hands and on my right forearm on the other side of his head. His right hand laid around my neck, and he kissed me on the cheek, my jawline, and under my ear. He whispered he was sorry again, and nuzzled his nose against my skin, it sent a new wave of electricity down my spine. I turned my head to kiss him. Maybe he was saying sorry for last time, but who knows. It was nice for a change, but if it were like this every time I could imagine I would get bored eventually. It was healthy to shake things up a bit. 

He unhooked my bra, and I threw it to the floor before his left arm traveled down to lay around my waist and pushed me to the side, down from him, and got on top of me again. He kissed a line down between my breasts – oh, it felt good, and I shivered – over my stomach, and down to the edge of my jeans while his hands traced down my sides. He opened them, and started to pull them down along with my panties, but stopped when the waistband reached my upper thighs. 

“Did I do this?” He whispered and looked appalled at my hips that were still scattered with bruises after last time. 

Who else, genius?

“Um… yeah,” I replied flatly, and my eyes dropped from his, but not before I had seen his appall morph into regret. 

“Oh, God...” He whispered even lower. I sighed slightly uncomfortable, I would rather not think of what caused those bruises. 

His hands laid gently on each side of my hips, bowed down, and tenderly kissed them. First the left, his lips brushed over my skin followed by his nose and then his lips placed soft kisses again. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered so low against my skin I barely heard it, but I felt the breath of his words. I looked down at him, he had closed eyes, and he looked like he was in pain. I only looked at him for a few seconds before I let my head fall back onto the bed and closed my eyes. Tried to push the uncomfortable memories flickering in my mind aside. 

He shifted between kisses and nuzzling his nose against my skin for what felt like a couple of minutes until he moved on to my right by setting a trail of kisses over my lower abdomen to get there. He gave it the same caring treatment from his lips and nose. My discomfort slowly vanished, and I began moving underneath him. Lightly pushing upwards and twisting my hips. My thumbs slid under the waistband of my jeans and panties and started to pull them down. 

He placed one last firm kiss on my right hip before he took over and pulled them the rest of the way off me along with my socks. Then crawled back up to me, but stopped when he reached my hips. He put his middle and ring finger in his mouth before he let them glide inside me. I inhaled sharply, and my back arched involuntarily. It felt good, but it stung a little, I was still sore from… last time. At first, he led his fingers slowly in and out of me, and it helped. The stinging was soon only searing. His tongue started to lick me, and he then bent his fingers and put more pressure up against the upper wall of me, it made me grab the sheets and moan. My back arched more and more under his skilled treatment until it wasn’t touching the mattress anymore. I leaned my weight on my palms on the mattress, my back bent backward, and threw my head back in a loud moan. 

His fingers still worked slow, but firmly inside me in waving motions, rubbing the upper wall of me. His tongue worked in different patterns, but still gently. 

“Mmh… harder…” I moaned, my climax didn’t approach as fast as I would like it to. His fingers applied more pressure and worked faster and strongly inside of me, now I only felt the pleasure his fingers brought me. His tongue licking me briskly. 

His increased efforts made me erupt in higher cries and started to buck my hips in a steady rhythm until his left hand slid under my thigh and grabbed my waist, not my hip as I had expected. He couldn’t control my movements as strictly as if it had been my hip he had grabbed. Gently he started sucking while his tongue ran over me in waves, matching the rhythm of his sucking. 

“Oh God, yes!” I cried out. My sweet release approached faster. My legs that were bent at the knee started to press against him. As if it was a cue he moved his shoulders up between my knees to keep them apart, his fingers accelerated their movements inside of me, and his tongue now worked in an agile tempo. 

It made me fall back down onto the mattress, but my back remained curved as I grabbed the sheets and threw my head back. “Yes! Right there!” I wailed. My breath became more uneven and panting for every second the closer I got. I felt my legs tensing and quivering against his body. For every time I bucked my hips upwards, he accompanied with a deep moan. The vibration of his voice tickled and added to my pleasure. 

“Don’t… stop… please… keep… going… please…” I incoherently pushed out in between my frantic panting breath, cries, and lip biting until I exploded in a high drawn-out cry, as the orgasm emitted in my body, arching my back farther, pushing down towards his sweet touch that kept on going. My legs were shaking from the strain of clamping together on his shoulders, my fingers frantically clutched onto the sheets and pulled. My cry slowly winded down to a soft whimper as he slowed his touch in harmony with the orgasm coming to an end. 

My back sank back onto the mattress and relaxed. My fingers opened their steel grip in the sheets, and my legs slumped against his body, and his experienced fingers and mouth came to a stop. He pulled his fingers out and his lips started to kiss their way up my body as he slowly climbed on top of me. Up my stomach, my flushed chest, and neck, and ended at my chin where he stopped and put his wet fingers of his right hand into his mouth and started to suck. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my hands around his neck. He led them in and out his mouth two times, drew them out and led them to my mouth. I opened willingly up, and his fingers glided into my mouth so I could taste myself. Gently guided them in and out my mouth. When they were clean, he pulled them out and let them drag a wet trail down my chin and throat. With his left hand, he cupped my face while the other guided him into me, and then laid on my waist. 

With a whimper, I threw my head back as my body twitched when he entered because of a combination of being sensitive after my orgasm, but it also stung much more than when it was only his fingers inside me. I took a sharp breath of pain through my clenched teeth while he slowly pushed himself fully into me, stretching me. 

“You okay?” He asked with a frown and held still inside me, his thumb stroked my cheek. 

I stopped clenching my teeth, it only prickled now when he didn’t move. “Yeah, it’s just…” I looked at him and swallowed loudly. “…I’m sore.” I bit my lip with a frown, awaiting his reaction. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to, today I hadn’t seen a hint of that brute he was last time. Okay, maybe when he shoved my head down on him, but it was only a few seconds, other than that he had been so gentle with me today. 

“Do you wanna stop?” He asked and frowned too. 

I don’t know why, but suddenly I felt so relieved. He cared about my wellbeing. “No. But can we just… take it slow?” I asked. 

A smile played on his lips. “Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?” He raised his eyebrows, and now the smile noticeably pulled up in the corner of his mouth. 

“Good point.” I felt a smile spread on my face before he shortly pressed his lips against mine. 

He slowly glided out and pushed into me again with a small moan. It stung when he did, my intake of breath was sharp, but it wasn’t only painful, it was good too. When he was deepest inside me, he held still again and our gazes met. “Tell me if you wanna stop.” He said intensely. His eyes kept mine in place. 

“I will.” I nodded. 

He sealed his lips to mine when he pulled out, released my lips and looked down on me when he gently glided back into me. My lips parted in a silent moan. He kept his tender pace, shifted between kissing me softly and looking into my eyes. Soon he started to groan throatily every time he glided into me the longer we went on, but it was muffled because he clenched his teeth and pressed his lips together. A deep frown marked his forehead, and it looked like he concentrated really hard on something. 

Was it this much a strain to be gentle to me? But it stung less and less for every time he went into me, it morphed into a searing instead. Small moans or gasps escaped me when he pushed into me. The electricity tickled in my stomach, this was very intimate. Not that the other times weren’t, but this was something else. Like in another category, and they couldn’t be compared, they each had their advantages. 

His pace continued uniformly without a stop for so long his forehead became damp. I let my hands run over his forehead to wipe it away. His whole body felt hot and sweaty against mine, his breath panting out through his clenched teeth, or heavily out his nose when he pressed his lips together. I think it was really a struggle for him to be this gentle, but he had enough self-control to keep going like this. Over his shoulder, I got a quick glance at the clock. He had been at it for at least half an hour. I started to feel slightly guilty. I just laid here and did nothing while he did all the work and struggled. It still prickled between my legs, it was somehow uncomfortable, but it didn’t hurt. 

My hips started to tilt with him in his rhythm, but not as violently as they usually bucked. “You can go a little harder,” I said and again wiped his damp forehead. His heated body against mine made me sweat the places where our skin was in contact; my chest, stomach, hips, inner thighs and knees, my calves at his ass, his hand at my waist and the other caressing my cheek and neck. 

“Okay.” He nodded and pushed slightly harder into me, it made it sting again, but it was bearable. 

His breath became more panting after a couple of minutes. He closed his eyes and let his forehead fall down on my chest. I felt his panting breath against my skin. Saw his back muscles work under his skin. The stinging had again stopped. “A little harder,” I said, my fingers nuzzled around in his damp hair at the back of his neck. 

He glided out, reached the apex, and pushed slow, but more firmly into me. Pushed as deep into me as he could, and then kept pushing, moving my whole body an inch up the mattress, eliciting a higher moan from me. His right hand left my hip, slipped in under my lower back and held my waist firmly. Dragged my body the inch with him down again when he glided out. He leaned his head back and looked down on me when he firmly pushed deep into me, pushing my body an inch up again, and dragged it back down with him again. I could feel that the backside of my body had become sweaty too. 

His hand that rested on my neck traveled to the back of my head, and he grabbed a fistful of hair, but he kept his steady pace. He stopped clenching his teeth and opened his mouth slightly, tilting his head backward, releasing his panting breath and grunts. Then let his tongue run over his lower lip before his teeth dug into it and then slowly let it go again. His eyes dark with lust, looking down at me with heavy eyelids. I felt his arm tighten around my waist as he let out a hoarse grunt when he pushed into me again. 

“Are you close?” I whispered. Not because I wanted him to be done, but his hand in my hair and the tightened grip on me tipped me off. He dug his teeth into his lower lip again and nodded. “Then you can go harder, but not too hard,” I told him. 

His teeth let go of his lower lip, closed his eyes, it looked like he breathed a sigh of relief and let his head drop to my chest. He pushed harder into me with a strained grunt, eliciting a high gasp from me. It stung. The next push into me was a notch harder, and I cried out. He leveled his head and looked down on me. Though he fucked me harder than in the beginning, this was still gentler than any of the other times. When he went deep into me again, he tightened his grip in my hair. The next was again harder, it made me whimper, and I pulled in his hair. 

“I’m done in a minute.” He panted. I nodded, giving him permission to continue, and clenched my teeth together. His head dropped, and I felt his teeth run over the skin on my collarbone when he pushed harder into me three more times, and then jolted deep into me with a throaty groan when he came and released inside me, eliciting a high pitched cry from me when it hurt. 

“You okay?” He panted against my skin, his forehead was still leaned against my chest. 

“Yeah.” I panted too and stopped clenching my teeth. I felt sore, but it was bearable. It hurt slightly when he pulled himself out. 

He lifted his head and kissed me softly. Removed his arm from my waist and hair to cup my face between his hands. As he released my lips and laid his head on my chest, his hands fell from my face to the mattress. I closed my eyes and felt how tired my body was, but it was in a different way. 

_Maybe because he didn’t beat the crap out of you this time._

Why can’t you just shut up? I rolled my eyes behind my closed eyelids. I let my left hand remove some of the sweat from my forehead and sighed. 

We laid like this for a couple of minutes while our breathing returned to normal. I felt Jake lift his head, and I opened my eyes to look at him. He rested his head in his right palm, propped up on his elbow. “You look tired.” He said and let his left index finger swipe over my nose. 

I sighed again. “You do too.” I let my left index finger boop his nose too. He gave me a wry smile, quickly kissed my lips and got off me. 

“Roll over.” He ordered softly and nodded sideways with his head as he grabbed the blanket I was partially lying on. 

“I’m not a dog.” I chuckled but did as he said. He pulled the blanket out from under me, I rolled back, and he tucked me in under it. Before turning off the lights, he kissed my nose and got under the blanket on his side. 

He grabbed me under the covers and pulled me into his embrace. “I need you.” He mumbled into my hair. 

“I need you too,” I said and fell asleep shortly after. 

 

When I woke up again, I felt well rested. I was lying on my side, turned away from Jake, who was sitting up against the head of the bed and watched TV. We were both still naked under the covers. I turned around, so I was lying on my back and stretched, it felt good. I could really feel what difference it made to lie in a bed versus a car seat. And I wasn’t much sorer between my legs. 

“Did you sleep well?” He asked kindly. 

I nodded with a satisfied sound and asked if he had gotten some sleep too. 

“I have only been awake for half an hour.” He smiled. He was relaxed, but the anger smoldering in the edges of his hazel eyes was still there. No news. 

I looked at the clock. It was 2:17 p.m. I decided to take a shower… in five minutes. I was lying too comfortable to get up just now. So I crept under the covers again, but the five minutes went by too fast, and I stood up. “I’m going to take a shower,” I announced before I walked into the bathroom. Almost by habit, I checked my bruises, though there were no new ones this time. Those on my neck and thigh were almost gone. The ones on my hips were beginning to get yellowish at the edges, indicating they were on retreat. They haven’t been too bad to start with. The one on my cheekbone looked a lot worse. I guess it was because the skin was so thin, and you didn’t really have that much flesh, to begin with on the cheekbones. The blue were fierier. I tried not to look too much at it, if I did my annoyance towards Jake would just get fueled once more, though he was forgiven. 

While I was in the shower, I decided to go look for a thrift store later so I could get a new book. I tried to decide if the book I just finished was good enough to go in the trunk, or if I should give it to the thrift store. What I ended at, was that it wasn’t worthy of getting in the trunk. I stood a few extra minutes under the water, just clearing my head for all the thoughts, trying not to think about the couple thing. Just concentrating on how good the hot water felt on my body and the calming sound of it. 

But I had to get out eventually, so I turned off the water and found a towel. Red as the sheets and curtains, figures. Quickly I dried my body, I felt fresher now than when I had gotten in. I swept a towel around my hair, and one around my body before heading back to the room to find my backpack. 

I realized we had to get to a Laundromat again soon as I slipped on the black lace underwear, I had to my own surprise gotten used to it, and had no problem walking around in it without blushing anymore. If you had asked me a month ago, I would have said over my dead body. So that proved I could actually get used to new things I found uncomfortable, to begin with. But that didn’t mean everything. There had to be some sort of line for what one person could or should get used to. 

Yes, Jake, I am partially referring to you. God, I was beginning to talk to myself now. I just needed some time to process one thing at the time I convinced myself. When I had gotten fully dressed, I let Jake know my plans for today, collected all the laundry in one bag, and put the book I was going to give the thrift store on top. I just had to spend two minutes on the laptop to find the nearest Laundromat, and thrift store before I took off. 

I turned up the volume in the car when a decent heavy rock song played on the radio. It didn’t take long to find the Laundromat. There wasn’t a living soul in there, so I had it all to myself. I quickly put the dirty clothes in and turned the machines on before I walked over to the thrift store with the book under my arm. It wasn’t far away, and it seemed like a quiet town, so I had no doubts about leaving the Laundromat. I pulled up the collar of my jacket, the wind was cold, and I actually missed my scarf, though the sun felt warm enough when you found a windless spot. Almost so hot you felt like taking off your jacket. 

I could relax my shoulders when I entered the thrift store. It was an adorable little store. There were old carpets in different colors scattered all over the floor. They didn’t seem to have a pattern and didn’t match at all. There were all sorts of furniture; chests, drawers, sideboards, coffee tables, and what else you could think of in different varieties of wood. And on top of every surface was a lot of knickknacks and crockery in all shapes, colors, and styles. At the far end of the shop, the whole wall was covered with bookshelves full of books. An older lady with long steel gray hair put up in a bun welcomed me. She was big and round with glasses like the grandma in ‘Sylvester and Tweety.’ She was actually the spitting image of Granny besides her clothes were more in fashion. 

“I thought you’d like to have this one, I’m not gonna read it anymore,” I said with a smile when I handed her the book across the counter. 

“That’s sweet of you darling. Bless your heart.” She said with a heavy southern accent. 

I had always thought that southern accents sounded so odd. Like they were overacted, too polite, and too religious in their phrases. 

I took in all the knickknacks on my way down to the bookshelves. It was only sorted in fiction and non-fiction. The rest of the jumble left much to be wished for. I sighed and started at one end in the fiction section. Some titles I had heard about before, others not. One book caught my attention. It was a hardback, yellow with green text, it looked old and worn. I took it down from the shelf, it was heavy, at least a pound. Grimm's Complete Fairy Tales. I opened the binding and saw it was published in 1997.

“It has all the 215 tales from the Grimm brothers.” The Granny lookalike stood right behind me. I jumped and almost dropped the book. I hadn’t heard her approach me. She was putting the witch book I had just given her in the bookshelf.

“They were from Germany, right?” She nodded confirming. I faintly remembered hearing about them, they were the ones who had written Cinderella, Rapunzel, and Sleeping Beauty if I wasn’t mistaken. A lot of the good old Disney Classics plus a whole lot lesser known tales. I wavered for a second before I asked how much.

“All those here are $4, and three for 10.” She let a hand indicate that it applied to the last third of the whole bookshelf. So there was a pattern in how the books were sorted after all. She continued along to place or replace stuff to make it look more appealing from the window, and removed some dust on her way too. 

I looked at the Grimm’s book for another couple of seconds before I put it under my arm, and continued to look. They had the first two books of Harry Potter, I had never read those, but I had seen the first… I don’t know, four movies or so. I took the three books to the counter and handed her $10. I got a plastic bag to carry them in. She wished me a good day, and so did I to her. 

Back at the Laundromat, I turned the first page in _Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone_ and started to read. Sitting in full sun behind the window, it didn’t take long before I had to take off my jacket. When there was no wind, you could clearly feel the warming power of the sun. 

 

After around two and a half hour after I left, I stepped inside the motel room again. 5:20 p.m. Jake was again sitting on the bed, but instead of watching TV he was reading in his old folklore book. I could see he had taken a shower and shaved while I had been out. 

First, I tossed his clean clothes at him. He looked accusingly back at me, half covered in clothes and I tried to hold back a laugh. Now where he was in a better mood I dared to make a little fun with him and harmless provocations, not at all as much as before, but more than I dared just three weeks ago. “I got you something,” I said casually before tossing the book to him, aiming at the bed beside him, of course, I didn’t want to hurt him. 

“Thanks!” He sounded surprised and grabbed the book to examine it closer. 

“Thought you could use a new folklore book,” I explained before I put my now clean clothes back in my backpack along with the second _Harry Potter_ book. 

“Technically these are fairytales, but it’s great. Thanks!” 

Fairy tales, folklore? Whatever I thought and laid down next to him with the first _Harry Potter_ book I had started to read. Jake was reading in his new Grimm book. Young Harry Potter had immediately caught my attention, it was a little like us discovering a new world. But apart from our horrid and monstrous world, he had a truly wonderful and magic world. It couldn’t be more different. 

After about half an hour, I turned on the laptop and found some simple piano music as background music. This was actually nice. It was a comfortable silence while we read in each of our own books. At some point, Jake put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer. I looked suspiciously at him for a couple of seconds before I allowed it, and made myself comfortable. I noticed the smoldering darkness intruded more in his eyes, I didn’t dare to ask what he was thinking about that changed his mood, but it happened slowly. Over a couple of hours, his jaw was clenched too sometimes, but it was like he caught himself in doing it and stopped, but then started again a little while after. It was okay for him to be angry when I had these small breaks of air and lightness. 

I had read seven chapters, over a hundred pages, and was beginning to feel heavy-headed of all the intense reading. There was a difference of just reading of interest, and then reading intensely and swallowing every word with your eyes. I untangled myself from Jake's arm, laid back and turned on the TV. I ended up seeing some sort of criminal investigation series. If you ask me, there were too many of those and hospital series too. 

Twenty minutes later or so Jake put down his book too and watched TV with me. 

It was almost 11 when I felt tired, I took off my clothes and crept under the covers. “Is it okay if I turn off the lights?” I asked, already half sitting. Ready to get up, and turn them off. It was okay with me if he wanted to stay up and watch TV, I had no problem falling asleep with it on as long as the ceiling light was off. I actually found that the dull and flickering light from the TV had kind of a drowsy effect on me. 

“I’ll do it.” He simply said before he got up to turn them off. I sunk back into my pillow. He threw off his gray t-shirt on the way back to the bed, kicked off his jeans too before he laid back down. 

I was almost asleep. Actually, I had dozed off when I felt a strong arm around my stomach pull me closer to his warm chest and a kiss on my cheek.

 

Thirst woke me up. My mouth felt dry. I looked at the clock, it was only 3 in the morning, too early.

I staggered to the bathroom without turning on the lights and took a sip of water. I rubbed my eyes and climbed back to bed. Jake was lying with his back towards me. 

I didn’t like the word ‘couple’ or ‘boyfriend/girlfriend,’ but I liked the embraces, and the snuggling and the king sized bed. So I moved closer, and for the sake of change, I put my arm around him.


	27. His side of things

The light feeling still hadn’t subsided. I don’t think I had felt this light since the first time I fucked her. The demons were still encapsulated, paralyzed. I had continued to nuzzle her thigh while she slept, but at some point, my thumb had been tired. 

“Did you sleep well?” I asked when she opened her eyes. I smiled, I actually surprised myself. 

“Naah, not really.” 

I knew she didn’t like to sleep in the car, she never slept well in it. I knew she was tired, so I let her relax until we reached a motel close to Pipe Creek an hour later. 

I dropped her off at the reception and parked the car. Grabbed as much as I could carry, and followed her to the room. She immediately threw herself onto the bed. She looked exhausted. So I decided to go grab the last of our stuff by myself. 

When I came back she had kicked off her boots, but other than that she hadn’t moved. I laid down next to her and looked at her. She was so beautiful. I wanted to fuck my girlfriend. This time it felt different. It wasn’t because I needed her because of the demons, I just wanted her. And I would always need her, demons or no demons. “We should probably consummate the relationship. You know make it official.” I said sarcastically, the lightness made me joke. 

“You’re such a jackass.” She giggled, that sound made me smile. 

God, I wanted her. I rolled on top of her, put my hands on her cheeks, and kissed her gently, her hands moved up and into my hair. I wanted her slow, deep, and devotedly. And to make up for last time, I still felt bad every time I looked at that bruise on her cheekbone, though I knew she had forgiven me. She wrapped her legs around me. I still wanted a hold on her, but I stroked her hair instead of grabbing it. It was also difficult to grab it when she had braided it, but shortly after she released her hair from the braid. Her hair was wavy after it had been in a braid for so long. I started to rub slowly against her. I just wanted to lie here and kiss her forever. I really enjoyed the feeling of her soft lips against mine. Her tongue slowly against mine. 

Her hands moved from the back of my neck down to my chest. Her angel light touch felt amazing. They moved up to my shoulders and started to push my jacket down. When she had pushed it down to my elbows, I shook it off me and down to the floor. I wasn’t in a rush. I would lie here with her forever, I started to kiss a path from her mouth, down her chin, and down to her neck. She leaned her head back to give me more room to work on. Every kiss lasted a few seconds, giving me time to really appreciate her soft skin under my lips. And her smell… Mmh. I moaned. 

She sighed now and then, like when I had massaged her. Her hands started to caress my back. It was the same angel light touch. It reminded me of the first time I had kissed her. That memory along with her touch made me shiver blissfully while I kissed her neck. When I moved up to her ear, she shivered too. I gently bit her earlobe. I was already hard, but the raw, animalistic need hadn’t overwhelmed me yet. I was too busy adoring her. My girlfriend. 

I felt her hands move down my back and grabbed my t-shirt to pull it over my head. When she had pushed it up to my shoulders, I grabbed the collar and pulled it over my head. Now where I had been forced to let my lips leave her skin, I looked down at her and smiled. Her hair was messy, and she looked up at me with that lusty look I loved. She was beautiful, and she was mine. I wanted to look more at her before I got completely lost in her. I wanted her on top of me so that I could enjoy the beautiful view. As I rolled off her, I took her hand and guided her on top of me. My lips already longed for hers. My hand found her neck and dragged her down to mine. I was split between looking at her, and kissing her. I wanted both things equally right now. It was hard to choose. 

I let my hands run from her stomach up to her shoulders and pushed her up into a sitting position. Realizing she still had her jacket on, so my hands ran up to her shoulders, and slowly pushed it off her. Wanting to touch more of her. More of her captivating soft pale skin. I pulled the top over her head too and laid my left hand on her waist. God, she was beautiful. 

I pulled her into a kiss again with the other hand on her neck, and she started to rub against me. I felt the lust rush through my veins, I abreacted by touching her. Touch everything in my reach while I kissed her deeply. Her neck, tangled my fingers into her hair, capturing her face, stroke her cheeks, down her neck again. Her collarbone, her breasts, down her stomach, circled around her hips, up her back to press her against me. Grabbed her ass, down her thighs to her knees, and up again. At some point, while touching her, I pushed off my boots. 

She tore her lips from mine, moved them down to my neck and kissed a path down my chest. Her hands started to explore my body as well as her lips did. I closed my eyes and just leaned back. This was heaven. Her touch made me shudder, writhe, and moan, especially when she used some extra time on my pierced nipple. She really took her time. It was wonderful. The lust and need pulsated through my veins, but I wanted to prolong this as long as possible. I never wanted it to end. It was like this reinforced the encapsulation around the demons inside me. 

She let her tongue run against the waistband of my jeans before she started to unbuckle my belt. It made another rush run through me. I started to feel the need to take her hard as I helped her pull down my jeans and boxers. She crawled up and let her tongue run all the way up my member before her hand wrapped around me too. 

Oh God, yes! Without noticing it, I had grabbed the sheets and moaned out loud. The lust and need burned through me. I looked down at her and saw her smile right before she took me in her mouth. She started slow, only working at the top, but slowly worked her way down. 

God, she could do something with her mouth. I wanted to grab her hair, I felt the need to grab her hair but restrained myself and just nuzzled gently around in it. Constantly she changed the rhythm, the place, the pressure. It was impossible to predict any of her movements. It was wonderful instead of just working at the same pace. She really put some effort into it. I think it was the best blowjob I had gotten in my life, she made me moan like a little bitch. 

As I just laid back and enjoyed it, the lust and need suddenly overpowered me, I had let go and was lost in her delightful handling of me. It struck right when I least expected it, my hand tightened its grip in her hair, and I shoved her down on me with a grunt. She started to gag and push up against my grip, but I held her in place. With my hips, I pushed myself deeper down her throat when another wave burned through me. 

What the fuck are you doing? At that thought, I regained the control. Pulled out of her mouth and released her hair, but it was already too late. Fuck! “Sorry, sorry…” I heard her gasp for air. “Sorry, are you okay?” I asked her, I think she looked a little offended. 

God, I felt bad. That was a jackass move, Jake! What the hell were you thinking? 

I wasn’t thinking, that was the problem. 

Finally, she nodded, she was still panting, and she wiped a couple of tears away from her eyes. I took her hand, interlaced my fingers with hers and dragged her face up to mine by her hand until she was resting her weight down on her arm next to my head, and on my hand on the mattress at the other side of my head. My free hand traveled to her neck, and I kissed her cheek, chin, jawline, up to her ear, while she caught her breath. “I’m sorry,” I whispered into her ear. 

God, I was a jackass. I didn’t need to do more shit to her than I had already done. I still needed to make up for that, but if I continued like this, the list was never going to end. 

I let my nose run against her skin, just inhaled her intoxicating smell. She turned her head and kissed me, I think I was forgiven. But it was still a jackass move. It was a privilege, and I took advantage of the situation. You just don’t do that! But her kiss slowly drove the thoughts away. Feeling the need to return the favor I unhooked her bra, which she threw to the floor, before I grabbed around her waist, pushed her off me and laid on top of her. 

Oh, I loved seeing her underneath me. Kissing a path down her neck, slowly between her beautiful round and full breasts, and down her stomach until I reached her jeans. Opened them and pulled them down along with her panties, but I stopped when I reached her thighs and frowned. 

Her hips were bruised. 

“Did I do this?” I whispered though I knew the answer. I felt the guilt roaming inside me. 

“Um… yeah.” She replied monotonously, I noticed she looked away. 

This too? Wasn’t her cheekbone enough, and her neck? I’m awful. I’m awful to her. Why’s she still here? Why hadn’t she run far away from me by now? I wasn’t aware of how hard I had actually taken her, but this… this is living proof of just how thoroughly sadistic I apparently am. “Oh, God…” How could she forgive me for this? 

I captured her waist in my hands and started to place soft kisses on top of her bruises on her left hip. I would kiss them away if I could. I let my nose run over her skin too. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered in between my kisses. If I had known, I was doing this to her… this was different than the biting. Why do I need to do this to her? 

I again let my nose run over her skin, it helped on the guilt. The more I kissed her, the more it started to help too. I kissed my way over to her right hip. Kissing her, let my nose run over her skin, kissing her. She began squirming her hips under me. She enjoyed it. It gave the nagging guilt the last smack back down. She pushed her hips up to meet my touch, and then she started to pull her jeans and panties down. Even though I had done this, she still wanted to continue. She was still here, and right now, she was lying in bed with me and taking off her clothes for me. It made me smile. I placed one more kiss on her hip before I pulled her jeans and panties the rest of the way off her and I crawled back up, sat between her legs to make sure she would keep them spread for me. Right now, I wanted to please her now more than ever. I put my middle and ring finger into my mouth, but I saw it was actually unnecessary as she was already so wet. Slowly I let my fingers glide into her, she was so tight and warm. And Jesus Christ she was wet. She inhaled sharply, and her back arched from the mattress. Oh, she was a wonderful sight. 

I moved them slowly in and out of her a couple of times before I started to let my tongue run over her. Bending my fingers and added more pressure, making me hit that sweet spot, and instantly her hands grabbed the sheets, and she moaned. I loved when I could make her writhe like that and just enjoyed the sight of her falling to pieces in my hands as I continued. Her back arched until she was sitting up and resting her weight on her palms with her head thrown back and moaning loudly. 

Oh, her breasts look good from this angle.

“Mmh… harder…” She moaned. 

Up until now, I had kept a slow rhythm. Prolonging it as much as possible. I stroked the inside of her more firmly and quicker, my tongue worked faster and more energetic on her. Her moans increased instantly, and her hips started to work with me. I didn’t want to grab her hip, it would hurt her, but her moving and squirming made it hard to work properly on her. My free hand traveled under her thigh and grabbed her waist instead. I got her motion to quiet down a little, but she still had some freedom of her movement. So I decided to change tactics. Instead of just licking, my lips closed around her and sucked while moving my tongue over her inside my mouth. 

“Oh God, yes!” She cried and pressed her legs against my sides. Revealing that she was close now. 

My shoulders moved up to keep her legs spread, I upped the tempo of my fingers, sucked harder and licked faster, but didn’t change tactics. The secret was if she’s close just keep doing what you’re doing because it obviously works. Don’t change it right at the last minute. 

Suddenly her arms gave in, and her back fell back onto the mattress with a bounce, but it had barely touched the bed before it instantly arched again and she grabbed the sheets. “Yes! Right there!” She yelled in a high pitched tone. 

Oh baby, I know. Don’t you worry, I’m gonna make you come for me. I felt her legs starting to shake, and I moaned loudly for every time her hips pushed up. I knew she liked that. 

“Don’t… st… plss… keep… go-oh… pless…” 

I barely understood her, but I got the point. Her breath was rapid in between her cries, she bit her lip and muffled herself. Mm, just a little further. 

As her insides convulsed, she threw her head back in a high and long cry, scooted herself down the bed against my touch. Her legs pressed even harder on my shoulders and were quivering intensely. She almost ripped the sheets off the bed with her hands. 

What a sight! 

I had cooled down when I saw her hips, but now the lust was running through my veins like a frenzy. I felt a smirk spread on my face. Her cry slowly died out, but never stopped completely. My fingers and tongue tried to match the rhythm to her fading cry and her body relaxing. And stopped when she was quiet and laid still. 

I pulled my fingers out of her, my lips deviated upwards, kissed a path over her stomach, between her breasts, up her throat and finished off with her chin. Taking my fingers, I have just had inside her into my mouth and sucked while I pushed them in and out of my mouth a couple of times, just for her to watch. But she tasted good. Her legs wrapped around me, her hands ran up my neck. She let her tongue run over her lower lip when she watched me. As I pulled them out and into her mouth, I led them in and out like I had just done with myself, and then pulled them out and let my saliva covered fingers stroke down her chin and throat. 

Oh, I wanted to be inside her. My left hand laid on her cheek, while the other guided me into her, and thereafter rested on her waist. She threw her head back and whimpered as I pushed inside her. God, her tightness overwhelmed me every time, the lust throbbed through my veins, but I kept the control and entered her slowly. Her sharp intake of breath puzzled me. She clenched her teeth, but the lusty look on her face had faded. It looked like she was in pain. But why? What did I do? “You okay?” I asked concerned. I held still, stroked her cheek with my thumb. My hand against her cheek felt her jaw muscles relax. 

“Yeah, it’s just…” Her green eyes found mine. She swallowed noticeably. “…I’m sore.” She bit her lip and looked almost apologizing at me. 

The equation quickly settled in my mind, the burning lust and need flowing in my veins turned to ice. I had fucked her so hard last time that she was still sore two days later. I’ve never done that before, this had never been a ‘problem.’ The problem was me, and the beast inside me that awakens as soon as the need and lust pulsated through me. God, I felt guilty. “Do you wanna stop?” I asked genuinely. Now where the overwhelming lust had vanished, I could think more clearly, though I still felt the blood pounding in my member inside her. If it really hurt that much, then maybe it was the best before I hurt her even more, and then the heavy guilt, and earning her forgiveness _again._

“No. But can we just… take it slow?” 

That she wanted to continue made me smile, then it couldn’t hurt that much, though I could clearly see it did cause her a lot of discomfort. But of course, it was a sensitive area. I had been afraid it might hurt so badly she would start to cry when she first said she was sore, but it couldn’t be as bad as I had first feared, though this was worse enough. 

The lust started firing slowly again. But if I could treat her this gently up until now, I could continue down that path, couldn’t I? I didn’t have to tell her that I might not have been so gentle all the way through if she hadn’t said anything. “Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?” I asked with raised eyebrows. I felt the smile widen on my lips. Yes, I could do this. Lock the beast in the cage, and find that part that wanted her deeply and devotedly I had started with again. 

“Good point.” She smiled back. 

I sealed my lips to hers and pulled slowly out, pressed gradually into her again. When I released her lips to let out a moan because of her tightness, she inhaled sharply. This clearly caused her discomfort, but she wanted to keep going. A thought hit me. I could tell her to stop me without her ever doubting my intention with it. I just hoped she would get the hint that it didn’t only apply to this time. I pushed the last way into her, held still and found her eyes. “Tell me if you wanna stop,” I told her profoundly. 

Please understand that you can draw this card at any time, because I can’t see when it’s time to stop by myself. 

“I will.” She nodded confidently. 

I breathed a camouflaged sigh of relief and kissed her as I pulled out. When I reached the apex, I withdrew my lips from hers and looked at her as I entered her again. No sharp breath, no clenched teeth. Her mouth just opened, but no sound came over her lips. I can do this. The lust tickled in me, but it hadn’t reached an alarming level. Again I kissed her on the way out, looked into her eyes when I entered. The longer I kept this going, the more proud I got of myself. But it was a balancing act. I could enjoy this too, just let a little of the lust run free, but not enough to let it take over and cast her needs aside. I allowed myself feel how soft, warm, and tight she was around my pulsating member. Mm, her skin against mine. 

Small groans started to escape me every time I entered her, but I clenched my teeth together. The lusty look slowly returned to her face. I loved looking at her face. Her mouth open, her eyebrows pushed slightly together, pulling up her forehead, her eyes fluttering a time or two for every time I filled her. The more prominent it got on her face, the more the need blossomed in me, and the harder it became to contain the beast. But I kept my slow and gentle rhythm, though I felt how agitated I became the longer it went on as the lust now throbbed through me like a fever. 

Lock the beast in the cage, great idea there. I just forgot that sometimes the beast gets mad, no, infuriated when it’s encaged. I clenched my teeth harder and pressed my lips together, but the grunts still emerged from me. 

Take it slow, or you will hurt her, I told myself. Yes, that worked. Take it slow, or you will hurt her. Take it slow, or you will hurt her. I repeated it over and over as a mantra.

I felt the moisture break out on my forehead, and soon it ran down my back too. And especially where our skin was connected. Moans and gasps started to spill from her, up until now, silent open mouth. Oh, this didn’t help. But at least she was more comfortable now. 

Concentrate. Don’t let her distract you. Deep in, almost all the way out, deep in, almost all the way out. 

My breath was labored and panting because of the prolonging and keeping myself under control. Her hands caressed my forehead and down my temple to my jaw. I realized she was removing the sweat. It boiled inside me. Containing the need to take her hard and just let the beast free was really a strain. 

Take it slow, or you will hurt her, I repeated. Remember the guilt. It felt like I had been going on forever. Or maybe the strain made it seem more like hours. 

“You can go a little harder.” She said and let her hands run over my forehead again. 

Control. A part of me was ready to smack hard into her by those words, but that would hurt her. 

“Okay.” I nodded and swallowed thickly. I pushed a little harder into her, breaking the old rhythm, and continuing in a new one. She flinched slightly but then moaned. I repeated the mantra in my head. Though each of her moans fueled the need pumping red hot through my veins. My breath quickly became more rapid. I felt like I was only hanging by a thread. Closing my eyes, I let my head drop down on her chest while I concentrated. Her fingers ran through my moist hair, up and down. I pushed my rapid breath out through my clenched teeth. I don’t know if her skin was damp, or if it was just my sweat soaking her. 

“A little harder.” Her words were a blessing. 

Oh, thank God. I pushed so deep into her I moved her at least an inch up the bed, and she moaned higher than the other times. It felt so good to go more firmly into her. My right arm grabbed around her waist and pulled her the inch back down as I glided out of her. When I pushed into her again, I lifted my head to look at her. Pushing as deep as before, moving her whole body. And then pulled her down with me again. Our bodies were like one moving up and down. 

Take it slow… 

My left hand glided from her cheek to the back of her neck and grabbed her hair as I usually do. It slipped through, and I couldn’t stop it. But my pace into her didn’t change, almost to my own surprise. 

Take it slow, or you will hurt her, I repeated more intensely the closer I got to my climax. Keep the beast away. Slowly. Look at her. 

There was no trace of discomfort in her face. Please tell me to go harder on you. She has done it twice now, maybe I was lucky. I started playing with my lower lip, biting in it, letting my tongue run over it. Please give me permission. I don’t know how much more I can take of this strength test. It felt like my mind wasn’t my own, tangled into suppressed lust and a furiously needy beast. My grip on her tightened, and I let out a rawer grunt when a little of my self-control slipped. All I wanted to do was thrust so hard into her until I came. 

“Are you close?” She whispered. I couldn’t determine her tone or face. Right now, I didn’t care. But I had to. I nodded and bit my lower lip to prevent me from saying ‘yes, I wanna wreck you, and come so deep and hard inside of you, you’ll never forget it.’ My sympathy, my control was close to going out the drain right now. 

“Then you can go harder, but not too hard.” 

Thank God! I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against her chest again. 

Not too hard. 

I pushed into her with a groan, harder than I intended. And I heard her gasp. The next push into her was again harder, and I heard her cry out, but I couldn’t stop. I only had a shred of self-control left, and I used it on not thrusting as hard as I could into her. I lifted my head again to take a look at her, maybe if her face was pure pain I could cool down. But it wasn’t. Her lusty face looked back at me. Involuntarily I tightened my grip on her hair. 

I can’t fuck you as hard as I want, but I can still control you. 

I pushed harder into her, she whimpered as the pain fluttered over her face, and she dug her nails into my scalp. It brought me back for a second. I had almost accomplished this. It wasn’t flawless, I know. We both just had to hold on for another moment. I was so close. If she knew that there wasn’t much time left, she might be able to endure it. “I’m done in a minute,” I promised. 

She nodded, accepted the deal that she just had to hold out for another moment and it will all be over. My forehead fell down on her chest again. Oh, so close. I felt my self-control shatter. My teeth scraped over her collarbone, ready to sink into her skin. I pushed harder, harder, harder… my control vanished, and I gave her an uncontrolled hard and deep thrust with a raw groan when I came and emptied myself inside her. When I heard her shriek, I immediately felt bad. “You okay?” I asked breathlessly while still pressing my forehead against her chest. 

“Yeah.” She panted, but it sounded confident. 

Good. At least I had somehow controlled myself enough not to bite her. I pulled out of her and slowly caught my breath. I felt drained and exhausted. We had been at it for a lot longer than usually. I felt my heart racing in my chest, a lot faster than hers. 

After a minute or two, I raised my head and kissed her. Pulled my arm out from underneath her, released my grip in her hair and captured her face with my hands. You are so wonderful. I let her lips go and rested my head on her chest, my hands just laid tired on the mattress. I still hadn’t caught my breath yet. She moved and then sighed before she laid still again. 

When my heart slowly had returned to a steady pace, I lifted my head, put my right elbow on the mattress, and rested my head in my palm. She opened her eyes, and we locked gazes. She looked almost as exhausted as I felt. “You look tired,” I stated. The index finger on my free hand traced down the bridge of her nose to her nose tip, and she sighed. 

“You do too.” She copied me, gave me a tap on my nose tip. 

I couldn’t help but smile. Before I stood up, I deftly gave her a kiss. She laid halfway on the blanket on the left side. She looked too tired to get up, so I wanted to tuck her in under it. “Roll over,” I said when I had walked to the left side, and grabbed the edges of the blanket. 

“I’m not a dog.” She complained and snickered. 

Oh, I could quickly find a collar and a leash for you. Where did that come from? I was baffled by my own thoughts as I put the blanket over her and kissed her nose. It had never been a fantasy of mine to dominate someone like I dominated Val, but here I was doing it. And the humiliation by being put in a collar and leash, I’d never had those tendencies before. Sadistic was what came to my mind. 

I turned off the light and got under the covers. My hands found her body under the blanket and dragged her into my arms. Buried my nose in her hair and inhaled her smell. The smell of her, lavender, sex, and sweat. It was even more intoxicating now. “I need you,” I said while my nose was deep in her hair. 

“I need you too.” She slowly responded. She fell asleep in a matter of minutes. I knew she didn’t sleep well in the car, I didn’t know why, though. I slept just fine in a car seat, I was just a little stiff in my back, shoulders, and neck when I woke, but nothing else. 

I didn’t remove my nose from her hair again. It was like she gave life to the encapsulation in a direct line when I held her like this. And when I had kissed her skin and let my hands run over her body, and she had kissed me, and caressed me, and I had fucked her gently. Or was it just normally? I couldn’t remember, again it felt like it was from a different life. It was so long ago. It felt out of reach, I felt different, it was like I was another person. Like I had died and had been reincarnated in a dark, twisted way. Those thoughts made the demons move around, trying to break free of the barrier. I pushed them away and just concentrated on her smell and her slow breathing instead.

 

“Technically these are fairytales, but it’s great. Thanks!” I couldn’t help but mock her. My hand ran over the worn binding. It was so sweet of her. I opened it and started to read. I knew a lot of the stories, but not all of them. Mom used to read them to me before she… killed herself. After that I mostly read them on my own, I think it was the children’s edition as there were pictures in it too. Dad didn’t have time to read that much to me, but he did it once in a while. Not like mom did every night. 

Val laid down next to me on the bed and started reading too. I noticed she had gotten a new book too. _Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone._ Maybe I should read it after she’s finished it.

After a while, she got up and put some music on. Piano covers. 

This was nice, cozy. 

Air? 

I put an arm around her and pulled her closer. She looked kinda blaming at me for a couple of seconds before she tucked herself closer to my chest. I let my nose run just out of reach of her hair, so she wouldn’t notice, and inhaled. She still looked like she had some reservation, perhaps, towards us being a couple, but she accepted it. Like she accepted my hand on her thigh in the car and holding her in my arm now.

 

I don’t know what triggered it, but the demons had started to slowly scratch on the encapsulation. Or it might have something to do with all the childhood memories the stories brought me. And I suddenly missed dad so much. And mom… I missed how dad got annoyed at Val and me for fooling around or bickering. How calmly he took everything. His whistling now and then. 

The demons fought to break through it and get out. It happened gradually. But I felt how they dug their way out, made the membrane holding them back crumble. I couldn’t stop it. Not even having her here in my arms and inhale her intoxicating smell could stop it. It had been a temporary force field, but it couldn’t hold forever. It was giving in. They twisted and squirmed themselves out the holes they had scratched, and finally, the encapsulation broke down and disappeared. They took their hold on me with renewed force. Like they had saved up the anger, misery, loneliness, grievance, everything, and was now returning it with interest. 

I didn’t notice I had clenched my teeth before my jaw started to hurt. I tried to relax my jaw, but soon again, I had involuntarily bitten hard down again. Actually, I hadn’t done it for a day or two. When did the light feeling start? The day before yesterday… in the morning. After I had that nightmare and cuddled with Val while she slept for a long time. On one hand, it felt like more than two days. More like two weeks. But on the other hand, it only felt like two minutes. 

The teeth clenching was a bad habit I had gotten lately. I hope I wouldn’t break any teeth. Sometimes my teeth felt sore and porous when I did it for too long and hadn’t noticed. But after those almost two days both my jaw and teeth got sore and it hurt more quickly than usual. It was probably healthy enough with a break from it. 

She removed my arm from around her, sat up against the head of the bed and turned on the TV. I didn’t care. Right now not even Val was strong enough to dull or tame the demons. They had too much energy after they had been imprisoned. Soon their long fingers infiltrated my mind too. I couldn’t concentrate on the reading. They whispered and screamed their words, reminders, and accusations in a complicated musical composition. I felt like screaming SHUT UP! But it wouldn’t help. I felt like beating something, just to give in to their endless schemes. And with the demons and their seven miles long fingers clutching on to me came the black monster. It lured at the back, in the shadows. Ready to jump forward at just the tiniest excuse. 

I couldn’t even read anymore. I had tried to read the same sentence five times now. So I put the book down and pretended to watch TV with her. But I didn’t see or hear what was going on. Just stared blankly at the screen. It didn’t matter if I was looking at the screen or the wall. But at least Val wouldn’t ask any questions if I just pretended to watch the TV. 

I don’t know how long this went on, but she started to undress and got under the covers. “Is it okay if I turn off the lights?” She asked, and was almost on her way up again. 

“I’ll do it,” I said, got up, and turned them off. I looked at the clock. It was almost 11. I could as well go under the covers too. Before I crept under the covers next to her, I undressed and then waited fifteen minutes or so before turning off the TV. I knew I couldn’t fall asleep anyway right now. There was way too much going on inside me right now. It was like the pre-party to the outrageous tornado party that was ready to start at any given excuse. Just a spark, and it would explode. I could feel it. 

I looked over at Val. She was on her side with her back towards me. I think she was already asleep. I couldn’t figure out why she would put up with me. I was a jackass, I treated her like shit sometimes, I feel angry most of the time, I can’t control myself, I hurt her… the list was endless… and she still laid here next to me. She must have the patience of an angel. If roles were reversed, I don’t know what I would have done. 

I moved closer, put my arm around her and pulled her back to lie against my chest. She didn’t move or protest, so I gave her a kiss on her cheek. There was so much I wanted to say to her, but I was afraid just half of it would send her running. I couldn’t lose her too. Though she didn’t help on the demons right now, it was still consoling just to hold her. The only thing it soothed a little was the loneliness in the darkness. Though the loneliness was caused by so much more than just the absence of my dad. Being alone in feeling like this. No one could understand. And if I tried to explain I was sure I was gonna end in a mental institution. _Sadist._ Could the anger, the demons, the beast, and the black monster be categorized as multiple personality disorder? It was like the last two took over my body, left me out of control. And the fact that I felt so changed compared to before. A problem with anger management too. I could go on… 

I held her closer and buried my nose in her hair. It was so soft. When she didn’t move, I dared to give her a kiss on her shoulder too. God, I needed her. 

After an hour or two, I finally managed to fall asleep with Val in my arms, though the demons kept rummaging around inside me.


	28. Chapter 28

I woke up again at 7. Like yesterday afternoon, I felt just as well rested. After stretching, I just laid for a couple of moments staring up at the ceiling and began to think about a plan for today. My tongue swiped over the wound on the inside of my cheek as it had done regularly the past couple of days and now it was finally healed so much it didn’t hurt anymore, though the skin still was slightly ridged. Wounds inside the mouth always healed faster and I was thankful for that. 

After another couple of minutes, I got up and got dressed. There was no reason to wake up Jake just yet. I went to the bathroom and started to comb my hair. My cheekbone was turning into a purple-black color, but if I leaned close enough to the mirror, I could see a hint of yellowish green at the edges. I hoped it would go away soon. I didn't like it and the thought of what caused it. 

I finished up with my hair, put it in a braid today. I took my birth control, brushed my teeth, cornered in my eyes with the black eyeliner, and two brushes of mascara on each before I went out to get some milk for our breakfast. 

It was still dark, the horizon had begun to lighten up. The sky was clear, it looked like it would be a nice warm day today. I guess the sun would be up in thirty-forty minutes. The morning rush had already started, but there were so few citizens in this town that if you didn’t know the rush hour had started you could easily overlook it. But I could see that there was more activity than yesterday when I went out. 

I found a small store after a few minutes of walking. A young fella with pimples was behind the counter and wearing a horrendously orange work t-shirt. What was up with this town and the color orange? I found a carton of milk, two sandwiches for lunch later, some tampons, (though I had a few pills left in this cycle, but they were on sale.) A prepaid card for my phone as I had almost used up the last one, and a big coffee to go. I drank at least twice as much coffee as Jake. As always I paid in cash, got a paper bag for my goods, and walked back to the motel. 

Jake was still asleep when I got back. If he hadn’t awoken by himself, I figured I would wake him up at 9. I kicked off my boots, took off my jacket and scarf, and sat down in front of the laptop with the coffee in my left hand. I opened Bill’s document once again and read it. 

Afterward, I opened Google Maps and found Pipe Creek, Texas, and tried to locate the abandoned farm where the vampires were supposed to live. After about an hour, I had found a handful of farms east of Pipe Creek where they could supposedly have their nest. I wrote it all down on a piece of paper. After that, I checked how the weather was going to be today, I had a feeling from my morning walk that it would be pretty warm. That was both good and bad. Because of the sun, the vampires would stay indoors, not because they were allergic to the sun, but because of the fact that they didn’t cast a shadow and therefore would get unwanted attention. So there was a bigger chance of finding them indoors or during the night. Essentially increasing the time and place of the day where vampires could be found. Bad thing for us was that it would be more difficult to hide our weapons, it was easier when we had more clothes on. The third thing was that I either had to wear shorts or a skirt; which I hated! Or sweat to death in my black jeans. 

The weather report said that today the 19th March it would be sunny and temperatures up to 64 degrees F. Phew. It would be too hot to wear a leather jacket. When it was going to be this hot, I went back to the store and bought two water bottles we could take with us. There was no knowing of how long it could take to find these bastards. On my way back, I decided to keep my jeans on for now. 

When I came back, I looked at the laptop for a couple of seconds and then to Jake sound asleep. I had once thought about googling hazel eyes. They were so distinctive. And after he had become so angry and pissed off, it was almost like they changed in color, and I wanted to learn more. 

A page from Wikipedia named ‘eye colors’ came up, and I clicked it and found the section about hazel eyes. 

 

_Hazel eyes are due to a combination of Rayleigh scattering and a moderate amount of melanin in the iris' anterior border layer. Hazel eyes often appear to shift in color from a brown to a green. Although hazel mostly consists of brown and green, the dominant color in the eye can either be brown/gold or green. This is how many people mistake hazel eyes to be amber and vice versa. This can sometimes produce a multicolored iris, i.e., an eye that is light brown/amber near the pupil and charcoal or dark green on the outer part of the iris (or vice versa) when observed in sunlight._

_Definitions of the eye color hazel vary: it is sometimes considered to be synonymous with light brown or gold, as in the color of a hazelnut shell._

_Hazel eyes are common throughout Caucasoid populations, in particular in regions where blue, green and brown eyed peoples are intermixed._

 

Jake’s eyes were caramel brown near the pupils and then faded to a green around the middle of the iris. I closed my eyes and saw the different shades of his eyes in my mind. When he was troubled and tense, they seemed darker because he pulled his eyebrows together and sometimes narrowed his eyes imperceptibly, leaving them in the shadows of his features. Sometimes tilted his head downwards too, which amplified it, really bringing the brown in them forward and making it dominate his irises. When his eyebrows smoothed out, it brought his eyes forward into the light, making the green in them stand out instead. And of course, the way he looked at me, either with a heavy burden weighing on his shoulders, the anger or with a smile also had a say in it. Though they were missing the playful glint, the old Jake always had. 

I found my book and read for a while before I woke Jake. “Rise and shine,” I murmured while tugging lightly on his shoulder. “It’s 9 o’clock,” I added before I went back to sit at the table again with my book. It had totally caught my attention. I realized if I kept up this pace, I would soon have to look around for book 3, 4, 5, and how many there were of the _Harry Potter_ series. 

While I read, Jake slowly got up and got dressed. I had on purpose waited to eat my breakfast so we could eat together. Wasn’t that what couples did? Ate together? Anyway, when I had taken a couple of spoonful’s I pushed the piece of paper where I had written the farms down to him. “Possible places for the vamps to have their nest,” I explained while he looked at it. 

“Good job.” He just said. It was again that _neutral_ tone of voice. He hadn’t used it before, only after. Also when he was full on Angry Jake. I categorized it in my head as his ‘business-tone-of-voice.’ Very fitting. 

We ate in silence, in the meanwhile, I read, and Jake had turned the laptop to face him. I was pretty sure he checked the news. We still had to keep an eye out for suspicious fires and stuff like that, even though we were already on a job. You could never get too many leads. 

I broke the silence after a while. “I think we should go out there and reconnoiter the terrain first before we take action.” I had put my book down. 

“That sounds reasonable.” Jake looked seriously back at me. 

Taking out a coven in a permanent nest was different. More complicated. They had the home advantage. It was easier just taking out one or two of them. It was especially more difficult when we knew they were at least four. We were outnumbered and needed to have a plan of attack. But better know the numbers than going in blind. 

“What do you say if we try to locate them, find out if they are four or more now, or if they are still even there? Then come back here, make a plan, and take them out tomorrow?” Jake suggested. 

Bill and he had worked a lot more covens both with and without permanent nests than I had, though I had learned the procedure and to be cautious around them. I had never encountered one before when I was on my own. 

“That sounds like a plan.” I sent him a smile, at least we both agreed on how to do the job. 

After that, we discussed a reason to tell why we were snooping around on people’s premises. We had to have a cover story for entering those farms where there weren’t any vampires and have the needed props to prove our cover story. 

Half an hour later, we were in the car on our way with everything we needed. We had decided to change to the ‘cheap’ suits we usually wore along with the Criminal Investigator badges, which consisted of a Bordeaux button down shirt with long sleeves, and dark gray pants for me, and a gunmetal gray suit, with a white shirt and an artichoke green tie for Jake. We both wore blue-gray trench coats. When we had to infiltrate a crime scene or talk to normal people, this gave the best impression and was least likely to blow our cover. I didn’t even know how many years you would get in prison for impersonating a federal agent. 

It was still early, meaning it wasn’t too hot yet, but Jake had turned the air condition on after I had told him how hot it was going to be today. We had both flipped down the sun visor too. The first farm we arrived at had a long driveway surrounded by trees. It wasn’t until we were halfway up the driveway we could see the farmhouse. Sadly it didn’t look too abandoned. I doubted vampires had curtains and flowers in their windowsills. The house was well maintained with paint, plants, and cleaning, it became more obvious the closer we got. It was limited how fast we could drive as the dirt road had a lot of holes. We parked and walked up to the front door. When we knocked, a man in his mid-fifties opened up for us, I immediately noticed the shadow, no vampire. He was wearing a dirty t-shirt and black overalls and had a friendly and welcoming face. 

“Hi. I’m Criminal Investigator Taylor Davis, and this is my partner Martha Young.” Jake said while we both showed him our badges. 

“James Barnes. What can I do for you, folks?” He nodded when he introduced himself. His voice was kind, and he too had a very heavy southern accent, and apparently the southern hospitality too. 

“We were wondering if you had seen this boy?” I handed him a photo of a teenage boy with dark hair and braces. We had a lot of props in different bags and at the bottom of the trunk of our car, and this was one of them. An excuse to talk to people, and confirm if they were a vampire or not. It could take some time to find a nest, even if you knew the approximate location like we did right now. 

James took the photo and studied it for a couple of seconds before he handed it back. “I’m sorry, but I haven’t seen him before.” He looked genuinely sorry for not being able to help us. “Did he run away from home?” He continued concerned. 

“Kind of. He took off with his girlfriend when his parents were about to move to another state. Young love and all that, you know.” Jake explained. 

James nodded understandingly. He invited us in for coffee, but we excused us and said we had to get going. 

 

Almost the same exchange of sentences happened at the next two places we went. Unfortunately, no sign of a vampire yet. I felt bad every time we had to turn down their offer for something to drink or eat. They all seemed like such nice people who definitely had inherited the southern hospitality. 

 

Finally, we turned the car down the fourth driveway of today. The second last on the list I had made this morning. As we turned the corner, the farmhouse appeared behind the trees. “Stop!” I exclaimed, and Jake hit the brakes, I felt the seatbelt tighten around my waist. This farmhouse was definitely abandoned. He put the car in reverse and backed up, so our car wasn’t visible from the trees. When we got out, Jake opened the trunk and started to look for something. I didn’t know what it was until he held it up in front of me. A pair of binoculars. We walked amongst the trees, so we could observe the farm without possible vampires seeing us. I found a bush where we had a good overview and kneeled down. It was a one-story house. It looked like it had been yellow, but the paint had peeled away a long time ago. There was wild growing weed everywhere, and there were shutters on the windows. The wood looked like it was infected with termites and big chunks were missing here and there, but I didn’t see any movement in the holes they left. 

“You see anything?” I whispered to Jake. 

“Nope, not yet.” 

“I’m gonna move the car farther away from the driveway and then come back here. I think we should at least camp out here for a couple of hours, and then we can move on if there isn’t anything.” I grabbed the keys from his pocket while I talked. 

He agreed with me, it was the most sensible thing to do. We couldn’t just march in, they would have the home advantage. They could also be out, though it wasn’t likely, but we couldn’t take the chance of them coming back and seeing our car. In a minute, I was back at the car, got in and turned it around. When I reached the end of the driveway, I drove around hundred yards farther and parked it with one tire set on the asphalt, the other in the dirt. I popped the trunk, took out the red reflective warning triangle, and placed it around fifty yards behind the car, making it look like a breakdown and that we had gone for help. Nothing suspicious about that, we could be tourist passing through. Before I walked back, I grabbed the two bottles of water. It took around ten minutes. 

“Any change?” I asked as I sat down next to him. 

He shook his head but kept looking into the binoculars. I found my phone in my pocket and put it on silent, I told Jake to do the same. Not that anybody ever called us besides from ourselves, but better to be safe than sorry. 

I was 75% sure this was the right farm, but we had to reconnoiter the terrain first to be absolutely sure. 

“I think we should sneak around and see if we can see anything from the other side of the house,” I said after half an hour in silence where nothing had happened. 

“Let’s do that.” He said and got up. We had to walk slowly so we didn’t make too much noise and in a big half circle around the house to stay hidden behind the trees. You could easily see nature had claimed the property back after many years of neglecting the maintenance. The grass was too high, and the trees and bushes had grown unrestrained. Which was an advantage for us. 

We slowly approached the back of the house. A shed came into view, all the paint had peeled away through the years, and the unprotected wood underneath had started to give in for the weight of the tin roof. Wonder what they had in there? It wasn’t big, not big enough for a car to fit in there, but there was a padlock on the door, which looked much newer than everything else. 

As we continued to walk, I saw an old pickup truck at the opposite end of the yard from the shed. It was beige, dirty and rusty, but it could still be functional. So the vamps were either home or had left on foot. Of course, there was also the possibility that they had a second car, but we would soon find out, I hoped. 

We regularly stopped to look into the binoculars and check for movements. Nothing so far. When we moved farther around, I saw that the window farthest away wasn’t completely covered by shutters. I pointed it out for Jake, and he nodded, telling me he understood. We sneaked a couple of steps farther until we were at a 40-degree angle to the window and hid behind a bush. This was our chance to confirm if there were vampires or not in this house. 

“Bingo,” Jake whispered. 

I tried to see if I could see anything without the binoculars, but I couldn’t see much. Suddenly my eyes caught a movement. “How many?” I whispered. 

“At least two, but we’ll wait and see.” He answered. Handed me the binoculars for the first time, and I pointed them at the window. 

I saw a female, hard to determine her age from this distance, but she had medium long brown hair, wearing a white blouse, and jeans. It looked like she was talking to a male with long black hair, almost as long hair as she had. He was wearing a denim jacket and jeans. They had to be vampires, who else would live in an abandoned farmhouse and don’t look like homeless people, or filthy addicts? And if we bust in there tomorrow and they weren’t vampires we would just show our badges and excuse ourselves that we had gotten an anonymous tip about some gang members were staying there or something like that. 

It looked like the two vamps were having an argument. After a few minutes, another female came and interrupted them. The second female had a blond pixie haircut and black clothes. “There’s at least three,” I whispered and handed back the binoculars. He nodded and looked through them once more to confirm what I had said. 

The next twenty minutes we didn’t see more of them, but finally a male, almost bold, with a white tank top and camouflage pants came into view.   
My right knee was starting to feel stiff and rigid by staying still for so long. I couldn’t bounce it up and down, the constant movement might catch their attention. 

 

For the next hour and a half, we didn’t see anybody else and decided to head back to the car. We trod slowly, though I had to walk even slower because of my knee, trying to minimize the noise and movements best possible until we were out of sight from the farmhouse. The sun had slowly gotten more power during the day, and the temperature was close to the 65 degrees F now as the weather forecast had promised. As we had stayed in the shadows most of the day, it was bearable, but now where we walked in the middle of the driveway directly in the sun, I had to take off my coat, roll up the sleeves, and open a couple of buttons in my Bordeaux shirt. And even then, I felt the sweat slowly trickle down between my breasts and on my back. Jake had taken his coat off too along with the suit jacket. His tie was loosened, and the sleeves of his shirt were rolled up as well. There wasn’t a wind moving. We had already drunk the water I had brought from the car a while ago, and my mouth was dry as hell. I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand, lifted up my braid to give my neck some air too. As I eyed the car, I decided to take a cold shower when we got back. 

“Pretty hot, huh?” Jake said, again in that neutral tone, but his dark hazel eyes didn’t fool me. 

“Yeah.” Was the only thing that came to my mind that I could respond with. I picked up the red reflective warning triangle, Jake opened the trunk for me, and we got in. On the ride back, I opened the window and enjoyed the wind on my face. I began to think about different approaches of the farmhouse, but couldn’t concentrate properly. 

When we got back, I barely managed to take one step inside the motel room before Jake closed the door and smacked me up against it with his hands on my shoulders. I would have exclaimed my pain and surprise, but his lips assaulted mine before I could make a sound. He instantly pressed his body against mine and pinned me to the door. His left hand grabbed my hair, it hurt because I had it in a braid, the other grabbed my hip firmly. I wasn’t exactly in the mood for this right now. I was tired, I was sweaty, and I was thirsty, but I knew if I returned the kiss, his touch would get my body fired up, so I did. My right hand moved up his neck and grabbed his hair, the left laid on his warm chest. 

Soon I realized it might have been the wrong thing to do. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but this time seemed more… severe? His hand tightened its grip on my hip, which was still scattered by bruises. It hurt. The fabric of these pants was thinner than my jeans, meaning he could get a really hard grip on me. Maybe, this time seemed so much harder because he had been so gentle with me last time. His kiss got more insisting, and he grabbed me even harder. I was afraid that if he grabbed me just an ounce harder his grip alone would cause bruises. It pulled in the roots of my hair from his fist intertwined in it that just tightened and tightened. Trying to free myself from his grip, my hands tried to remove his and push him away, but he misunderstood my attempts to free myself as passion, and pressed me harder against the door and bit my lower lip so hard I whimpered, but it got drowned by his tongue pushing into my mouth again. 

Finally, I got my lips separated from his. “Don’t… Jake, stop!” I exclaimed breathlessly. It was too vague, he didn’t react. Or he didn’t hear me, but he inflicted pain on me, more than I could take right now, and I wanted him to stop. “Stop! You’re hurting me!” I finally got enough air in my lungs to almost shout it out at him while I put both hands on his chest and pushed him away. Out of the blue, I was so mad at him that I had found the strength to push him away. Goddammit, why was he so blind that he couldn’t see he was fucking hurting me? Or was he just fucking stupid? 

He looked back at me with bewilderment. “What the fuck is wrong with you!?” I gave him another push. I probably got so pissed so fast because I was thirsty, hungry, tired, and uncomfortable because of the heat. 

To my surprise, he didn’t yell back at me, but just stood there and looked hurt. It just fueled the anger. “Huh?” I made a demanding gesture for an answer with my arms at him. He just sat down on the bed and hid his face in his hands. “Why won’t you answer me?” My voice rose to an almost hysterical tone. His passivity just pissed me further off. I needed a little resistance here, a response, a counteraction, just something. Anything. Not him hiding away from me. “Look at me!” If I could think properly, I would probably have said that I was hysterical now, but I couldn’t. The missing response drove me straight into a temper tantrum, there were no obstacles, nothing to stop me, so it just kept on going, and I lost control. 

“Why. Won’t. You. Answer. ME!?” For every word, I gave him a push, and he just sat there and took it. I realized I wouldn’t get anything from him, so I exclaimed an annoyed and resigned grunt and sat down on a chair at the table facing him. I was panting with rage. I felt like a hysterical child, but right now, I didn’t care.

I just sat there and stared at him. Hoping I would get a response out of this, when neither shouting nor pushing did. I stared at him without blinking for so long that my sight blurred. Finally, he looked at me, but only for a second before he had to look away again, staring at his hands instead. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it again before a sound escaped his lips. I wanted to scream ‘what!?’ at him but controlled myself. 

“I think you need to know something,” He said, his voice full of guilt, I think it was. He let a hand run through his hair. 

Again, I wanted to scream at him, but I abstained from it. He kept looking at his hands for a long time without saying anything. “Causing you… pain… it-it takes away mine.” He whispered it so low I barely heard him. I didn’t want to believe my ears. I felt my jaw drop. My rage had quieted down, but it didn’t vanish. More like the calm in the eye of a hurricane. My mind wouldn’t comprehend it. 

I had to get away from him. I stood up and walked to the door. 

“Please don’t go.” I turned around and looked at him, he looked at me for the first time since he had said it. He looked hurt and regretful, but I didn’t care. He got up and reached out to me. 

“Don’t.” I raised both my hands up in front of me, to keep him at a distance. My voice wasn’t raised at all, but the definiteness in it was not to be mistaken. 

“Please…” His voice was shaking, but I still needed to get away from him. 

“I need some time to process this.” Were the last words I said before I picked up his coat, took the keys, and closed the door behind me.


	29. His side of things

“Pretty hot, huh?” I said. 

“Yeah.” She picked up the red triangle, and I opened the trunk for her. 

When we came back, I was gonna take her. I longed for her. In more than one way, not only because of the demons. And there was something enthralling about having sex when it was this hot. The sweat, how the lust almost made your body boil. She opened the window and closed her eyes. I looked at her breasts in the half-unbuttoned shirt, glistening with sweat. 

As soon as we were inside, I closed the door, put my hands on her shoulders, and pushed her up against it. The need for her was already pulsating through my veins. Her moan got muffled by my lips when I kissed her and pressed my body against hers. My hand automatically found her hair at the back of her neck, under the braid. My other hand found her hip, partially holding her close to me, but also to make sure she would stay up against the door. Stay trapped by me. One of her hands grabbed my hair, pushing me closer to her, I felt the nails of her other hand on my chest. The raw need, the need to control her and take her hard released the beast in me. 

She twisted her body against me, and I grabbed her harder, held her closer. She tore her lips from mine and mumbled something I didn’t catch other than my name, but my lips already longer for hers, so I kissed her again. Her hands first laid over mine, I felt her nails on my skin, then they both laid on my chest. 

“Stop! You’re hurting me!” She suddenly yelled at me and pushed me one step back. 

What? 

Did I really grab her that hard? It didn’t felt harder than the other times. What is wrong with me? What just happened? 

Her sudden outburst had thrown me off balance, and I didn’t know how to respond. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you!?” She asked like an echo of my thoughts and gave me another push, though this one wasn’t as hard as the first. Her furious eyes looked burningly into mine. 

She was right. What was wrong with me? What had I done to her, _again_?

“Huh?” She demanded an answer. 

What could I tell her? Should I tell her the truth? I sat down on the bed and hid my face in my hands. She was right to be pissed at me. I was an asshole, a jackass. I had hurt her. Again. Why couldn’t I control myself?

“Why won’t you answer me?” She yelled at me. 

I was lost in confusion. I didn’t know what the right thing to do was. Should I tell her and get it out in the open? It was probably not gonna get better by itself. It only seemed to get worse. And I couldn’t feel it. And the beast that fills me. How can I control that? But if I tell her would she run? She had stayed for this long…

“Look at me!” She yelled. 

No, I can’t look at her or her angry eyes. I could understand her anger towards me, I was fucked up, but I didn’t know what to do. 

“Why. Won’t. You. Answer. ME!?” She yelled, and with every word, she pushed me. Not hard, but the gesture was obvious. 

And I deserved it. It was like even the demons were paralyzed and frightened by her outburst and anger. Oh, God. She snorted or something like that and sit down in a chair. I felt the heat of her eyes on me. Though I had removed my hands from my face, I could only stare blankly at them in my lap. I should probably tell her what’s wrong with me. I was afraid… no, terrified that it would send her running. But didn’t she have some right to know exactly what kind of fucked up she had to deal with? Then she could choose for herself. She was probably gonna find out anyway. The guilt-demon ghosted in front of me. Ready to take its hold on me, probably permanently this time. Maybe it’s better just to get it out in the open before I really hurt her. Really seriously hurt her. It was already worse enough with the bruises. 

I opened my mouth to tell her, but the words got stuck in my throat and almost strangled me. 

Causing you pain takes away mine. I tried to establish the words in my head and form them on my tongue. “I think you need to know something,” I said to buy some time. 

Oh, God. This was now or never. Was she gonna run? My morality won over everything else. The right thing was to tell her. Everything inside me cringed together. I would rather burn in hell right now. “Causing you… pain…” The words almost got stuck in my throat, but somehow I pushed them out anyway. “…it-it takes away mine,” I whispered. A part of me hoped she hadn’t heard it. I couldn’t look at her, I was sure I was gonna see the endless accusations and resentment in her eyes. She didn’t say anything, and I still didn’t dare to look at her. Suddenly I heard her get up, only then I looked up at her. She was heading for the door. 

“Please don’t go,” I begged her. 

She stopped and turned around to face me. Everything I had feared to see in her eyes was there. Plus a shitload more. I saw her waver. I got up and reached out for her hand, to keep her here. 

“Don’t.” She said in a low voice and held her hands up in front of her. To keep me at a distance. 

“Please…” Oh God, what have I done? She’s gonna leave me now. I can’t lose her too. I felt a lump in my throat, and it stung in my eyes. 

“I need some time to process this.” She just said before she grabbed the keys from my coat on the floor and closed the door behind her. 

It was like I was petrified. I just stood and looked at the door she had walked out of. I heard the deep sound of the engine revving up and disappear in a matter of seconds. A single tear left my eye. I angrily wiped it away with the back of my hand, and like a whiplash, an unknown gray monster suddenly jumped forward and wrapped me in its web. Claimed my body, turned it towards myself. 

Self-hatred. I hated myself right now. 

I turned around, marched to the wall, and punched it with a deep growl to let out my hate, my frustration, my guilt, my resentment. One more time. And again, before I sunk down on the bed. God, it was such a mess. It was just as I thought, it would send her running for sure, and now she had run off. I finally scared her away. She’s gonna leave me now. Because I’m so fucked up. She hates me, she resent me. And what I did to her… 

The demons inside me started twisting and clawing at me like they have never done before. And a dozen more demons joined them… Whispering, growling, and screaming all the accusations, and realities at me. 

Hate. Resent. Leave you. Wants nothing to do with you and your seven miles of shit. She thinks you’re fucked up. Damaged goods. You’re broken and can’t be fixed. You’ll only hurt her. She’s too good for you. You’re not worthy of her. You’ll only drag her down with you. And the guilt… the guilt of hurting her so much. Why? Why did I do it to her? I was still so pissed at myself, I wanted to punch myself so hard. I rested my forehead in my hands and grabbed my hair. Oh, God. I was beyond mending. The big demon of despair grabbed my insides and twisted them around. Why was I such an asshole to her? She was all I got. Yes, was. Past tense. I had finally driven her away with my seven miles of shit. 

All the things grabbing, twisting, clawing inside me almost made me bent over. And the fact that I had driven her away made one big oversized demon grab around my chest and forced all the air out of my lungs. It felt like the demons were about to rip me apart from the inside out. There were so many. And countless new ones. 

For a long time all these facts just swirled around in my head, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. It was more like gasps. I tried to get it under control, but I don’t know how long it took before it just got too much and I just became numb. Like when you get too many punches in your face… the first one hurts. The second even more, but the more you get, the less you started to feel until you become totally numb. 

The demons were still roaming red hot inside me, but they had burned all the nerve endings. Her yelling words started to haunt me too. _Stop! You’re hurting me! What the fuck is wrong with you? Why won’t you answer me? Look at me! Why. Won’t. You. Answer. ME!? Don’t. I need some time to process this._

I need some time to process this. What did she mean by that? She didn’t take her stuff with her. I just thought she couldn’t stand looking at me or be in the same room with me. That could still be the case. But would she come back, just for her stuff? Or come back and… stay? For the first time, I started to feel some doubt. Hope… I had been sure she was gone for good. But I had been lost from the outside world. I could only feel the new gray monster and all the demons and hadn’t thought objectively. I could only focus on losing her and the hate for myself. 

Time to process this. Or time to decide if she was gonna leave me? Maybe we could talk? Work our way through this? If there were just the tiniest hope, she would stay… I found my phone and tried calling her. 

Voicemail… I tried again. Still, she didn’t answer, and it again went to voicemail. I waited a couple of minutes before trying again. She would probably come back for her stuff if she were gonna leave. But why wouldn’t she pick up her phone? She doesn’t want you. She doesn’t want anything to do with you, and your seven miles of shit. You’re too fucked up. 

I tried a couple more times before I gave up. I hoped she at least would come back for her stuff so I could see her just one more time. I would beg her on my knees to stay. Literally. 

Where is she? Where has she gone? She drove away really fast. A lot faster than she usually drove. I couldn’t stand the uncertainty. Not knowing if she was okay or not. 

Of course, she isn’t okay. You grabbed her so hard she had to push you away and scream in your face that you were hurting her. You are a sadistic asshole, and you’ll only drag her down with you. Isn’t it enough that you are fucked up? Do you really have to ruin her too? Are you really that selfish? The demons whispered and fueled the gray monster that had backed into the shadows but now stormed forward again. I couldn’t escape it. I just sat and felt how the gray monster along with the guilt ran through my veins and infiltrated everything on their path. Tangled themselves into every thought of mine. 

It was starting to get dark. Would she come back? The doubt in that question was like a knife in my heart. I walked over and sat at the table instead. After a few minutes, I decided to try to distract myself, just for a while. Either she will be back or she won’t. I doubted she would sleep out if she had any intentions of getting back. So a couple of hours more and I would probably know. 

I opened my Grimm’s book, but I had a hard time concentrating. It was more like my eyes read, but my mind wouldn’t comprehend what my eyes read. It was too busy battling the gray monster.


	30. Should I run or should I stay?

The rage filled me once more as soon as the door closed. I marched to the car, ripped the door up, and got in. I knew I wouldn’t think rationally when I was this mad and upset. God, I had never been so mad at him ever before. So I turned the volume on the radio up until it almost hurt my ears and drove away. The feisty engine revved up underneath me, and I drove too fast, desperate to just get away. Trying with everything in me not to think while I was this level of pissed I concentrated on the drums from the song instead. 

I don’t know for how long I drove, but I saw a sign for a rest stop after a while and decided to go there. This should be far enough away from him. I turned off the engine and leaned my head against the wheel. 

Crap… And fuck... He had become way more fucked up than I had ever imagined. “Crap…” I slammed my hand against the wheel, whispering in a trembling voice and leaned back. I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. They were a blend of rage, despair, and shock. 

Who the fuck gets off of hurting another person? 

_A sadist._

My middle finger answered to that. He wasn’t sadistic. I knew him well before, and I would swear he wasn’t. If he had gotten sadistic after Bill died, I would have picked up some of the traits. I would have known it before we even got involved. I tried listing in my head what I knew about sadists. 

Sadists were aggressive, okay Jake could be that. 

Cruel behavior, not exactly. He wasn’t mean or cruel, just pissed off. 

Manipulative, especially through fear, nope not him at all. Last time he had scared me he couldn’t stand it and never wanted it to happen again. 

Okay, this analysis thing worked, I was freaking out. I tried to take some deep breaths and closed my eyes. It helped, the tears didn’t run uncontrollably anymore. I tried focusing on my breathing for a couple of minutes. 

But this puts ‘the bruise on my cheekbone’ in a completely different light, and I started to doubt what had happened back then. Had he done it on purpose? No, remember how guilty he looked. He couldn’t have looked that guilty if it had been his intention. Apparently, he couldn’t control his ‘biting habit,’ but ‘the bruise on my cheekbone’ was a whole other category than the biting, he had to have some control over doing that. I remembered my thoughts at the creek. He couldn’t have done it on purpose, and I didn’t get a protest clearly out my mouth. I pushed it aside with the same conclusion I had reached, at the creek, and took another couple of deep breaths. 

“Okay,” I said to myself. “You are gonna keep it together now.” I continued calmly. 

_You are starting to talk to yourself, you’re beginning to go crazy._

Shh. Just don’t. Not right now. I looked at myself in the rearview mirror. I looked like a mess. With my shirt, I tried to wipe the smeared makeup off my face. There. Now I at least looked somehow decent. I didn’t know why that was important, but it was. 

A thought hit me. How many times haven’t I wished I knew a way to take away his pain and anger? Or just ease it a bit? And all along, I had the key right in front of me. He must have known it for a while. The way he said it, it was like he had said it before. Maybe only to himself, but still. I couldn’t figure out if I were glad that he told me or if I would rather he had just shut up about it. Now I had to decide. Decide if I would let it go on or stop it. Could I stop it? Would I? I could help him, I had the key. But was it healthy to use it? I don’t know. I tried to think about the last… What has it been? Almost three weeks since we fucked the first time. I counted in my head. Around 18 days or so. Though it felt like much longer when you were together all the time. 

I tried to piece together some sort of puzzle. How effective was this so-called key? Was it worth the trouble or should I just run off on my own again? I really considered it. It would be so much easier than this. The only thing I had to do was to face him once to get my stuff, and then I would never see him again. Physically it was so easy, easy to cut the ties to him. But we had a shared commitment, and we wouldn’t have anything apart except the loneliness. Was loneliness the only reason why I considered staying? No, I cared about him. 

And then I knew I couldn’t leave him. I saw that hurt and regretful expression he’d had in his eyes just before I walked out the door. To get rid of the image, I closed my eyes and shook my head lightly. 

I thought about him touching me, now I had to face that issue now where I decided to stay. That intense electric feeling that tickled in my stomach. Now I only saw his touch with a…, not bitter sweetness. Infected? No, too negative. I couldn’t find the right word. It was just changed. Not completely bad or negative. Actually, no, not negative at all. It was just changed, different. Like a different light had shined upon it. I had to admit to myself I actually liked most of it. Most of it… I have to say no to him. Now I knew why. It wasn’t because he didn’t respect me or my limits, but because I… I made him feel better, and he couldn’t resist when I was right there in front of him all the time. If an addict had drugs in front of him all the time, there was a possibility he would overdose. In Jake’s case, the ‘overdose’ was more like getting too aggressive, almost borderline sadistic. 

But he didn’t mean to harm me in a mean way. He doesn’t want to hurt me just because he likes it or gets off on it. It’s not anything like that, he _needs_ it in some way. 

_In a sick way!_

I ignored the annoying voice and continued my train of thoughts. If he hadn’t been so hurt and angry, he wouldn’t have the need to do this to me. I had to set the boundaries, tell him when it was okay and when it was absolutely not. And he actually did accept it when I did say no to him.

Now I knew I wouldn’t leave him, but I was still a little apprehensive when it came to going back to him. Especially letting him touch me, I could feel it because every time I thought of him touching me, I felt a shudder run through me. 

_A shudder of fear, you denying coward._

Goddammit! What does it take for you to shut the fuck up?

I felt like I had on the bottom line understood it, but from understanding it to wrap my mind around it, comprehend it and accept it, to go back and allow it was on a whole other level. It had to be on my terms, and I could feel it would take time before I was able to handle him touching me again. I knew what it did to him, it wasn’t directly wrong, but maybe close to the border. This could evolve in a completely wrong direction if I weren’t paying attention. He would hurt me physically like he had already done if I wasn’t alert. I had to be firm and speak my mind. 

_Um, hello? Isn’t that what he had been trying to make you do?_

Yeah, it was, I sighed. Knowing that my subconscious was right. He wanted to know what I was thinking. He had even screamed in my face that I didn’t tell him anything, and it obviously bothered him. I thought back on that talk we had in the woods that morning. He knew he wouldn’t be able to control it, so he needed me to do it. 

Or maybe I’m just completely over-fucking-analyzing this crap. I got pissed at myself. Maybe I was overthinking this. The line was simple. 

Does he hurt you?

–Yes –Do you like it? –Yes –Continue.

–Yes –Do you like it? –No –Stop him.

That were actually the only things I had to think about. I took a deep breath and decided to go find a convenient store or something where I could get something to drink and eat. I didn’t want to go back to Jake just yet. 

I didn’t have to drive far before I found what I was looking for. I bought a sandwich and a 1.5 l cola and drove back to the rest stop I came from. It was quiet, and I was alone, and that was what I needed right now, I rolled down the window on the driver’s side. While I ate, I opened the glove compartment and dug through everything in there until I found a couple of CDs. 

AC/DC, hmm, nope. Metallica? No. Korn? Naah. Nightwish? Yeah, okay. They didn’t have the normal, what do you call it, template for lyric setup, and didn’t sing about nauseating love all the time. It was a live recording. Those were actually pretty awesome, and that new front singer had an amazing voice. 

When I finished my sandwich, I laid down on the bench seat. I opened the window on the passenger’s side too and laid down again with closed eyes and my feet out of the window, and just listened to the music while I drank the cola. 

At some point, my phone vibrated several times in my pocket, but I ignored it. I don’t know for how long I laid there or how many times the CD repeated, but it started to get dark. Eventually, I had to go back though I didn’t quite feel ready for it yet, but it could as well be sooner than later. Why prolong the nervousness and discomfort of getting back? I didn’t hope Jake had been too worried. Actually, I hadn’t thought about that until now and remembered how worried I had been when he had just taken off. I felt a bit bad about it, but I was on my way home now. Or soon at least, I realized I had no idea how to get back to the motel. I had just driven without noticing the road. Finding my phone, I saw there were five unanswered calls from Jake. I deleted it and googled the motel, and found an address. Then I entered it into the navigation on my phone and turned over the key in the ignition. I looked at the clock, it was 8:11 p.m. I had been gone for hours. Almost six hours I counted in my head. 

God, I felt bad about this. Well, there was nothing to do about it now. The CD still played on repeat, and I was beginning to know the lyrics and sing along on some of the songs. 

I opened the door slowly, half-heartedly praying that he was asleep. I wasn’t that lucky. 

“Where have you been?” Jake asked with relief in his voice. He was sitting at the table and reading but put down the book as soon as he heard the door open. 

For a second I hesitated. I had expected some yelling and anger. “Just um, out…” I scratched my hair and looked at the floor, I didn’t know what to reply other than that, and I just kept standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. How did you burst a bubble like that so you could talk about it? I wasn’t even sure I would like to talk about it right now. 

“Why didn’t you pick up your phone?” He asked. I could see in his eyes that he was hurt. 

God, he had some serious issues. No not issues, more like demons. He was definitely carrying some demons around with him. 

“I didn’t want to talk.” That was true. I walked over and sat down across the table from him. As I rested my arms on the table, he reached out to me and I put them underneath the table instead. I knew it hurt his feelings, but I wasn’t ready for him to touch me yet. “So um, about tomorrow. How do we approach the nest?” I asked, it was so artificial casual, but I couldn’t manage more than that, and we had to have a plan for tomorrow. He seemed to accept my change of subject, but I could see it bothered him a great deal. Something hardened in his hazel eyes. 

 

About two hours later, we had a plan in place. It felt so artificial the way we were talking, and there were long awkward silences. We could both see the big elephant in the room, but we didn’t talk about it. I tried to remain professional and get the job done, but it was hard to look at him, I couldn’t keep looking anywhere else all the time. I couldn’t keep avoiding his hazel eyes, he looked so sad and hurt, but I had to think about myself too. I announced I was going to take a shower, and could finally escape him. 

The hot water felt good. I felt really dirty and sweaty, so it was a relief to finally wash it off my body. It was like I could wash all that had happened today away and start fresh. I stood under the water for ten more minutes than it was necessary, but decided it was time to get out and go to bed. 

When I came out, Jake was already lying in bed under the covers watching TV. I sighed internally. Tonight I wished we had separate beds, but there was no way around it unless I wanted to sleep on the floor. I found a pair of clean panties and a top before I laid down with my book. 

After half an hour or so Jake turned off the TV and said goodnight. I continued to read for another half hour before I also went to sleep.


	31. His side of things

I heard the door open, and Val stepped inside. Oh, thank God! “Where have you been?” Flew out of my mouth before I could stop myself. God, I couldn’t believe she was here. I was… relieved. 

She just kept standing in the middle of the room. “Just um, out…” She looked uncomfortable. I was prepared to fall down on my knees and beg her if she started to head for her backpack. But she just kept standing there.

A part of me started to hope she wouldn’t leave after all. “Why didn’t you pick up your phone?” I asked when she continued to stand there. 

“I didn’t want to talk.” She said and shrugged slightly before she walked over and sat down at the table across from me. 

She wasn’t gonna leave? I was almost paralyzed by the relief, I reached out for her hand on the table, but she pulled it away and laid it underneath the table instead. The gray monster instantly growled loudly and pulled me back to the reality. I had still hurt her. I had made her, momentarily, though, run away. And it started to place another doubt. She doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you, she is only staying because it’s the most convenient choice. It will go back to before. After dad’s death, but before you kissed her. 

I don’t know what was worst. Leaving me, but staying or leaving completely. I almost couldn’t breathe at that realization. 

“So um, about tomorrow. How do we approach the nest?” She asked a little stiff. 

The job? You wanna talk about the job now? Maybe she was only gonna stay for this one job, to take out the nest and then she would be on her way. I wanted to ask her, but I was afraid of the answer. So I accepted to talk about the job instead. Under all circumstances, we needed to have a plan for tomorrow. 

Now where I was so close to her, it looked like she had been crying. The mascara was slightly clumped in her upper lashes. There was nothing left on her bottom lashes. Neither were there anything left of her eyeliner. I have made her cry _again._

 

After two hours or so, we had a plan for tomorrow. She had been stiff and… reserved? During the whole conversation, and had a hard time looking at me. 

As soon as she left the room to take a shower, the doubts began roaming inside me again. I couldn’t determine what I had seen in her eyes. She only looked at me so shortly at a time. Were the hate and resentment still there? I don’t know. I don’t know… Everything was so unsure and unstable right now. I don’t know if she was gonna leave me. Or I was pretty sure she would end the relationship. But I didn’t know if she would stay or take off after this job. I felt like I couldn’t handle any more right now. 

I took my clothes off and laid down on the bed, turned on the TV so she wouldn’t find me staring blankly at the wall. Maybe it would be a relief to escape into sleep right now. 

I was actually prepared for her kicking me out of bed and make me sleep on the floor when she came out of the bathroom. She headed for her backpack, found some clean clothes, and to my surprise laid down on the bed and started to read. All I wanted right now was just to hold her close to me. Just hold her, and inhale her smell, and tell her how sorry I was, that I knew how fucked up I was and beg her not to leave me. 

At last, I turned off the TV. “Goodnight,” I whispered. 

“Goodnight.” She said curtly without taking her eyes off the book. 

I laid with my back turned towards her, but I couldn’t fall asleep. The demons, the gray monster, the whispering voices… 

I heard her put her book aside, turn off the light and lay down too. I didn’t even dare to hold her while she slept.


	32. Chapter 32

My phone woke me up at 8 a.m. I felt well rested, but then the memory of the events yesterday flushed over me, and I suddenly felt mentally tired and drained. Jake was still asleep next to me. 

“We gotta get up.” I shook his shoulder and heard a grunt. Fine, he was awake. 

I got up, got dressed, and went to the bathroom, putting my hair up in a messy bun today. I didn’t want to spend too much time in front of the mirror. The bruise on my cheekbone was on retreat, but it didn’t exactly help me accepting this new situation. At some level, I wished he had just kept his mouth shut and kept his demons hidden away from me, but in the long run, it was good he had spoken up because I was probably going to find out anyway. And it would only have gotten worse the longer he had waited with telling me. 

I sighed. He was anything but easy and uncomplicated to be involved with. I wondered how it would have been like to be in a relationship with the old Jake. Maybe I would find out some day. 

When I got back Jake walked towards me, he was already dressed. I assumed he was going to the bathroom now that I was done, but instead he stopped in front of me and blocked my way. Unwillingly I looked up at him. I had no idea what to say at all. After a few seconds of simply staring at each other, I was about to walk around him when his hand reached up and touched my jawline. 

“Don’t touch me!” I hissed involuntarily harsh at him, took a step back as I pushed his hand away. It hadn’t been my intention to say it so harshly or slap his hand, and I instantly felt bad when I saw his hurt expression, but he had taken me by surprise, I even surprised myself with my outburst. But I just hadn’t seen his hand coming. I avoided his eyes as I hurried over to put on my boots and jacket. 

Dammit. I had to apologize to him later and explain, but again, then I had to pop that uncomfortable bubble and deal with everything it brought with it. 

I headed out to the car to find my knife. I had put it back in the trunk as that was its usual place. As it was now, I was actually split between my knife and my gun. Both had served me well throughout the years. Though I had forgotten how good the knife felt in my hand when we interrogated that vamp. 

I had always had a favorite; first my knife, but when I got used to my gun I had preferred it over the knife. It was different now, I couldn’t decide which one I liked the most now. So I just kept both on me. I popped the trunk, found it, and strapped it in place on my right thigh. I walked back to the motel room to get my gun and see if Jake was ready yet. 

“You ready?” I asked him, more kind than necessary. I still felt bad. I tucked my gun down my jeans, behind my back, and let the leather jacket fall down to conceal it. 

“Yeah.” He said in a low voice, he didn’t look at me. 

“Then let’s go,” I said with a firm nod. I didn’t know what else to say right now, and we had a job to do. 

On the way to the vamp nest, I thought about Jake. How I had hurt him both today, and multiple times yesterday. I didn’t like to see him this sad. I knew how to make it better, but I just couldn’t yet. I wasn’t a robot or a coldhearted bitch, and I needed time to adjust. I just hoped I would adapt soon.

 

Jake drove incredibly slowly on the driveway to minimize the noise, we were going to park farther away than the trees we started with parking behind yesterday. Out of sight, but close enough if we needed to escape. It was always more tricky taking down a coven, we were outnumbered, and it could be a hot zone. That was why this had to be planned much more thoroughly. 

I closed the door as much as I could without it locking and then gave it a push with my hip to get it into the lock, Jake did the same, it was imperative that the vamps didn’t hear us, giving us the element of surprise. We walked into the trees and bushes on the right, opposite site of yesterday. We had to sneak up to the house so we could either look through the shutters and locate them, or hear where they were before we entered the premises. 

It took about twenty minutes from we left the car until we were standing against the outer wall beside the door. If you had walked in a decent tempo, it wouldn’t have taken much longer than one or two minutes, but we had to be careful. We stood still with our guns in our hands for a while, just listening. I could hear two voices, definitely both female though I couldn’t hear what they were saying. 

The best case scenario was if they were all in the same room, so we kept waiting, hoping for it to happen. I don’t know for how long we stood there, but finally, we heard a male voice. Three out of four in the same room was good enough. Jake had heard it too, he signaled that we approached the door, I nodded back at him, agreeing. Slowly we approached the door. When we were in front of it, Jake grabbed the handle and carefully checked if it was locked. It was either that or it was binding. He looked at me, all our personal problems were pushed aside, the job had to be done. If we weren’t 100% focused, we could get hurt, badly. Or even die. He looked to check if I was ready, I was, and I signaled that he could just go, I took the safety off my gun. 

I felt the adrenaline pumping in my veins, I was more than ready to kill those sons of bitches. Jake kicked in the door, it was so old and unmaintained that the doorpost went off and in with the door. We ran in together, I went to the right, the room where we had heard the three voices. Jake ran left to search for the last vampire. 

The three vampires in front of me looked shocked. They were sitting on the two couches. Other than that, I didn’t notice my surroundings, my attention was focused on the vampires. The two females were sitting together. One was about twenty with brown hair. She was wearing the same clothes as yesterday, a white blouse, and worn denim jeans. The other one was a lot older, about fifty or so. It was the blond with the pixie haircut with clothes appropriate to this time in black. The male was sitting with a newspaper but put it down when he saw me. He was in his thirties I guessed, his hair length was so short it was close to bold with a black tank top, and camouflage pants. He looked like some army cartoon, but they all looked decently groomed and clean. 

“Stay still, and you won’t get hurt,” I said while I pointed my gun at them. Of course, I was bluffing. 

The male put his hands in front of him in a gesture that showed surrender and slowly got to his feet. “Let’s just take it easy here.” His voice was reasonable, but kind of soothing. 

“Stay where you are!” I warned him. 

He didn’t say any more, but he didn’t sit back down. The pixie haircut asked who we were. The brunette answered her. Pixie haircuts eyes widened when she whispered ‘hunters.’ 

“Jake?” I called out. I would like to have him in my sight, so I knew what was going on. 

“Right here.” He said in a normal voice right behind me. He had just walked through the door, and he almost startled me. All my senses were alert. 

“Where’s the last one?” I asked addressed to Jake, but also the other vampires. 

“He isn’t in the house.” He stated. 

Crap. I looked at the vampires, waiting for an answer. I repeated the question louder to the vamps. 

They looked perplexed for a second before the young looking brunette spoke, “He’s out to feed.” 

Double crap. Well, at least we got three bastards, and we could always track the last one afterward. 

“Who’s the oldest?” Jake asked the vampires. There was a greater chance that the oldest would know about Sinanima. Pixie haircut revealed the answer when she looked at the young looking brunette. 

“Do you know Sinanima?” I asked, addressed to the brunette, but she never got the chance to answer before I heard a hiss and some turmoil behind me. By reflex, I turned around to see what was happening. The fourth vampire wasn’t out at all. The male with long black hair looking the same age as the brunette had jumped on the back of Jake, and he was now wrestling to get him off so he could aim his gun at him. 

Me, turning around had been a bad idea, the second I had looked away the brunette and the army looking male were running towards me. Pixie haircut had just frozen and looked horrified. She must be young. 

I didn’t have enough time to shoot both vampires running towards me, so I aimed my gun at the male’s heart, and pulled the trigger, he was physically superior and therefore the biggest threat. He fell forward while the skin underneath his clothes withered away. The female jumped me with a hiss and threw us both down to the floor right as my bullet hit the male. As she was on top, she quickly sat astride me and tried to get the gun out of my hand. She repeatedly smashed it down onto the floor and finally I couldn’t hold on any longer, and it flew out of my grip. 

I clenched the hand free from her grasp into a fist and hit her on the right side of her jaw. It wasn’t my dominant hand, but the force was enough to get her down from me. As soon as she was off, I grabbed my knife from the sheath on my thigh with my right hand, rolled around, and got on my knees to push it through her heart while she was lying on her back on the floor. Her hands grabbed my wrists at the last second, trying to push the knife away. 

When only inches between the tip of the knife and her heart, I heard a shot, but couldn’t afford to look away. We were about equally strong, meaning the knife moved neither farther up nor down. She seemed to realize that about the same time as I did, and therefore tried to push it diagonally up over her shoulder. It was hard to both push straight down and hold it in place at the same time. Just when I thought her arms would give in, I felt an arm close around my throat that dragged me backward and thereafter up to a standing position while I gasped for air. 

“Oh, I wouldn’t do that.” A voice purred in a seductive voice next to my ear, it was the male. The comment wasn’t meant for me, but for Jake who was close to sixteen feet away across the room with his gun pointed at the male behind me. The brunette got up from the floor and unhurriedly walked out of my sight, I was sure she was going to stand behind or beside the male. He still had his arm around my throat, but slowly pulled it back so his hand could close around me instead. I could still breathe, but the threat was imminent. 

Out of options, I raised my knife and stabbed it backward, but before it hit anything, someone grabbed my wrist and wrenched the knife out of my hand, probably the female. I heard the clatter of it hitting the floor somewhere far to my right. 

“Feisty, huh?” The male chuckled amused as his other hand grabbed a chunk of my hair and pulled my head back, his nails on my throat digging deeper into my skin. I tried to yank myself out of his grip along with a solid kick backward, I felt my boot hitting something and smiled when I heard him groan. 

“You little bitch.” He said as he grabbed me harder, the pressure on my throat made me cough. His tone still had a hint of amusement. 

Finally, I looked at Jake, looked for help, praying that he had a plan. He didn’t return my gaze but kept his eyes at the vampire behind me. He looked beyond furious. His eyes were burning dark, his jaw clenched, and breathing heavily out his nose like an angry bull. “Let her go.” He pushed out through his teeth and took a demanding step forward, his gun pointed at him. 

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, not so fast,” The male smirked as he yanked me a step back. Once again tightening his grip, causing me to cough again. “Or I’ll snap her neck.” He warned, for the first time his voice was serious. His hand around my throat grabbed my jaw and wrenched my head violently to the side. I gave a scream of pain as I sank to my knees. I felt the vamp follow, hiding behind me. My head was twisted as much as my neck allowed. He kept his tight grip, continuing to hold my neck in this uncomfortable position. 

“Stop! Stop it!” I heard Jake demand, I could barely see him in the corner of my eye.   
The male found that smirking tone again when he spoke, “You see, your little girlfriend here tried to kill my girlfriend.” 

Oh, fucking hell. They were mates, the brunette, and the male. As he spoke, the brunette leaned forward and patronizingly stroked my cheek and lips with her thumb while she smiled superiorly. She knew Jake wouldn’t shoot her when her mate had me like this, so there was no reason for her to hide. I sent her a raging glare and was about to spit on her, but the movement made the male twist my neck a little farther, and I whimpered instead as my neck made a small cracking sound. I weighed my options, but I had none. One quick pull and my neck would break. 

“And I’m pretty darn sure you won’t let us leave peacefully, so I better give your girlfriend a little gift – to return the favor.” Simpered the male, he was utterly arrogant. I had no idea what he meant, but I was starting to get really anxious. In the corner of my eye, I saw Jake’s expression change from furious to horrified just before I felt a sharp pain in my left shoulder. I would have cried out or tried to move away, but I couldn’t, it was like my body was paralyzed. Then the room started to spin and tilt. I don’t know if I got pushed or fell by myself, but before I knew it, I felt the floor against my body before everything went black.


End file.
